Secrets and Lies - 5. Gloria Parker (Playing on his Fears)

Gloria Parker

(Playing on his Fears)

From Gloria Parker’s diary:

8th August, 1996

My mood has changed for the better. I finally took steps to regain control. The previous weeks were awful. I noticed that things were subtly changing, yet I did not know why and I did not know what to do. Whatever I thought of, I knew it would not work out. I was not able to make up a perfect plan. This was greatly disturbing me. I felt increasingly restless and depressed. My sleep was fitful and I was suffering from anxieties. I was feeling more and more drained every day. I was unable to find a perfect solution. And yet I felt I needed to find one before I had entirely lost control of him.

Today, a cast of fortune helped me devise a plan that I am certain will work out in the briefest of time.

Today, I wrote an anonymous letter to his father that reveals his son’s secret to the man. And then I will wait what’s going to happen. I followed a sudden impulse. I can’t really say why I wrote the letter. I guess because I feel that I’m losing control, control of my life and control of him. After all, he guarantees me the life I live. I’m dependent on his money. I’m dependent on him and I hate that I am. I don’t remember when I started to feel like this. I always felt that I was superior to him because he did all what I wanted. However, things have subtly changed. I feel trapped and more and more controlled by him. He’s getting the better of me and I don’t know why.

He was so frightened when I approached him and confronted him with his truth that he thought was a secret. I stumbled upon it accidentally. It was a cast of fortune in a time when I was in a predicament. I was still able to hide my misery, but I knew that things would change very soon. I was running out of money. What could I do? Find a job? The payment would not suffice to satisfy my needs. I was not willing to give up on what I thought I deserved. So, marriage with a wealthy man was the only solution to my problem. A cast of fortune helped me out of the predicament. I accidentally overheard a man in a bar telling his companion of what he had witnessed in the house of Gregory Parker. The man was drunk. Did he tell the truth? It was a risk, but I decided to confront Gregory Parker with what I had heard. I blackmailed him into the marriage. He gave in quickly.

I do not love him. I do not even care about him. In fact, I couldn’t care less. He opened the door to the life I wanted to live. Should I be grateful? I’m afraid I’m not. I have a dislike for him, a violent aversion. I dislike his looks. I dislike his body and I dislike his voice. I dislike his thoughts, his opinions, his manners and style. He does not touch me for apparent reasons and I’m glad he does not even try. I would have to turn and run from him. Everybody thinks we arranged a deal. And actually we did. We set out everything in writing.

I thought I was able to cope with it. After all, I’m not the emotional kind. I had planned it all in all cold blood, although others think I lack wit and cleverness. Perhaps I do. After all, things did not really work out like I had thought. I cannot divorce him. He would gain the better of me. He’d refuse to pay me off. Revealing his secret would not help me at all. He’s not the weak man anymore that he was when I approached him. He has changed a lot in the past months. I don’t know why and I can only guess that someone has an influence on him. But so far I have not figured out who is manipulating him.

I’m losing more and more control of him. Like I said, I had an idea. I will send his father an anonymous letter. The idea totally intrigues me. I see my chance to make the change undone. I need to intimidate him, bully him until he turns back into the coward and the weak man he was. I need to seize control again.

My letter is just the beginning, just a test on how he reacts to the threat. I will make up a plan and I will follow through with it step by step. I succeeded once and I will succeed again.