Home Is Where The Heart Is - 1. Chapter 1

I licked my lips as I walked right over to him, that sexy 12 year old blond kid on the skateboard, and I approached him without any insecurity at all. I'm much too cool for that. I looked him directly in his beautiful blue eyes and I said "I'll give you this ten dollar bill in my pocket if you let me make love to you all day long." It rolled off of the tip of my tongue so naturally that it frightened him a little bit, it was the easiest thing in the world. He was hot and I wanted him, it was that simple. Well, naturally, he thought it was kinda weird, but once he saw the money flash in front of him, he smiled wickedly and agreed to do anything I said. I think he was really going to enjoy this!

He smiled at me shyly, but once I put my hand gently on his hip to bring him closer, he kissed me hard on the lips, his young tongue entering my mouth and his youthful breath mixing with mine. I grabbed his tight little ass cheeks through the worn out fabric of his torn and faded jeans, and I felt his hard cock poking me in the leg. He tasted soooo good. I stepped back, ready to guide him back to my house for a whole day full of passion and lust. But before he came with me, he asked, "Hey...do you mind if I bring my two sexy friends with me? We're all Reeeaaally horny, and I can't WAIT to suck you Kris. You're so fucking hot!" Who was I to stop them? I was only 15 years old, how many chances like this was I gonna get?

So I came back with, "Sure, bring them along, and we'll ALL have some fun today. I just can't wait to get a piece of you!" And I kissed him again, making him weak in the knees. He loved me already, everything about me, my boldness, my attitude, my sex appeal...he was instantly hooked on me. I knew that in fifteen short minutes I was going to have three sexy young boys in my house. I was going to have my tongue wrapped around his hard meat, sucking for all I was worth. I was going to have my hard cock positioned at his tight anus while the other two kissed and licked every inch of my body. I cupped the blond kid's ass in broad daylight and beckoned for the other two to join us. Then they all ran over and started kissing me, touching me, rubbing me everywhere with their hands, their hot wet tongues bathing me with saliva, cooling me off in the hot summer sun. I had gotten the three of them so worked up that they'd do anything I said, and now I was ready to take them back to my house and lay down with them for hours and hours and hours and....

"KRIS! Are you daydreaming again? Pay attention, this is important for you to know too." My mother said, jarring me out of my little fantasy world. Arrrgh! If only she had let me stay there for a few seconds more! I looked back across the street at the boys I was fantasizing about, and watched them skateboard down the street and out of view from me...forever. I needed some sex, and soon. That was just too real.

My name is Kris, and I'm 15 years old. In case you might not have noticed, I happen to be attracted to other boys. I guess I like girls too, but for some reason I seem to be leaning more towards boys these days. I don't know why either one makes a difference, I was a virgin anyway. Sigh...in the 90's it's almost a sin to still be a virgin at 15. Virtue? Maybe, but nothing to brag about. While all the other guys were talking about this girl and that one in the locker room, all I had to think about was trying to remember what their cute little butts looked like in their underwear so I could use that image to jack off later. They were all so beautiful, every boy I saw during my long days in school was attractive to me in some way, shape, or form. There were even times where I would be at home, and get so unbelievably horny that I sat by the phone, wondering who I could call! Who could I get to come over, and who could I possibly talk into a blow job if nothing else. Forget about love, I needed sex right now! It was a frustration that nearly drove me insane! I wonder if rapists start out this way. Yuck, sick feeling! Now it was summer break, I was really gonna miss having those pert teen butt cheeks pointed up at me every weekday. My favorite part would be when they were putting on their pants. They would put their feet in first, and bend over to pick the pants up and glide them up those long, thin, smooth teen legs. While they were bent over, their clefts would open up and I knew he only thing between me and that tender cherry red rosebud was a thin layer of fabric and my common sense. I would imagine that image frozen before me, their ass in the air, their cheeks spread wide for me, the slightest scent of young 'perfume' that would be there if I could get close enough to stick my face in it. I'd lick at it delicately, making them giggle and twist in front of me from the sensation. God, they would taste soooo good. I could stay down there all day, and I'd make them beg me to stop. Their ballsacks would be hanging low, loose and warm, and I would gladly get down on my knees and rub my face happily across their crotch while massaging those long tender thighs. Opening my mouth to accept the hot piece of hardened meat that they offered me so readily. My taste buds would be overloaded with stimulation, and all the boys had to do was get in line for me. I dreamed about it all the time. I guess I had seen one too many porno magazines, read one too many erotic stories, so I thought about sex all the time. Well, not ALL the time. Every once in a while I had to break my concentration to do a math problem or two. But it's funny how the number 9 kinda looks like a testicle with a thin penis hanging down. Okay...now I'm even scaring myself! I mean ALL the time. I wondered if other gay teenagers were ever this horny. I'd sleep with anybody if I could bring myself to speak to them intelligently enough to at least get them over to my house. I guess that was the big stumbling block that I couldn't get over. Maybe life has a sense of humor after all.

It's not that I was hideously deformed or anything. I often had ladies tell me, "Oh wow, you're such a cute little boy." Of course that was usually aunt Selma and her bingo club buddies, but I got it from other people too. I've got that look that just reminds every older person that I meet of their grandson. WHY? I never got it before. I was like the perfect grandson poster boy. And not only that, but evidently I had that weird 'oh please sit next to me on the bus and tell me your life story' look too, because I got that a lot as well. I was just an average brown haired, brown eyed, boy. Nothing special about me. I was just like everybody else on the planet. I can't see why it was such a big deal. I had those pinchable cheeks too that everyone loves so much. Even after losing the baby fat and having my face slim down, the dimples remained, and people pinch them anyway. The point is, I don't think it was my looks that kept me from finding a boyfriend. It was either a lack of options, or just a lack of courage. Probably both.

You see, I often lead two lives. One is the real me, and one is the 'me' I wish I could be. The guy in my fantasies, the guy without a care in the world. Someone who's cool, mature, secure, invincible...he was the person I tried to become but could never in my wildest dreams even imitate. The other me is the kind of guy who had sex three times a day, who asked people out on a date and had them fall to their knees in front of him, he was the kind of guy who would walk up to three hot teenaged skateboarders and pay them ten bucks for an afternoon of wild passionate sex. He was absolutely fearless, and he could outdo everyone else in terms of class and charm. In my world, THAT guy was the king. Unfortunately, in the real world, that guy doesn't exist. In the real world there's only me, the REAL me, shy, timid, afraid to open my mouth to much of anybody. Don't think I didn't try, oh man did I try. I could even pull off a pretty confident act sometimes when I wanted to, but it never lasted. People knew me to well for that. They knew how I had been acting for the majority of my life, they knew how I was supposed act, and they seemed determined to keep me typecast in that role forever. Anything that I did out of the ordinary just appeared to be abnormal behavior, and they all looked at me like there was something wrong with me, sending me crawling back into the permanent mold I had made for myself. How is anybody supposed to change when everyone around them keeps them locked away in this personality prison all the time? Why can't I just be somebody different? Why can't I just grow and change as I see fit? I shouldn't have to ask their permission, I should be able to change and shift as often as I want. I've said this speech over and over in my head a billion times, and I always wished it would happen. I always wished that I could start all over and make a new name for myself someplace else. But now, that hot summer day, now that it was actually going to happen, I began to miss the predictability of my old life back home.

My mom and I were moving to a new town about twenty miles away from the old one, where I grew up. At first it sounded like a cool idea, but then I suddenly seemed to get attached to my old life. As the deadline neared me, I began to realize all the things I'd miss from home. No more hearing Mrs. Campbell's dog barking at 6 AM, no more trick or treating at Mr. Roscoe's house and having him give us buckets of candy, no more Tommy running up and down the block pretending to be a Power Ranger. And then there was that guy across the street, that wacky 24 year old guy who used to stay up until sunrise every night. He hardly ever left the house anymore, he was always on the net or something, typing for hours at a time every night like the government paid him a million bucks to do so. What does he DO in there anyway? I never told anybody, but I think I caught him staring at me once. Pervert. Anyway, it was those little predictable tidbits that made my life what it was, and now all of that was going to change. Hopefully for the better. REALISTICALLY...probably for the worst.

Back to the interrupted 'skateboarder' interlude...

"KRIS! Are you daydreaming again? Pay attention, this is important for you to know too." My mother said, jarring me out of my little fantasy world. We had been looking at houses all day long now, and I was just so bored with it. All the houses looked the same, it was suburbia for crying out loud. What changed between houses? Oh sure, the trees were in different places, and occasionally a nice screen door would be on the back porch...how exciting...but other than that, it was like trying to find 'differences' in a box of graham crackers. But we kept searching anyway, house after house after house. I was hoping and praying that this would be the one my mom decided to go with. If I had one more real estate agent tell me how much fun I'll have in a spacious backyard, I was going to freak out. What am I? A lost dog or something? The real estate agent showing the house today lived next door this time around. So if we bought it, I'd have the honor and pleasure of hearing it every single day. "Hey Kris? Enjoying that spacious backyard? Wanna bone?" Do I!!! What kind of life is this anyway? Grrr!

We walked in the house, and as was to be expected, it looked identical to the other twenty billion we had been looking at. The lady took my mom off to show her the kitchen and I took the opportunity to sneak away for a few seconds. I had a better time exploring the house on my own. I went upstairs to search for a perfect spot to make my room if we moved in. A room not so close to my mom's so I could have some fun or listen to my music without her banging on the wall or anything. I found one, a room that looked like it would be absolutely perfect. Decent size, big closet, plenty of places to hide stuff if needed, and a big open window. Cool...home sweet home. That is, unless I got my hope up and my mom decided the bushes outside didn't match the drapes or something. I walked over to check out the view, and it really wasn't too bad. A nice view of the neighborhood, and I could actually see the sunset from here if I wanted to. I heard some grunting coming from next door and the sound of a bouncing basketball. I leaned out of the window just a little bit to see where it was coming from, and I saw two kids playing hoops next door. One was a blond kid, tall and thin, kinda cute. But then again, they're ALL cute as far as I'm concerned. I couldn't quite make the other one out though. He was too far off to the side for me to see, and the only way to catch a glimpse would be to almost fall out of the window. Not worth the risk, for all I know he could have three eyes and a hunchback.

"Kris, don't you want to see the rest of the house?" My mom said walking into the room behind me. Sigh...I suppose I had better get back to home hunting. We walked around and toured more of the apartment. Closet space, blah blah blah, laundry facilities, blah blah blah, central air, blah blah blah...all the things that I could care less about. Maybe this stuff will mean something to me when I get older, but right now, if it had four walls and a place to plug in my computer, I was happy.

I heard a little ruckus as the back door opened and I heard a voice call out from the kitchen. "Hey mom, can I use your keys? I'm locked out." He said. It was a teenagers voice, a little hazy, almost like he had to clear his throat or something, but not. Hard to explain.

"In here." The agent shouted back, keeping her business like smile on her face for us. Then this kid walked in behind her, this...beautiful kid. About my age....with his shirt off! "Honey, where's your shirt?"

"I was playing basketball, it was hot." He said, and he turned to meet me and my mom. "Hi." He said politely. I wish I could have thought up some kind of come back for 'hi'...but my mind went blank. I actually felt myself blushing and attempted to force the blood flow back down to my feet without it stopping by 'you know where'.

"This is my son Ricky. Ricky, these nice people might be buying the house." She said. Oh she's good. Trying to get us to buy the house by making it seem like we already had. But to be honest, if it meant living next door to this kid, I would have saved up my allowance and bought the house myself. He stuck out his hand and shook ours, but the second he touched me I felt my heart stop. And it didn't start again until he let go. My soul felt heavy and sluggish all of the sudden, like it never wanted to turn it's gaze away from him. If I could create a perfect fantasy world...Ricky would be in it as my one and only playmate for all eternity.

Ricky had the body of a young god. Very slim, but nicely developed. It wasn't a rippling muscle or anything, in fact it looked like the muscle was covered with the thinnest layer of baby fat, he just looked soft to the touch. His chest was decorated with two brownish nips and it was flat and smooth. Completely void of hair. And his legs were sooo silky looking, with delicious looking calves and slick thighs. But his body almost went unnoticed when I looked at his face. Oh my God he was beautiful. He had this short dark hair that looked like it was always wet and shiny. It was in small curls, including one little 'Superman' curl that hung down in the middle of his forehead. He had the smoothest off white skin, slightly tanned, and it looked sensitive to the slightest touch, like baby skin. He smelled faintly of vanilla, like an ice cream cone almost, and it enchanted me from five feet away. But his eyes were the most dazzling part. They weren't blue necessarily, and they were too brilliant to be called grey, grey is such a dull color. They were more like silver. Grey with a tint of an icy light blue that has to be seen to be believed. They shined so brightly that it was impossible not to stare at them. And when he looked at you, oh man, did you feel it! I felt it in the pit of my stomach. It was almost like he was draining me with his mystical gaze, and it made me weak in the knees. His lips just looked so damn tastey, a tiny slit for a mouth that was lined with the most perfect pink kissable cushions I'd ever seen. He licked his lips and I almost fainted from the jumble of evil thoughts that entered my mind all at once. Mental note...memorize Ricky's every feature for 'USE' later when I have some time alone.

I watched as my mother and the real estate lady step aside to talk business for a few seconds, and when I saw that Ricky was still standing there...I got so shaky and nervous that it almost made me ill. He just looked at me, his silver eyes making my heart break over and over again in a single second, and I figured I should say something before he just writes me off as some sort of idiot. "H-h-hey...so that's your mom, huh?" Great job Kris! I think we've already ESTABLISHED that, thank you!

"Yeah." He said. Geez, he was obviously an eye contact freak. Every time I looked at him, he looked right back at me, and the effect was frightening. I swear it was like seeing the whole world from the highest mountain top. Ricky was just breathtaking. And his voice was so calm, like he didn't have a care in the world. It was a laid back, sexy voice that made you take notice even though he was a bit soft spoken.

Come on Kris! Think! You've been making up lines and suave comments in the back of your mind ever since you found out what a penis WAS! Why can't you just make small talk for a few minutes? "So, have...you lived here long?"

"Yeah, all my life." He was kind of short with the answers, but not because he was shy or anything. It was like he was making me do all the work here. He must KNOW how utterly mouthwatering he is and he's just taking pleasure out of watching me squirm. And did I mention that his shirt was off? I mean, like, OFF, not see through or pulled up...but OFF! I'm SURE that I mentioned that his shirt was off, because it was, and he was right in front of me...topless, or shirtless, or whatever. I think I mentioned that...but maybe I didn't. Well...it was off. And now I'm rambling. "How about you?" He said.

I swallowed as my eyes glanced over his smooth upper body and danced up the sensuous curves of his long neck, and back to those shiny eyes. "Um...no. Actually, I grew up...in a town not far from here." I said, my voice squeaking. I could almost see my fearless alter ego laughing his ass off at my feeble attempts to appear normal.

"Kewl. Well, maybe I'll show you around town sometime. If you guys move in that is." And my mouth hung open, my heart continuously slapping the back of my head and trying to get my brain to function right. I was getting ready to answer when my mom came over.

"Ok, well thank you very much Ms. Connor. We'll definitely give it some thought." My mom said, and put her hands on my shoulders. Grrr! Mom! Now is NOT the time for a 'my little boy' display of affection. I know she's my mom and all, but if she kissed the top of my head in front of Ricky or rustles my hair, I'm gonna scream. "I'll get in touch with you as soon as I figure things out." And I felt her getting ready to lean in to kiss me when I gently pulled away and pretended to straighten my socks or something. Back off mom, I'm trying to conduct a little business of my own here.

I stood up again and got a 'safe' distance away from my mom before saying, "Sure dude. That...would be cool."

"Okay. Well, you know where I am." He said, and then we left the apartment.

The car ride home was a long reflective one for me. My head was spinning, and whatever my mom was talking about the whole way home, it didn't sink in at all. I just kept thinking about him, his eyes, his face, his chest, his legs...I kept sighing to myself over and over. Usually, when I see a cute boy, no matter how gorgeous he may be, I just try to wait until I'm alone to think about them. And even then it's just a hard on. But this...this was different somehow. This was a warm feeling inside, something good and ticklish somehow. I got the feeling that if I started to laugh at that moment....I'd never be able to stop. It was weird. And an erection had nothing to do with it.

Now I don't buy into the whole 'love at first sight' hoopla, but there was certainly something altogether different going on here. I wasn't thinking about his size or his body. After a few minutes of remembering every word he spoke to me, and every gesture he made, I found myself trying to figure out the little things. Wondering about every detail of his life, his personality, his hopes and dreams, his favorite activities...everything. One thought blended into another, and Ricky filled my mind all the way home.

The house was filled with boxes and garbage, it hardly resembled the house I once lived in. I guess that moving does that to a happy home. That night my mom was going through all her paperwork and prices and stuff, and for the first time since she announced that we were moving, I actually took an interest in the final decision. Wow...just think, me living next door to Ricky. I don't know what it was, but this weird feeling of fate swept over me, and it was almost as if this was meant to be. Without any doubt at all. I never once considered that my mom would pick another house across town, or that me and Ricky wouldn't get along...or that he might be totally straight and a waste of my time. None of those possibilities ever entered my mind. It was like I expected everything to just work out and end happy like in my perfect little dream world. I could have someone to talk to, someone who doesn't know me as the shy little nobody that everybody expects me to be, someone to turn my world upside down with a simple smile and make me feel beautiful and alive. I never suspected that my inner ramblings would be so...poetic all of the sudden. I guess I never let them out before. Then again, until Ricky, I never had a reason. And how many times has that name been running through my mind today anyway.

"Kris, come here for a sec, will you?" My mom chimed from her room. I walked in and she had three folders sitting out on her bed. She had narrowed it down to three houses! YES! I might know the answer as early as tonight! I plopped down on the bed and picked up the folders. "Which one do you think? Take your time. I want you honest opinion, after all this affects you too."

Take my time? HA! I already knew which one I wanted! And it wasn't the first envelope...or the second....or....the...third. What??? She...she didn't even consider it as one of the top three??? "Mom? What about the place we saw today?"

"Oh that one? Well, it was a beautiful place Kris, but it's a bit far from the school and bathrooms are a little small, and..."

OH NO! I'm not going to let a slightly cramped bathroom and a 25 minute bike ride spoil MY chances at being happy! Time to make a sale of my own. "But mom, it's in a great neighborhood. And there's a park down the street...and um....there's a great view from my bedroom....and....uh...." I can't believe I was going to say it. "...and there's that spacious backyard for me to play in. I'll get a big kick out of that."

"You really like this place huh? I don't know, hon..."

"Mom, it's only a short bike ride to school, I'll be there on time everyday if it kills me. I promise!" Please mom...please, please, please. I saw her think it over a little bit, and slowly add a fourth folder to the pile!

"I'll THINK about it, okay? No promises."

I don't think she could have made me happier if she tried, and I couldn't sleep for hours afterwards. I stared at the ceiling, thinking about my beautiful Ricky, and wondering what he was thinking at that exact moment. Who knows...maybe I AM in love?

A week passed, and I came home from school one day to find a message on the answering machine. I pressed play and was so overjoyed, so utterly delighted, that I dropped my book bag and sank down to the floor to bask in extreme happiness! It was RICKY!!! His voice was on the phone, calling for my mom, and giving her some info. I played the message over and over again, until the tape almost broke. He said, in his raspy teenage voice, "Hey, this is Ricky Connor from the apartment. My mom told me to tell you that she's having keys made up for you now, and you can move in anytime you want. Thanks! Oh...and hi Kris! Bye." He said my name, he remembered. Sighhhh....and the way he said 'bye' was just so delicate and cute. I could just picture his lips as the words rolled over them, and it made my stomach hurt as the butterflies began buzzing around like crazy. I can't believe it! I'm actually going to be living next door to Ricky! Oh wow! Oh wow oh wow oh wow! Ok...calm down Kris. Doesn't mean that you'll be holding hands and skipping through tulips by the end of next week! It just means that you'll get to see him...every single day....forever! YeeeeeHaw!!! Maybe I'll get to see him naked or something! Maybe he walks around with no shirt on all the time! Maybe he's gay...or at least curious! Maybe...maybe...maybe not. And then, I suddenly saw the other side of the coin. What if he didn't 'swing that way'? What if he was homophobic? What if he was gay, but already had a boyfriend? What if by some miracle we got together and I really fell in love with him, and he just dumped me like yesterdays trash? What if I'm just not appealing to him in anyway? All the insecurities, all the doubts, all the fears, came rushing in at once. And I suddenly began to realize all the little imperfections that I had been overlooking in this situation. I might have just talked myself into a lifetime of teasing, taunting, and torture. Big difference from the other thing. I went into my almost barren room and sat in my bean bag chair, eyes to the ceiling. I racked my brains looking for something that would make this fear go away so I can get back to feeling all lovey dovey and happy. But it wouldn't leave me alone. And for the first time, one of my biggest fantasies, didn't seem real at all. Geez! Me asking three 12 year olds to have sex for ten bucks total is real, but I can't picture myself even being good friends with Ricky? How screwed up is THAT?

My mom set a date, three weeks. Three weeks and we'd be all moved in. But I wasn't going to be able to stay away from my infatuation for that long, so I planned a little route and rode my bike out there the very next day. I passed by his house three or four times that day, hoping to see him in the window or coming outside or something. Just a glimpse of him would be awesome. On my last pass, before getting ready to head back home, I saw him coming out of the front door to get the mail. He was just wearing a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt, but he was still soooo enticing. My heart leapt up into my throat and I almost ran into a parked car, but other than that, I was fine. "Heya Kris!" He shouted out. He was so cute. Even the simplest of phrases was music to my ears!

"....Hey." I said. My mind kind of went blank after that. No smooth words or perfectly phrased anecdotes, just a nervous teenage boy with sweaty palms and a heart beating out of control. Seeing him again and having him call out my name was a magical moment to beat all others. Those silky, wet-looking, dark curls. Those sexy thin lips. And those eyes...those sensuous, stunning, hypnotizing set of icy silver specs...he was just a radical evolutionary step in male beauty. His skin was so smooth and untouched. His nose was cute, his ears, his softened features just blended together so well.

"What are you doing way out this way? I thought you lived across town." He said, his sexy voice driving through me and sending me into orbit with every word.

I paused for a second before finding the ability to speak again. "....OH! Yeah! Right...actually, I was just riding my bike around and figured I'd check out the neighborhood a little since we're moving in and all." Good save Kris. Maybe this won't be as hard as you thought it would be.

"Really? Oh, kewl. Well...I'll tell you what. Why don't you chain your bike up in my back yard, and I'll walk you around town?" He said, his soothing voice never once breaking it's calm melody. Was he serious? He was going to actually WALK with me all around the new neighborhood and show me the sites? Oh wow!

I was so excited that I could scream! I could dance, turn back flips, cartwheels, sing! YES! HELL YES! WOO HOOOO!!! "Um....sure. I suppose that sounds alright." I said, holding back a smile that threatened to bust out of my face any second.

"Alright. Well, let me grab my keys and turn off the TV, then we'll take off." And as he walked back in the house, I quickly stopped fighting the urge to look at his butt and sneaked a peek. Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous! Tight and round and jiggling slightly with a light teenage bounce. Not chubby, but not skinny either. Fantastic.

After sighing and moaning to myself for a few minutes, I finally got my bike put away and we started walking up the street. Ricky was very quiet at first, not saying much of anything, waiting for me to make the first attempt at conversation again. I came up with a few dull questions about his school and his mom and some movies around town, but he only answered with one or two phrases, and then he'd go back to silence. And in those silences he would look over at me and I'd melt all over again. Okay, I'm not making this up here, this is really a strange feeling. I'm NOT in love! I CAN'T be in love, I don't even know this kid. He might be the kind of guy who spits tobacco and clips his toenails at the dinner table. But the more we walked, the more I noticed exactly what a beautiful person he really was. And I'm not talking about on the outside. He shared little pieces of himself with me. His ambitions to become a writer someday, his little hangouts and memories from around the block, and his cute little smile whenever he passed a window that he broke or a tree that he fell out of in the area when he was younger. He had a billion stories to tell, and I wanted to hear them all...TWICE. We had run out of things to say as we hit a quiet part of town, and that's when he asked. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"I don't want to do all the talking. Tell me a little about you." Ricky said. I looked over at him to see those starry eyes staring back at me and had to look away before I fainted or something. I stuttered, sweated, shook with terror. What if he didn't like what he heard? What if I was just boring to him? What if I'm one of those big dorks and just don't know it? Awww...come on Kris! You're doing it again. This is your chance to break the mold. To start over from scratch...just quit being shy and just go for it. For all he knows I could have been a super jock, a ladies man, and Mr. Popularity all rolled into one with a 4.0 GPA to boot. It's funny, but after being locked in a certain personality for so long, it's kind of hard to leave it behind. You carry it around with you like luggage and it never leaves you alone.

"Well...you know...I...um..." It was a rocky start, but I finally got something out. One word just ran together with another and the next thing you know I was speaking in whole sentences! Go figure. I told him about my hometown, my family life, the time my pet lizard got out and my mom tried to kill it with the broom...and before I knew it I was actually talking to Ricky like I wasn't totally in love with him. And he seemed to gobble up every word, he REALLY paid attention. And I have this bad tendency to avoid talking sometimes by just trailing off in the middle of a sentence. You know, like I'll stop talking and the other person will just fill in the rest of what I wanted to say for me. Or I could get away with saying 'you know what I mean?' without actually saying anything at all. But that never worked on Ricky. He would just look at me, waiting for me to finish, forcing me to do it all on my own. It was scary at first, but it also made me talk a bit more. It was great.

I think we walked around that neighborhood for about two hours before going back to his house. Lord knows how many topics we had hit in that amount of time, but by the time it was over, he wasn't just a sex symbol anymore, he was a friend. I've never had anybody care so much about my life like that, never had someone talk to me in such a mature way before, it was kind of cool. A refreshing change from the daily format of people who ask me questions just so they can find an opportunity to talk about themselves for the next hour. Ricky wasn't like that. He dragged things out of me, made me tell him everything, made me feel important. And for the first time, I could feel the ego of Mr. Cool inside of me getting jealous. He had the moves, the sex, the style...but who cared? What did it matter in the end? Could Mr. Cool share a piece of himself with someone, walk in the sun and have a normal conversation, laugh at a joke, hold someone's hand? Did Mr. Cool have any friends at all? What was he good for outside of a quickie with a stranger on a hot summer afternoon. With Ricky I saw something more...a future.

"Hey, wanna check out the house?" He asked me. He was pointing to my house, which of course was still empty because we hadn't even started to move in yet.

"The house? I've already seen it, remember?"

"No...I mean REALLY see it. Come on, I'll show you, it's kewl." And he walked around the corner to a basement window near the ground. He easily unlatched it and crawled in. He's obviously done this before. I followed him inside and the basement was pitch black, I could hardly see anything. I got up on my feet and tried to search the room for Ricky. "Hey Kris, the lights aren't on yet, but I know the way to the stairs okay?"

"How will I find them?"

"Just put your hands on my shoulders and I'll guide you." He said.

The very thought of touching him was...it was...wow. I had never been so nervous in my life. I couldn't see him really, but I could 'feel' him standing in front of me, his back turned, waiting for me to grab on. My arm became numb, and it refused to leave my side. "Kris?" He asked.

"Y-y-yeah?"

"I'm right here man, just hold onto me."

Geez...he made it sound so simple! I was shaking so bad I almost felt like crying. I couldn't even breathe, and when I started to lift my arm, the trembling got ten times worse. I very gently laid my right hand on his shoulder. It was so warm, so incredibly smooth. My thumb was actually rubbing up against the beginning curves of his neck, and my finger tips timidly curled over his collarbone for a gentle grip. I was touching him! Actually, physically touching him! I wasn't ready...not yet. I couldn't even move. And then I felt his hand reach up to take a hold of mine and clamp it down more firmly on his shoulder. He began to walk forward, further into the darkness, and I followed on legs that had all the stability of cooked spaghetti noodles. I'll never forget that moment for the rest of my life.

He walked slowly, trying to feel his way around the dark room, and even though touching his body was bliss, I hoped and prayed that it would soon be over. I never thought a shoulder and neck would be so sexy. Finally, we made it to the stairs, and we walked up to open the door. Finally I was able to let go and let the blinding light flood my eyes again. And when the initial blast faded a bit, I found myself looking at Ricky face to face, blinding me once again with his mere presence. "I used to kinda hang out here while the place was empty, you know? It was a kewl spot to just relax and think sometimes. And you're gonna have an awesome view from your window too." He said.

The house was void of any decoration or furniture at all, but it really did have this strange 'clubhouse' feel to it with all that space. "Wow...I guess I can see what you mean. I'm kinda sorry to be moving in now. Taking away your solitude and all."

"Oh no...don't be. I think it'll be cool to hang with you. If you want to, that is." He said, and Ricky looked at me for approval.

"Sure. That would be awesome." And the moment I said it, Ricky seemed to let out a very quiet, almost unnoticeable sigh of relief. Then he took me upstairs to what was soon to be my room, and we just plopped down on the carpet. We leaned up against two opposite walls, and talked. We just chatted away for hours, the room getting darker as the sun set. We just kept on talking until it was too dark to see, and that's when he stood up and said he had to get back. The time had whizzed by me so quickly, and before I knew what had happened, I had spent 8 and a half HOURS just being with him. Just talking to him. And for some reason it all seemed so short, like I didn't take advantage of the time we had together. But when I thought about it, I knew so much more about him now, and he knew a lot more about me. At first I was totally infatuated with him, thinking that maybe it was my turn to be happy, that maybe fate was smiling on me and giving me something to strive for. But after that day, I knew that wasn't true. God didn't put Ricky here for me. He wasn't here to love me or to be a part of my life. Ricky was an actual PERSON. A person with feelings, and quirks, and a sense of humor, and all the wonderful things that make us all tick. He had his own secrets, his own favorites, and the fact that he was willing to share them with me was amazing. He gave me something that I could feel, he ave me an actual reason to love him. Love at first sight? Not really my thing. But NOW? Now that I see him for who he is, and now that he sees me for who I am? Now I can honestly say, that in the short time that I've known him...I have fallen in love. Undeniably, uncontrollably, irreversibly, in love. And by the time I left that place...I was ready to do anything for him, whether he felt the same or not. How sick is that? I must be losing it.

Over the next two and a half weeks, Ricky and I hung out almost every day during the week, and on weekends we spoke on the phone constantly. I could barely breathe without him crossing my mind every five minutes. I wanted to move in already, I wanted to be able to walk by his house everyday and look in his window to see if he's sleeping. Great, so I went from a 'rapist' to a 'stalker'...at least it's a little bit of an improvement in the criminally insane category. My mom and I moved boxes in little by little over that time, and now when Ricky and I got together, we had a few chairs to sit in, some boxes to navigate around, and we even had a TV. Not that we ever turned it on. How can two people be together so much and never run out of things to talk about? And it wasn't just him talking and me listening to what he had to say about himself...he actually wanted to hear from me. In fact, he almost coaxed it out of me. He asked me questions and got me to tell him things about myself, never letting me off the hook with a short answer. Never letting me stop and get him to finish a thought FOR me. It was an amazing thing, and just something else to make my heart melt whenever I saw him. The weird thing about love, is that it strikes you all of the sudden without warning, but it doesn't stop there. It deepens each and every day, burrowing a hole into my heart and refusing to move. Suddenly all the sappy lovey dovey songs and poems and speeches made sense to me. Love is more than a feeling, it's an awakening, an appreciation of everything you've failed to notice when there was no one there to share it with. Geez...am I going Shakespeare or what?

One more day. One more day of hanging out with Ricky in the house before my mom and I finally made the big move to the new house. We had almost moved all of our stuff into the place, all wrapped in boxes and crates, ready to be reorganized in some kind of orderly fashion. Although I had been looking forward to moving away from home and starting anew with my friends and how people see me, even though I looked forward to moving next door to the most beautiful silver eyed bronze chested teenage hunk ever born, I was really going to miss this. This had become our little getaway, our home away from home. Here, everything was perfect. No guns, no drugs, no jealousy, no hatred, no prejudice, no homework, no outside interference of any kind. Here we could just be ourselves and have a good time. I found myself telling Ricky things about me that I've never shared with anyone before. We laughed, and occasionally just got so deep into a philosophical conversation that we had to agree to change the subject before we turned into monks or something. But on that last day there was something very uncomfortable in the air, something that I'm sure was bugging him. It was almost as if he was never going to see me again the way he was acting. We tried to hang out and walk around town, but the later it got, the more quiet and reserved he seemed to be. And he kept asking me if I had to go home. Every twenty minutes or so, "You don't have to go home or anything do ya?" or "You don't have to get back until late, right?" Like this was the very last time that we'd ever have to be together. It was weird, but almost fun to see him so unnaturally 'un-chilled'.

It was getting to be about 4 or 5 o'clock and we headed back to what was soon to be my new home, just like we had every single other day. But as we got to the basement window, I looked over at Ricky and he was literally shaking. His breathing was shallow, his forehead was sweating, I was about to ask him if he was alright. "Ricky? Say dude, are you..."

"I'm not ready!" He blurted out of nowhere. Then for the first time he turned his beautiful eyes away from me, pointing them down towards the ground.

"Ready for what?"

"Nothing. Forget about it. Let's just keep walking around for a bit, okay?"

He looked like a pressure cooker about to explode, so I figured, what the heck? Might as well. As long as I got to spend time with him. "Um...okay. Whatever." And he breathed another long sigh of relief and quickly led me back out to the street. We circled those two or three blocks for I don't know HOW long, but the streetlights were on by the time we came back to the house. Ricky was acting awfully strange, but I've got to admit it was really cute. But then again, what about Ricky isn't?

Once again, he tensed up as we neared the basement window, and I was really beginning to wonder if maybe he planted a bomb in there or something. I told him to relax a little bit, but that only seemed to make him more nervous, and before I could open the window to crawl in, he stopped me and looked into my eyes. He hesitated for a second, and then said, "You know...above all, you're my friend Kris. You know that right?"

"Are you okay dude? You're starting to freak me out here."

"Just...no matter what, I think of you as a friend first. Okay? I just wanted you to know that." And with that, Ricky crawled into the basement window ahead of me. He left me standing outside, thinking, wondering what minor detail I was missing. What had kept me from figuring out exactly what was going through his head? After what he had just said to me, he had obviously given me enough clues. Or maybe he was just turning into some kind of nut. Hey, he's cute, he's funny, he's smart...if a few loose screws comes with it, then so be it. I love him anyway.

I crawled into the thick blackness that was our basement and listened for any sounds that would let me know where Ricky was standing. I probably could have found the stairs on my own by now, but why pass up the last chance I had to put my hand on Ricky's soft shoulder again? Yes, I AM a pervert, thank you very much. But this time I didn't hear anything at all. "Ricky?"

".......yeah...." He said faintly, his voice shaky. He couldn't have been more than a few feet in front of me when he said it. But he was so quiet, he must have been barely breathing.

"Are you there dude?" I said.

"Y-y-yeah. I am."

I took a step or two in his direction, and it almost sounded like he was sniffling. Maybe even crying. I could hear his breathing now, and it was ragged and soft, letting me hear every trembling sensation that traveled through his body. I couldn't quite explain it, but my excitement rose too. An adrenaline rush that made me feel weightless. I was alone in a dark room with the boy of my dreams, and deep down I knew he had something to tell me.

"Are you okay?"

Ricky stepped closer to me and I felt his delicate fingertips press up against my lips. "Shhhhh...don't say anything for a few minutes, okay?"

What? Did he just want me to sit here with him in the dark? We just stood there, for what seemed like an eternity, in the darkness, his fingers on my mouth. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there and felt the tension rise between us. And then something came over me, a feeling of utter peace, of warmth, of carefree love. And I suddenly began to notice the sound of his breathing, the beating of his heart, his very soul being so close to mine. I didn't want to speak, or move, or disturb this quiet moment in any way. Didn't want to shatter the serene silence. And I relaxed at once, relishing in the few minutes where we stood together as one person. I heard Ricky sniffle again, and his fingers ran ever so slightly back and forth across my lips, making me sigh out loud.

"Kris?" Ricky said, barely above a whisper. "Kris...I know...that we're friends. Best friends. And....God...I'm sooo sorry for this...but I can't go on doing this."

"What do you mean?"

"Shhhh....please...let me finish. I need you..to know...look...I mean....I want us to be friends....I want that so much..." He said, and Ricky began to creak as his voice shook and the tears began to roll down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry Kris. I tried, but I'm so sorry..."

What was he talking about? What did I do? What did HE do? What was wrong here? Everything was going great, I felt closer to Ricky than ever. Whatever it is I can live with it. Please, don't shut me out Ricky, I couldn't bare to live without this feeling anymore. "What do you mean? TALK to me Ricky!" I pleaded.

"...I....uh...I promised that I wouldn't let tonight go by...without...without doing this...I'll understand if you hate me...and I'm sorry."

"For the love of God just tell me what the hell you're talki...." But before I could finish my sentence, before I could get it all out, I felt Ricky move towards me in the dark, lift my chin gently with his fingers, and lean forward to give me a long sweet kiss on the lips. My mind went blank, my heart pumped a million times faster than it ever had before, and my skin felt extra sensitive, like the slightest touch would be orgasmic at the least. I felt a sudden burst of confusion that nearly knocked me to the floor and I almost fell to my knees. It was a soft kiss, a beginner's kiss, and I could feel the coolness of his tears as they ran off of his cheek and onto mine. I could still smell that scent of vanilla, and his breath breezed gently across my face as we kissed. What was going on here??? Wait! What did I miss? I tried hard for the first few seconds to understand what was happening and why, I tried to analyze it and force it to make sense, but it just didn't. And then, when I understood that the most gorgeous, most wonderful boy I had ever known was actually KISSING me, once I decided to just lean in and enjoy it, it was over. He broke the kiss, and took a step back. Neither one of us said anything for a second or two, and then he broke the silence.

"I see...I'm sorry Kris. It's been real...I've...I've gotta go." And I could hear him starting to walk past me to go back to the window. SAY SOMETHING KRIS!!!! Don't let him get away!

"Ricky!" I shouted out, startling the both of us for a second. I heard him stop, and even though it was still pitch black in that basement, I could sense him, feel his presence, and my love for him gave me sight where there was none. I was just 'aware' of his face, his emotions, his movements...it was as if I was just i tune with everything he did. And I reached out to touch him. I put my hand on his shoulder, like I had a hundred times before, but this time the contact was electric, and I pulled him closer to me. "Don't go," I whispered. "Stay here, with me...please?" There was another pause, both of us trying to figure out where to go from here. And then I felt a fear well p inside of me as I realized what I was getting ready to do. But the fear didn't come from doubt, or from the unknown outcome. This fear came from the realization that I was totally in love beyond repair, and that I was about to give away half of everything I have, everything I am, to one boy to use or abuse as he wished. But I wasn't afraid to hold him anymore, because in my mind, I knew there was no turning back now.

I leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips. I quick, experimental kiss to see how he would react. And I could feel the surprise as it rushed through his lithe teen body. I stood silent, not seeing his beautiful eyes, but 'feeling' their gaze on me. And I couldn't help but move in for another taste of him. Our kisses connected again and again, the softness of his lips enchanting me. Just the slow and erotic motion that they made as our kisses got longer, was just so awesome. My body and soul soared above the clouds, and my every dream came true in that basement. My arms wrapped themselves lovingly around Ricky's sleek hips, and his snaked up around my neck. I felt his tongue moving around in his own mouth, and for some reason, mine longed to be next to it, so I reached out with it and licked just inside his lips. He inhaled deeply and his tongue moved forward a bit to mix with mine. We twisted them around each other slowly as our saliva mixed and passed between us. Wow! This was even better than regular kissing! It was like actually 'bonding' with him on a deeper level. As though the kiss wasn't enough. We slid down to our knees, unable to stand anymore from the intense power that our love was filling us with. We were such virgins! So new, so unexplored. Now that I think back on it, I really wish I could kiss someone for the first time all over again. There's something so 'original' about it.

We laid down on our sides and our kissing went from being sweet and gentle to something more sexual. We kept trying to heighten the sensations in our hearts and our minds. Enhance them somehow. And when kissing wasn't enough, we moved to touching, then to more french kissing, then to harder kissing and rolling around...but no matter what we did, we kept looking for more. Because nothing seemed to prove our point. There was nothing that I could do on that level to say how much I had truly loved him. Nothing could convince him of the uncontrolled amount of emotions that were coursing through me at that moment, and it was at that point, that my hands travelled down from his strong shoulders, to his tender back, to his slim hips, to his firm ass cheeks. Everything he did was a new sensation to me, and I found myself being lost in his love. We ground and pumped into one another for what seemed like an hour, never coming up for air from our passionate lip lock. That's when the sexual frustration inside of us became unbearable. We were as hard as we could possibly get without bursting. It was beyond horny, it was downright uncomfortable, and if I didn't get some kind of release soon, I was going to die of excitement. I was twitching and feeling awkward, my body tried to free itself of it's discontent by rubbing up against Ricky's even harder, but we were already as close as we could be. We were holding each other so tightly that our arms were getting tired. Somehow, it still wasn't enough, and I think he felt it too. Because that's when Ricky's hand reached down between us to grab my hardness through my pants and stroke it's length tenderly.

I gasped out loud, and he pulled his hand away, thinking he had hurt me somehow. But I moved it back for him, and placed my hand on his too. This made us both moan into each other's mouths and that only made us kiss harder. And before I knew it, I heard my zipper being pulled down. Was this my first time? Was this going to be the virgin experience of my life? I suddenly wanted to memorize everything, every little detail, after all, this was going to be a story that I held dear to my heart for the rest of my life. I was going to have sex for the first time ever, ad it was going to be with someone that I loved so completely that I KNEW it was right. I wouldn't have it any other way.

He pulled my 6 inches out of its confined prison, and I couldn't help but follow suit by making him feel just as good. Both of us were laying there, still making out, exposed to each other in the dark, and it was incredible. His soft strokes were enough to make my stomach tighten, and I could only hope that I was making him feel HALF as good as he was making me. His moans told me I was. We continued that for another eternity before the urge to give even more of myself rose up again. And I knew at that moment that I wanted to taste him, every inch of him. I broke our kiss and switched myself around to hold his stiff member just inches away from my mouth. I could feel the radiating heat of it in my hand, and I was so tempted to just swallow it whole. And when he pushed his face closer to my hard on, I almost shot off immediately. I stuck my tongue out and licked around his warm and tender testicles, wetting them with hot saliva as I stalled the inevitable. He whimpered in such a cute way that it sent shivers up my spine and made me want to finally take the ultimate dive. I trembled and quaked at first, wondering if I was going to do it right or screw it up...but I did it anyway. And Ricky and I must have been thinking the same thing, because we both slowly wrapped our warm lips around each other's hardness at the exact same time. Tasting him for the first time was pure magic! God it was so good. Feeling the rubbery mushroom head on the top of my tongue as my gentle suction embraced him. Feeling the slippery moistness of his hot sucking mouth as it enveloped me and made me smile from the inside out. I slowly moved my head back and forth, pumping his hard cock in and out of my lips faster, and he imitated my every motion. My mouth watered so much that some of the spittle spilled over and ran down his shaft in tiny little droplets. My whole body was numb, and yet completely alive. I felt like every single piece of me had a mind of its own. And that alone made me weak. This was so amazing! I couldn't believe it! I was actually having SEX! And with someone who wanted me as much as I wanted him. It was so RAD!

But it was reaching its end all too soon. I didn't want it to, I wanted it to last forever and ever, but that was impossible. The orgasm began to build inside of me, and the excitement and anticipation for it only brought it on faster. I grabbed Ricky's perfect ass cheeks and crushed him against my face, wanting him to feel pleasure beyond his imagination as my climax came to a head. His legs began to flop around a little bit and we both sucked and moaned in unison until the moment of truth hit us simultaneously. I couldn't cry out, and neither could he, and we erupted at the same time! His hot gushes of teen cream splashed against my tonsils in long stringy spurts and I swallowed it all. My orgasm seemed to triple anything I've ever had in any of my masturbatory fantasies, and I just couldn't keep still through it all. We just kept suckling at each other until we were both soft, and when I let his flaccid meat slip from between my lips, I spent the next fifteen minutes kissing and licking at his tender thighs. It was my very first time, and it couldn't have been more spectacular.

We moved around to kiss and caress for another two hours or so, just enjoying the feel of our bodies rubbing against one another. During that time, we had grown hard again, but never went all the way. We just enjoyed the moment, the silence, the darkness. I never wanted to leave his arms ever again, and I just couldn't wait to move in next door. We sighed every thirty seconds, and I still couldn't believe that I was laying my head on the chest that I had admired so much just a few weeks before when I first met him. My Ricky. He didn't care about who I was 'supposed' to be. He didn't care about me being Mr. Cool or whether or not I had a constant flow of smooth phrases to entice him into bed. He loved me for who I was, not who I could be, not who I wanted to be. And that alone made our last night in that vacant, box filled, apartment, a wonderful memory that would stick with me forever. I could never love him enough, never kiss him enough, and when I finally saw him again in the daylight, gazing upon those beautiful silver eyes and shiny wet hair, I'd know complete love at is finest. This is where I wanted to be. This was home.