White Sheets - 4. A forgotten Kiss

Remy pushed the door shut behind him and leaned against it, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

Anduin. Anduin would stay here. Shit.

The question of whether they could avoid each other didn't arise, because of course they wouldn't be able to. And probably... no. No, it had been thirteen years, he couldn't tell how Anduin thought by now. Maybe they could talk... and just bury things in the past?

He pushed himself away from the door and flicked on the bedside lamp, warm yellow glow lit the cream walls. The room was small, but it was his. A bed, a table and chair, a closet and a few shelves; a tiny bathroom adjoined the room. He was about to take his shirt off when there was a knock. He hesitated, because he didn't really have the nerve for a conversation right now.

There was another knock. "Remy?"

And certainly he didn't have the nerve for a conversation with Anduin. But before he could give any kind of answer, the door opened and Anduin stuck his head in.

"Hey..."

"This is my room." Remy said quietly, but dismissively enough to surprise himself.

"I know. Flavius told me." The careful smile on Anduin's lips stung Remy. "Can we talk?"

Remy swallowed and gritted his teeth for a moment. "Speak." He didn't want to, but it was unavoidable. Putting it off would accomplish nothing.

Anduin took that as an opportunity to slip fully into the room, and with discomfort Remy noticed his smile fade. "Is that any way to greet your brother?" Did the words really sound that accusatory, or was it Remy?

"Welcome to Harlaney House." That was all he could get out for the moment. Talking right away was a stupid idea.

Anduin snorted quietly. "Yeah? And that's all?"

Remy shrugged. "Been a long time." Not long enough.

"Definitely." Anduin nodded and came closer, his gaze twitching around the room briefly, but then boring into Remy's. "Hello, little brother." he said almost gently as he stopped right in front of Remy, and Remy had to swallow before he could reply.

"Hello, Anduin." He wasn't sure what he perceived Anduin as right now- except as an annoying object from the past- but honestly, he didn't really want to know. In fact, he didn't want to know anything more specific about him at all, but he had just told him to talk.

"You've grown up," Anduin stated, with a strangely amused undertone Remy didn't like.

"I was"- his pulse spiked as Anduin reached out to him- "almost twenty..." What he had been about to say suddenly made no sense anymore when Anduin brushed his cheek and reached for a strand of his hair.

"Being of age and being an adult are different things, Riri. Being around students for years, you should have noticed." Anduin smiled wryly. "Somehow it looks silly, but at the same time it suits you." He twirled the dyed part of the strand between his fingers.

"Wasn't my idea," Remy muttered, feeling it twitch in his face as Anduin's fingers slid back to his cheek.

"You rarely have any ideas of your own."

The tone was affectionate, but still- or perhaps precisely because of that- Remy's face contorted. "I've never been allowed my own ideas." That wasn't quite true, but he didn't really want to discuss the subject in such detail.

"True enough..." For a tiny moment, Anduin’s smile turned sad. "I missed you, Riri..."

Since the truth seemed a little too rough, Remy would have liked to wrap it up a little nicer, but he didn't even get to that, because instead of words, Anduin's mouth was suddenly on his lips.

The first feather-light kiss surprised him so much that he opened his eyes and yet froze; at his hip he felt Anduin's other hand.

The second tender kiss made his stomach flutter and his eyelids fall shut. Anduin promised safety, shelter, protection and comfort.

The third kiss sent fiery sparks up and down his spine, his scalp began to tingle. Anduin's grip on his cheek and hip tightened and his own hands twitched, but his arms were heavy as lead.

On the fourth kiss, the tip of Anduin's tongue brushed his lips and the sparks reached his loins, the fluttering in his stomach became a storm. Would Anduin touch him or merely hold him protectively? His trembling hands settled on Anduin's broad chest, letting him feel the heartbeat and the warmth. How many times had he wished his big brother back, the way he had been before all this had started with the kisses and the rest...? Still, Anduin loved him.

"I missed you." Anduin whispered into another soft kiss, burying a hand in his hair. "You have no idea how much, Maurice."

"What?" Remy leaned back, looking at Anduin and pushing him off, for his fine smile gave him goosebumps. "What did-"

"Maurice."

That one word, that name, was like a kick in the stomach. Or the balls. Or both together.

"Do you really think no one would have noticed?" Anduin raised his brows.

Remy's mouth went dry, his stomach fluttered again- though this time for entirely different reasons.

"Well, actually, no one noticed. They called him crazy when he claimed something went wrong, but you can't fool me. I've always been able to tell you two apart."

Nausea crept up his throat. Anduin had admittedly been the biggest weak point in the idea, the plan. "You..."

"Me?" Anduin raised his brows a bit higher. "No, Maurice, you are the one who betrayed his brother. I kept quiet."

"Get out." There was a whirlwind in his head, a vortex in which he was about to drown. He gasped for air. "Get out of here. This is my room. Get lost."

Anduin sighed. "I had imagined our reconnection differently."

"You're not welcome here and I didn't miss you!" Probably his voice was a little too shrill to be truly believable, but Anduin seemed honestly hurt for a moment. "Go."

Hesitantly, Anduin backed away. "Okay, Riri, we'll talk later. Okay?"

He couldn't answer, because if he did he would have shouted and that would have been a little too conspicuous. But Anduin left and quietly closed the door and he stood there breathing heavily, as if they had been wrestling instead of kissing.

Maurice. That was... part of why he didn't want Anduin near him.

He wasn't sure how long he stood there, staring at the door, fighting with himself, his feelings and memories. But at some point he realized he had to get out of here. He left his room, hurried through the now sleeping house, and stepped out the kitchen patio door into the garden.

It had cooled down a bit, but was still decidedly warm, though he could feel a gentle breeze brushing his arms. The heavy scent of the herbs Cain tended in tubs, boxes, and beds rose up his nose- there was something soothing about it, but his inner turmoil kept him walking.

A few crickets chirped, a night bird warbled briefly, but otherwise it was quiet. The neighborhood had been notably quiet since the constantly yapping dog two houses down had died.

He loved the garden. Besides Cain, there was an official gardener and Marc also helped, but he himself had no skill for plants- he liked to look at them, though. He stroked the velvety petals of a shrub with his fingertips and then paused in surprise. Lights were on in the large terrace and in the parlor beyond. A certain concern for the household in general displaced for a moment the desire for privacy, and so he stepped closer.

It was Keira sitting in one of the armchairs, and at first he thought she was asleep, but then she raised her hand and sucked on a cigarette. "I know you're there." She spoke softly, yet so suddenly that he winced.

"Sorry, miss, I didn't mean to interrupt." So much for his own peace of mind.

"Ah, Remy. No, you're not intruding. I clearly prefer your company to that of... say, Joy. Or that new girl. Who is she, anyway?" Keira didn't sound thrilled.

Remy was far from thrilled, too, but maybe a little distraction wouldn't be a bad thing. "Claire. Mistress Therese's niece." he therefore replied, entering the large terrace. "She and her slave Anduin live here now."

Keira snorted. "Family ties."

"I didn't get the impression my mistresses were particularly excited, but admittedly I didn't catch the full conversation either."

Keira snorted again, making her look like a character from a silly anime as smoke poured out of her nose. "Well, we'll see where this goes." She interrupted herself, frowning. "You may sit down."

He hesitated a moment, then sat down in another chair. Anduin pushed back into his thoughts, letting the polite questions he should have asked seem unimportant.

"You don't look well, Remy."

"Hmm?" Irritated, he raised his eyes and met Keira's scrutinizing gaze.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah."

"You don't have to lie to me."

He lowered his gaze and shrugged. "I know Anduin from the past."

"Doesn't seem to have been a nice acquaintance," she stated matter-of-factly.

"No. Well... he's not a monster, but..." He didn't know how to explain the matter, whether to confess or conceal that they were brothers, after all those years he himself had no idea how he stood towards his brother.

"I see." she said after a moment, pushing the cigarette butt into the ashtray. "Anduin... a strange name."

"Anduin was the founder of the Raphaelite Order," Remy explained, biting his tongue.

"Didn't the order last a mere three hundred years before it was banned?"

"Almost four hundred." he corrected her automatically- and cursed himself for it- and she promptly asked the question he had wanted to avoid:

"How do you know for sure?" She looked genuinely curious.

"I..." He couldn't very well tell her that he had grown up in a convent. "I was raised pretty religious." Considering that his mother was a priestess, that was hardly a real lie.

"Then you must know the story behind it, right? I love stories."

The way her face suddenly lit up, he couldn't refuse her request, even if it meant having to indirectly deal further with Anduin. "The facts are pretty ugly. Anduin was the son of a queen who waged war. When the enemy army was at the gates of her city, she disguised her son as a girl and gave him to the enemy army commanders as a hostage to buy herself time. Well, the army commanders didn't think that was so funny. They did what one does in such cases and emasculated the young man afterwards. On the other hand, their own army had time to rush in and won. Anduin barely survived and later founded a monastery in the name of Raphael the Healer, from which the Order was born."

Keira grimaced. "I wanted a story, not facts."

He put on an apologetic smile. "According to the fabled legend, it was Ares and or Deimos themselves, the outcast sons of the Great Mother, who threatened this queen and demanded her daughters." He strained for a dramatic tone, which made Keira giggle. "In this legend, Anduin was heroic enough to sacrifice himself for his younger sisters and serve as a plaything for the demigods in their place. But heroism does not protect against blades; he was emasculated and while dying prayed to the Great Mother, who sent Raphael to help the brave prince. Again, out of gratitude, Anduin founded first a monastery and later the order dedicated to the art of healing."

"Oh, well, when the demigods themselves get involved, things are more exciting." Keira grinned. "Do you know any more stories like that?"

"Plenty." He nodded slowly. There hadn't been many books in the convent, and most had been full of religious texts and tales- or just such legends. "But I'm afraid there's not enough night for those."

She laughed softly. "My studies have just begun. I still have four years to let you tell me stories. Here in the garden, in front of the fireplace..."

A smile settled on his lips as he saw the childlike enthusiasm flashing over her face. A melancholic one, though, because this was one of those moments when he realized that the age difference between him and the new students was constantly growing.

Her smile disappeared, however, as she straightened up and turned to face him. "I'm pretty good at listening. Not just when it comes to stories. So if there's anything you want to talk about..." She made a welcoming gesture. "...I'll be here. Doesn't have to be now, don't worry."

Surprised, he looked at her. "Thank you, miss." he said a little dully, not knowing what else to say.

As she rose, her smile returned, and she reached for the cigarette pack and lighter on the small table between the two armchairs. "And if you don't want to talk..." her eyebrows twitched meaningfully, but she didn't finish the sentence.

That surprised him a little more. "Thanks for the... the twofold offer." He swallowed and tried a smile that probably failed thoroughly. "Miss."

"Good night, Remy."

"Good night, Miss Keira." He looked after her for a moment and then out into the dark garden. His thoughts began to spin again in a wild whirl about Anduin and the scenarios that might play out in the future.

None of them appealed to him.