Go Ask Alex - 1. A New World Twice

My whole life had become a total train wreck in a matter of two weeks. To look at me most would think I had it together and my fabricated confidence had become a second nature defense mechanism. I was a muscular 5'9 earned from a lifetime working construction with my father and younger brother Jimmy. Wavy blonde hair a shade of gold salons only dreamed about and what I was told to be "hypnotic" green eyes.

However, this book's cover was about the only thing it had going. After 6 months together I agreed to follow my boyfriend Chuck up to New York City to follow his dream of becoming a big deal fashion photographer. The conversation didn't go well with my parents, they realized the gay thing wasn't a phase (this being the 3rd time "the gay thing" was the topic of an argument after I came out my senior year of high school) and it was going to be a permanent part of my existence. More than a few horrible things were said but I'm proud to say I held tears in until I I threw my first bag in the airport shuttle car. I turned to get my 2nd bag off the porch and Jimmy was standing on the first step; he hugged me so hard I was sure at least one rib would pop "You'll come back right? They don't mean it." I got my footing then hugged him around his shoulders. He took a deep breath, it was the most blatant affection we'd shown each other since his junior prom.

My dad's voice blared from the house "Jimmy! That firewood gonna show up sometime soon?" Jimmy wiped his eyes and called back "Getting it bagged!" he looked at me again before vaulting over the railing and taking his time walking to the woodpile, hands stuffed in his pockets. I wished there was something I could say to him but I was sure mama's bat ears were just waiting to pick up something she didn't like. I just shook my head and turned back to Jimmy who had started stacking logs in a canvas sling, "Jimmy!" He turned to look at me as I tossed my last bag in the trunk, "...I will, I promise."

I'm from a small Texas town that isn't even on most maps and all the lights of NYC was going to be a huge culture shock, but I closed my eyes and took the leap of faith. Chuck was nice enough to let me totally unpack in our ridiculously expensive studio apartment before dumping me for some euro-trash magazine editor. What someone who wears skintight orange pants could possibly have to say about fashion I'll never know.

So there I was homeless in New York with nothing to my name but the contents of an oversized duffel bag, $80 in my pocket, and my heart ripped out as I watched my ex take off in a shiny BMW, without so much as a glance in my direction. I didn't have any way to get home, especially after the explosive argument about my suddenly leaving, to be with a man no less, that had pretty much severed ties with my folks, and I didn't have the first clue what to do. I tried calling home but all I got was a long silence and then my mother's trademarked click of the tongue before the line disconnected. I felt like my body was running on autopilot, like everything that told my body to feel had been scooped out of me. My lungs knew to breathe, my eyes could see but nothing completely registered in my brain like playing a movie just for something to look at, not really paying attention.

I numbly picked up my bag and started walking, hoping in the back of my mind that I would put something together that at least sounded like a good plan. I gradually started to come back into my senses, and slung my bag over my shoulders like a backpack because the sidewalks of New York is not the place to carry a large bag at your side. The bag was getting heavy and I felt like I must have walked the whole length of the city twice when I realized it was getting dark;not that that meant much in New York but my small town mentality was convinced that I had to figure out something and soon before I wound up sleeping behind a dumpster.

That's when the reality of the whole situation hit me, I was totally alone in the biggest city in New York. I could feel the panic take over control from the numb shock that had kept me upright all day. I was alone, viciously tossed out like so much trash, and I had no fucking idea what the hell I was gonna do. I must have looked half crazed to the socialite party girls crowding the street as I totally sank into panicked fear. Holding my stomach as I stumbled into an alleyway. I couldn't breathe, my shoulders throbbing from carrying the large bag making me finally drop it to the ground beside me. I leaned against one of the buildings framing the alley, the cool brick felt like heaven against my back but the anxiety in my gut wasn't going to be ignored.

I leaned forward hugging my stomach clenching my eyes praying to God and anybody who'd listen hoping this rising swell would die down, but it was a losing battle. Knives ripped through my stomach and I wretched next to a pile of trash bags that smelled like sweat and bad Chinese food, which didn't help my situation. Throwing up bile due to the lack of food in my stomach (great and now I felt hungry despite the disgusting situation) I couldn't hold anything back any longer. Every emotion smashed the numb wall I had built cutting it down like soft butter. The last time I cried that hard I was nine years old at my grandfather's funeral and fighting it only made it worse.

I had finally gotten through the worst of it, getting my breath back under control when I felt a hand on my back and I jumped looking up to see a gorgeous man ; lean, olive skin and brown eyes I could swim in dressed in a tailored light gray suit. I stared at him dumbly for a second before I realized he had said something "What?" I asked and then realized I must have looked like absolute shit after blubbering all over this filthy alley. I reached up to wipe my eyes just to see that my palms were about as black as my jeans "Well shit..." I wiped my palms on my legs as I stood up.

I felt his hand wrap my bicep helping me up, stronger than he looked. The crease in his brow softened as I got upright and I actually heard his voice for the first time, couldn't place the accent but damn if couldn't listen to it all day. "Well you seem okay, but I think you could use a drink?" I grinned, wiping my eyes with the back of my hands "That's the best thing I've heard since I got here." My laugh was half-hearted but a stiff one was a wonderful shining point to this fuckall of a day.

My savior, I found out his name was Nikko, led me to a nightclub he worked at a few blocks away from my breakdown, taking me in through a side door to an employee bathroom where I could clean myself up. I looked at myself and was grateful. Eyes looked like puffer fish and my cheeks were beet red. I washed up in the sink, and changed into a blue polo that was a bit small but the best I had at the moment to not look like a total hayseed in this fancy club. Nikko let me toss my bag in a storage closet before taking me out to the front, I couldn't stop smiling and thanking him for being the first nice guy I met since I had gotten to New York. He touched my arms and back a lot as we talked, he was as intrigued by my drawl as I was his Arabian-English accent.

The closest I had ever been to experiencing a real gay bar was a little hole in the wall in Cason called The Watering Hole occupied by little more than retirees that still went by "Hoss" and refused to give up their Wrangler jeans that probably looked good on them back in the 1960's when they were my age. What I saw when I came into the front of this bar was a completely different story.

The club was called Bacchus, and the name fit perfectly. I hadn't seen this many nearly naked men since the high school locker room. The bartenders were built to perfection, oiled with slashes of glitter all over their chests and legs, dressed in silver shorts that I'm sure were barely long enough to be legal in public. My jeans just got tighter as I walked through the sea of flesh getting the bar ready to open for the night. Nikko signaled a tall redhead that was prepping the beer taps "I'll have my usual Don and...?" Nikko signaled me with an eyebrow, "Oh, uh...whiskey straight for me thanks." Don smirked "straight, he says," as he turned around and pulled out a bottle of Jack.

I couldn't help licking my lips as I caught view of Don's ass, it was fighting viciously with his tiny shorts the firm round cheeks bubbling out of the bottom as he bent down to replace the whiskey bottle. I managed to get my eyes back up to his face before he turned around not aiming to look like a pervert to the first nice people I'd met. Don was 6'3 if he was an inch eyes like the ocean and curly hair like rubies that made me cup my drink with both hands to keep from touching it. He winked at me as he handed Nikko a martini glass the size of a dinner plate with bright blue liquid in it. Just then the music started, the bass hit hard enough to vibrate my stool and about a dozen guys came in as soon as the burly bouncer opened the door. I could see more crowding outside waiting to get their IDs checked.

The sea of flesh coming in was certainly more than I was used to seeing back home. The most a bar could hope for there was a rowdy crowd after a rodeo or a wedding reception, and even those couldn't hold a candle to the first wave of plucked and powdered patrons I saw flooding the main bar. To be honest I was still a little shaky after my episode outside and I wasn't ready to be especially social with strangers just yet. A blonde a few seats down at the bar kept staring at me and I wasn't sure how to react really and settled for fidgeting in my seat and concentrating on the last swallow of whiskey in my cup.

Just then a new pack of Reds and a book of matches slipped into view next to my arm, I looked up into Don's ocean blues, "Look like you could use it cowboy, on me." That sexy wink again, "Go out the side again if you want some alone time," he said sliding his eyes toward my watcher. I nodded swiping the pack "Thank you, so much." I smiled anxiously at Don as I turned and made my way out back. I let the cold air hit me for a moment just letting myself get a good full breath for the first time in what seemed like days. I packed the cigarettes half to death against my wrist before lighting one and taking a hard drag. I wasn't a regular smoker really, but I appreciated tobacco when my nerves got frayed and a cig was always nice after a good lay of course.

I exhaled watching the smoke curl up into the smoggy night sky, making my own contribution to the crisp city air. I started walking toward the street wiggling my cigarette between my first two fingers as I just let myself fully relax before heading back into the fray. Just as I reached the sidewalk I heard someone shout and before I could turn to the noise I was knocked on my ass. Stunned more than hurt I looked up and saw the guy that knocked me over brushing himself off, he a muscular Mexican in a skintight white pair of bicycle shorts and one of those underarmour t shirts straining over his broad chest with a small outline of a rabbit stitched over his left pec in black thread and under it written "Never Late So Always On Time". His hair was jet black save for one shock of stark white that hung over his right eye. "Jesus shit you late to the party or somethin'?" I asked a little irritated when he just kept stuffing papers into his mini backpack. He scowled at me "Real fuckin comedian aren't you?" He snapped as he pulled the strings tight on his bag. Now this guy was starting to piss me off "Hey you're the one knocking people over here-" "Am I late? Am I late for the party? That's rich coming from you, now will you move? Some of us actually manage to stay on schedule." He gave me the dirtiest look as he sprinted past, stopping at what looked like a small curio shop a few doors down from the club.

Not that Mr. White Spandex Rabbit was subtle but I felt like there was something more than two strangers crashing into each other on the street. He looked at me again still standing where he'd left me, rolled his eyes and called back "Yeah I thought so." and headed inside the store. As soon as the door closed behind him the lights in the shop went dark, I was already following him before he had even gotten all the way inside the doorway. I opened the door to the strange shop, it was called The Looking Glass; noticing the odd furniture and abstract mirror frames in the window display. The place kind of creeped me out and I'm as bad as a little kid with my fear of dark empty places. I called into the shop, standing at the threshold "Hey! Hey man do we know each other or something?" I heard no answer, not even any noise as if rabbit man had just suddenly disappeared, but he couldn't have gone far the store was about the size of a generous master bedroom and no lights coming from anywhere to suggest he'd gone to a different room. "Hello?" I called out as I stepped in the doorway. I heard the bell jingle as the door shut and then it was like the floor tilted under my feet, the last thing I saw was a brass rimmed end table rushing up to meet me before the world went black.

I saw spots blinking in the darkness, like the world was nothing but dim strobelights. Somewhere in the background there was a low noise, a steady hum that wouldn't go away no matter how much I wished it. It kept getting louder and louder pulling at the thick blanket my brain was wrapped in. I tried to fight the noise wishing I could physically push it away, and just let me sleep as I felt the noise was also bringing on a bitch of a headache. I suddenly remembered Bacchus, had I passed out at the club? Just then the noise was finally clear, someone shouting, "Alex Wake Up!!" My eyes barely opened just as a gallon of ice water splashed over me. I sat up in a fit of freezing shock gasping as I looked around the room I was in.

Memory flooded back in much like the rude wake up call but I wasn't in The Looking Glass anymore. I was sprawled out on thick dark red carpet, in a bedroom that looked furnished for the Queen of England. All decorated in red black and white, silk and satin everywhere. I slowly stood up telling myself not to lose my head and make this hallucination even worse. I just hoped I wasn't brain damaged, I mean how hard did I hit my head? I then realized that I was naked except for a tiny pair of red bikini briefs, patterned in black card suits. "What the fu-OH!" I turned around and there was a woman standing there staring at me and looking mad enough to strangle babies. She was tall enough to be in elementary school but I could see in her face this was a grown woman and she was mad as hell. Her short curled light brown hair didn't do much to help her grade school build and she was dressed in a cream colored velvet dress, black spades in a line down the middle.

Her lips pursed for a moment before she burst, "You've had us waiting all this time and you're in here SLEEPING? Alex I swear I don't know what is the matter with you sometimes, it's like you're brain just completely leaves your whole body for better things to do and sticks us all here with a shell that just remembers how to speak clearly, and why aren't you getting DRESSED? Don't just stand there like an idiot you should have been out there HOURS ago!" I stood there staring at her, not sure if I should be embarrassed at my state of undress, as she didn't seem to be giving it a second thought, except for my needing to get ready..."Uhm...out....there?" Her hands were shaking as she pressed her fingertips to her temples "KYLEN!" She shrieked in a voice that was way too big to come out of that tiny body.

A black guy came in the room, in a pair of long tights that matched Miss Midget's dress and a pair of knee high white boots, his eyes were the color of honey and he gave me a flashbulb smile before putting a hand on the littlest diva's shoulder, she sounded hysterical "I don't-I don't even, he acts like he doesn't even know what's going on, I came in here and he's passed out on the floor hasn't put a stitch of clothes on -" She started hyperventilating and her face turned a dark red that matched the lavish bedroom's carpet. Kylen just made soothing noises and gently coaxed her out of the room assuring her that he would get me ready for whatever this mysterious event was. When he finally closed the door behind the fun size banshee I decided I finally had a cool head with me in the room. "Okay um, Kylen? I'll be honest with you I honestly don't even know where I am, or how the hell I even got here." Kylen grinned shaking his head "It's okay Alex, it would be weird if you weren't feeling a little anxious today of all days especially." I started to answer but Kylen pulled me into him and kissed me like I would die tomorrow. I couldn't help the moan that escaped me as his lips and tongue sent flaming electricity through my whole body and I gave in on instinct. When somebody kisses you into the stars, you never can quite help yourself.

Kylen pinned my arms above my head against the far wall away from the door, finally breaking his lips from mine and I actually felt a sharp pang of loss that surprised me. Then his lips went to my neck, kissing softly at first, my brain couldn't even form a sentence together in my head let alone say anything to protest out loud. Then his teeth sank into my throat and before my whole body melted I managed to push him back a step "But wait, wait, what-?" Kylen grinned shushing me pressing his fingers to my lips "They've been waiting all this time what's a few more minutes huh?" His mouth moved in for my neck but I pushed him back again. "Yeah that's what I'm talking about, what the hell is going on? What is this place?" Kylen's eyes grew wide, "Well this place is your house Alex," he laughed "It's usually cute when you play dumb but honestly now you're starting to get weird." My eyes bugged out of my skull, "I'm getting weird? a midget I've never seen before in my life just read me the riot act and I don't even know where I am or what the hell happened to my clothes, or what smartass decided it was funny to put me in these full deck panties!" Kylen looked genuinely hurt, "I bought you those you said liked them." All of this was getting out of control and I needed to find out something about where the hell I was and what the hell that bartender put in my drink before I stepped out into the crazy waiting for me outside the bedroom doors. "Kylen, I'm sorry I mean they actually...actually are nice," (to be honest they felt pretty fantastic) "but I am totally clueless right now can you Please, tell me what is so important about today that has people waiting and freaking out and dumping ice cold water on me?"

Kylen turned back to face me looking confused, "You really don't know," I just shook my head, "Hello? You're getting married today? To Drake? The Red Duke? Any bells ringing yet?" Suddenly homeless in New York wasn't the worst thing in the world.