Nocturnal Emissions - 4. Shelter From the Storm

Sirius takes the first opportunity which presents itself to change into the clothes in his hands, pulling them on over his pajama bottoms. He’d completely forgotten about shoes, though. Now what? Naturally he’s barefoot, who wears shoes to sleep in? Well, he'd just have to grin and bear it for now. The streets are rough against his tender flesh, and damp, but so far he appears to be alone, although he isn't sure if that’s a good thing or not.

His steps take him eventually toward the river, even as he debates on what he’s going to do. At this moment, drowning himself in the murky waters of the Thames seems as viable an option as any to his emotionally overwrought mind. To his way of thinking he can't go back and he can't move forward. There’s nowhere where he’s welcome. Or wanted. The weight of the world seems to rest squarely on his shoulders as he approaches the river. The waters before him seem to ripple hypnotically, as if beckoning to him, murmuring his name.

It would mean an end to his pain, to his parents' torture, to everything... Why shouldn't he? Remove himself voluntarily from everyone's lives, enriching them by the so doing? What reason has he not to?

Unbidden, an image comes to his mind. Remus. Always Remus. That's why he can't do this.

He sinks to his knees and he begins to sob, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably. Oblivious to a presence behind him until he feels the hand upon his shoulder, and he recoils automatically, from habit. He whips around, reaching for his wand, but of course he doesn't have it, and he gives the stranger a wary glance. "Wh-who are you?" he manages to choke out, finally, attempting to sound braver than he actually is, although he now begins to feel a bit of anger, which channels his emotions in a different direction. "What do you want?"

"I don't mean to intrude," the man says. He appears to be soft-spoken, well dressed, older than Sirius by at least a few years. Handsome. Tawny hair, blue eyes. Similar to Remus' coloring, actually, but without the scars. "It's too cold for you to sit out here barefoot," the man points out. "Why don't you come with me? We can go somewhere warm, get you something to eat and drink. I'm sure you're hungry and thirsty..."

Sirius doesn't reply immediately, painfully aware of the cold, and that he has nowhere else he needs to be, at least in his own mind. But he’s also suspicious of this stranger, and his apparent desire to be helpful. "I don't know you," he says, shaking his dark head. His head aches from the tears he’s shed, and his heart is sore.

The stranger does not respond immediately. He glances about him, as if seeking something. Finding a couple of tin cans obviously thrown out by some passing slob, he glances back at Sirius, and then about them as if to ascertain that they are quite alone, before he pulls a wand from his pocket, mutters something beneath his breath, and lo and behold, he’s now holding a pair of shoes in his hands.

Sirius' eyes widen. So the man is a wizard, is he? Doesn't necessarily make him trustworthy, nonetheless. "No," Sirius shakes his stubborn head.

"Please, at least take the shoes," the stranger insists, "whether or not you come with me." He sets them beside the boy and backs away from him, palms spread downward in a soothing gesture. "There's a small pub up the road. Hen's Bane," he adds. "If you change your mind, that’s where I'll be." And without another word, he nods at Sirius and walks away from him, in that same direction.

Sirius watches the man until he’s out of sight, before reaching for the shoes. He’s not surprised to discover that they’re just his size, and he slips them easily onto his bare feet. Doesn't mean he's going to the pub, though. But what is he going to do? Damned if he knows.

He sits beside the dark water, the lights of the muggle government buildings across the way catching his eye as he ponders on what exactly what it is that they do there. Sometimes there’s much to be said for muggle technology, he thinks, as he’s fairly sure their electric lights don't drip wax on you. Although right now he’d give anything to possess his wand.

After a while, he begins to walk along the river once more, wandering aimlessly, lost in the depths of his contemplation, his thoughts returning to his friends. Most particularly Remus J. Lupin. What is Remus doing? Is he telling James and Peter what happened, his revulsion at what Sirius has done, his hatred of him? Sirius doesn't know how he’ll bear it, having Remus despise him. How could he have ever been so stupid? And why does he have to love Remus so very much?

He’s startled by sudden movement caught from the corner of one eye, as a dark figure comes into view. By the starlight he sees another man, an older man than the first one. This one walks with faltering step, his gait rather uneven, as he approaches closer to the boy. A bottle of something is in one hand, and Sirius' sensitive nose can smell the alcohol with which the stranger reeks. He wrinkles his nose instinctively, as it’s a rather stale smell, and very unpleasant.

" 'Ello, ‘ello." The man sees Sirius, his face lighting as he directs his steps toward him. "Wot have we here? Out late, aren't you, ducky? Care for a bit of company?" The man attempts to put his arm around Sirius, who instantly pushes him away. "Ooh, you're a looker, you are. I wouldn't half mind 'aving a go at you, I wouldn't. 'Ere, luv, give us a kiss."

Sirius is horrified, not to mention disgusted and reviled, as the man attempts to force his attentions upon him, seeking his lips. What the fuck? Especially when Sirius' thoughts are all of the sweet beautiful boy whom he has actually tasted, albeit unknowingly. Which makes this man's advances all the more loathsome. Without pausing for thought, he brings up one knee, hard, and as the inebriate doubles over in pain, crying out harsh epithets, Sirius makes good his escape.

The die is now cast, and at this moment his only thought is to stay safe, so he begins to run as fast as he can in the direction he last saw the other man, praying that this pub is easily found, and that as it’s a public place, he can come to no harm there. Hopefully.

He’s completely unaware that Remus Lupin is once again one step behind him, and has arrived on the scene just as Sirius' figure has dwindled from view.