Eren's Light - 1. Story

Eren's Light

By Cia

The sun had sunk behind the earth but still lit up the clouds until they looked as if they were on fire, lit from behind, painting the sky with flames of orange across the blue that was deepening into the indigo that presaged the coming night. I sat in the field, surrounded by grass and flowers and peace. But I was anything but peaceful.

I wondered how it would feel if I was lit up as bright as those clouds, my own personal sun having been lit inside my heart. With every beat liquid joy would be pumped through my body, until I felt swollen with it; as if I might explode with a single touch. I was afraid but the possibilities! Not long now.

"Hey you, I'm back." He had crept up on me from behind, his passage going unheard among the calls of the birds seeking out the rising insects and the rustling of the wind through the long feathery grasses.

"Eren!" My glad cry made him smile. It took my breath away, a thing of beauty to rival the sunset I had just been marveling. He came over, pulling me to my feet and enclosing me in his arms. I couldn't help but snuggle in as I breathed in that essence that was solely his; a mix of sweat, cologne and this underlying scent that screamed virile male.

His hands roamed my body, one coming around my waist to pull me in tight to him while the other stroked up my spine to bury in my hair. Loosely wrapped in the long black strands the sensation arched my back and neck until I was bowed backward, every muscle held taut and quivering. I was scarcely breathing; suspended in an endless moment of want and need.

The first kiss laid so gently on the hollow of my throat was as light as a feather, tickling the sensitive skin but it burned. My shuddering cry made Eren moan, the vibrations of his full lips still caressing my skin made me catch my breath as I writhed against him. He kissed again and again, inching up my neck and chin to hover above my mouth and it was there he hesitated.

He paused there, only a hairs breadth away and I could feel the puff of his breath tickling across my lips. It was a test, of himself, of me, of his conviction to merge ourselves no matter the consequences. The second we were locked into stretched out into ages as he decided and I waited. Just like I always had.

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Eren Donald was gorgeous. His jeans molded to his ass and cupped each cheek lovingly. I was a non-entity, a nobody and knew it. But I could sit in my quiet corner and watch him as he moved from place to place. Some days I ached to touch him, especially on the days his shirt rode up and gave me a small glimpse of his golden skin. My body would tighten and I would have to close my eyes before they could give me away.

He was the light and I was the dark. My dusky skin and long black hair gave it away. He was like a beam of sunshine, all tawny skin and hair the color of liquid fire. Opposites, two forces that existed but when things remained in balance could never mix. I knew that the two didn't mix but I craved his heat, wanting to take his fire inside of me to light the cold spaces that filled my being.

Then one day things changed. He didn't have his back to me for once; he was angled more facing me than away talking to one of his friends. A paper fluttered off the stack in his hands to float to the ground and he bent to pick it up. My eyes followed him of course, unable to resist the daily dose of Eren, my light. I knew my eyes, an icy pale blue in contrast to all my ebony recesses of my being were full of my secret longing. I tried to hide it away but he stood up facing in my direction for once.

His eyes ran from my feet to my head before locking onto my own. In all the years that I had watched him I had never had the courage to look into his eyes so the indigo pools that threatened to drown me were a shock. They were not quite dark enough though to hide how his pupils expanded as he froze, not breathing and not moving. And yet, there was a sense of some invisible movement, as if every atom in his body suddenly rushed in one direction, toward me.

It was almost inevitable as he took a step in my direction, a step that would bring him to me in ways I had dreamt of and hoped for but knew would never happen. But it did. He closed the space between us, getting closer and closer until I drew in the heavenly aroma that was Eren for the first time. I shuddered, my body caught in a confusion of emotion somewhere between dread and eager anticipation at his arrival.

"Hey," he said quietly, his deep voice caressing my spine and quieting my tremors with its smooth rumble.

"Hi," I said hesitantly, barely managing to push the words out past the lump in my throat. I was also trying to breathe as deeply as I possibly could in the attempt to saturate my senses with the essence of Eren. It was an intoxicating aroma, sweaty male and some musk that was all his own. It so overwhelmed me that I missed his next comment completely.

"Sorry, what?" I tried to focus. I had been lost in his eyes and his scent, my first experience with both enough to make me feel faint. My voice was weak and almost as dreamy as my mind.

"Uh, I wanted to invite you to this event I'm having." Eren held out the same piece of paper that had gotten away from him earlier.

"Oh, I ah, I don't get out too often to parties." Nevertheless I sat forward, running my sweaty palm down my jeans before I took the small piece of orange paper. I glanced down at it, reading the words splashed in bold across the top, 'Save Loyalou Park'. I looked back up, raising my eyebrows.

"Yeah, I don't party much either. This is different; it means something more than the usual fluff people our age are in to."

"Why would you want to save that place?" I was genuinely curious, wanting to know more about him and what drove him but I guess I put too much stress on the words you and place.

"You don't have to be sarcastic just because you are too cool to consider showing up to work on a Saturday with a bunch of people who might be different from you." His lighter skin showed was flushed, with anger I thought, but he spoke quietly and evenly in spite of that.

"No!" I protested, "I just meant, why this place, what's your reason. I... I just wanted to know a bit more, sorry." I was anxious to keep him talking, keep him here with me. I wasn't ready for him to walk away yet.

"Oh." Eren cocked his head to the side, as if weighing my intent. He must have decided I was sincere because he smiled at me. "I have spent a lot of time over the last year or so there. Not in the park but on the hills behind it. But if we don't clean up the park and get the community involved in keeping it up they'll close it due to budget cuts and sell the property. I don't want to lose my thinking spot, its special. Can you understand something like?"

I smiled at him and nodded, delighted that he shared with me and he blushed.

"I, ahh, I don't know why I actually told you that. I've never told anyone about my special spot. Would you mind keeping that just between us?"

Mind? Would I mind having something to share that was just for us, the two of us together? It was a link, a tenuous one but there. I would agree to just about anything to tie this beautiful person to me in any way. I nodded again and this time he smiled at me. If I thought he was the most attractive thing I had ever seen before that all changed in that one moment. He outshone the sun for brilliance and I was completely lost. Attractive… that word paled beside his obvious radiance.

"Okay, well, umm, I hope to see you there." Eren walked away, looking back over his shoulder at me once as he made his way back to his friends. I folded up the paper he gave me with the details of the meeting at Loyalou Park this Saturday. I could feel it in my pocket, a constant reminder of our first meeting that I desperately hoped would not be our last. I was completely useless the rest of the day.

The rest of the week passed slowly. Each day I sat on my bench and watched him, just as I always had. The only difference now was that he saw me, giving me a smile whenever our eyes met and one day a wink. Light and dark were no longer completely separate.

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When I woke on Saturday I expected the sky to be a clear cerulean blue full of fluffy white clouds. Surely any day I was going to be around my own personal light it could not fail to be anything less. I looked out my window and groaned at the dark clouds that marred the perfect sky of my plans. I dressed in my usual jeans and added a long sleeve shirt in a pale green, tying my hair back with a black band. Grabbing a cereal bar I headed out, walking to Loyalou Park, only about a mile from my house.

Walking alone I enjoyed the light mist that coated my skin. The wind teased strands of hair from the tie holding them back to tickle my face. I walked into the park by the back gate, heading toward the small knot of people at the center of the park near the children's play structure. I tried to stay low-profile as I joined them but Eren saw me and smiled before he called for quiet. There was the sun that I had missed when I looked out my window. He carried it with him and just seeing him at all brought me a warmth I basked in.

"Hi everyone! I want to thank you all for showing up today to help clean up the park. I hope that when the community sees the good we are doing they will see the benefit to helping out and keeping the park open. I plan to be here each Saturday at 9 am to work on cleaning up and improving the trails and picnic areas. I even got permission from the county to paint the children's structure." Putting a hand on the arm of a man standing next to him, Eren smiled. "Mr. Timmons has agreed to donate the paint too." There was a murmur of appreciation and warm looks for the man, and he blushed.

"Okay, let's get to work. Bags are over here for the garbage. Those who would like to work on the trails can use the donated gardening equipment by the big tree." Eren pointed out the supplies and then grabbed a pair of large pruning shears stabbed deep in the earth next to him.

That day began a spring filled with clouds and rain, the wettest one in recent memory. But I had my sun; I glimpsed him each day we passed by each other with a smile and then basked in a full day of his warmth each Saturday. I always worked with Eren, silently doing whatever was needed as long as it kept me by his side. Eventually I eased enough to begin to be able to return his small talk and smiles without feeling like my heart would beat from my chest, though only when we were alone.

Eren's quest to involve the community actually worked. Children came to play and brought their parents. They saw the group of teens and adults, light and dark, working to bring a safe place for their kids and it brought them together. When the county assessed the property it was full of well groomed trails, a newly painted wooden play structure, and a large crowd of screaming children and picnicking families.

They announced their final decisions on parks that would be closing at a council meeting open to the public. Eren whooped when they read the list of parks and Loyalou wasn't on the list. He had asked me to come and I had been unable to say no to the one person who brought me such warmth. So I was there, standing silently at his side, smiling as he turned to me with tears in his eyes.

"It's safe, my spot, it's safe." He hugged me in that moment, overjoyed and needing to share the overflowing emotion that threatened to burst from him. I had never asked him what had been so hard for him to come to terms with that he had become so attached to his spot, I hadn't needed to. It was important to Eren so it was important to me. I was so shocked at his touch, the first touch anyone gave me in a very long time that I stood frozen in place for a split second before burrowing into his arms, my whole body trembling.

"Thank you," he whispered into my ear.

I nodded my head where it was pressed against the front of his shoulder, the fine tremble in my body getting stronger as his strong arms circled my body and I felt his smooth lips touch the shell of my ear.

"Hey, are you cold?" he asked, "Here." Eren pulled back from me and I let him go reluctantly. He pulled off his coat and wrapped it around me as I watched him with big eyes. He even zipped it up and rubbed my arms in the sleeves. "There, better?"

I smiled shyly at him. "Yeah, better."

And it was, though not because I was now warm where before I had been cold. He turned back to the council meeting and I buried my face in the collar of the jacket, breathing in the smell of his essence that saturated the soft cloth. Something about that aroma calmed me, lightened the darkness, and excited me all at the same time.

With the park saved, I thought that night would mean the end of our Saturday's together. But I was wrong. Friday when we exchanged our normal smiles at school he actually came over to me again. I still had his coat at home, not wanting to bring it to school and force him to answer questions as to why I had it. I was shocked that he would let anyone see him speaking to me but I was to find that was just Eren’s way.

"Will you meet me, tomorrow? At the park? I have something to show you." He had been excited and I had quickly agreed, my soft yes making him give me the biggest smile I had seen yet.

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The next morning passed slowly. We had arranged to meet in the afternoon and all morning I was a jittery mess. What did he want to show me? Today wouldn’t be like all the other days we worked together when the other volunteers knew where we were and could show up at any time. We would be alone. For some reason his sun blinded him to my darkness. He didn’t see that we were too different to mix and I was too busy trying to store some of his warmth in the dim corners of my being for when he finally figured out that which I had always known.

Finally it was time to go and I was off. I had dressed so carefully, my favorite worn jeans that fit just right and a dark blue shirt with a rampant lion graphic. It was thin and soft and I loved it. I carried his coat with me, occasionally burying my face in it to catch the lingering trace of his scent as I walked. Getting to the park, I waited near the play structure for just a few minutes, smiling at all the laughing children who ran and crawled and climbed up something I had helped make better for them. There was a real sense of pride in having done something like that.

My thoughts occupied my mind but not enough so that I didn’t see Eren the second he sauntered into sight. He was dressed to perfection. I couldn’t help the tender smile that slowly grew as he got close enough for me to see the happy smile on his face. He saw me and lit up, coming close enough to rub his hand across my shoulders before gathering me in a sideways hug.

“Hey, I’m glad you made it. C’mon, let’s get out of here.” Eren tugged on my arm as he started walking away from the playground toward the trails we had so recently cleared. I walked next to him, silent as usual. His silence was more unusual but I was so happy being with him that it didn’t matter.

I was confused when he pulled me off the path into the space under the trees. We pushed through the bushes and ducked under low hanging branches that shaded the path until we broke through the cover into a field. We were at the bottom slope of gradually rising hill covered in tall grasses and small vibrant flowers. I could hear the buzzing of insects moving about busily in the sun but that was it. I couldn’t hear the kids in the playground or people walking on the paths. It was as if we were totally alone in the world.

Eren kept his hold of my hand as he started walking through the grass to what must be a favored spot up the hill. The grass was trampled down and he turned and sat, tugging me down beside him. I drew up my knees and wrapped my arms around them once he let go of my hand, a little reluctantly it seemed to me. I dismissed that as just a projection of my own feelings.

We sat in a comfortable silence just watching the clouds move across the blue sky. I was happy and content until I heard a big sigh come from Eren. I turned my head to look at him and found him watching me, his face wistful

“So, we’re all done here at the park now.”

“I guess we are,” I said, confused. I had no idea what he was thinking about to make him look like that. Was it that his big project was over and he missed the excitement of it?

"You helped me so much; I wanted to share this place with you. This is my special spot, I've never shown anyone this place but you... you just fit here, you belong here with me."

I was speechless but I reached out and touched his knee, very gently before quickly drawing back my hand. He beamed at me.

“I had a lot of fun working with you.”

“Me too,” I smiled at him then, trying to put in all I felt to show him how much it had meant to me. His eyes widened and he drew in a big breath.

“What?” I looked around to see what had startled him.

“You,” he breathed.

“Me?” Oh no, my voice squeaked, how embarrassing.

"You're breathtaking."

I… he… what?

He reached out slowly with one hand and gently pushed my chin up, closing my mouth where it had fallen open. His fingers lingered on my face, tracing a delicate pattern down my neck. His smile was amused now, a twinkle in his eye as he enjoyed my shock.

"But, I'm dark," I said that as if it explained all. Honestly I could think nothing else.

"I know."

His answer was simple. As if that was a valid argument against what we both knew was the natural order of things.

"You know what? That it's not acceptable for you to feel that way? That we are different and there is no way for us to overcome that without ruining your life forever?"

"I know how I feel. I'm pretty sure of how you feel."

He knew how I felt? I panicked for a moment, wondering who else had seen me watching this scion of light. This could be the end of all his hopes in life should someone know.

"Just because I am light and you are dark doesn't mean we can't be together."

His fingers made their way back to my face to trace my cheekbone. A long strand of hair had escaped the band at the nape of my neck again and he gently wrapped it around his finger before he smoothed it out and tucked it behind my ear. Feather light his finger ran around the outside of my ear and my breath caught in my throat as I was suddenly swamped with feelings of longing. Feelings I knew were wrong.

"It means exactly that," I forced myself to answer, to deny all that I wanted, all that I craved, just to guarantee that he would remain exactly how he was meant to be. I would not be responsible for dimming his light and extinguishing it. I would love him forever but I could not hurt him that way.

"You don't know that. Have you ever known any pairings of people both light and dark? Have you ever met someone who had their light dim because of who they loved? How could love do that to someone? I don't believe that we are one or the other, that a person is wholly light or wholly dark. How can that be possible?"

I hissed. I was aghast at what he was saying. "That's sacrilege!"

"That's practicality, reality, logic. How can we see a person's light or darkness if they don't have some of the other to let it be known? Somewhere hidden in you is a source of light that is brings out your shadow so that it appears inky black, a soft velvety blanket that covers you. I want to be covered by it too, to feel that wrap around me and hold me in its cool embrace."

"But you know what they say! Light can bond with light, Dark with dark only. To try and go against the natural order would extinguish your light, who you are. It would make you one with the darkness but in losing touch with your light you would go insane. Once you became dark, Eren would be gone, lost forever."

"I don't believe that." Eren sounded so sure, so ready to challenge all that we 'knew'. "Even if I did I wouldn't care."

"Why? Why would you risk that for me?"

"You risk the same. Exposing yourself to my light is just as dangerous to who you are inside."

"I don't think that would be much of a risk for me. I have watched you, longed for you for such a long time that not being able to be what you need has been slowly driving me insane."

"I knew it!" He was triumphant, crowing in his pleasure at being right. "I knew you cared for me too."

I could see no way of getting away from admitting it; to make it even worse, I didn't want to. I nodded shyly, looking down.

"Never look down; never hide from me how you feel from me. You have made me so happy." Eren's voice was right next to my ear and I gasped as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me half into his lap. Just that little contact floored my being, his warmth surrounding me and easing the chill inside. He sat behind me, pulling me into his chest and just holding me there.

As we sat and I basked in him I wondered what he felt when he touched. Wondered if my coldness burned him or if he welcomed the chill? I considered asking him but our bond seemed to get stronger the longer we sat together and I didn't want to end this time. If I was hurting him I would never touch him again so coward that I was I held my silence.

However the break in the mood of anticipation that was slowly building toward some unknowable climax was shattered when his phone went off. I felt it vibrating and buzzing under me and scrambled off his lap though he didn’t let me get far. He tucked his arm around me and held me close to his side. He flipped his phone open and sighed when he read the message.

"Do you have anywhere you have to be?" he asked me.

"No."

"Can you wait for me? I'll be back." He seemed agitated but I asked him no questions, just nodded my head.

"Sunset is very beautiful from here. The sun sinks down between those two hills there." Eren pointed to a place in the distance where the mountains came together in a sharp vee. The sun was above that point by a finger length, a good hour or more before the light would fade. "I wanted to watch the light go here with you but I have to leave for a short time."

"It's okay, I'll be here,” I had come to realize that I would be anywhere, be anything just to be with Eren. It was selfish of me, to risk him but knowing he wanted me and was willing to face the possibility of losing his light had gone to my head. I was drunk on him, his brightness that filled and warmed me.

He leaned up on his knees, pulling me into his arms, putting his lips to my ear to whisper, "I will come back and I will take you in my arms and claim you. You will be mine, forever and ever. You will never be alone again, never be cold."

I moaned, the feel of his lips on my body as he nipped at my ear and the side of my neck making my body twist and writhe in his arms. His laugh was low and deep, wholly masculine and in control. I had my eyes closed and was still sitting lost in the feelings he gave me when he stood up.

"Wait for me."

Then he was gone. I sat, at first thinking of nothing but how he made me feel. Of how he'd always made me feel even when I had watched him from afar. As the sun sank toward the vee in the hills he'd shown me I watched the clouds go from white to yellow to finally a blend of gold and orange that reminded me so much of the fires inside of Eren.

That was when he snuck up on me and brought me to this one moment in time that I had been waiting for and yet never would believe would happen. Locked in an embrace, looking at me, judging my response he paused. I had to try one last time to save his light, his pure unsullied light.

"There's no going back from this Eren. I love you too much to hurt you. I want you happy, even if it means we can't be together." My words were barely louder than a breath but our intense focus and how close he hovered to my lips ensured he heard me. His eyes flared when I said I loved him and he drew in a sharp breath, claiming my mouth the moment I stopped speaking.

Our essences flared and joined as our lips moved against each other, hungrily consuming each other as we kissed. My lips parted for him and his tongue dove in, tasting the cool darkness of my mouth with his warm tongue. I sucked on it, following its retreat until my tongue entered his warm cavity that tasted so perfect, so right.

Eren's hands were locked into my body and I gripped his biceps until our mouths broke apart. His head arched back, his body bending like mine was and we both collapsed to our knees as our essences merged. His light became brighter, the shadows that had defined that radiance going from gray and barely visible to sharp and shocking in contrast. My darkness became deeper, richer, and fuller from the white light that now shone from underneath it.

Twin calls of ecstasy rose from our throats to spill out our open mouths and the bond was complete. Collapsing on our sides in a boneless heap we laughed, kissed, hands patting and touching. I could feel his light inside of me and my darkness inside of him. He was not gray, not dark. I made his essence, his light brighter for my shadow. My shadow was darker for his light that warmed it, made it a soft blanket rather than a cold mask.

I laughed out loud in joy. The one thing I had always wanted and feared was now mine. We were now complete and I would never be alone again.

© 2010 Cia

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