From Behind Those Eyes - 18. Chapter 18

I looked over at Jesse and the sun that shone brightly through the window while we drove along seemed to make the fine strands that framed his face even more golden. He smiled excitedly at me, but his mood was likely motivated by the idea that we were actually headed to his parents lake house for my birthday which was in two more days.

Eighteen. Freedom. The right to vote and to serve my country. Responsibility, but I didn’t really feel much different. I was still just a high school senior with homework, a few chores, baseball, but that had always been a part of my life, and my part time job in the off season. A few things had changed though, the main one being the beautiful boy currently sitting to my right. It was a lot to try and understand so I decided not to try at all, just be happy and ride this feeling I was experiencing, let it totally consume me.

After last weekends’ not so pleasant turn of events, I was definitely ready for a chance to make it up to Jesse, in fact, I was eagerly awaiting the time when I could do just that. I can admit I’m a little… scared, but not of him. I’m worried that I won’t be able to make him feel the things I felt that night. Indescribable, a feeling bred from passion, instinct, but even as the physical effects subside, the emotional ones linger on, inexplicably, powerfully.

“Hey, this is our exit,” Jesse pointed out the window, possibly more excited than I was to get to our destination.

I was still shocked that Jesse’s parents had agreed to let us use their house on the lake and for a party no less, but after complying with a few prerequisites, they had agreed. They wanted my dad and I to come over for dinner, to meet him, and to try and apologize for the whole uncomfortable fiasco that had taken place the evening Jesse tried to tell his parents that we were together, and to their credit, they had been really great about the whole thing.

They hadn’t been at all upset that Jesse stayed at my house Saturday night after our impromptu visit to the emergency room or when he informed me that he was staying all day Sunday too. Jules had shown up that afternoon to check on the wounded, but I was feeling fine thanks to whatever those pills were I was taking every six hours for pain. The throbbing in my head had even mostly subsided by Sunday afternoon.

Jesse and I were comfortably snuggled into each other, only half watching some movie when Jules walked in and grinned. I was fairly certain that it was taking every bit of will power she had not to squeal out something like ‘awwwwwwwwww, how cute!’ but in the end, I was glad that she had found a way to control herself because I knew I was blushing when I felt my face flush and Jesse was beside me trying to be subtle about how uncomfortable he was with the situation.

He was fidgeting, something I had learned was characteristic of his tendency to get nervous when anyone showed up and we were clearly in couple mode instead of the times we tried to portray something less than accurate. The sad part of that though was that it was me that made him feel that way, or to be more specific, my not being ready to come out to everyone yet.

Eventually Jesse called his parents to ask for a ride home, even after I had assured him that my dad would give him a ride. Jules had headed for home and Jesse used the fifteen minutes he had until his ride showed up to kiss me goodbye, and he made good use of it.

I decided that Jesse must be about the most patient guy on Earth, certainly the most patient ‘clearly horny and aching for release’ teenage guy on Earth, when I took it upon myself to investigate the hardness I felt pressing against my abdomen. The way his body almost instinctively pressed further into my palm as it moved purposefully across his erection, and the sound that movement provoked him to release, told me he was more than ready, but when he forced himself to put some distance between my hand and the obvious hard on in his pants, I wondered if I would have been able to do the same.

It wasn’t until Jesse left that night that I realized that I had school in the morning, and at first that seemed all too ordinary, until it occurred to me that Tim and the whole rest of my team had seen what had happened at Joey’s Friday night. It was about that same time that my ability; or perhaps it’s a curse, to over think things managed to take over. It was easy not to think about it when Jesse was occupying my thoughts, his touches soothing me, his scent easily allowing me an escape from what I was currently experiencing.

I hadn’t talked to anyone all weekend except Jules, and that was only for a minute, just long enough for her to check on my wound, or more specifically, my wounded pride. My dad said Bobby had called sometime on Sunday afternoon, but when he came upstairs to tell me he was on the phone, apparently Jesse and I had fallen asleep all cuddled together. Needless to say, he opted for taking a message instead of waking us up.

That night, the night Tim punched me, I really didn’t hear anyone saying much about it. Maybe it was the large amount of blood gushing out of the cut just above my eyebrow, or maybe it was the way that Joey had come out from behind that counter and practically bopped Tim on the head with a pizza pan before not so nicely escorting him outside, but as I was sitting there on a bar stool, pressing a towel that used to be white firmly against my head, I didn’t hear much of anything. That’s not to say that Tim or some of the guys hadn’t found a way to make sure most of the school had heard about it.

By lunchtime on Monday I had heard five ‘are you okay’s’ mostly from concerned girls or teachers, three ‘what happened to you’s’, and even a couple ‘Tim’s an ass’ from some kids who had been there that night, although I didn’t really remember, but I was beginning to wonder if anyone had anything better to worry about. It wasn’t until I was almost to my usual table that it finally happened.

“Get your ass kicked Cooper?” Jake asked tauntingly, like he just couldn’t help himself, when he saw me walk past where he was seated with most of the team and Tim.

I had a few of those paper strips helping to hold my cut closed, but besides that, you really couldn’t tell that anything was wrong with me, I didn’t even have a black eye. The only reason I even had a cut was because Tim was wearing his class ring that night.

“Nah, no fighting. Just one lucky punch…,” I started to answer as Bobby and Sean walked up, one on each side of me, attempting to get me out of this situation and over to our table, the one where Jesse was waiting with Jules, the two of them straining to hear the words being spoken, all the while exchanging their own worried glances. Sean and Bobby seemed to have different approaches, or desired outcomes though, I soon learned.

“Is that what that loser said?” Bobby asked, glaring at Tim in a way that said this had already gone way too far.

Meanwhile Sean was trying to pull me off to the side, out of hearing range, before he whispered, “Come on Stephen, they’re waiting for us.” His implication, our significant others, was not lost on me as he nodded in the direction of our table. I looked in that direction only for a second before he added, “They’re both freaking out man,” and he was right.

I started listening to Bobby at that point and while most of his words were being directed right at Tim, I had a feeling they were meant for most of the underclassmen that made up our team this year.

“Tim, man, come on. Stop this shit. We’re supposed to be a team,” Bobby pointed out.

“Yeah? Well he’s the one that doesn’t want to be a part of the team anymore,” Tim retorted.

I opened my mouth to say something but Bobby’s arm across my chest stopped me as he said, “What the fuck does that mean? I never heard him say that?”

“Dude, he chose that faggot over us, over his own team,” Tim was almost shouting now and Bobby frowned as Tim approached him, his ego doing his thinking for him again.

I did more than frown when I heard Tim refer to Jesse like that again though. “What the fuck Tim? You fucking hit me… because of that,” I reminded him. “Why the hell would I want to choose you over him when you act like that?” I demanded, but I didn’t wait around for an answer. I walked away. Again.

I swear it was taking all of the control I had not to beat the crap out of Tim and his big ass bigot mouth right then and there, but my brain always managed to remind me that this was senior year, varsity baseball, team captain, class president… I just couldn’t blow all that over one asshole and his ridiculous attitude.

“See, this is exactly what I’m talking about,” Bobby pointed out. “I’m trying to talk to you about being a team, being there for each other and supporting each other, and you make it about Jesse, who by the way, is pretty cool once you take the time to get to know him.”

“I don’t fucking want to know him,” Tim snorted. “He’s a fag dammit!”

“Yeah, he is, but you know what else he is?” Sean asked, who had been quiet up to that point, trying to let Bobby make his point and hopefully use his senior spot on the team as some leverage. “He’s my friend asshole, so do us all a favor and shut the fuck up and try listening for once.”

Bobby looked at Sean, surprised by his vehemence over the matter after having been so quiet and decided that he would investigate that later, before saying, “Guys look, I’m not saying you have to be his best friend, or even hang out with him, but he’s my friend, he’s Seans’ friend, and he’s your team captains’ friend so the least you can do is respect that and stop with all the name calling and fighting… alright?” Bobby said to the seven guys whose heads were nodding in agreement, all except Tim.

“Tim, come on man, what do you say? We a team or not?” Bobby pushed, leaving the decision up to Tim.

“Whatever man,” Tim shrugged. “I gotta go.” Tim walked away and after another minute or two spent talking to the rest of the guys; Bobby and Sean excused themselves and headed back to the lunch table.

On the way, Bobby wondered aloud, “What the hell was that all about? And why did Stephen just take off like that?” he added as an afterthought.

Sean shrugged and then suggested, “He’s probably just pissed that Tim’s telling everyone he kicked Stephen’s ass.”

“You think?” Bobby asked. “I’ll talk to him.”

Bobby and Sean arrived at the table just in time to hear Jesse announce that he had asked his parents the night before about using their lake house for my birthday party. That promptly started a whole discussion about who to invite and gift ideas, and the recent drama was temporarily forgotten. I did get the feeling though that when Jesse said he was still waiting for an answer that there was a little more to it than that.

Jesse and I left the table that afternoon first, and I almost had to promise Bobby my first born to get out of there. I promised him I would be in fifth period art class and that we would talk then. I wondered what that was all about, but I decided it could wait while I found a place secluded enough to kiss my boyfriend for a few minutes before class started. As I was leaving for class, Jesse told me that my dad and I were supposed to come over for dinner on Tuesday night to discuss the whole party idea.

When I got to class and sat down next to Bobby he started talking and didn’t stop for the five minutes that followed. I didn’t interrupt him; I held my questions till the end, as he tried to explain what happened with Tim after I walked away. I was more than a little tired of dealing with Tim and his bullshit, but I let him tell me anyway and by the time he got to the part in the story where Sean told Tim to ‘shut the fuck up’ right before Bobby publicly declared Jesse his friend, I was grinning, excited and appreciative that I have such great friends.

“So anyway, the guys are all cool with it, and I guess Tim will come around,” Bobby said.

“Cool, thanks,” I said. “Sorry I just took off like that.”

“It’s cool I guess,” he shrugged, “but what’s up with that anyway? My whole team captain speech would have been much more effective if the team captain had actually been there,” he pointed out.

I shrugged, knowing he was right. “I know, sorry. I just couldn’t stay there and listen to Tim say that shit.”

“I know it sucks, but it’s not like he’s saying it about you,” he said, struggling to understand why I was reacting in a way so much stronger than he was.

“This time,” I pointed out, referring to the night at Joey’s. “Besides…,” I stopped myself, realizing suddenly that I was about to tell him about Jesse and I and my mouth snapped shut in shock.

“Besides what?” he asked.

“Never mind,” I said, shaking my head. I needed to think about this some more and this was neither the time nor the place to be telling him anyway.

“Don’t do that man, come on. Just tell me. What were you going to say?” Bobby pressed.

“We’ll talk about it later,” I whispered as Miss Kensington walked by looking over our drawings.

When class was over and I stayed after for a few minutes to finish the drawing I was working on. I did that from time to time since I didn’t have another class between this one and practice, and since I didn’t have any practice for the next two months either, I really wasn’t in any rush to get anywhere. My part time job at the at Wilson’s Christmas Tree Lot didn’t start until next week either, the Friday after Thanksgiving, just as it had every year since I was fourteen.

When I was finished and heading out to the parking lot for home, I saw Bobby sitting on the tailgate of my truck waiting for me, and while this wasn’t a normal occurrence, it didn’t exactly strike me as odd either and I sat down next to him, enjoying the feel of the sun warming my skin. I guess maybe he was looking for something to do since we didn’t have practice or maybe he wanted a ride home.

“Hey man,” I said casually as I sat down.

“Hey Coop,” Bobby returned just as casually.

“What’s going on? Need a ride home or something?” I asked him, wondering why he was waiting for me.

“Uh, sure, that would be cool. Thanks,” he agreed.

It was clear he was trying to figure some things out in his head, needing to know why suddenly I was so adamantly defending Jesse all the time, and I could even imagine telling him the truth, especially after the way he stuck up for me with the guys, but not here and now. I needed to get my head together a bit first.

“Come on man, let’s go,” I suggested, hopping down from where I was seated next to him and he followed, getting into the passenger side of my truck, just like he had done so many times before.

“You alright?” I asked him when I noticed he hadn’t said anything yet.

“Yeah, I guess,” he shrugged. “I just wish I knew what was going on,” he admitted. “I feel like I’m missing something you know? Like there’s something so obvious going on, but I just can’t figure it out.”

“Hmm,” I mumbled in an effort to not freak out.

“You know,” he continued, “I really do think Jesse’s a cool guy, and I don’t care if he’s gay or whatever, but… it’s one thing to defend him cause he’s our friend, and another just because it’s the right thing to do.”

“What do you mean? How is it different?” I asked, because to me, it was all part of the same big picture. Tim was a closed minded asshole who had been taught to hate.

“Well, I mean, I guess it’s just different. Like you fight harder for people you care about,” he decided.

“I guess, but he is my friend, our friend…,” I said looking over at him for clarification and he nodded. “Besides, it’s the right thing to do. He deserves to be able to be with someone, just like you or me,” I said trying not to sound too preachy.

“I guess I never really thought about it, but yeah, you’re right. I guess most of those guys are just worried he’s gonna want to be with them or something,” he said vaguely.

“That’s dumb,” I declared and Bobby looked somewhat shocked. “Like he would want to be with any of them,” I stated and the look Bobby had told me he couldn’t decide if he wanted to laugh or ask me what the hell I was talking about anyway.

“You really don’t care?” he asked. “I mean, you really wouldn’t mind if he was into you?” Bobby questioned me. “Cause to be honest; I think it might be a little weird.”

“Nope, he can like whoever he wants, even if it is me… or you,” I joked and he looked skeptical.

“Like he would like you when I’m available,” he retorted before realizing what he’d said.

“Is that right?” I teased.

It was fun joking with Bobby about Jesse, and the fact that Bobby was able to joke about it and not seem bothered by the idea of Jesse with someone made me hopeful. Maybe someday soon I would be able to tell Bobby the truth about Jesse and me.

Dinner at Jesse’s house Tuesday, with my dad and his parents, was interesting to say the least. When we arrived, Lily grabbed me and didn’t seem to leave my side the whole evening, until her mom insisted it was bedtime, and even then, I was the one who ended up reading her usual bedtime story to her. Kathy, Jesse’s mom, tried all night not to look at my dad like it was the saddest thing she had ever seen; a man and his son, losing their wife, their mother, and only having each other, but as hard as she tried to keep that smile, the same one Jesse managed to inherit from her, on her face, I could see the sadness in her eyes.

It didn’t surprise me at all that by Wednesday at lunch, Jules had taken my boyfriend hostage and they were off planning. Jesse looked skeptical at first that this was even a good idea, but I made sure Jules knew to keep it low key. The last thing I wanted to have happen was to have the whole school show up and trash Jesse’s parents’ house after they had so nicely offered it. Besides, the less people there, the less I would have to worry about having to entertain them, and then maybe I could spend some time with Jesse and our friends outside of school.

And so it was to be my eighteenth birthday party tomorrow, which was why now, on Friday afternoon, Jesse and I were pulling up to the front of his parents house on the lake. It was bigger than I had imagined, and spectacular, as it stood nestled back beneath some gigantic pine trees. Scenic was an understatement, and the way the cool breeze that blew across the water made it looked textured, instead of smooth like glass, was soothing.

Across the lake there was a couple bundled up in their coats walking along the shore as their dogs ran freely, but other than that, we were totally alone. I walked toward the water on our own side of the lake, smelling the fresh pine scent as it blew past me in small gusts every once in a while, and I wondered momentarily if it was the cold that kept the people indoors or if we were really alone here. Jesse followed me, content to let me explore this beautiful place.

He reached down, picking up a pebble that lay on the sand before he chucked it out into the water creating a ripple in the water that I followed until the last ripple ran into the shore. Jesse shoved his hands in his pockets, probably trying to keep warm as I surveyed our surroundings, before I walked up behind him, wrapping his slender body in my arms. He melted into my embrace, and the warmth that it offered, pressing his back against my chest, and I wrapped my jacket around us both.

It’s amazing, how intimate just holding him felt, like we belonged together, our bodies pressed up against one another’s for warmth, for comfort, to feel what no one else can make us feel when we’re together. I nuzzled into his neck, his cold ear pressed against my own skin. Moments like this one, where we were free to be ourselves and not have to worry about anyone or anything besides just feeling, were like magic, able to transform something as simple as looking out over a lake into something so intimate and perfect.

“Turn around,” I whispered, loosening the tight hold I had on him just enough to make that possible and when he did, his arms immediately wrapped around me too.

Face to face, our bodies pressed tightly against one another. I looked in his eyes and they smiled with possibility, love shining through, before I placed a gentle kiss on his forehead in that spot where his skin peeked through the soft strands of his blond hair.

“Jess?”

“Hmm?” he murmured from that place where his lips had found that spot on my neck causing me to drop my head back a little more.

“Thanks… for doing this for me this weekend,” I managed to get out before I couldn’t stand it for one more second without kissing him. I held his face in my hands as I pressed my lips against his more roughly than I had intended to, but as soon as I felt his hands slip into the back pockets of the jeans I was wearing and pull me closer to him still, I couldn’t contain it anymore. I moaned into his mouth, and his tongue slipped past my lips to meet mine.

The sun was setting, all around us the purples and pinks blended with the blues in the sky until they slowly faded, and it was a sight that looked almost as perfect as I felt at that moment. We headed inside finally when it got dark and too cold to stand anymore, and it didn’t take long for us to realize that we were really alone here. Our bags were inside now and I planned on taking full advantage of this; the time when no dads could get home unexpectedly, no little sisters could come barging in, no assholes could ruin our night, just the two of us, alone.

There was a large space downstairs that was pretty wide open and had plenty of room for all the people we were expecting. I had tried to convince Jules to keep it low key, small, but you know how high school is. Word of mouth is the main source of all information and when it involves the class president and a party it’s hard to contain. I can’t really do much of anything without someone noticing, which was partly why I had been so scared to let myself like Jesse or be seen with him, but it’s funny how love changes your perspective on things like that.

That’s not to say that I wasn’t still totally terrified of what people would say or how they would act if they knew we were together, if they knew what he had done the other night, or what I was thinking about doing to him as soon as I could. I had been thinking about it all week, and we had barely had any time to ourselves, let alone enough time to get intimate like that. Besides, that was only one part of what had been filling my head lately. What if I wasn’t good at it? I mean, I knew what he did felt… indescribable, but, what if I couldn’t do that?

This wasn’t about my skill level though, Jesse knew he was the first person I had ever allowed myself to get involved with like this, so I assumed his expectations weren’t too high when it came to that, but really, I just wanted to make him feel all the things I felt that night. Love, comfort, ecstasy, relief, shock, tension, heat, amazing new sensations, pride for the guy I love being so brave; it wasn’t all physical, though the end result seems to be the focus, but really it was just about me loving him, completely.

The whole back wall of the cabin seemed to be windows and the view out over the lake was outstanding. I wasn’t sure what I had expected to see in here, but I was suddenly relieved that there weren’t any moose heads hanging on the wall or any bear skin rugs thrown across the floor. I turned around in awe, noticing the way the ceiling seemed to be really high and sloped downward, and the large fireplace that was against the wall looked inviting.

“So what do you think?” Jesse asked me as he came up behind me where I was looking out the window at the lake again.

“I think… it’s amazing,” I told him. “Kind of like you,” I added, as I turned to look into his clear blue eyes.

Jesse blushed, and I loved that my words still had that kind of effect on him, before he said, “Come on, there’s more to see,” before he grabbed me by the hand and I willingly followed him around to a staircase that took us up to some bedrooms. There were four bedrooms and Jesse explained that his family usually came up here for a couple weeks each summer and that they all had their own rooms just like at home and occasionally friends would come to visit.

He showed me his parents’ room and Lily’s, with her toy box and dolls sitting atop the shelves on the wall, and finally his room. It was kind of empty, not really having that ‘lived in’ feel to it like his room at home did, but that made sense since he didn’t spend all that much time here anyway. There was a chest of drawers and a small closet and some shelves with a few books and a radio on them, and a bed.

That definitely caught my attention as I remembered again that we were alone. I had been thinking more and more about the things he had made me feel physically, and I decided at some point that I wanted more; I just wasn’t sure how to let him know that I was ready to move forward or if he was ready to, but I knew, that for me at least, there were some things I wanted to try.

The window that was in Jesse’s room faced out to another side of the house I hadn’t seen yet and I noticed down below that there was a hot tub sitting on the wooden deck. It was covered, I suppose to keep it clean while not being used, and I asked Jesse, “Does it work?”

“Does what work?” he asked confused as he walked over to where I was looking out his window.

“The hot tub, can we use it?” I was more than a little excited about any activity that involved Jesse and I and a lot less clothes, close together, and wet. I think he saw the gleam in my eyes as I looked toward him expectantly.

“Yeah, if you want to. It’s pretty cold out there though,” he pointed out.

“Well, you’ll just have to keep me warm then, won’t you?” I teased.

“Sounds pretty hot to me already,” he said as he clearly looked me over, allowing himself catch up to where my imagination had already taken me and it was my turn to blush at the implication.

“Yeah,” I agreed softly.

“I’m gonna go turn it on cause it will take a few minutes to heat up. Why don’t you change, okay?” he suggested.

“Sure,” I agreed as I followed him back down the stairs to retrieve my bag before I headed back up to his room to change into my swim trunks. Jesse made it back in and had some towels with him as he reentered the room, and the way his eyes traveled slowly down my bare chest and then further down wasn’t lost on me.

“Damn, I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I’m glad I did,” he said as he walked over to his dresser and pulled out his own pair of swim trunks. He pulled his own shirt off revealing his slightly smaller body to me and I watched his every movement. I don’t think he intended it to be erotic in any way, but certain parts of me would have to disagree, and when he just dropped his pants and boxers at the same time and stepped out of them casually before stepping into his swim trunks, that was all it took before I couldn’t hide the excitement my body was feeling anymore.

I didn’t care though because he was in pretty much the same state I had noticed when he changed. I walked the few feet to where he was standing, now dressed similarly to myself, and as my lips brushed his, only gently at first, I felt his arms snake around my waist and pull me closer to him. While my hands had started on his back, his bare skin warm and soft against my palms, it wasn’t long before my hands had made the short journey to where they were now grabbing his ass firmly pulling him toward me and his erection against mine.

I love that spot on his neck, you know the one that appears when he tips his head slightly to the side, and it becomes taught, the muscle underneath stretching just enough so that it’s firm to the touch, and I was sucking on it. His hands were on my hips, his fingers gripping me tightly in an effort to move my body in just the right way against his own.

“Baby, come on… let’s go… down… to the hot tub,” he groaned out in between his shallow breaths.

“Mmm hmm,” I agreed, although my lips seemed to have no intention of moving from the place where they were currently at.

He finally backed away enough to break the contact between our bodies and both of us let out a pitiful moan feeling the absence of the other all too quickly before he grabbed my hand and led me down the stairs. We stepped through a large set of wooden doors that opened out onto the deck and I shivered as the rather cold air hit my overheated body. Steam was rising from the hot tub and the only light came from the moon and the stars and the few small lights that were in the sides of the hot tub.

Jesse climbed in and took a seat on a long bench that circled the entire tub as he held his hand out for me to join him. I did, but instead of sitting next to him, I found myself facing him, sitting in his lap. My arms were around his neck and his around my waist, looking at each other, his eyes full of expectation and possibility, or maybe that’s what was in my eyes. Either way, he looked so hot sitting there, the beads of water clinging to his skin, the steam rising around us from the hot water meeting with the cold air that I couldn’t think clearly.

I felt like I couldn’t get close enough to him. I wanted his hands on my body, touching me, loving me, and I wanted nothing more right now than to love him back, to hopefully make him feel the way he makes me feel every time he touches me, kisses me, smiles at me. He wasn’t smiling right now though, but more looking at me passionately, but as my hand closed around his hard cock, his eyes closed and his head dropped back against the edge.

It was a different feel, I thought, as I stroked him through his wet swim trunks, but if the way his hips were thrusting, meeting each stroke, was any indication, he didn’t seem to mind that the thin barrier was there at all. I realized that it had been quite a while since I was able to touch him like this, so intimately, in a way where I was providing him with some sort of stimulation, and I missed it. I was savoring the time we had here, there was no need to rush because we had all night, all weekend really, and I was going to spend it loving him.