Scarred Souls - 1. Chapter 1

When your life is a total mess, when nothing you do or say feels right, when nothing around you matters... What are you going to do to make things right again? When you feel so detached and out of it and just don't care anymore, when you are almost beyond redemption... Can your scarred soul free itself from its prison and find salvation?

I: First Impressions

Night to February 20th, 2002

Josh Slater was sitting on his bedroom floor, leaning back against his king-sized bed, with his two best friends, Chad Foster and Spencer Rennie, beside him. They were passing a bottle of rum between them, while both Josh and Chad were counting money.

"We really earned a lot of money tonight," Chad grinned and ran a hand through his auburn hair. His green eyes sparkled as they looked over at the blonde, who had just finished counting his own money as well.

"It was really busy too, I'm totally beat," Josh said with a wry grin and pulled forward a small box he had hidden under his bed. He put a small key into the lock and opened it, tucking his money into it and locking it again.

"But then that's a good thing," Chad said, stuffing his own money into another box that was hidden underneath his blonde friend's bed. He couldn't hide his money at his father's house, because if the bastard found them he'd just use them for hookers and alcohol, but it was safe at Josh's place. Since the other teen lived alone and all. "The more money, the better for the day we finally leave this hellhole."

Spencer raked a hand through his golden hair and looked at his two friends as he took a sip of the rum-bottle. "I can't believe that you two are actually selling yourselves like that," he said, but there was no judgment in his tone. He knew that it was the only way the two could earn enough money to pay for what they needed and save something for after graduation, when they were planning on leaving this town. "Having sex with so many different guys every freaking day? I can't even imagine how disgusting and degrading that must be."

"We do what we have to do," Chad said, flashing him a grin. "You know, you're always broke, your family's a mess and you want to leave this shitty place with us... Why not get some extra cash? I tell you, these horny, middle-aged guys pay extremely well."

Josh leaned forward a bit and looked at the golden-haired teen, nodding to Chad's words. "On good nights we can get as much as a couple of grand," he said. "No other job pays that well in one single night. It might be disgusting and sometimes degrading, but when you come home and count all that money, it's so worth it."

Spencer glanced between his two friends. Josh was smiling slightly, while Chad was grinning cheerfully. They couldn't hide their real feelings though, because everything was showing in their eyes. All the pain they were carrying on was stored in there. Eyes never lied. Not his own either, he figured. But then his pain wasn't nearly as fatal as theirs were.

Josh took the rum-bottle from his golden-haired friend and took a huge sip. This was a thing the three of them always did; sitting together at night, drinking bottles of various alcohols he had stashed under his bed. He and Chad were also often counting their newly earned money, since these nightly escapades happened after they'd been down on the brothel, doing as many customers as possible so they'd get a lot of money. Graduation was only three months away, and they needed all the money they could get so they could leave this town forever.

"I'm going to get myself a job," Spencer spoke up after a while. "But I'm not going to work on a brothel, selling myself to desperate guys who can't get it elsewhere. I'm going to get a normal job, in a diner or something."

"You won't earn much money that way," Chad said, snapping the rum-bottle out of Josh's hand.

"I know," Spencer sighed, stretching his hands over his head and leaning back against Josh's bed. "But unlike the two of you, I'm a virgin and I want to stay that way until I meet a guy I can fall in love with."

"How romantic," Chad said, rolling his eyes. "Life isn't like that, Spence. And you know that just as well as Josh and me."

Spencer sighed. "Can't you allow a guy to dream? For a little while at least?"

Chad laughed, nudging his friend's side. "I guess I can allow you to dream until you turn eighteen," he said. "Because then you're off age, and real life really kicks in."

"How can you know that?" Spencer pointed out. "You haven't even turned eighteen yet."

"My life already is crap," Chad said. "I already have to provide for myself. My father doesn't care. Though I'm sure that life somehow will find a way to screw me over even more on that they I do turn eighteen."

"Gee, you're such an optimist," Spencer muttered.

Josh shook his head with a small smile, stealing the rum-bottle back from the red-head that was sitting in the middle. He'd turned eighteen almost a month ago, but his mother was still paying for his apartment and his bills. Everything to keep him away from her.

Angelina Graham had never liked her son. Josh knew that perfectly well. She'd told him many times. It hurt him, of course, since she was his mother, but he was used to it by now. Her husband however, Andrew Graham, was a very big fan of the blonde. Much to Josh's dismay. He hated that damn man with a passion. And the man knew that, he just didn't care about it. His mother didn't know what was going on though, and Josh wanted it to stay that way.

Both Chad and Spencer had found out about what his stepfather was doing to him, but he had begged them, pleaded with them, to keep it a secret. No one else had to find out, absolutely no one. It couldn't get out, not at all. His mother would hate him even more if it did, and she would probably make her earlier threats come true and throw him into the nearest mental facility.

Josh shook his head to get rid of the depressing thoughts about his mother and stepfather. He lifted the bottle to his lips and was going to take another sip, but nothing came out. He stared dumbly at it for a moment before he understood that it was empty. Gee, I'm already starting to get drunk, he thought and threw the bottle across the room. It landed with a clunk against the opposite wall, intact. "Hey, Chad, pull out another bottle," he said and poked his friend's shoulder.

Chad wasn't exactly sober either as he bent down and reached under the bed, grabbing a new bottle and pulling it out. "Another rum," he announced and opened the bottle, taking a long sip from it and then handing it over to Spencer who was the most sober one of the three boys.

"You two are sleeping over, right?" Josh asked, staring fascinated as Spencer tipped his head up and took a very, very huge gulp from the bottle.

"Of course! I'm not going to be able to go home once we've finished that one," Chad snickered, motioning to the bottle in Spencer's hand. "And frankly... My dad is probably busy with some paid hooker or something. I don't want to come home to that. I did once before, and it's fucking disgusting. Seeing my own father ram into some goddamn cheap, trashy whore is just so sickening!"

"He's just doing what you're doing," Spencer pointed out, handing the bottle over and wiping his mouth on his shirt-sleeve. "Except from that he's the one paying, while you're the one getting paid. Yeah, and the fact that he's straight and doing it with women while you two are 100 percent gay and doing it with desperate, sex-deprived old men."

"Hey!" Chad exclaimed. "Not all of them are old! Many of them are young and damn hot, if I may say so myself!"

"That's true," Josh said, eyeing the rum-bottle in his hand wearily. It was moving. But that might just be his sight or his hand shaking, seeing as he was drunk and all. "A lot of the guys that pay me down at the brothel are super hot."

Spencer rolled his eyes, stretching again. "I'm tired guys. It's past three, and we have to get up for school early in the morning. And we're all probably going to have some huge hangovers."

"Let's just finish drinking this one," Josh said, waving the bottle in front of them, causing it to slosh over a bit. "Then we'll go to bed."

The two other's agreed and they quickly finished that rum-bottle. Once it was empty, they dragged themselves up into Josh's huge bed, and fell asleep in a mass of sheets and limbs.

***

At lunch the next morning, the three were sitting outside, under a huge apple-tree. All three were hung-over and miserable and swore that they were never going to drink again. Of course, that's what they said every time they were sick like this, and they still hadn't stopped drinking.

"So what are your plans for today?" Chad asked, leaning back against the tree and stretching his arms above his head.

"I'm going to find a job, as I mentioned last night," Spencer replied as he viewed the red apple in his hand. He was sure he was going to throw up, but he needed to eat something, so he carefully took a bite and chewed it slowly.

"I don't have any special plans," Josh spoke up form where he was lying on his back on the grass. "I think I'm just going to go home and sleep for the rest of the day. I'm totally exhausted." He yawned, but then looked over at his red-headed friend. "What are your plans?"

"I was planning on going downtown to the brothel," Chad said with a wry grin. "I'm horny and in need for more money."

"You have to be addicted to sex," Josh said with a small laugh. "You can never get enough, can you?"

"Nope," Chad chuckled. "You know, sex is a form of exercising. I've never been any good at sports, but sex is something I really can perform. You think I'll pass PE if I sleep with the coach?"

"Oh freaking God!" Spencer exclaimed. "I do not want to hear about you sex-addiction, who you're planning to sleep with or you freaking sex needs!"

"What? Your virgin ears can't take it?" Chad leaned over and nudged him in the side.

"Shove it," Spencer muttered, taking another bite of his apple.

"You're so mean," Chad said, mock pouting. "Saying such forceful things."

"Oh, you poor baby," Josh snickered, nudging Chad's upper arm with his knee. He was still laying on his back on the grass, with a full view of the blue, cloudless sky far above him.

"If you're meaning to be comforting, it isn't that convincing," Chad pouted.

"It wasn't supposed to be convincing," Josh shot back. "You're such a drama queen sometimes."

"I'm gay. I'm allowed too."

"That's so off the subject," Josh said. "I'm gay too. And Spencer is as well. You don't see the two of us making such a fuss."

"Fuss?!" Chad thrust forward, positioning himself so he was straddling the blonde's hips. He leaned down so their noses were only inches apart. "I'm not making any fuss. You two are the ones fussing because you don't want to listen to me talking."

"That's because you're talking a bunch of crap," Josh said, suddenly grinning. "I mean, screwing the coach? Like you ever have a chance!"

"You don't think I can seduce the coach?" Chad exclaimed. "If I set my mind to it, I can get everyone in bed. Even you." He bent down a bit farther and brushed his lips against his best friend's. When he backed away he glanced playfully up at Spencer, who was watching them. "And you too, dear."

"In your wildest dreams," Spencer huffed.

"Exactly," Josh said, snickering. He braced his palms against Chad's chest and pushed. "Get away from me, you freak!"

Chad fell down on his back, and he chuckled as he looked up at his blonde friend. "You know you love it. Stop denying it so much, sweetcakes."

Josh rolled his eyes, but he was prevented from answering due to the bell ringing it that exact moment.

The three friends groaned as they got up form their comfortable spots. But being in school was a lot better then being at their respectable homes, for all three of them.

***

After school had ended that day Josh found himself sitting in the teacher's lounge, staring rather interestingly at the back wall as he shut the teacher's monitory voice out. As he'd stood up frorm his desk to leave after the last bell had rung, the teacher had told him to stay behind and come with him up to the lounge.

Josh knew perfectly well what the guy was nagging about. That he was failing almost all of his classes and that he was screwing his life up like this, by slacking and skipping school. He didn't say it in quite such hard words, but that was what he meant by it.

And Josh knew perfectly well that his life already was totally screwed, and the only reason he was almost failing was because he held his grade up that much so he could graduate. So he could get away from this town. He wasn't dumb though, and if his life had been different, if he'd actually have the time and energy to do his homework, he'd be a really good student. And unfortunately, his teacher knew this. Which was why he was always nagging on Josh do to better, because he knew he could if Josh only tried and blah-blah-blah.

When that speech was over though, he always started playing wannabe shrink and asked Josh why he didn't try and if he might have some personal problems. Josh never answered him. What could he answer, anyway? That his mother hated him and that his stepfather took great pleasure in using his body for his own enjoyment? That he worked at a brothel at night, selling his body to middle-aged horny men so he could get enough money to disappear from this place?

He would've been sent straight to a mental institution if he ever blurted out something like that. And the fact that his own mother had threatened to send him to one before, if he didn't stop making troubles for her, didn't exactly look all that promising to him.

"Hey, Slater, are you listening to me?!" The teacher's annoyingly high voice ripped Josh out from his thoughts. He felt a little irritated because the man dared to break off his musings like that, but he counted slowly backwards from ten to zero inside his head to stop himself from snapping. He would only get a new lecture and possibly get in trouble if he did that, and he couldn't let that happen.

"Of course I am," he ground out between clenched teeth. He didn't have any idea what the man was talking about, though, but he wasn't about to tell him that. One of the great joys of not listening when someone was talking to you.

"Then I expect that you and one of your parents are coming here tomorrow after school for a parent-student-teacher conference." The teacher looked at the blonde with a frown. "You understand that? I will not hear any more excuses from you! This has been put off for far too long now, okay, Slater? If you don't show tomorrow I'll personally call your parents and get them to drag you here. Understood?"

"Sure," Josh said, shrugging lightly. "I'm going now." He stood up from the chair he had been sitting on and started walking towards the exit door. Teachers were looking at him as he passed their respective desks, some of them he knew from his own classes, some of them he hadn't the faintest clue about.

His thoughts kept him from paying attention to where he was walking, and as he opened the door he almost walked straight into another living, breathing human being. "Excuse me," he said flatly as he slowly lifted his head, looking at the one he'd almost crashed with.

The boy, who was a student like Josh himself, obviously, looked up from under his cap, and their eyes met for a second. He had dark-blue eyes, full of swirling emotions Josh couldn't separate from each other. "It's okay," he muttered and then they were past each other.

The last thing Josh heard over his shoulder before he exited the room was another teacher saying in an annoyed tone;"Take off that cap, Fielding. How many times do I have to tell you that it's against the school rules?"

***

Josh fished his keys up from his pockets and stuck one in the door to his apartment. His apartment indeed. As mentioned before, his mother hated him, so she had bought an apartment for him and paid all his bills. Just so he could stay away from her.

He sighed as he thought about what was waiting for him inside his cosy little apartment. The same thing that awaited him once or twice, maybe even thrice, every freaking week.

Josh shuddered slightly as he turned the key and unlocked the door. He didn't want to go in there, but he didn't have any other choices. This was his apartment, where he lived, and if he didn't go in there, then were would he go? Certainly not to his mother's house, that was for sure. Besides, he would get to him there anyway. His mother and stepfather lived in a fucking mansion, and Josh could scream as much as he wanted and don't be heard by anyone other than him.

Josh pushed the door open, kicked off his shoes and then turned around to close the door behind him. Suddenly a couple of hands reached out from behind him and turned the lock. Now Josh didn't even have any easy escape route out of there.

Those same arms soon wrapped around the blonde and roamed greedily over his body. Josh wanted to cry, to scream, to beat that man's goddamn skull out, but he bit his lip and stayed silent. It usually ended sooner if he didn't resist him.

"It's been so long since last time, Joshua," his stepfather whispered against the younger boy's ear as his hands started to unbutton his shirt.

Long? Josh thought bitterly. It had only been three fucking days since last time he'd been over here. And in those three days Josh had been recovering from his rough treatment. It was always like that; Andrew did whatever he wanted to him, no matter how much it hurt him, and the days he left him alone Josh used to recover. There was no pain free day. Hadn't been in a very, very long time. And the fact that he was selling himself didn't exactly make anything better.

"Be a good boy now, Joshua, and I'll even reward you," Andrew said in a voice hoarse by lust. "You will like that, won't you?" Josh's shirt was unbuttoned and now Andrew's hands were stroking roughly over his stepson's bare skin that was still slightly bruised from the last time.

Josh bit his lip hard, trying his damn best not to wince or make any sound. It fucking hurt when he stroked his bruised body that hard! Couldn't he for once be a bit gentle?!

Andrew's hands went lower down and one hand grabbed the boy's crotch. Josh couldn't help but wince and gasp out in pain and surprise then. "You like this, don't you?" Andrew purred against the naked skin in the niche of Josh's neck.

No! I don't like this at all! Josh screamed silently inside his head. Oh, how he wanted to utter it out loud, and maybe give his stepfather's face contact with his fist at the same time.

Josh didn't hate sex, per se. How could he, when he was selling himself and anything? It was just that he couldn't stand being forced to do it with someone he loathed more than anything. Sex was pretty enjoyable if he was willing and it was done the right way, but Andrew was a goddamn sadist and loved to cause him pain. The more he screamed, cried, the more turned on that bastard became. Josh absolutely hated Andrew's hands on his body, his skin against his, Andrew's cock thrusting into him over and over, practically ripping him apart in the process. Nothing was gentle with this man. Nothing at all.

"You dirty boy." Andrew started to slowly unbuckle the blonde's belt and unzip his pants. Josh just stood there, not doing a thing. If Andrew was going to rape him, he wasn't going to help him make it easier. He was going to do all the job, Josh wasn't lifting a fucking finger. After all, Andrew was the one forcing him.

***

"I'm going now, Harriet," Damian Fielding said silently, lifting up his school bag and slid the strap over his shoulder.

"Wait a minute," his boss called from the back room. A moment later she emerged through the door, holding a bag in her hand. "Here, I made some food for you. You really need to eat, my boy, you almost look unhealthy."

Damian managed a faint smile as he took the bag she offered him. "Thank you," he said, and then turned to leave. He suddenly remembered something though, and turned slightly to look at her. "Is it okay if I'm a little late tomorrow?" He asked. "There's this thing at school tomorrow I have to go to..."

"That's alright," Harriet smiled. "Lesley is coming in right after school anyway, so there's no problem. Just come when you're done with whatever it is you're attending."

Damian gave her another faint smile as he slipped out of the door. As he stepped out on the street he heard Harriet lock the door behind him. He looked up at the sign over the door, Harriet's Diner, and then he slowly started trudging down the street.

He'd been working for Harriet for a few months now. He remembered the little talk he'd had with her the day he'd asked for a job. She'd just asked him a few questions about himself and then hired him on the spot. When he'd blinked at her confused, and asked why, she'd just simply said that he needed a job and she needed a worker, and that he seemed like an alright kid.

The next couple of weeks when he'd been under training, he'd also slightly gotten to know the other teen who was working there, Lesley Troy. They weren't friends, not at all, but they tolerated each other. They even greeted each other in the hallways at school sometimes.

He'd come to understand that Lesley had a hard private life, just as he himself had, and that Harriet had seen that in both boys and therefore hired them. And of course because they seemed like good workers. She was a weird woman, but very nice. She'd given them a change, and they hadn't let her down.

Damian held the bag tight to his chest as he crossed the street and walked into the park. He went over to his usual bench that was placed in the far end of the park, under a big tree, where it was almost totally hidden in darkness.

The bag was now sitting on his thighs, and he viewed it suspiciously. Not that he didn't trust Harriet and her food, but he wasn't sure if he should be eating it. If he first started eating, he couldn't stop until it was all empty and then he had to throw it all up again.

As he continued to sit there, just staring at the bag in his lap, a breeze suddenly blew past him and he shivered. It was chilly, and he almost regretted not grabbing a jacket as he left for school that same morning.

He didn't want to go home quite yet though. He didn't want to see his uncle's and aunt's concerned faces. He didn't want them to worry for him. They were too nice to him... He didn't want them to be nice. Because he didn't deserve it. He was always causing them problems, without really meaning to, always making them worry.

They were worried because he didn't have any friends, because he kept to himself. They were worried because he always seemed to end up in fights with those stupid jocks.

He knew perfectly well that he also made them worry when he didn't come home, but sometimes he just had to stay away. He just couldn't stand to see their faces. Even though they had always treated him as their own child, he felt like an outsider. He was an outsider.

Damian turned his head slightly as he heard footsteps and two people talking heatedly just a couple of few meters ahead of him. He couldn't see them clearly at first, but when they stopped right under a street lamp to talk, the golden light shone down on them so he could observe them.

It was a boy his own age, tall and slender, with blond hair, and an older man with dirty-blond hair and a wider, more muscular body than the boy, yet he was very thin and had a very pathetic conduct.

The older man rustled through his pockets, then held out an envelope to the boy. "Your allowance," the man explained when the blonde just crossed his arms over his chest and stared blankly at it. "The money from your mother. I've also added a little extra for you, as your little reward."

Josh turned his head away in disgust. He didn't want money from him. Andrew was fucking raping him, using him as he wanted, and then he dare give him money?! "Keep them," he snapped. "I don't want them. I don't want to be paid by you like I'm some kind of fucking prostitute." He was one though, but that was beside the point here. He wasn't doing it voluntarily with Andrew. He was being forced.

Josh's words must have strung something inside of Andrew, for his hand suddenly shot out and crashed with the blonde's cheek. Josh stumbled backwards and fell to the ground, where he glared back up at his stepfather. He brought a hand to his cheek and could feel the throbbing. Damn, Andrew hit hard. But of course he knew that from earlier experiences.

Andrew had a dangerous gleam in his eyes, and he suddenly grabbed Josh's sweater and jerked the boy back up on his feet, pulling him close to his own chest. Then he started to suck and lick greedily on the kid's neck, and again Josh turned his head away from him in disgust.

He felt his blood freeze though, as he met a pair of ice-blue eyes a couple few meters away. He stared at the boy sitting on the bench, and Damian stared back at the blonde with equally shock and surprise.

They both realized pretty quickly that they'd seen each other before. Earlier that day, in the teacher's lounge...

The boy with that dull, flat voice that had made me raise my head and take a better look at him, Damian thought. The boy with the dead eyes... Bright green eyes without any kinds of emotions in them...

Those dark-blue eyes, so deep of mixed emotions one could drown in them, Josh thought at the same time. For a brief moment, as Josh gazed into those mesmerizing eyes, he had forgotten that he was in his stepfather's arms, but as Andrew bit down hard on his neck, he yelped and snapped back to the present. It dawned to him that that boy sitting over there now knew his secret. At least he would if Josh didn't do something fast.

Josh's lips quirked up into a smirk, and he stuck his tongue out in a childish manner as he slid his arms up his stepfather's shoulders and pressed himself closer to the man. Let the black-haired boy believe they were lovers. That was the safest possibility in that moment.

Damian's eyes narrowed in annoyance as the blonde guy stuck his tongue out at him, winking at him. Cocky bastard, he thought as he turned his head away, not wanting to look at them anymore.

Instead he opened the bag and started eating the food Harriet had prepared for him. She was a good cook, and he really enjoyed her food. But he knew that when the bag was empty, he'd be on his knees, throwing it all up again in the bushes surrounding the park.