Twilight Observations - 1. Twilight Observations

Claire Robins was in love with a Twihard.

Or at least, a woman with the makings of one. To be fair, her lover hadn’t seen any of the movies. Wendy had wanted to wait for the first DVD to be released before watching, but life soon got in the way and the second movie came out once things settled down. Then the third came and Wendy figured it’d make for a “fun” movie night to watch all three, in a row.

Claire had her reservations. She could not (and had no desire to) understand what all the hype was about. From what she could tell, it was just about a bunch of teens angsting all over each other. She had enough of that in her own teen years, and couldn’t figure out why girls between the ages of twelve and forty-five would want to experience that (in many cases, again.)

She was committed once Wendy put the first DVD in the player. With a sigh of resignation she settled into the couch, nursing a beer in her right hand as she slung her left arm over the back. She moved it to Wendy’s shoulders once her blonde sat down, the other woman plastering herself to Claire’s side as a bowl of popcorn was set into her lap.

With Wendy leaning against her, daintily munching popcorn from her lap, the thought that the night may not be a total loss crossed her mind. But, Claire was soon disappointed.

“Holy shit, he’s wearing more makeup than you do.”

While that earned her a shushing, Claire couldn’t help but gape at the screen. The guy playing the vampire was seriously caked in cosmetics. It was so obvious! And straight women these days went for that kind of thing?

Gay men, probably, but the women? It just wasn’t natural. He didn’t even wear it that well!

Then “Bella” started trying to get cozy with “Edward,” the male being initially repulsed. Claire could see it coming from a mile away; vampy wanted her, but didn’t want to nibble on her for fear of her safety. And then it was revealed that the man didn’t have, nor did he EVER have, a girlfriend from that school.

Claire snorted. A man at seventeen to eighteen, immortal or not, was going to be a walking tank of hormones. That’s just how males were. Nearly every guy Claire had known at that age had been a pig, and made her infinitely glad to be a lesbian.

A guy in real life that had Edward’s “good looks” would have been capitalizing on it, all over the place. That Edward wasn’t doing so, even if he was a vampire and was abstaining for God-only-knew-why, made him even more of a fantasy than the creature he was.

But she stayed quiet for Wendy’s sake, only rolling her eyes as Bella stumbled along, blindly pining over the “intriguing” male. She duly noted that Wendy was becoming more and more riveted, however, which she knew was not a good sign for the rest of her night.

She thought she was behaving rather well, until...

“Oh my god, he sparkles in the sun? I think Dracula just staked himself from the shame.”

Wendy shushed her again, this time adding a jab to her thigh with a manicured finger. Claire ignored it in favor of saying, “Come on! You’ve got to admit that it’s stupid to have a vampire sparkle in daylight.”

Wendy told her to be quiet, and Claire complied with a huff. As much as the movie was annoying her, she did like it when she and Wendy made love. And the blonde was putting out some serious “you’re sleeping on the couch if you keep this up” vibes.

“At least let me up,” Claire muttered. “I’m going to need another beer.”

~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~

Two bottles of wheat ale later (making for a grand total of three), they were almost done with the second movie. While sitting through the first movie, Claire thought the whole premise of a personality-deprived girl throwing herself on a supernatural man was stupid, but the alcohol had made it easier to ignore. Even the sub-standard action scenes had been tolerable.

Then they broke up in the second movie. After that it was the classic flip-flopping of a girl’s fragile heart when the werewolf boy came into the picture. What fun that had been to watch. Especially when Jacob’s topless scene played.

Claire had to shudder, then say, “You know, I heard he was a minor when this movie was filmed.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Wendy.

Claire met her eyes evenly and said, “It means nearly all the adult women on the planet were staining their panties over someone that wasn’t even legal at the time. I don’t think he turned eighteen until after the third movie was in theaters. Kinda creepy when you think about it.”

Wendy hesitated. “Well, I guess that’s true, if you put it that way, but... But that’s not the point of the movie!”

“Sure, sure...” Claire set her empty beer bottle on the coffee table, reaching for a handful of popcorn as some CGI wolves (of dubious quality) bounded across the screen. She said no more, Wendy taking that as a sign to relax against her side as they watched. Claire wasn’t really paying attention to the movie, though, her mind wandering as she chewed on the salty, butter-covered goodness.

Blade had been a good vampire movie. A hero that fought his own blood-sucking tendencies, younger vampires taking control over their kind by killing the elders (in sunlight, no less,) and fight scenes that were actually good. Claire didn’t normally like guys, but at least Wesley Snipes had been able to pull off his role. Not like the dude playing Edward, who pouted far too much for Claire’s comfort.

And going back to Jacob, what did the kid have to do to get that kind of body? There was no way that had been done with crunches and push-ups alone. Wasn’t steroid use in minors illegal, or something?

Whatever the case had been, she could feel Wendy squirming whenever he was on the screen. What that implied, Claire could only guess. But she did know she’d be reminding Wendy of who her pert little backside belonged to, before the night was over.

~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~

“Finally!” Much to Claire’s relief, the last movie was done. She might have needed five beers out of the six-pack she had bought for this night, but at least she got through it without getting Wendy too annoyed for sex.

The blonde in question sighed. “Oh, come on, it couldn’t have been that bad. I really liked it.”

“I noticed.” Claire stood and stretched as Wendy went to fetch the DVD. “Especially whenever Jacob was on-screen. What’s up with that?”

Wendy’s cheeks flushed as she said, “He reminds me of you, in a way.”

Claire had to blink at that. “I don’t know if that’s a compliment or an insult.”

Wendy turned off the electronics as she spoke. “Well, there’s the motorcycle, of course. And you’re both loyal, kind, caring...”

“I’ll concede on the bike,” Claire said, since she did own a Harley. “But where do you get the ‘loyal, kind and caring’ parts from?”

Wendy looked at her like she had a second head. “You are kind and caring. At least, to me you are. And the loyalty part I thought would be obvious.”

Claire snorted. “At least I GOT the woman I wanted. Can’t say the same for werewolf boy.”

A wistful sigh. “No, you have a point there.”

Wendy followed Claire to the kitchen, the blonde with their empty popcorn bowl and Claire with her empty bottle of beer. “Seriously, though,” said Claire, “what do you see in those movies? Bella was a hollow character, at best. Edward was a douche, in my humble opinion, and Jacob was just chasing after leftovers for nothing. I just don’t see what the big deal was.”

The blonde rolled her eyes, even though she was grinning. “I should have known the romantic aspects would fly over your head.”

“Uh huh. Like watching a teenage girl get dumped twice in the same movie is very romantic. Face it, babe, Romeo and Juliet had more going for them.”

“But what about in Eclipse? Bella and Edward got engaged.”

“At the very end, yeah. And what about that ‘I love you, Jacob, but I love Edward more,’ bullshit? You don’t romantically love two people like that. I don’t care what you say, it just doesn’t happen.”

Claire was washing the bowl, planning to do the dirty dishes from dinner afterward, her beer bottle rinsed and set aside to dry. A sigh came from behind her as Wendy rested her forehead on the back of Claire’s shoulder. Arms wrapped around her waist as Wendy said, “Maybe we should just agree to disagree on the movie. I liked it, you didn’t. I kind of had a feeling that would happen, anyway.”

Claire nodded, then agreed verbally when she realized Wendy couldn’t see it. “Yeah. It’s just weird to me, how women can like those movies... But I’ll just have to live with you squealing over Jacob in the next one.”

“There’s two.”

Claire’s hands stopped moving, her whole body going rigid. She looked down, twisting her torso to dislodge her lover and look down into her blue eyes. “What did you just say?”

Wendy looked at her, unconcerned. “There’s two more movies before the series is done.”

The despair Claire felt must have shown in her face, because Wendy started laughing her ass off. The taller woman could only rest her elbows on the edge of the sink, hanging her head in defeat. She told herself she wasn’t whining when she said, “You mean I have to sit through at least four more hours of that crap?”

Wendy patted her shoulder consolingly as she said, “If it makes you feel any better, sweetie, I won’t rent the DVD’s. I’ll go and see them in the theater with my friends.”

Claire’s dry reply of “hallelujah” earned her more giggles and a hug.

“You’re silly,” Wendy said affectionately.

“And you’re weird,” said Claire, equally as affectionate. With the dishes clean, she shut off the faucet and turned around, grabbing the hand towel they kept near the sink in the same motion. Facing Wendy and drying her hands, she continued. “But even if you’re a strange, little Twihard, you’re my strange, little Twihard.” The brunet leered before snaking an arm around Wendy’s middle, pulling her close. With no space between them, Claire huskily said, “I plan on reminding you of that. Right now.” Their lips hovered tantalizingly close as she lowered her voice just so.

“I’m going to drive all thoughts of vampires and werewolves out of your pretty little head.”

Wendy shivered, her eyes fluttered and the first moan of many to come escaped from her throat. Even as Claire claimed painted lips with her own, she suddenly had a thought.

Two more movies meant two more excuses to sex-up her girlfriend for the rest of the night.

Maybe Twilight wouldn’t be the bane of her existence, after all.

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