Fairy Dust - 6. Breakthrough

Sam's dreaming mind took him back to a familiar place. He was in the giant shower again. This time he was seeing the scene from his own point of view. Echoes of his smallest movements bounced off the walls making him feel small and exposed. He reached for the valve and turned on the water. The warm water helped him relax. As he reached for the soap he realized that he was not alone. Tom was showering right next to him. As he admired his companion's physique the water turned pink. When he looked up at the showerhead the water turned to a thick red liquid that could only have been blood.

He turned around stepping out of the bloody cascade. Looking to the far end of the shower he saw a dark figure approaching. Its face was completely obscured by a black hood. Sam looked over at Tom who seemed oblivious to the approaching menace. His showerhead was still pouring out water and he was enjoying his shower. Suddenly the dark figure was right next to them reaching for Tom. Sam tried to scream but he could not make a sound. The dark figure seemed to enjoy his helplessness as it took a noose out from behind its back and slowly raised it over Tom's head. Unable to warn Tom who was standing with his face to the wall, Sam lunged at the figure. He grabbed the hood that covered its face and pulled with all his strength. The noose fell in the bloody water as the daemon's face was exposed. Sam was confused when he saw that the face was his own.

He woke up on the floor gripping his blanket so tightly that his fingers hurt. Getting up he glanced at the clock. It was two seventeen. He had only been asleep a few hours. Now he was out of breath and his heart was beating so fast that he felt sick. He threw his blanket back on the bed and got himself a glass of water. As he sat in the dark kitchen he tried to understand his dream. He had been terrified of himself. It seemed silly but there was some truth to it. He had been scared of what he might become the whole ride home. It seemed irrational now to be so unhappy with himself for liking a man who looked just like his sister. He remembered how he had initially mistaken Tom for a woman and almost laughed. It had just been a case of misidentification. Satisfied that there was a good chance that he was still straight he went to back to bed.

This time his dreams took him to a much happier place. He was back in Green Hollow in a clearing surrounded by trees that seemed tall enough to touch the sky. Their brilliant vivid colors shimmered in the breeze and showered him with a rainbow of falling leaves. Piles of them lay at his feet. It was quiet except for the soft music of the wind in the trees. The simple setting made him feel like a child again. He spun around and fell into the thick matters of leaves. He lay there breathing the fresh country air until he realized that he was being watched. He sat up and looked around. In the distance he could see someone coming towards the clearing. As the man got closer Sam saw that it was Tom.

They walked towards each other without saying a word until they met in the middle of the clearing. Quietly they watched each other. Sam was awestruck by the way Tom looked in the light of day. His pale skin seemed to take on some of the fall colors. His face was perfectly framed by his soft silky back hair and his eyes seemed to pull Sam into a trance. They saw into his mind allowing for a telepathic understanding of each other's thoughts. All inhibitions were gone. As Sam leaned in to kiss the perfect pink lips Tom gently put his arms around him.

For a moment nothing existed except that kiss. Fire seemed to race through Sam's veins and the breeze cooled his skin like ice. He pulled Tom closer drawing energy from the contact. They melted into each other. Each man felt the other's heart beat as if it was his own. They broke the kiss gasping for air. Sam pulled off Tom's shirt and ran his hands over the smooth skin before Tom did the same for him. They kissed on the lips again. Then Sam gently kissed Tom's neck. The warmth that radiated off the young man's smooth skin was soothing and exciting. Sam wanted more than any thing to take off the rest of their cloths. Tom affected him in ways that no one ever had or ever could.

Suddenly Sam was awake, shaken into consciousness by what felt like a spasm that racked his entire body. It seemed to be his body's way of responding to his rapid breathing and heartbeat that threatened to rip apart his veins. He could feel his pulse in every inch of his skin. He closed his eyes letting himself escape the harsh morning light into the surreal world of his fading dream. He still could see Tom in his mind. He could smell him as if he were really there. He inhaled the imaginary scent and moaned from the pleasure it gave him. If he could he would have stayed in this happy state all day but eventually the call of nature got him out of bed.

As soon as his morning coffee had returned him to a conscious state he was confused again. He did not know what to call the feelings he was having. He was not one of the flamboyant characters that dominated gay events. It seemed like he could still defend his status as a straight man but somehow the label seemed to matter less now. He was tired of trying to put himself in a category. He was an ordinary man who was attracted to another man.

Still wanting to have a name for what he was experiencing he turned to the one source that never seemed to fail him. He booted up the computer and brought up the Internet. Going to his favorite search engine he typed in gay. He got back millions of pages. He found some of the characters he had seen in the movies and carnivals but there were many more serious looking pages. He was surprised to find a wide variety of information and people. There were some sights that speculated on the reasons for homosexuality and others that tried to pass judgment on it. There were a number of support groups and community resources. What surprised Sam the most were the sites that centered on hobbies and activities. He found a sight for gay athletes and one for gay writers. There were gay guitarists, gay stargazers, gay skate boarders, gay bodybuilders, and the list continued.

As he sat in front of his computer he realized how narrow and inaccurate his view of gay men had been. He read some of the gay blog entries and found that he could relate to the men writing them. It was comforting to know that even if he was gay he could still be his old self in most ways.

Over the following weeks he slowly accepted his attraction to men. He continued to think about Tom and decided that if he ever returned to Green Hollow he would pay the perfume shop a visit. In the meantime he attended his niece's birthday party and watched her rejoice over her present. Things began to settle down. No longer conflicted about his feelings Sam stopped having nightmares. His sense of humor improved with the hidden source of stress resolved. Sam let himself forget about the company with the crashing servers but they did not forget him.