The Dance [Mychyl Kime] - 4. Chapter 4

"Hey, Rach! Wait up!" Jacob shouted. He paused a moment to glare at me, then rushed out the door after her, leaving me and David alone together in the store, all the customers watching us closely, as though it were all a soap opera or something... which, sometimes, it certainly felt like...

God, I keep reliving it in my mind... how long has it been so far? I glance at my watch, not very pleased at what I see. Four, five minutes, and I've just been standing here, wondering what happened, what I did that was so wrong that my best friend is outside, running after his crush, while I stand in the store, right next to my best friend's brother (who just so HAPPENS to be gay, and out, and always coming on to me) who has the nerve to start giggling.

"What the hell?" I ask, dumbfounded, the first words out of my mouth since Rachel and Jacob took off. So I wasn't going to win awards for my brilliant speech. So sue me; I wasn't in the frame of mind to be poetic. "What the HELL? What is going on in my life?"

"Well," David started, edging me closer to the door, "for one, you just broke the heart of a girl who happens to have a crush on you... not to mention piss off your best friend, who has a crush on her... it's all a bit like a bad soap opera, huh?" he finished, voicing my own thoughts.

"So, what am I supposed to do? Can I make it any more obvious that I don't like her... well, as more than a friend, don't like her? What do I gotta do, take out a billboard?"

"You? Don't like Rach?" he stared at me, almost dumbfounded, the laughter of a few moments ago forgotten as we walk towards the car, finally away from everyone. "Damn! If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were telling the truth earlier, about being gay and whatnot... wait a minute!" he adds quickly, a sudden, stray thought crossing his mind. "You ARE gay, aren't you? And you DO have a crush on Jacob... That explains everything!" he finally exclaims, looking fairly pleased with himself.

Time freezes; the moment of truth is finally here. Do I tell David, and hope he can keep his mouth shut? Do I play it off, let him think I'm straight? Or do I simply ignore the question? I mean, it's not like he's gonna beat me up or something if I tell him the truth... after all, he's gay... and EVERYONE knows he is... and it would be nice to have someone know, especially someone my own age, who can understand what I'm going through...

I glanced around quickly, making sure no one is in earshot. "OK, so yeah, I'm gay... so what?"

He glanced about the parking lot as well, then grabbed me in a fierce hug. "It's about damn time you admit it to someone... and I'm glad you told me..."

"What do you mean, admit it?" I asked, poleaxed.

"I've known for some time now that you are... I was just waiting to see when you'd finally be able to tell me... after all, if you can't tell a gay guy that you're gay, who can you tell?"

I hugged him back, then pulled away before anyone could see. "OK, so you knew, and now I told you, but you gotta promise not to say a word... you can handle being out, 'cuz you can protect yourself... but as for me, I can't do too much protection..." He started to say something, but I interrupted, already knowing what he would say next. "...And no, you can't protect me... you can't be with me all the time... And worse yet, what if my mom found out about me?"

OK, there's the killer: my mom has NO clue. Unfortunately, I can't very well tell her... I know her opinion on homosexuality, and it isn't good. She was raised a proper Catholic schoolgirl, then converted to Christianity... and neither has anything good to say about gays... Anyways, even if that wasn't the case, she has one more problem with gays: my father. He's bi, you see... and shortly after I was born, he dumped her for some boy and ran off to... come to think of it, I don't really know WHERE he ran off to. Wherever it is, I think about running off to there all the time... somewhere that gay guys can be accepted, not tortured and beaten, or worse...

"OK, OK, promise," he swore, "no one finds out... but seriously, you NEED to get over Jacob. You have about as much chance with him as Rachel has with you... or, for that matter, as he has with Rachel." He sighed, shaking his head miserably. "I swear, it's enough to make me celibate, all this drama you three are creating in this otherwise peaceful town..."

"Yeah right," I quipped, "we're not the reason you're celibate... it's 'cuz you can't find a guy to sweep you off your feet and ride away with you into the sunset... so get ye gone, Cinderella, 'cuz Belle needs to get some sleep..."

"All right, I confess," he sighed, holding his hands as if pleading, "you got me." He sighed again, turning the dramatic (flair? flame?) all the way on. "Now go, before I hit you over the head and carry you off to my house, just to prove my point!"

I laughed and started towards my house, taking a path I've traveled so often, I could walk it in my sleep... after all, one advantage to living in a small town is always knowing your way around, so you never can get lost, no matter what state of mind you're in. On the way, I kept turning the night's events over in my mind, trying to make some sense of it all... but the only thing I could figure is, I'd lost one good
friendship... hell, the best friend I'd EVER had!... and replaced it with the knowledge that, out there, someone finally knew my secret... the one thing that kept me going... and told me, flat out, that I had no chance...

When I got home, the door was locked... no big deal, since my mom usually went to bed before I did, so I pulled my keys out, trying my best to keep from making too much noise as I entered the house, noting the mess in the living room.

~Ah, she was entertaining today,~ I thought, a halfhearted smile on my face from the thought. ~So much the better... she probably didn't realize that I didn't work today, that I should've been home, and lucky for me... if she knew where I was today, over at David's, she'd have a kitten!~

I tiptoed down the hallway, past my mom's closed door, and to my room, opening the door as silently as possible, then entering and quickly closing it behind me. I move to my bed, shedding clothes as I go, and slide under the covers, thankful that I made it past my mom's vigil without awakening her... the last thing I needed to deal with, after the day I've had, is my mom...

Not that I have anything against her! It's just that, she tends to be overbearing, mostly since she still feels the overwhelming need to overprotect me, as though I were still a 2 year old or so. It's annoying, really, because I try to tell her that I can watch after myself, take care of myself, but alas, she still feels that cursed maternal instinct... cursed, since it's a curse on me!

With these thoughts, I drift off to sleep, only to encounter dreams of what has happened today, what could've happened, and what some part of me, be it conscious or subconscious, hopes the future will become...