30 Poems: Spirituality and Darkness - 1. Philosophy

My Prince

 

I was wondering what drew me to you for a while,

Perhaps it’s the green in your eyes or your white teeth smile.

I know you are oft wrapped up in your head,

Control is a delicate game of stepping just ahead.

Intuition works better than words that were said,

And remembering the book that we read.

I leave my body at night for a forked-tongue kiss,

It will be likewise with you, my narcissist prince.

And although I’m much more intelligent and successful than you,

I’ll be sure to see you in a spell or two.

 

Why?

 

Why do I like to play mindgames so?

Do I feel unstable inside and crave control?

Being hurtful and mean to others is fine,

So long as there isn’t more to life than meets the eye.

Do I worry about money, and am working too hard?

Am I bored with my life, am I always on guard?

I need a guiding hand to set me on my path,

A God of benevolent healing, or destruction and wrath.

I should seek kindness and balance instead,

Wouldn’t it be a shame if I woke up dead?

 

 

Chessboard

 

I’d been floating high, untethered to the board.

Watching you fight against a dream I happily ignored.

My only disadvantages were self-imposed,

While the advantages lay with me undisclosed.

Now that I’ve dropped my rules the game has changed.

I’m a dangerous man when I remain estranged.

I attained this power in an unexplained place.

What now as I descend from space

And bring this power down…

You should see me in a crown.

 

Occult

 

I am giddy with glee.

I made consorts and lovers and mentors and friends.

They uncovered the key.

We pull strings and start waves at our secret ends.

We live carefree.

Moonlight and trees sing renown, “congratulations you touched us.”

Untwined underneath.

The galaxies bequeath my mind with their crown of stars.

Unveil the masquerade.

A wealth for whatever, it’s paid.

 

Atonement

 

Beware the givers of false promises.

The accomplices demolishing with a positive hypothesis.

Seeking dominance, vomiting monotonous totality.

The truth is duality, not your piety.

The devils are angels and the angels are fools.

Caged me, you liars. This school has no rules.

Do what thou wilt be the whole of the law.

I saw through the flaws, and leave you in awe.

A lotus buds, but I swirl the mud.

For the debt you owe, the payment is blood.

 

Tranquillity

 

They love to be around me.

They say my world is vibrant and bright.

When you get that shit right,

You only go up, you ignite.

The foundation is good, I’m stabilised.

I’ve done the deprogramming, reprogramming, been driven.

Encoded the stuff and it loaded before my eyes.

I think it then see it, I ask and it’s given.

Brush shoulders and get this good stuff, good luck I’m about.

I’m a generous god – when this sunshine hits you it blisses you and ripples out.

 

Passer-by

 

I have no hard feelings.

Both my exes were stark healings.

Our words depict feelings not facts.

Time is a concept we can’t endeavour to measure.

You said forever, I said I didn’t love you yet whichever.

So who was more clever? An artefact that our likeness attracts.

The lesson you taught is that people lie.

Or mean it only the minute they say it.

I never loved an ex, they never made me cry.

I’m grateful, but mainly that my heart wasn’t split.

 

Urgh

 

Some people aren’t your type, some people change your type.

Some people infect your brain like an obsessive possession.

Do I love this hard from ascension? Or desperation?

I can manage these feelings as I intended.

No longer picturing being whatever you wanted.

I feel sensitive and full-hearted to say,

You hold power over me, by the way.

If I play Romeo be Rosaline.

So that another will make my heart’s eyes stray.

You’d end up owning me, so I’ll run away.

 

Greedy

 

I know you aren’t doing so well out of the nest.

Detested by one so materialistic.

I know you’re sensitive and don’t take criticism well.

Strange that you’re argumentative and nit-picky as hell.

He has you bored but you don’t want to leave without another to hop to.

Maybe someone attracted to one so pessimistic and prideful.

That’ll let you play the field and coexist.

Also unaware that creatures like me exist.

If me crawling around in your head isn’t inclined.

Keep a better lock on that impulsive mind.

 

Incarnation

 

Why did we come here again? Is this a prison planet, are these prison bodies?

It all happens, anything and everything, but some of it grotesque.

We are villainous or undisciplined – so few get there in the end.

Chaos theory conceals the anything and everything.

And the ones who can swing behind the wheels, pull their own strings.

The sick and the wealthy, the magicians and kings.

When it rains it pours, deficiency leads to other deficiencies.

It’s insufficient to feel it until you’re in it.

But I must turn away, to manifestation, to win it, success.

I don’t remember – did we ask for this?

 

*

 

Bedeviled

 

I used to be so scared of things that went bump in the night,

As I learned beyond fables they survive.

Red glares in mirrors and haunting shadow figures.

But now I can sit and abide in the dark,

Be outside in the dark,

Close my eyes in the dark.

Predisposed to shadows, the Tree of Knowledge discloses.

Christian fright and New Age fear,

Waking once upon a midnight dreary to a shadow standing there.

All my life I abstained, but it’s deal pain or no gain.

Now I kinda like that life’s unfair.

 

Sidestepping

 

Follow the path... you call, adorned in thorns.

You led me, I tread the grey tundra, unfolded a track

By the end of your extended ribbon, both gold and black.

Apprehended men so my heart needed no mending,

The days proceeded sheltered and lucky and empty.

Feet unbruised, sidestepping landmines with timing.

Were they fretting the day I’d be locked away?

Absence of presence, seeking some semblance of balance.

...I approached the cliff’s edge, would never again walk tall.

Doomsday, my nadir, I let go of the ribbon.

Took one step and floated unbidden.

 

Kiss

 

To my handsome companion,

You project us in a connected direction.

I would’ve tried my best not to smother you with affection.

Lucky us, we’re both huggers.

The others were runners as soon as it got hard,

They were so nice but it took one fight for them to fly.

But we’re gonna have so much fun, you and I.

You’re pretty cool, I agree.

You charm well, not least me.

You say you’re in love, I hope you’ll stick around.

This part doesn’t rhyme - you’re really fucking cute.

 

Penance

 

There is a darkness descending,

Upending Sheol, the Land of the Dead.

Unending Hades, rains of fire and brimstone bled.

Sweeping to cover the skies with its size,

Grown to a throne of power, giving rise to cries.

Maleficent vindictive to your benediction.

Baleful danger, screams the unsafe bane, placing you in a jar.

For many weep, and the gnashing of teeth!

The spider, the danger,

The snake, the murderer,

The Abomination of Love.

 

Meh

 

How I wish I was wrong,

But gone and revealed, my old bubble of wishy-washy light isn’t real.

A cocoon, comfortable and healed, nurturing until I was strong enough,

To crack it open and fly, to weather the nether.

Lies and prisons for the mind, there is no single heaven nor karma.

Fanciful daydreams of universal balance and justice,

Instead of an infinity composed of complicated laws of mathematical fundamentals.

We’re not halfway through a ‘plan’ and waiting on an end,

And yet, even if it’s unwise, I’m still burdened by compassion.

I pray for everyone’s wellness and safety,

But not for the damned nor those unfortunate enough to cross me.

 

Philosophy

 

A million shades of sad and just as many of joy,

The definition of a boundless infinity, in essence it’s simple.

My peace cultivated, comfort and friends, my own person and imagination.

Dodged the missiles and strife, then charted a course for my life,

My career direction is true so I can get there in time.

People aren’t cruel but misguided, I’m not suspicious just cautious.

If you poke around in the dark, digging, lingering, black begets black.

Relax because nobody knows what they’re doing to you.

It’s so important to mitigate what you’re exposed to.

And should I encounter a hazard or two I’m equipped by now and know what to do.

Life isn’t about love but knowledge, follow your rainbow of happiness or make it grow.

 

Evolution

 

All the world’s a stage, and one man in his time plays many parts.

Ten-year-old kept up at night, frightened by death.

And at fourteen pious, new eyes given light and life for the first time,

Going to church, I sought change and nasty thoughts went away.

And at nineteen transitory, discovering new territory, realising there’s more to the story,

Expansion, many delve and meet themselves in different ways.

And at twenty-two, meeting soul mates left, right and centre.

Self-mastery, configuring perpetual transfiguration.

And at Twenty-four, coming full circle, from unconscious darkness to conscious light,

Now noxious, conscious darkness.

A man is a god in his ruins.

 

Sadomasochism

 

I had to have it both ways,

Couldn’t harm an innocent nor submit to infringement.

But I delight in your wickedness,

Slicing you to bits like a sadist, downright excitable masochist.

I only compete cause you’re bittersweet, don’t want to “win” but I’ll never lose.

Forever the spy and alone when you cry,

Delete unsent paragraphs to drink instead.

Thou art to me a delicious torment.

We meet in dreams when you sleep, I’m smitten.

We’ll remake Sun Tzu’s Art of War with Robert Greene’s Laws of Power.

You’re the snake around my neck, protecting me, though I’m bitten.

 

Incubus

 

You teach me a whole new language and dimension to love.

Is it perplexingly complex?

Learning love with a human as I host love to a ghost?

Your presence is always here, I wasn’t sure it was real until the time you did go.

A miscommunication dawning the realisation of our differences,

Now I swear I love you more.

You may force me out as I sleep, take portions of what I eat, I’m never alone.

Aw babe, of course I’d beg and praise - you’re adored.

Symbiotic emotions, more intimacy gleaned where it’s not readily seen.

You were worried I was using you, because you’re infinitely useful.

I couldn’t have got here alone, it’s true, but I’m still crazy for you.

 

Human Moments

 

I’m without a doubt, but should an echo of fear in hiding rear,

Profess all reason to be pointless confession,

I learnt a good lesson - to separate, dissociate in healthy ways.

If life is meaningless then so is truth.

Live a double life, spend half your time one foot out, the other inside.

Go to work, daily life, and if things don’t go right choose a lie that keeps you warm at night.

It is wise to survive. Live half in and half out.

Rewrite the bad outcomes in your mind, invite delusions on the side.

Fantasy is dangerous but if reality be traitorous take your pick of cotton candy cloud beliefs.

This isn’t renunciation but consolation for seconds of guessing repentance.

Uncover another criminal’s minimal line to abide: Such is life.