Out Of Hollywood - 1. Chapter 1

Rejection after rejection after rejection! That's all I get now a days! I've been through a billion agents, a trillion head shot photo sessions, and an infinite number of auditions, and I still don't have an acting gig worth speaking of! Maybe they just don't hire actors named Chad anymore, maybe I should have it changed. Not to mention that Chicago just must not be the place to start an acting career. I guess you have to move out to sunny California, happy California, freaky California! Sigh, it's unfortunate, but it looks like that's my destiny. I know that if I really want to pursue my passion for acting, then I'll have to move out west and leave my beloved Chicago behind. Too bad, this town has been my home all of my life, there's no other place in the world that I'd rather be. Ah well, I was hoping that this audition for a small role in the new Edward Furlong movie would possibly be my ticket to fulfilling my dreams.

I sat in that waiting room for God knows how long, twiddling my thumbs, playing my walkman, reading every magazine on the table, and it still seemed to take forever. I skimmed through a movie mag and saw actor after actor, being cast in big movies and TV roles, most of them without a lick of talent. I'm modest, and not really full of myself at all, but I couldn't help but think, 'I can do better than that.' Most casting directors weren't really focused too much on talent as much as looks though. I didn't have any trouble in that department, I was about 5' 9" which is about right for a kid of 14. I had brown eyes, clear, flawless skin, a million dollar smile, and sandy blond hair that hung down to my jaw. I've heard directors tell me I was damn cute, but even though I seemed rugged enough, I just looked too feminine for the part. That always worried me to hear them say that, considering that I was...'different' than most. I guess after I turned 12 and saw all of my friends fall for girls and leave me behind, I began to wonder why they hadn't begun to interest me yet. Then, as time went on and my hormones outgrew my sense of denial, I realized that a naked woman in a magazine didn't turn me on half as much as a fully dressed boy at the mall. So hearing the word feminine always terrified me. I don't know why, I didn't act gay. I just appeared to be soft on the eyes. From a distance, people would expect me to have a really high voice, be soft spoken, or shy, but none of those things are really true at all. Oh well, I guess you could say I was typecast since birth.

So I sat waiting and waiting in that hot room, with a bunch of other teeny bopper types going up for the same role. They were all pretty cute, but none of them really did it for me. The most adorable looking kid in the room was having his mother comb his hair while his father spit shined his shoes. A Hollywood brat and future drug addict in the making. Lord knows that LA doesn't have enough junkies. Every now and then, the door would open and a new 'contestant' would come in and sit down, ready to audition against me. I always kept an eye out for the competition, and most of them were easy to read from across the room. I could pick out their strengths and weaknesses easily. And as always, most of the other teen actors were just hollow inside, no personality or charm at all. Just a pretty face and a cute smile...and the worst part was that one of them would probably get the job over me. I sighed at the thought of not even having somebody worthwhile to talk to in this blasted waiting room while I anxiously tapped my feet, ready to go into that audition and fail miserably. What a world.

That's when the door to the room creaked open, while I was still reading my magazine, and I looked up expecting to see another faceless teen actor with a smug grin on his face and constantly having his fingernails buffed and polished by an overprotective wimp of a parent. Little to say, I was presently surprised to see an awesome teen boy walk into that room alone without the normal entourage of 'family helpers'. To this very day, I don't know what it was about him that separated him from the wishy washy hams that spread through the room like a virus, but he had a certain presence about him that immediately caught my attention. Something about this kid made me feel like there was something going on in his head besides the promise of fame, sex, and money, something genuine. He sat down across the room from me on the couch and gently brushed his hair out of his eyes, his whole body just saturated with this feeling of...I don't know WHAT it was. Some kind of confidence and intelligence that really made people do a double take when he sat down. I was trying to remember where I had seen him before, and then it hit me. He had done a few commercials, a few print ads here and there, nothing overly spectacular. But the one thing that stuck out in my mind was when he had done some alternative music video a few months ago. I remember the way he looked exactly, and even though I didn't know it until the moment I had seen him in person, I had become infatuated with him. I can still see him in that video, dressed in this futuristic outfit, shiny, tight black leather pants that hugged his legs and thighs to the point where he might as well not even wear pants. He was wearing these black boots with all these buckles and zippers on them, and a skin tight glaring white shirt with no sleeves. He had this moussed jet black hair that hung over into his beautiful brown eyes and he kept half of his face covered for most of the video. Even though they only showed short, 5 second flashes of him throughout the whole thing, he was the only thing that made me like the music video at all. I even bought the single, just because it had his picture on the cover. Looking over at him from across the room, I just studied him for a little while. He had the smoothest looking skin, the shiniest hair dyed a color between dark brown and black. And his eyes, while still beautiful, were well hidden by the loose strands that fell over his forehead. Most people would push their hair out of their eyes, but he seemed to feel comfortable with it there. I realized that I was actually staring at him and forced myself to turn away. I mean, I didn't know him or anything about him. It's not like I was in love with the kid, just 'interested'. He was just another pretty face, and in this business I was sure to see plenty more. So why did I keep looking at him?

It was probably the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me. Because even though I had seen a bunch of sexy teenage boys in my life, I had never seen one that I wanted to meet before. Just as a friend...of course. Nothing else. I kept looking up to watch him, hoping he would do something...I don't know...cool. That's when he stood up and walked over to the magazines on the table right in front of me! I don't know why, but I got nervous, actually nervous. Why? I had met celebrities before during auditions. Hell, I even sat next to Brad Renfro once and had him ask me for some M&M's! But just having this kid come near me almost sent me running. I felt jitters like I've never experienced before. The butterflies in my stomach were 'warm' and it was more like pleasure than blind fear. In fact, I almost broke out into a big smile when he walked over...for no reason at all, I even felt my face get hot as I started to blush. He rummaged through like every magazine on the table, and it seemed like he was looking for something in particular. Why was it taking him so long? I was actually shaking, and the magazine in my hands was moving too much for me to read, not that I could concentrate on it anyway. That's when he looked up and saw me glancing at him.

He came over to me and said, "Excuse me?" Oh wow...he had the sexiest raspy adolescent voice that I have ever heard. Hearing it only made the shaking worse and when I looked up into those big brown eyes of his, I was almost too amazed to speak.

"Y-y-yeah?"

"Are you finished with that magazine. I was kind of looking for something in there." He said.

"Yeah, sure. Go ahead." I handed it to him and he thanked me with an adorable smile that brought this undescribable feeling of excitement out of me, this feeling that suddenly made me feel like I wanted to just get up and run around the block top speed to burn off some of this extra energy. I had never felt anything like it, and it was great, but being the realist that I am, I didn't think much of it. As far as I was concerned, I was just allergic to him or something for him to have that effect on me. It's not like me to fall for somebody I've never met before. As a matter of fact, despite a few crushes and blushes, I've never really fallen for anybody before. All that lovey dovey stuff is for the birds. I can't see myself whistling Dixie and skipping through a field of flowers with my personal Romeo holding my hand. I had seen a few gay pornos before, and that's what being gay is all about. Just hard core fuck and suck, ramming, bashing, squirting, hard poles and glory holes, in your face action. And I was a bit too young for all that, but from what I've seen, that's the only thing us homosexuals have to look forward to. But hey, no dating, no heartbreak, no cooking breakfast in a robe and slippers. It could prove to be a very cool life as a permanent bachelor.

"Here ya go man. Thanks." His voice came from in front of me. I guess my train of thought had made me lose focus for a few minutes, and I didn't even know he had finished.

"No problem. So...looking for cooking recipes?" I joked, trying to stop myself from trembling long enough to keep my voice from sounding shaky.

"Hehehe, not quite." Wow, hearing him giggle at something I said just made me feel so good inside. And it wasn't one of those fake Hollywood laughs where they're just trying to be social, it was just right. And his laugh fit him so well, sounding just like you would expect it to. "Actually I was up for a part and wanted to see if I had a chance for a feature film."

"Any luck?"

"Nah, they gave the part to some other teen actor. A Jaxsper....somebody. He gets all the good roles."

"Yeah, he's gonna be a big star one of these days." I said. And it was true, I had lost many roles to him myself. So it looks like me and this kid already had something in common. Then, while he was talking to me, I saw some bratty kid and his parents scoot over and take his seat across the room. Sometimes the people involved with show biz are such assholes. I gave them a dirty look, but my newfound infatuation didn't seem to mind that much. He just kind of looked over his shoulder and shook his head, flashing me that award winning smile of his. Then he said it...

"Do you mind?" Pointing towards the couch. I scooted over a little more and he squeezed in next to me. I don't know what it was, but feeling his slim body brush up against me just made me so incredibly happy. Then I got nervous again, and then happy, and it switched back and forth every half second until he stuck out his hand and introduced himself to me. "Chase Tremmier. Pleased to meet you dude."

"Um...Chad...Chad Griffin." I held out my hand and touched his silky skin for the first time, feeling my pulse race and my heart burst. What the hell was wrong with me? Just because a cute boy sits next to me and shakes my hand, it's no reason for me to go crazy over him. I mean it's not like he sat on my lap or anything! The two of us made small talk while we waited for our turn to audition. I told him that his last name was cool and asked him if it was French. He told me that his grandfather was French and passed it down to him. We chatted about the movies and TV shows we had tried out for, the people we had met, the wacky people we had encountered, and we were actually enjoying it. Soon, we weren't even discussing the business anymore, just fun kid stuff. He was a California boy, born and bred, you could just tell somehow that he didn't fit in with the usual Chi-Town crowd. But he was neat, funny, smart, cute...wait, did I say cute? I blocked that out of my mind as quickly as possible, trying not to let images of us ramming each other enter my mind. I mean don't get me wrong, I would have loved to have sex with him for hours and hours on end, just like in those porno flicks I had seen so many times, but for some reason he was too cool for that. I didn't want to disrespect my new friend by indulging in the usual 'fuck and suck' fantasies. Which was a whole new approach for me. I was still a virgin, but me putting a cute boy's feelings before sex was not something I had really done before. Maybe because I had never met someone with Chase's flair before. It was definitely a weird afternoon for me.

Finally, they called my name and it was time for me to do my thing. "Well, it looks like I'm up." I said standing up. I lingered for a second or two, wondering what to do next. I couldn't just walk away and let Chase go his separate way. I was almost tempted to ask him for a phone number or an address or something, but I didn't want him to think I was stalking him or something, and I certainly didn't want him to know I was gay. So I just stood there with my mouth open, hoping something would come out. They called my name a second time and I figured I better not keep them waiting.

"Good luck, Chad." Chase called from behind me. I thanked him and reluctantly walked away, regretting my golden opportunity to keep Chase as a friend if nothing else. I went in and gave it my best shot, considering how hard it was to concentrate on anything besides my little encounter in the waiting room. And they gave me the usual 'Very nice, thank you.' and sent me on my way. Now comes another three weeks of waiting by the phone for my big call. Yeah right.

When I walked out to the waiting room, Chase was still waiting there on the sofa. "Hey, so how'd it go?"

"They gave me the old 'Very nice, thank you' routine."

Chase smiled and pretended like an arrow had been shot through his heart, "Ouch! The old casting director kiss of death! That's alright, they might call anyway." He giggled.

"Yeah...if all the other teen actors die in a freak accident tonight, I might actually have a chance."

We both laughed for a few minutes, and then they called Chase to audition. I thought it would look kind of suspicious if I was still sitting here when he came back out, so I was hoping he had more courage than I did and asked for my phone number or something.

Chase seemed to reach that same level of nervousness about it when he got up. But thankfully he got over it. "Say...listen, you don't have to...go or anything...do ya?" God, he looked so cute asking me to wait around. He looked like he was trying to keep from blushing, but his skin was starting to turn bright pink and was getting redder by the minute.

"No, I'll still be here."

"Cool, wait right here, maybe we can go get some lunch or something. I've never been to Chicago before, so I don't know my way around yet." He said. I agreed and he smiled at me while walking in for his audition.

I waited for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was only like 20 minutes. I was nervous, my palms sweating, my breathing irregular and uneven. I had never been so confused before over somebody. And that's when it happened, I had an image, no...a VISION, pop into my mind of me and Chase together. Not having the usual rough sex on the floor or rolling around in a queen sized bed. It wasn't about us meeting up in some hotel or sticking my dick through a hole in the bathroom stall...no this was different. The 'feeling' was different, and it was better than anything I had ever seen in the porno flicks. It was just a little daydream of me and Chase sitting together, leaning against a tree in Grant Park, sharing a sweet kiss as the mist from Buckingham Fountain washed over us, giving us both a slight chill. Even the kiss was innocent, soft, playful. Not the mashed faces and tongue wrestling that I was used to seeing. Normally those kind of things were reserved for the heterosexual population of Earth, not for me. But for the first time, nothing had ever seemed so natural. Oh...my...GOD! What was I thinking?!?! Was that ME being...gulp...romantic? I tried to shake the whole idea out of my head, but it wouldn't go away. This was sensual and erotic and it was more confusing than anything I had ever experienced before. Boys have sex with boys all the time, I knew that, but they just...they don't fall in love. They just don't. They shack up to get more sex if the other guy is really cute, but they don't, like, kiss and cuddle and get married and stuff...it's just not right.

He came out, and I felt my whole face brighten up. I immediately smiled widely, and the second I realized what I was doing I fought hard to contain myself. "So, how'd it go?"

"'Very nice, thank you.'" He said with a smile.

"Alright! So why don't us 'big time' movie stars grab some lunch?" I said. Then, he threw an arm over my shoulder and asked where we could get a good burger. I replied, "No way, you're in Chicago now. That means pizza!"

"Umm....I don't know, I don't really like pizza all that much."

"No...you don't like California pizza. And there's good reason for that, because it sucks big time! You and me are going to Gino's East and get some REAL pizza!"

He didn't put up much resistance, he just put on his windbreaker jacket and said, "It's your town, lead the way."

We walked a few blocks to get there. Hahaha, I don't think people in California are used to walking much of anywhere, he was dead tired by the third city block. We walked into the pizza place and ordered a stuffed pepperoni and sausage with the works. The waiter recognized me right away and chatted with me little by little. He was a cool guy, the one who always called me the 'little heartbreaker'. He was always telling me stuff about girls and how to pick them up and make a good impression on them. That's when it hit me, one of the very first things he ever told me about dating. He always said, "Pizza places are the best place to take a girl on the first date. Mellow environment, nice music, and a forty minute wait for a stuffed pizza that practically forces you two to engage in some type of conversation. I had heard it so many times that it had worked itself into my mind subconsciously. I didn't even think about it until we had already ordered and were left alone to talk. Was that what this was...a date? An actual date with another boy. This is too weird for me. I was honestly beginning to get uncomfortable with the whole idea, and I was worried that he might catch on and realize that I was not what I appeared to be. I fumbled and fidgeted, trying desperately to get my heartbeat back under control, but nothing I did worked. Chase just kept talking and talking and occasionally he would giggle with that erotic teen voice of his and it literally drove me mad. I quickly stood up and told him I had to go to the bathroom. It caught him by surprise at first, but then he just said it was cool and I hurried off to splash some water on my face.

I was scared, terrified even. My fingers ached from shaking so bad, and my heart was beating so fast that it was hard for me to breathe. I didn't ever want to leave the safety of that bathroom and face him again. I couldn't believe this was happening, I was falling in love with a BOY. Okay, I just needed to get some control here. One day I'm falling in love, and the next I'm wearing a mini skirt and speaking with a lisp. Okay, real steady, it'll be fine. He's just a friend, he's not gay. We're just hanging out, it's not like he's revealing any deep secrets or anything, it's not like he's coming on to me, it's not like....oh why don't I just go back out there and attempt to act normal. I'm not falling in love and that's that. End of story.

I went back to the table and Chase greeted me with a smile that made me weak in the knees. But I ignored it by looking down towards the checkered table cloth. "Are you alright dude? I didn't say something wrong did I?"

"Nah, you're fine, Chase. I MEAN...NOT FINE....just ok...with me, that is." I just kept stumbling until it got so bad I figured I should just put my hand over my mouth to shut up. He giggled a little bit and then cleared his throat.

"Ummm....you know, I've gotta tell you something, you know, since we're cool and all."

Did he say we were cool? What's that mean? Cool? What does he mean cool? "S-s-sure, go ahead."

"My real name...it isn't Chase."

"But...but you said..."

He seemed a little embarrassed and I saw his face start to turn red again. It was soooo cute. "I know, it's just my stage name though. I guess I've been saying it for so long that it's become a bad habit. My agent thought it was a more masculine sounding name. More exciting, more dynamic...whatever."

"So...what is it?" I asked, curious about the answer.

"You promise not to laugh?"

"I swear."

He looked down but turned his eyes up to stare at me through his strands of black hair. Then he bashfully bit his lip and said under his breath, "It's...it's Spencer. Kind of dorky huh?"

Oh wow, the name Spencer fit him even better than anything else I could have come up with. Seeing him like that, shy and embarrassed, but with that killer smile still decorating his adorable face, it really made things worse for me emotionally. I had never had my mind loaded with so much turmoil. But for some reason, the confusion felt 'good' to me. I managed to stutter out, "No, no dude...That's cool. I like Spencer...he's cute. IT'S cute! The name I mean, it's...well you know...it's nice." Was I gonna say 'anything' right today?

Spencer kind of looked at me for a second, but this time it was different. This time he wasn't smiling, or blushing, or playing around. This time he looked like he had caught on to what I was getting at. Paranoid thoughts of him reading my mind consumed me and I was feeling that unbelievable fear creep up my spine again. "Do you really think so, Chad?"

"Yeah, sure. Spencer's a cool name."

"I...I wasn't talking about the name..." He started, but just then the waiter brought over the pizza and sat it down right in front of us, breaking the tense moment for the both of us. Thank God for stuffed pizza! I immediately dug in and kept telling him how much he'd love Chicago pizza, hoping that he would forget the whole incident. But he didn't seem to want to let it go right away. He just kind of stared at me for a second while I loaded up his plate with a giant chunk of pizza. I looked up into his inquisitive eyes, still trying to analyze me with their gaze. I asked him if anything was wrong, and after a short pause, he just shook it off and said, "Never mind. I'm just phasing out, that's all." Then he dug into the pizza and from the look on his face, he had found his new favorite dish. He gobbled up more than half of the pizza, and it actually made me feel good to see him eat. It was like, I had opened his eyes to this new experience and he was enjoying it. It was great. But even though he went back to talking and chatting away with me, there was something different in his tone. Something he couldn't hide, even with his acting ability. He was more serious, more careful with what he said to me, and he almost seemed nervous for the first time since I'd seen him. I tried not to let it get to me though, at least the kissing visions faded from my mind, temporarily anyway.

We walked down Michigan Avenue while the sun was setting, turning the street the strangest shade of gold. The wind was blowing, as it always is in Chicago, and I remember talking to Spencer and seeing this great beauty in him that pushed every thought, every denial, every possible hope of me trying to avoid the emotions that were building up in my heart since we had first met, far away and replaced them with genuine feelings of love. There was no way for me to overlook it anymore, no way for me to say it wasn't true. I saw the golden sunlight illuminate his soft creamy skin, the rays highlighting the brownish tint of his hair over the black. The wind blew his soft locks in a surreal way that made him squint slightly with a sexy stare that fixed itself on me and almost made me cry with tears of joy. This feeling, this wonderful feeling, had completely taken over and I felt it dance it's way through my very soul and for the first time in my life, I discovered the whole idea behind the theory of love. Spencer had been making me crazy all day, but now I was actually enjoying it. We walked back to his hotel and I was getting ready to give him my e-mail and go home. But he actually asked me to come up for a while.

"Look, my mom's out on the town with my agent right now. They don't think I know it yet, but I'm pretty sure the two of them are dating or something. Which is gross, but what am I gonna do, you know? Anyway...I don't wanna just sit up there and stare at the four walls all night. So if you're...not busy...or anything..."

I felt honored that he asked me, it was almost like being invited to the prom. We went upstairs and he turned on the TV. We had every cable channel known to man on that thing, including the porn channels. But I decided not to push my luck so we naturally did the teenage thing and turned to MTV for a while. We must have watched a good two hours of videos, complimenting the ones we liked, making fun of the ones we didn't. Then he got up to order room service on the other side of the room. "Yeah, we want ice cream, double fudge, brownie desserts with extra nuts and whip cream."

"And Raspberries!" I shouted out.

"Do you guys have raspberries? Yeah? Okay, well put those on there too. Thanks." Before he hung up the phone, I looked at the TV and there was his music video playing at number three on the chart.

"Dude, it's your video, look!" He hurried over and watched it with me. He was so critical of himself, it was like he hated watching himself on TV. He kept turning away during his parts, and this time his face had blushed all the way, turning a deep red.

"I can't believe I wore that! Those pants were so tight, I was walking around like a penguin all that day!" Just then there was a knock at the door and the ice cream brownies had arrived. He brought me my own dish and a spoon and the two of us gobbled it down while watching the rest of the video. I couldn't begin to tell you how odd it was watching my favorite boy on TV, seeing the video that forced my affections towards him in the first place, and having him sit right next to me on the bed at the same time. My emotions began to flow out of my control, but every time he spoke, every time I heard his spoon hit the sides of his ice cream dish, every time I felt the weight of the bed shift with his movements...I felt this immense feeling boiling inside me. Something that made me want to just reach over and grab him around the waist and hold him in my loving arms. It was stronger than anything I've ever known, it kept pulling me closer to him. It felt like I would die if I didn't touch him in some way, or hear his voice, or smell his clean sweet fragrance of youth. I was dizzy with something beyond lust, and the more his spoon clinked the side of that dish, the stronger it got, until I couldn't control it anymore.

I leaned back, ready to just give him a big hug, even if I didn't explain it. But as soon as I leaned back he stood up to put his empty ice cream dish on the dresser. I plopped backwards, hitting my head hard on the headboard. Spencer turned around and giggled at me, and came over to sit next to me again. He rubbed it for me and held it down to look at the top of my head. I felt his fingers running through my blond hair, playfully at first, then slowing down. It was almost like, he was enjoying it. I was trying sooo hard to be good. I didn't want to do it, but I felt my hands reach forward and touch his thighs. So softly, so lightly. He made no effort to stop me, and we stayed like that for a few seconds, that for me felt like a hundred eternities. I felt his warm breath on the top of my head, and it felt really good to be so close to him, to actually touch him. Then, without warning, he slowly leaned in and kissed the top of my head to make it feel better. I wanted this soooo bad. But when I looked into his lap and saw a noticeable bulge growing there, I had gotten so hot that it scared me, literally scared me. I was so terrified at what I was about to do that I pulled my hands away quickly and jerked back a little. I looked into Spencer's big brown eyes and saw a mixture of fear and some other emotion that I couldn't quite place. Something that pulled me in and warned me to stay away at the same time. We were both too speechless to come up with even the simplest of conversations, and I was trembling visibly as the butterflies in my stomach got violently worse with every second.

I turned around on the bed and looked back at the TV, trying to ignore the whole incident without saying a word. That did NOT just happen! Boys don't fall in love, we don't have feelings like that, we don't kiss, we don't make out, we don't touch each other in sentimental ways, and we don't get romantic. That's how it is! Spencer was just sitting behind me, not saying a word, but I could sense he was watching me. He had to have figured me out by now. I felt so sick, ashamed. Great, I had this great buddy and awesome guy to share some laughs with, and these damn weird impulses screwed it up. I couldn't take any more, I had to get out of there. I turned to say good bye and saw Spencer with his knees pulled up to his chest, his elbows resting on them, and his fingers pushing back his hair. He looked upset, almost sad. Geez, even in a bad mood he was cute. But I had to get out of there before he found out what a freak I was and beat the shit out of me or something.

"Look...Chas....Spencer...I've...I better get going. It's kinda late." I stuttered. Spencer first took a long blink, sighing to himself softly, then rolled his eyes. It was almost as if he was expecting me to say it, like he had seen it coming. He looked crushed, but he was trying to put on a poker face to keep me from seeing it.

"Yeah? Well, you know what, fine. I think that's a pretty good idea. I'd rather be alone anyway." He said in a pouty voice. He stood up and walked over to hold the door open for me. That was it, he hated me now. No point in exchanging phone numbers. I shuffled out of his hotel room and he quickly shut the door behind me. I almost cried right there in the hallway. I just stood there, hoping that I could get control of myself before going back down to the lobby. What had I done wrong to make God hate me so much anyway? The one chance I had to have a really cool guy to talk to and joke with, and I get this magic hormonal message out of thin air, and it all goes to shit. I didn't want it to end, not like this. I knew I was being weird, I knew I was having these new feelings erupting from deep in my heart, I knew that the visions would only come back stronger if he was around me for one minute longer...but I swore to God that I'd never touch him. I made myself a promise, a solemn vow, that if I could only be his friend, his partner in crime so to speak, that I'd fight every urge that I had no matter what if it killed me. It was at that moment that I realized that I was still standing outside his door. I hadn't moved, I couldn't move. If I threw something like this away, I'd be kicking myself over it for the rest of my life. I had to go back in there, I had to make him think it was all a joke and just keep my hands and my dirty thoughts to myself. I can do this...I can be a 'normal' kid for once and just have him as a friend. Okay, here goes.

I knocked lightly on the door at first and got no answer. I knocked a little harder and heard Spencer shout out, "I'll come down and sign for the room service later." There was something different in his voice this time. After hearing it all day, it sounded shaky, uneasy, like he had been crying.

"Spencer?...Spencer it's me..." I said, hoping that didn't make it worse. He said he'd be there in a sec, and I could hear him quietly adjusting and composing himself before opening the door.

"What? You forget something?" He asked. His eyes were red, and his cheeks were pink and decorated with invisible streaks where tears had been only a few seconds ago. An actor to the last, he kept a serious face on, and if it hadn't been for the tell tale tears still being held back in his eyes, he might have pulled it off.

"Can I please come in for a second? Just a second?"

He rolled his eyes again and said, "Fine. Whatever." He stood aside and let me in, but the second I turned around he put his hand up to stop me from talking. "Don't say it, alright? Just don't. I've heard it all before, every gay joke and fag bashing slur in the book, so don't think you'll be telling me something original. I just want you to know...look...if you're not like that, that's fine. I'm just...I didn't know alright? Wishful thinking got the best of me, okay? Can we just pretend it never happened and go back to watching TV please?"

I think I was so shocked, so incredibly overwhelmed, that I was too confused to do anything but nod my head in silence. Was he telling me....was he...is he...? GAY? Was he making a MOVE on me? I didn't know what to do, what to say, what to feel. I just stood there and stared at the floor, feeling my blond hair fall forward to cover my eyes. I couldn't believe this was real, I couldn't believe this was...love. I didn't say anything for a while and finally Spencer stuck his hand out and said, "Look Chad, I think we get along pretty well, I mean everything we did today was awesome. I LIKE spending time with you, and I hope we can keep doing that. I know that it might be a little weird at first, but I'm really a good guy once you get past the gay thing. So...I made myself a promise a few seconds ago. No matter what happens, I swear I'll never lay a finger on you...I'll just keep my hands and my dirty thoughts to myself, okay? Friends?"

I shook his hand lightly, and before I knew what hit me, I was pulling him closer to give him a big hug, my chin resting on his shoulder. I didn't say anything, I didn't know what to say at that moment. All I knew was that I was feeling that warm sensation in the pit of my stomach, and it was getting so intense that it caused my whole body to tingle. I didn't want to let him go, I just kept hugging him, tighter and tighter, as I felt a single tear stream down from my eye. I had never felt so safe, so alive, it was great. Spencer couldn't see my face as more tears joined the one that preceded them, and I could feel him getting a little uncomfortable with such a long hug.

"Um...Chad?...hehehe...cutie?...you aren't making this, any easier you know." He giggled shyly. He patted me on the back and I moved back a little, my arms loosening their grip a little to stare him in the eyes. He had such beautiful brown eyes. He searched my face with confusion for a second, not knowing what to make of my sudden mood swing. "Chad? You okay?"

"Better than ever." I whispered dreamily, then I leaned forward and kissed a very surprised actor on his thin ruby lips. We held the kiss for a few quick moments before he leaned back and broke our lip lock. He looked like he was about to fall backwards and I had to half catch him, both our faces plastered with a goofy teen smile. We giggled nervously, both of us unsure of where to go from there. But before long, Spencer's face got serious, and he leaned in for another sweet kiss on my lips. Then another, and another, until it lasted as one long, erotic kiss. My head was spinning, my lips tingling with the pleasure of being connected to his. We could both still taste the double fudge ice cream dessert in our mouths, and it made the kiss even more delicious. I tasted him for what seemed like hours, releasing my romantic impulses for the first time. I continuously ran my hands up and down his back slowly as he did the same to me, and we made our way over to a wall where I leaned him against it to kiss him even deeper. It was so strange, I had almost never seen kissing and touching in the porn movies. I had never seen the subtle hints, the sensitive gestures, the gentle caressing of the other guy's body. This was better, MUCH better, than anything that I had ever imagined. We must have stood against that wall making out for nearly fifteen minutes without a word spoken between us, my hands running up and down his flat chest and feeling the soft skin of his tight stomach as my hand crawled up under his shirt. We never even came up for air, or opened our eyes...hell, we didn't even start tongue kissing until after the first ten minutes. It was soooo sweet, so innocent, I was in heaven.

Finally, we backed away from each other a little. We both looked down at the same time to see our hard ons forming decent sized tents in our pants. We laughed a little at our obvious enjoyment of what just happened, and Spencer said, "Wow...I thought...I thought maybe you hated me."

"I think maybe this proves you wrong."

"I was starting to think I was the only gay teen on the planet." He grinned. God, his smile was more beautiful than a dozen rainbows, and I had to move forward to kiss his awesome lips again.

"You and me both. You're not alone...you'll never be alone again...if you'll have me?" I asked, a little wave of bashfulness coming over me.

Spencer moved closer to kiss me again and put my mind at ease as he gently pushed me backwards onto the bed. "I'll have you." He said with a sexy grin. He came down with me slowly, and kissed me again while we ground our hard teenaged cocks together in a sensual rhythm. We were kissing harder now and my hands had found a courage all their own as they moved downwards to his lower back. "I should warn you," he whispered, "I've, uh, never actually done this before."

"Me either...but we'll make it up as we go along."

"Deal." He said, and we went back to our sensual kissing and rubbing, our bodies brought to life with every pleasurable sensation we could reach. My hands wandered back down to his slender hips, feeling his steady rocking motions. He released the most erotic moan I had ever heard in my life into my mouth as my hands traveled even further down just below his waist, resting at the start of the hump of his perfect ass. That lustful moan gave me all I needed to move further, and my hands tenderly glided over the soft ripened cheeks of his ass and squeezed them as I pulled him deeper into me, both of us moaning loudly, our sounds of passion muffled by our intense lip lock. I was breathing so hard, my heart beating so fast, oh wow this was fantastic! It felt so good to have Spencer pumping into me, my hands gripping his tight cheeks, our lips sliding and dancing around one another, Spencer's delicate slim trim weight pressing down on me. I felt like I was about to erupt. We ground harder and harder, feeling an incredible orgasm coming on from the very bottom of my soul. Spencer must have been close too, because his thrusts were getting heavier and faster, his whimpering becoming more desperate. Before long, we were reaching the moment of truth, and we simultaneously broke our passionate kiss, unable to concentrate on it anymore. Spencer's head leaned over my shoulder and his breathing was getting louder and louder, now coming out as soft moans of pleasure. I hugged him even tighter, my hands squeezing his ass with increasing pressure. My legs instinctively wrapped themselves around him and that was all we could take. We gripped each other as tightly as we possibly could, unable to move as we tightened every muscle in our lithe young bodies, and we came hard without ever taking our clothes off! I had never been so enraptured with an orgasm in my life, the hot semen filling my underwear and pants, and the warm puddle oozing over my crotch as I shivered in the throws of passion. Spencer was obviously spent, and he collapsed on top of me, still grinding his softening cock into my groin, mixing and spreading the cooling semen all over our pubic areas. We laid like that breathlessly for a few moments, kissing and cuddling, cooing happily at the release. Then Spencer rolled over and we both sighed in unison. We laughed at each other briefly, wondering how two souls so much alike could have found each other in such a giant world. We grinned, and just laid there, staring into each other's eyes.

"So...I hate to ask this..." Spencer said shyly, blushing full on this time.

"What? Tell me."

"You'll think it's silly."

"So? Hehehe! Tell me!" I giggled, playfully pushing his arm.

He sighed, and gave me the sweetest look. "What did you think? I mean, about me. How was I?"

I thought about it for a second, put on a straight face, and tried not to laugh as I said, "Very nice, thank you."

He caught the joke right away and socked me in the head playfully with the pillow. "You fucker! Hahahaha!"

We wrestled a little longer and finally got out of bed to clean up together in the bathroom sink. That was an experience and a half! I saw his lovely 5 1/2" cock for the first time, even though he modestly tried to hide it a little at first. We even took turns wiping each other off, before kissing again and heading back downstairs to take a walk on the lake. We met a pair of twin girls in the lobby who nearly screamed when they recognized him.

"Omigod! Omigod! You're Chase Tremmier! That hottie from the music video!" The screamed! Spencer blushed and walked over to shake hands. He even agreed to take a picture with them.

The girls ran over and handed me the camera, quickly running back to stand on either side of him. They kept saying "I love you Chase!" and "Chase, you're sooo cute!" and it made me think of how lucky I was to have this wonderful secret between us. An unequaled love and friendship that was more beautiful than anything that I could ever dream.

They were ready and all three of them got their happy smiley faces ready. So I aimed the camera and said, "Okay everybody...saaaay SPENCER!" And I snapped the picture, getting a surprised look on Spencer's face and a confused look from the girls.

"Who's Spencer?" the girls said in unison, and all the two of us could do was laugh. He was just so cute, it hurt me to look at him and not be able to kiss him on the lips. I was that far in love. God, I know I said I'd never touch him, I promised, but...maybe you'd be willing to wave that little part of our contract. Talk to my agent, we'll work something out. This is just too good to pass up!