Russian Roulette - 2. Chapter 1

My name is Matthew and I’m really nothing special. I’m your average, 16 year old closeted high school student. I do okay in school, not great, but not that bad either. I’m really shy, so I don’t really have anything that normal people would call friends. I talk to a few people and they’re really nice, I’m just too afraid to hang out with them outside of school. I’m not smart enough for people to want to copy off my homework, so whatever.

I live with just my Dad. I don’t know what happened to my Mom, he won’t tell me. She may have died when I was really young, or ran off. I think she may have ran off, because we have no pictures of her in the house. I don’t even know what she looks like. But maybe we have no pictures around because it hurts him too much to think about her. I don’t know, but he has never dated anyone seriously. Every few years he’ll bring home a woman and I’ll see her around for a few weeks, then she’ll disappear.

It doesn’t really bother me, though. It’s always been me and my dad and that’s how I like it. We get along well but we aren’t really that close. I’m a pretty well behaved teenager, so I’m never really punished for anything. Sometimes I forget to do one of my chores around the house, but it’s not really a big deal. We can go hours without seeing or talking to each other, sometimes days, and it’s never a problem. We’re two quiet guys that are peacefully co-habitating, one of them just happens to pay all the bills and be the parent for the other.

Speaking of paying the bills. We do okay, but not great. I realize that, but I don’t really care. Money doesn’t make you happy, right? We’re fine with what we have, it works, we’re comfortable. He’s a paralegal, so he makes decent money, but it’s just his income. We do live in a house, but it’s a 2 bedroom bungalow. Some people might snub their nose at us, but like I said, we are - I am - happy with what we have.

The good thing about where we live is that it’s super close to the school. We wouldn’t be able to afford for me to have a car, so it works. Dad can barely hold onto his and might be getting rid of it, anyways. He drives the car to the nearest train station and takes the train from there to his office. But anyways, I walk to and from school every day and it’s a short walk. It’s less than 15 minutes and it’s along a nice, scenic path; it’s actually quite pretty, I look forward to it.

My school is one of many in the city, but the smallest compared to the others. We have under 1,000 students, which makes us the only one to have a three figure student body. We generally hover around 800, spread between 9 and 12. About 200 students in a year is a lot, but generally everyone kind of sort of knows each other, at least by name. I’m one of the few that have slipped through the cracks and I’m not well known, which is fine by me. Being popular brings along notoriety and that’s not something I would enjoy. Our school is the smallest because we’re closer to the edge of town and because the physical building is quite small. We do have a football field and bleachers, but the football field is literally the same size as the entire school. But, the point I was making is that our school boundaries are pretty small and we very rarely get mid-year transfers.

That’s what made him so unusual and intriguing. I was sitting in first period Math, not really paying attention, when I heard the teacher’s tone change. This made me decide to actually pay attention.

“Oh, he’s here. I forgot to mention earlier, class, but we have a new student. His name is James and he’ll be joining our class. Please treat him well.”

Facing the chalkboard, the windows in the class were on the left side. That’s where I was, the second last row, right beside the window. That’s the best place to go, if you want to stay unnoticed. Teachers always look at the very last row, because they know students go there to hide. But for some odd reason, they always seem to ignore the second last, which makes it perfect for me. I can half-ass take notes if I want to or daydream undetected.

The only empty seat in the class was, naturally, the shitty one. It was the front right seat, right by the wall and the door. This new student had come towards the end of class, only about 10 minutes left, so the teacher used it as an excuse to end the lesson early. The room instantly erupted into hushed chatter, as all the other students turned sideways, or looked behind them, to talk to their friends. The teacher, ignoring what was going on, was resting his feet on the desk, reading the Steve Jobs biography.

These situations always made uncomfortable, because everyone’s attention isn’t focused on the front, so someone might notice me. I can’t sleep, because then someone will definitely say something. All I can really do is doodle on a page and awkwardly look around, trying to stay undetected.

I was doodling mindlessly and watching James out of the corner of my eye. The people around him were trying to chat him up, since he was the new guy. He was loving it, James seems like a really social and energetic person. “Well damn, there goes my hopes of him being my future boyfriend.” I sarcastically told myself.

I kept looking at him, out of the corner of my eye. He must have noticed because I caught him staring back at me a few times. When the bell finally went, he picked up his stuff and looked at me. I swear he winked at me before he disappeared out the door. That had my head buzzing for the rest of the day. That night, even my Dad noticed and asked me what was going on.

“Everything okay?” He asked, looking a bit concerned.

“Yeah, yeah. Just had a pretty intense conversation in class today.” I explained, vaguely.

I got a cock of the eye brows, but nothing more was said. We went back to eating our pasta dinner quietly.

Maybe there was a scheduling issue for the first day or something, I don’t know, but James wasn’t just in my math class. After that first day, he appeared in my history and english classes as well. Luckily I still had my technology class, to escape from his allure.

I know I shouldn’t, because I’ve literally never spoken to him before and know nothing about him, but I couldn’t help but stare at him. The absolute worst part is that he knew it, too! He caught me all the time, at least 2 or 3 times per class. I don’t think he had a problem with it, though. He never said anything or really did anything about it. He winked a few times, so maybe he liked it. He could be one of those straight guys that are super comfortable with their sexuality and he could just be messing with me.

Then it hit me: sexuality. Oh god, he knows! No one should know, it would not end well. I have no real, rational reason to think it’d turn my life into a living hell, I just have a gut feeling that it would be bad.

James tortured my thoughts for over a week. I thought about him constantly, wondered. I wondered what he was like, what he was thinking. If... something could happen. I doubt it, though. I mean, he’s drop dead gorgeous and I’m... not. I’m not really ugly, I don’t think. Some would describe me as cute, but cute and drop dead gorgeous are leagues apart. That’s even if he’s interested. He’s probably not, he could get anyone he wants, guy or girl. He’s probably straighter than an arrow, though. Clearly he’s a lady killer, so he’ll have a girlfriend any day now.

I dreaded the initial and inevitable confrontation between me and James, right up until the moment it happened. It was after school. Since I walk, I’m never in a rush to leave. There was almost no one in the halls anymore, and I was lazily figuring out what to take home and packing my bag. I was deep in thought, debating whether or not to take my science textbook home when I heard a bang. Someone hit the locker beside me with their fist.

“Are you going to buy me dinner first?”

I look up, slightly confused by the question and I see James. Oh... shit.

“Uhh...” I manage to stutter out.

“I mean, you’ve been undressing me with your eyes all week. You’re cute, if you wanna see the real thing that’s cool... you just need to buy me dinner first.”

“Uhh...”

“Cat got your tongue? Or are you just really shy and embarrassed?”

“Uhh...”

“Dude, you need to actually talk if you want this to go anywhere. Do you want it to go anywhere with me?” With that, he proceeded to reach down and grab a hold of my crotch! “Yeah, based on ‘down there’, you want it. Pretty badly, I’d say.”

I blushed and backed away from him.

“I’ll tell you what. Come hang out with me at my house, no strings attached. As friends, and we’ll go from there. Okay?”

“Uhh... Okay. Friends? Just friends?” I finally managed to compose myself enough to say.

“Yup. Get your shit and follow me.”

Hastily, I gathered up my stuff and followed him out of the school, presumably to the parking lot.

“My car’s the red one parked at the far corner of the lot. She’s nice, to me at least, so I don’t want to risk her getting keyed or anything like that. Do you drive?”

“No.” I choked out.

“Oh ok, you must walk then. Do you need to let your folks know you’re not coming home right away?”

“Naw, my dad’ll be fine.” I replied, starting to get a bit more comfortable with James. “Just friends, right?” I asked him again.

“Yeah man, friends is cool. Maybe we can see how it goes from there.”

We reached his car and he pulled out his set of keys to unlock the doors. He opened the drivers side door but didn’t get in. He stood there and smiled at me. Winking, he got in and revved up the engine. with a deep breath, I got into the car. As we tore out of the parking lot, I wondered where I was going and what I had gotten myself into.