Rashomon Effect - 5. Damien

His mother’s booming voice woke up Damien well before his alarm clock did. He didn’t know what she was screaming about this early in the morning, and quite frankly, he couldn’t care less. It wasn’t the first time that her yelling jolted him awake, in fact he was getting used to by now.

In reality, his life was better now than when his dad was around. His father constantly beat him and called him names, his favorite being ‘fag’ which he called Damien over and over again as he whipped him with a belt buckle. But Damien had never told his dad he was gay. But he didn’t have to think about that now. With only his mother around, he had been saved from his dad’s verbal abuse.

It wasn’t just his mother, his older sister was still living at home too. He thought that maybe she should be helping him too? Taking his side, being caring and all? Well, she never was exactly there to defend him or when she was, she was in no condition to help, she already had her own problems to solve. As far as Damien was concerned his only ally was his ten years old brother. Damien learned to take care of him at an early age.

Laying in bed, his shiny blue eyes now wide open, he finally decided to get up. Slowly he walked across the room and shook his little brother until he stirred from his deep sleep. Damien had always wondered how could his little brother could snore through their mother’s screams.

“It’s time for you to wake up, big guy.” Damien said, gently shaking his brother out of his beauty sleep.

Anthony moved around until he had no other option but to wake up.

“Mornin’!” Anthony said to Damien while stretching and adjusting his boxer briefs.

Together, they got dressed and brushed their teeth. Damien went downstairs first. Despite all the earlier noise, he found the kitchen deserted when he got there and proceeded to prepare breakfast for him and his brother.

Damien poured some rice crispies into two bowls and placed the bowls on the table while Anthony was walking down the stairs.

As Damien sat down to eat, he realized something was out of place. There was a gun in the kitchen, a glock that once belonged to his dad, lying in the middle of the table. Damien didn’t know why the hell it was out or why his mother had taken it out of its hiding place – she most likely grabbed the gun last night while he was asleep – but he couldn’t care less. It wasn’t the first time that she’d left the gun out since his dad used it on himself that night three years ago. Once, he found her in the living room with the gun pointed at her face, talking to herself, deciding whether or not to pull the trigger. But that didn't matter right now. All he knew that morning is that he didn’t want his brother to see the gun and so he quickly stuffed the weapon into his book bag before Anthony came into the room.

“Oh nice, thank you,” Anthony said as he saw that Damien had already prepared breakfast. “One day, I’ll make breakfast for you.”

“Ya well, maybe one day you’ll get ready faster than me,” Damien said, gently teasing Anthony.

After eating breakfast, it was time for them to walk to the bus stop. They strolled to the end of the street as the sun shined in their eyes. Anthony’s bus came first, just like always, and he hugged his brother and wished him a good day before getting on the bus. Damien very much enjoyed waiting with his youngest sibling for the bus each morning. Often, it was the highlight of his day.

About ten minutes later, his bus arrived. He was always the last one picked up and by the time he got on board almost every seat was taken. As Damien walked down the aisle, someone put his foot in his path. Damien didn’t see the foot and tripped but managed not to fall by catching himself on the seats.

“Watch where you’re going!” said the kid who tripped him.

At least, Damien thought to himself, the other teens on the bus were either too sleepy, too deep in conversation to care and almost no one noticed his near fall. Damien kept walking and sat next to his friend who had saved a place for him.

“Hey, how are ya?” Noa asked Damien as he sat down.

“Not bad, could be better, but I won’t complain. Don’t worry about me. I should be the one asking about you. How are you feeling today?” Damien responded.

For the last few years, Damien had formed a close bond with Noa. He was the only who understood how bad Damien’s home life could be and and Damien knew the most about Noa’s medical condition, and how he coped with his illness.

Even if Noa talked about his health and that, in return, Damien told him about his problems at home, they weren’t the inseparable pair many people thought they were. Damien was merely one of Noa’s many friends. That’s what Damien liked about Noa, his friend was kind to almost everyone.

“Really, I’m good. Yes, I could be better but it’s alright, I have little control over it. I simply need to enjoy when I’m feeling well,” Noa answered.

A friend of Noa asked him a question, and soon he was in a big discussion, gossiping about who was dating whom, and what crazy thing their teacher said in class yesterday for the rest of the ride to school. Damien managed to insert a few words here and there into the conversation, but that was just for appearance’s sake.

Arriving inside, Noa and Damien went their separate ways. Damien walked to his locker to drop off his coat and books. He began to search for the textbook for his first class and couldn’t find it. Soon he grew angry because he was so sure that it would be where he left it, but after emptying the contents of his locker onto the floor and realizing he’d soon be late for class, he decided to just forget about the book. As he was put his stuff back in his locked when someone bumped into him, knocking him sharply against the wall.

“Hey! Watch it!” Damien called out. But his words didn’t have any effect as the guy didn’t even look back, much less apologize.

Damien didn’t even bother to get offended anymore when students ignored him, he just finished putting his stuff back into his locker to get to class before the bell rang.

His first two classes went by without much trouble. The first was his favorite subject, history, followed by a music class. After his music class, Noa came to his locker.

“Hey, ready for our next class?” Noa asked.

“Couldn’t be anymore ready!” Damien said a little too eagerly as he tried to suppress a laugh over how stupid he just sounded.

“Shawn!” Damien heard a girl shout. Damien looked behind him and soon realized that Shawn was the guy who had taken a nasty pleasure in making his life miserable the past way and he was coming his way fast.

Damien knew that there was little hope he’d avoid Shawn’s wrath, but he still pretended to ignore him

He turned back to Noa, who had been talking talking this whole time. Just as Damien began to listen to his friend once again, he felt someone push him against the locker.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t see you over there!” Shawn snickered when Damien turned around to face him.

Obviously, Damien didn’t believe a word Shawn just said. Shawn had obviously pushed him on purpose. Noa gave Damien a pleading look trying to tell him to let it go, but Damien had already had enough abuse today and couldn’t resist responding to Shawn, even if it might start a fight.

“Ya right!” Damien said as Shawn and Nancy were about to go on their way.

The pair stopped in their tracks. “Oh no, it’s the truth, it’s hard, but sometimes we don’t see the fags,” Nancy said. “Noa, why are you hanging out with someone like him anyhow? I thought you were better than that,” Nancy commented, as she stared at Noa.

The anger inside Damien continued to rise, he could feel his face starting to turn red. Even though he knew better than to stoop to Nancy and Shawn’s level, he couldn’t help but respond.

“Fuck off,” he shouted.

Just as Damien closed his mouth, he knew that he should have kept quiet. Shawn’s eyes flared with rage and he pushed Damien against the locker, wrapping his hand around Damien’s neck. Shawn was breathing rapidly and Damien could feel Shawn’s breath against his face. Damien struggled, but Shawn wouldn’t let him move.

“Just shove off and stay out of our business and we won’t be on your case.” Damien heard Noa say.

“Oh look at that, it seems like fag boy here got a protector!” Shawn said in a mocking voice. He turned to Noa before continuing.

“Please, who are you kidding, you look as if you’re about to pass out on us at any moment, I don’t think you gonna do me much damage.”

Infuriated, Damien couldn’t take it anymore. He did not want to hear another word come out of Shawn’s mouth. He took advantage of Shawn’s distraction and shoved Shawn’s arm off his throat. Without another thought, Damien immediately took a swing at Shawn and connected with a perfect uppercut.

Damien could handle being teased almost every day. But this time Shawn had gone too far. It wasn’t a game anymore. Being called a fag and pushed around by bullies bigger was bad enough, but when you tease his friend, his friend who has cancer, well he just couldn’t stand by and let Shawn get away with that. It wasn’t fair.

Damien knew that Noa’s illness made him feel insecure and he felt he had to protect him from Shawn’s taunts.

Flush with excitement over having stuck it to his nemsis, Damien decided to rub it in before Shawn could hit back. He wasn’t stupid enough to think that Shawn wouldn’t get try to get his revenge for what Damien had just done.

“How does it feel to be struck by a ‘fag’? Now fuck off,” Damien spat at Shawn.

He knew what would happen next when he saw Shawn was about to rush him. Even with Noa there watching, there was little chance he’d come out unharmed from Shawn’s attack. But right before Shawn could slug Damien, they heard a voice and Shawn stopped. Maybe there is a god, Damien thought to himself.

“Do you have a problem Shawn?” Timothy said.

Damien knew he had been saved by the bell. The school psychologist was standing right next to them and prevented Shawn from getting his revenge.

“None that I can think of sir,” Shawn replied, trying to look as innocent as possible.

“Then maybe you are lost, because from what I know, your locker is nowhere near here,” the psychologist commented.

“Oh, no, I was just having a talk with them. Isn’t that right?” Shawn said, turning to Noa.

Before Damien could say otherwise, Noa had already answered. “Ya, he was.”

“Perfect then, next class starts in a couple of minutes, I strongly advise you to get going now,” Timothy Johnson told the students.

Shawn had already started to leave when Mr. Johnson called for him one last time. “Oh ya, Shawn? We do have a zero harassment policy here, it’s a shame that you gonna miss the start of tonight’s party, because you’ll be wanted in detention. I don’t advise you get caught acting like that again.”

If it hadn’t been strongly attached to his body, Damien’s jaw would have fell onto the floor. He could barely hide a smile of satisfaction over the turn of events, but it was about to get better.

“Well, seems like you still have a few hours left to get friendly with another guy in order to get a lift back home tonight Miss. Class is not gonna wait for you, go!” Timothy added.

Damien really wanted to laugh at what just happened, he was about to get away with hitting a fellow student without getting into trouble. Even better, the guy who simply hates his guts got detention and his little groupie got put in her place by the school psychologist. But he didn’t want to laugh, he knew Shawn and Nancy were furious and he didn’t want to provoke him any further. Damien would have stayed there to admire the moment but Noa nudged him, reminding him that they too had to go to class.

“Are you alright, you know, with what he said to you?” Damien asked Noa, wanting to be sure his friend was feeling okay.

“Yeah,” Noa replied. His eyes lit up. He all of a sudden realized why Damien asked him that. “Is that the reason why you hit him?”

Damien nodded, and it was the truth, no matter which way he looked at it.

“Yeah, it was. You know, he always makes fun of me, pushes me around, calls me names, it’s wrong sure but that’s life. When he makes fun of you... of that... Not in front of me, not in front of me,” Damien said, repeating the last few words over and over again.

Damien just knew that Noa was trying to find the right words to respond properly, but he didn’t have time as Timothy asked to talk to Noa.

“Noa? Can I see you for a moment?” Timothy asked. Noa turned to Damien and started to speak.

“It’s alright, I’ll see you in class,” Damien told his friend. Before Noa could say a word, Damien walked off.

Damien was already sitting in class when his friend Noa arrived, by the time Noa sat down the teacher had begun the lesson and the two didn’t have a chance to talk.

The bell rang and Damien let out a sigh of relief. He was looking forward to lunch, he had become so hungry he couldn’t follow the class. When he got to his locker, he realized that he had forgotten to bring his lunch. He would have to use the little pocket money that he had to buy food. He hurried to avoid a long line for lunch. Damien picked up a piece of lasagna and rummaged through his wallet to pay for it, using almost all the money he had. He then picked up his tray and walked to find a seat in the cafeteria.

Damien scanned the room and spotted Noa engrossed in a conversation with his friends. As he walked toward them, he didn’t notice a foot in his path and he tripped and fell.

“Next time be careful about who you piss off, little fairy,” Phil shouted at him.

Almost immediately everyone in the room fell quiet, stopped talked and stared at him, every single set of eyes were focused on him. If in the past, he had managed to keep a low profile, limiting the teasing to just Shawn and Nancy and their friends, now he knew he will be the laughing stock of everyone in high school.

He tried not to look around the cafeteria but his eyes focused on the table he was trying to reach, and his eyes locked onto Noa’s. His eyes were full of sympathy, but Damien could tell Noa also looked a little disappointed.

Damien jumped up and rushed out of the cafeteria. His mind raced, a mix of emotions bubbled up inside of him. He felt furious, sad and embarrassed all at once. He didn’t know where he was going, he just wanted to find a quiet place to be by himself.

He wandered around the school until he found an empty restroom. Damien didn’t think about locking the door behind him, he simply entered the first stall, sat on the water tank, placed his feet on the toilet set and began weeping uncontrollably.

At one point, he remembered one thing. He picked up his bag off the floor, placed it in his lap and opened it. He dug his hand inside and reached to the bottom until his fingers touched metal. He grabbed the weapon and pulled the gun out of the bag, and began examining it. He held it in the palm of his hands and inspected it closely. He began to feel powerful. Violent visions ran through his head. Scared of his own thoughts, he quickly stashed the gun back into his bag.

He had decided to face the music and the rest of school like an adult. Just as he was about to leave his stall, he heard the restroom door open and close. Damien froze and fell silent, so no one knew he was inside.

“I’m guessing that you’re not bringing me here cause you really have to go, right?” He heard Nathan ask the other boy, whom he knew was Jake.

Damien wasn’t exactly stupid, he quickly realized that there was something going on between the both of them. Soon he heard Jake and Nathan start to make out passionately.

If listening to them kiss wasn’t bad enough, hearing them speak like lovers made Damien feel even sicker. “Hun. I’m really, really sorry about this morning. Please, will you forgive me, sweetie?” Damien heard Jake say.

Damien managed to squint through a crack in the stall that was just wide enough to see the two teens. He had a feeling they weren’t there just to ditch class.

Even though Damien had been called gay, fairy, queer and every other synonym in the book, he had never really questioned his sexuality. In fact, he considered himself open-minded when it came to gay culture, he had experimented with his friends when he was younger. But he wasn’t sure that seeing a real live version of man on man sex was something he really wanted to see.

But Damien couldn’t look away. He wanted to see more. He didn’t want to admit it at first, but he was getting turned on by seeing them go at it.

“Oh, looks like your mista wants some action,” he heard Jake say.

“It seems like I’m not the only one, hun,” Nathan responded.

He almost shouted ‘so am I’ but he was sure that’s not what the couple wanted to hear right now.

“Hey! That’s my job... You’ve undone your belt!” Nathan exclaimed.

Now, that line was the breaking point for Damien, his pants strained as his bulge pressed against his underwear and made his jeans feel at though they were two sizes too small. He couldn’t resist anymore. As Jake and Nathan undressed, Damien pulled down his pants just enough so he could grab his cock and start jerking off, slowly and without making a sound.

As Jake’s and Nathan’s bodies became more and more entangled, Damien became even more and more aroused. Nathan took his finger and penetrated Jake’s ass as Jake moaned loudly. Then Nathan spread Jake’s ass and began to fuck him, first slowly and rhythmically and then faster until he was pounding Jake furiously to Jake’s loud moans of pleasure.

The boys’s sighs and whimpering brought Damien to the brink and after a final moan from Nathan before he released his load, Damien shot his cum all over the stall wall. He quietly cursed at himself for having made such a mess and he grabbed some toilet paper to clean the cum off the stall. He was about to get some more when he made a wrong move and kicked his bag onto the floor, which crashed with a muffled thump. ‘Shit,’ Damien said to himself, realizing that they might have heard.

“What was that noise?” Nathan asked.

Damien’s heart skipped a beat. If he could have stopped breathing, he would have in order to stay invisible.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear anything,” Jake answered.

Nathan voiced his concern once more. “Oh well, I thought I heard someone,”

“We’re all alone here. Don’t worry about it dear,” Jake replied.

Damien was relieved, he was heard but they dismissed it. He felt even better when he heard them leave and he knew he had the restroom to himself again. He got out of the stall and looked at his reflection in the mirror and saw that he had stained his shirt. He ran his finger under the faucet and wiped the cum off. For some reason, Damien didn’t recognize himself anymore. His vision became blurry. He reached for his bag and walked out of the bathroom.

All the teasing started to consume his thoughts. He started hearing voices. He had had enough. Having stormed out of the restroom, he took the first flight of stairs that he came across and walked down to the basement. He had a plan. He cataloged every name he had been called. He had had enough already. He was looking for the out of the way spot where most of the school athletes kept their lockers.

He turned around the corner and saw someone rummaging through his locker, which Damien thought was weird because the classes weren’t over yet.

“Hey there!” the student said.

Damien didn’t respond and walked past him. Then Damien turned around and instead of seeing Jake, he saw Phil and then he thought that Phil was turning away from him, snubbing him once again. He had to act quickly, it was now or never, he thought to himself. He pulled his father’s old glock out of his bag and immediately fired a shots at what he thought was Phil. He dropped the gun. Suddenly, the picture in his head changed, it wasn’t Phil anymore, it was Shawn’s. Again, out of instinct, he fired a second time.

The second bullet would have hit Jake in the back again if he hadn’t already collapsed from the first shot.

But as Damien got closer to his victim, the mask fell off, what he saw instead of Phil was Jake laying on the floor fighting for his life. Damien started to shake, he felt like he was about to puke. He lowered himself to see what he had done.

“Sorry,” Damien whispered to his victim before walking away.

Damien, still in a state of shock, knew that he needed to get away from that place and sooner rather than later. He raced up the first staircase that he could find and went to the first floor.

Looking around to see if the coast was clear first, he walked the last few feet that separated him from the outside. Knowing that he should probably get rid of his gun, he threw it away into a trash bin, but did not wipe it with shirt clean, like the bad guys do on television.

Outside, everything was calm. There was no sign that something terrible had just happened inside the school. The only noise was the sound of the occasional passing car. Damien walked rapidly away from his life, but he couldn’t run, knowing that he didn’t want to raise any suspicions in the neighborhood. He could already hear the sound of distant sirens getting closer as the police approached the school.

He didn’t know where exactly he was going. He just kept walking. Passing in front of an electronics store, he stopped in front of the window and became mesmerized by the row of televisions flashing news about the shooting. Later, it could have been minutes or hours, he couldn’t tell as time stood still for him, he arrived in front of his doorstep.

Damien opened the front door, hoping that his older sibling wouldn’t be around as he was in no condition to talk to anyone right now. Luckily, the house was deserted and he was relieved.

He climbed up the stairs and went in the bathroom, looked at himself again in the mirror, his eyes red, his hair a tangled mess. He took off his smudged shirt and threw it in the corner. He looked once more in the mirror before he began to sob again.

Damien left the bathroom and went back into his room. Despite his tear-filled eyes, he saw his army knife on the floor. He picked it up and fell like a bag of potatoes onto the floor with his back against the wall.

Damien kept staring at that silver knife. He couldn’t believe how low he had fallen. He couldn’t understand how he got himself into this mess. There was simply no getting away now. Whatever had happened, he knew that he’d have to pay for it until the day that he died. He didn’t want to suffer, but he had destiny in his hands. He could save himself the pain.

Damien heard sirens coming his way. He knew soon enough that if he wanted to do something, to save his brother and mother a lot of grief, it was now or never. In a few minutes, the cops would storm in and arrest him, his face would be all over the news and he’d be a villain forever, not just to everyone in high school, but the whole world as well. He knew what they did to young guys like him in prison.

He understood what he had to do. But his mind kept going back to his little brother, Anthony. Damien was all he had and he had let his brother down, big time. A battle was going on in his head, one between life and death, dying to prevent his brother everlasting shame or facing the music and answering for what he did. Either Anthony saw him in handcuffs or in a coffin. That was the only choice Damien had, he thought to himself.

Damien heard some shouting outside and moments later, he heard the front door burst open as what sounded like hundreds of people had stormed into his house. A minute later an officer broke into his room.

The officer must have seen the weapon in his hands. “Drop your knife!” he summoned.

Damien didn’t listen, and started to get up on his feet.

“Don’t move! Drop your knife!” the officer ordered Damien once more. By then, two other officers appeared in his bedroom.

He didn’t listen and he stood up. He walked toward the officer, the knife still in his hand, not thinking about the consequences of his actions. He just continued to walk. He couldn’t stop.

The officer didn’t ask a third time. Damien continued walking and the officers had no choice but to open fire on him.

Damien fell backwards onto his bed. He didn’t know how many times he had been shot, he just started coughing up blood as his vision went blurry.

His breathing became labored and before Damien finally passed out, he managed to blurt out, softly almost as if he was saying a prayer: “I’m sorry! I’m sorry Anthony.”