The Librarian and the Assassin, a Sapphic Romance at the End of the World - 41. Chapter 41 - Relationships

A few hours later, the young women had eaten some breakfast and made their way across town to the Alphabet District. When they arrived at the outreach center, they were greeted by Celestial Openings, who instantly burst into tears at the sight of them. He wrapped the pair in a tight hug, and he could not get out any explanation through his sobs.

Pan Cakes came rushing into the kitchen in a panic, worried Celest had injured himself, but she broke out in a laugh at the sight of the bearded queen squeezing Tawni and Bix. “Hi there, gals. Celest, are you glad to see our ladies?”

Celest smashed an enthusiastic bristly kiss against one of Bix’s cheeks and then one of Tawni’s, and it made them both laugh. “You two are a wonder!” he managed. “The construction on the outreach center’s addition is supposed to start in the next hour. The builders will be here soon. You two really are a wonder!” he repeated. Celest released Tawni and Bix from his embrace, and Pan gave them each air kisses.

“What are you two up to today?” Pan asked.

Tawni and Bix looked at each other.

“Well, we’re kind of curious about your relationship,” Bix replied.

“I met another woman,” Tawni added quickly, “but when I told Bix about her… erm… she kind of got upset.”

Bix gave the pair of drag queens a nod.

“Okay,” Pan said to them, “Tawni, why don’t you tell us what you’re feeling?”

“Yeah alright.” Tawni tried to gather her thoughts. “I was getting us coffees, and I bumped into a pretty trans woman.” She glanced at Bix for confirmation. “She was so pretty,” Tawni continued, “and I don’t know… I didn’t mean to upset you, Bix, but Pan, I felt really strong feelings for this other woman.”

“Did you get her name?” Celest asked.

Tawni shook her head no.

Pan chuckled. “That’s a pretty good sign that you were feeling smitten, but Bix, I understand why you felt upset; you don’t want Tawni to give her affections to anyone else.”

“Aren’t I enough?” Bix asked, turning away from Tawni.

“Oh Bix, yes,” Tawni answered emphatically. “Yes, you’re enough! I think you’re perfect. I feel like you’re worried that I want to replace you, but that couldn’t be further from the truth! I don’t want to be without you; I think I just thought you’d like it if I liked someone else, and I get it… you don’t, but I really didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Pan took Bix’s hand. “Bix, your personal feelings about your lovers is that they have to have a puss; is that right?”

Bix could not help but snicker at the queen’s words. “Yes, my partners need to have the same parts as me.”

“And Tawni,” Pan continued, “you feel like you could be with anyone who is femme-presenting, regardless of what’s between their legs.”

“Erm, yeah, I think that’s right.”

Pan smiled at the two women. “Non-straight joy is something to be celebrated! Each of us quirky queerdos has a unique collection of emotions, emotions that the squares out there don’t understand. Every one of us is different, and each of us feels love and expresses love in different ways.” Pan took Tawni’s hand as well. “Talking about feelings is one of the most important parts of a relationship, and that goes double for those of us who are in fabulously special relationships that don’t follow the norms of non-queer folks.”

Tawni wanted more information. “Pan, Bix told me you’re in a unique relationship. Can you tell us a little about it?”

“Of course, my lovers’ names are Phillip and William, and William’s boyfriend is named Thiery. William is almost exclusively intimate with the three of us, and Phillip has an on-again off-again thing with a guy named Brandon. I’m only emotionally connected with Phillip and William, but I love to get naughty with lots of other partners outside the relationship as well.”

Tawni and Bix were both confused.

“Wait,” Tawni questioned, “there are five of you in the relationship, and you also sleep with other people?”

Pan grinned. “You’ve almost got the details right. I’m in relationships with Phillip and William, but I’m not in relationships with Thiery or Brandon.”

“And they’re in relationships with Phillip and William?” Tawni asked.

“William is with Thiery, and Phillip is sometimes with Brandon… and sometimes not.” Pan shrugged. “I’ve been with William for over a decade, and William and Thiery started dating maybe six years ago. William and I met Phillip shortly after that, and he was already in his thing with Brandon.”

Bix chewed her lower lip. “I don’t think I could do all that.”

Pan nodded. “People who were born with penises tend to be less monogamous than people who were not born with penises, and of course that doesn’t apply to everyone. Each of us is unique! Maybe monogamy is right for you, Bix, but it may not resonate with Tawni in the same way. Some people can comfortably share intimacy with multiple partners, while others feel much more connected to a single individual. Neither is better; it’s just important to communicate how you feel.”

She gave the young women a warm smile and continued explaining. “When William and I first met, we both discussed our feelings. We expressed what we wanted out of a relationship before we even shared our first kiss. William is my perfect partner because he understands me so deeply and accepts me exactly the way I am. It’s not easy to find someone you can truly be yourself with,” Pan went on, “but you two seem like your relationship has such great potential. Maybe Tawni has enough love in her heart to be with more than just you, Bix, but that doesn’t mean she’s not satisfied with you. William’s heart overflows with so much love that I knew I would never try to restrict or stifle that part of him. If he comes home one day and tells me he’s found a fifth man to be in a relationship with and to love, my heart would be overjoyed for him. I know his love is so vast that him loving others doesn’t diminish how much he still loves me. I realize that it’s hard for someone on the outside of a relationship to understand the nuances, but it works for us.”

“I could do that,” Tawni said with a wide smile. “I know I could love many people and still love you, Bix. I won’t, for you I won’t, but I know that I feel in my heart what Pan is saying.”

Celest let out a chuckle. “It’s very empowering to realize things you’re feeling inside that might have at first felt weird are actually healthy, normal feelings that many others also share. Bix, it may be hard to see while you’re feeling defensive, but I think you’re so lucky to have found someone like Tawni, who has such a vast well of love in her heart.” He smiled through his beard. “And you Tawni, being willing to love Bix according to how she feels is such a testament to the power of your love. You might feel more love in your heart than most people, but if you love your partner the way she needs, then you are a goddess.”

Bix frowned. “But I don’t want to stifle Tawni either.” She looked from the two queens to her beloved. “I just think I’d be jealous of you being with someone else; knowing you shared your emotions or intimacy with another person would break my heart.”

“Please don’t say that, Bix,” Tawni moaned miserably. “I don’t ever want to break your heart!”

Bix turned to Celest. “Are you in a different style of relationship too?”

“I am indeed,” Celest answered, “and I love my men! I’m married to a fellow named Albert,” he explained in a sultry purr, and he brought his hand up conspiratorially as if whispering a secret, “but I have six boyfriends, and I occasionally pick up new ones. A blowjob is kind of equivalent to a handshake among folks like us.”

Pan cackled; Bix snorted a laugh, and Tawni gasped in shocked embarrassment.

“What?” Celest squawked. “Some of us bois who like bois love to slob the knob.”

The three others had the same reactions again, but each of them was more exaggerated.

“Whaaat?!” Celest repeated. “It’s true. My husband is asexual. We’re never intimate in a physical way, but I’ve never loved anyone more than him, and he’s all too happy to let me fulfill any pleasure I desire with any other man. He knows I’ll always come home to him, and he knows I’ll never stop loving him. But I do love to suck a big, meaty…”

“Celest!” Pan barked with another laugh. “Stop it, before you give these girls a heart attack!”

Celest grinned and commented, “Bix, you seemed amused hearing about my sex-capades, and Tawni, you seemed to like hearing about Pan’s love and lovers. I suspect there’s a lot more communication that you two will need to have before you really figure out everything that’s right for you as a couple. And that’s so healthy! Keep sharing how you feel, and both of you, try not to take anything personally… and I’m not just talking to you, Bix. Tawni, as you are coming to understand your own feelings, remember that they are unique to you; others around you may have very different emotions, and that’s good! It’s the way things should be, but remember that not everyone will understand your feelings.”

“You’re sensitive though,” Pan added with a smile. “Tawni, as long as you stay sensitive to others, you’ll do alright. And Bix, keep being true to yourself. I know you two will be okay.”