Don't Leave Your Valuables Unattended! An Expedition - 2. Chapter 2

Teddy Chen sat in the corner of the Planned Parenhood, twisting a Phillips screwdriver into his silver Rolex. He snapped the back-panel into place, and knocked over a rubber tree plant as he hopped up.

“Finito! It’s completed! Completed!”

He skipped over to his friends at the counter, where there was a long line waiting for the receptionist. She was still locked in a Time Loop.

“I got the finishing touches for Version 1.23 ready to roll,” said Teddy.

The receptionist smiled and greeted him again, ignoring the phone ringing. No one was getting their prenatal check-up today.

Danny Flower hopped behind the counter. “I’ll get it.” He picked up the phone: “Oh hello, Mrs. Clara, good to hear from you again. What’s that? No, Ella’s out sick today. No, I can’t tell you when your next appointment is, you’ll just have to sit on your bum and stick a finger--”

Tess snatched the ringer from him and slammed it into the dialer. “Goddam it, you two better fix her.”

Teddy and Danny swapped bromantic looks from opposite sides of the counter.

“Ready Player One?” asked Teddy.

“Ready Player Two.”

Teddy high-fived his friend and then leaped into the air. He twisted a dial on his watch and cried, “Let’s roll, Rolex!” A pink beam zapped from the faceplate and surrounded the receptionist in a wiggly amoeba of light. A bunch of the customers in the lobby started murmuring amongst themselves. But they didn’t ask what was happening since nowadays technology could do anything. There were no surprises in the world anymore. Only death and decay.

“Sidekick support dialogue!” cried Danny. He limbo-limbo-limboed under the watch beam and then pranced around and then hopped over the beam again. Then the laser puttered out.

“Hey what gives?”

“I’m outta juice.” Teddy shrugged. “I guess we’ll have to fix her tomorrow when the Magick recharges. Let’s go to class, Danny.” And so they dashed for the automatic doors.

“I know you ain’t walking away,” said Tess. She grabbed both boys by their collars and pulled them back to the reception desk. She pointed at the woman behind the counter and sneered through her teeth, “Fix her.”

“There’s nothing I can do,” said Teddy. “I’m all outta Magick.”

“What if we just give her a good wake up slap?” Danny made a bat swinging motion at the receptionist’s head. “Going, going, gone!”

“Foul ball, man,” said Teddy. “I’m not hitting a lady.”

“Forgot, your a nonviolent loser. Don’t you just wanna pop her in the head like a watermelon?” He made a gun shooting motion with his hands. Bam.

“No, man. It’s not because I’m nonviolent, I just don’t hit people who don’t deserve it.”

Tess moaned. “I’m surrounded by idiots.” Then she took Teddy’s water bottle from his manpurse and uncapped it. “Hope she doesn’t melt.” She poured the water over the time-locked lady’s head. “The power of Christ compels you.”

“Hey what are you doing that for?” said the receptionist. The spell broke with just a bit of water. OK, approximately 8.5 fluid ounces.

“You did it Tess!” Danny jumped up and down three times. He was like a Tigger in an eighteen year old’s body.

“Um you guys have to leave or I’m calling the police,” said the receptionist.

Danny grabbed Teddy and Tess by the hands and he ran off with them in tow. “Time to bounce!”

Then, outside: the three amigos reached the bus stop heading back for SDSU.

“Teddy, you gotta stop using that thing,” said Tess. “No man should control time.”

“Yeah I suppose it’s dangerous.”

Bummer dude,” said Danny. “But it’s so much fun!”

“Not a peep from you, mister,” said Tess. “Or I won’t share my Swedish Fish.” She’d taken a baggy from her purse and wagged it in front of Danny like a carrot dangling from a stick.

Danny zipped his mouth close with a gesture and said no more.

“Promise me, that you’ll stop messing with Time,” said Tess.

“Are you saying I have to give up my watch?”

“No it’s real pretty. Keep it. Men should wear watches, but only to tell time.”

Teddy sighed and lit a cigarette. “I guess.”

“Promise me.”

“OK,” he said, shuffling on his heels. “I promise.” But behind his back, Teddy crossed his fingers. While it was true Tess wasn’t having an abortion, it did not mean her baby’s life was safe from danger. For she already had a baby under her care.

Teddy thought of a certain manchild when he got on the bus and rode back to school.

***

Meanwhile, back at SDSU, Spaulding Douglas watched his heels wiggle, as he balanced over the platform and the trolley tracks. He’d crossed the Yellow Line you were supposed to stand behind.

The Green Line bound for Grossmont landed in five.

And Spaulding was gonna jump. Meet his Dead Line.

Fall.

Never get up.

Ever.

Tess hadn’t crossed his mind all day, even when he felt itchy in his nether regions. He should’ve told her, but what the hell. Don’t see why Danny loves her so much. I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve anything. The cement shook and it seemed that the trolley station might crumble over his head.

The trolley whistle rang. Spaulding turned and looked down the tunnel. The safety lights led into an oblivion.

“Oh build your ship of death, for you will need it,” he quoted DH Lawrence. “We are dying. We are all dying.”

Then he felt a presence. He looked across the platform through the iron grill and gate-checks, at a man standing up on the mezzanine. It was Teddy.

When they made eye contact, Teddy tipped his hat and raised his hand to say hello.

So did Spaulding, but in that very second he did, Teddy fiddled with his watch and for a moment:

You’re frozen.

The character perspective shifted. Now we were up on the Mezzanine looking down on a trolley station where someone had pushed a pause button. Spaulding couldn’t move.

Teddy polished his watch and walked downstairs.

He walked through the statued bodies, grabbed this fratboy by the junk and gave a good squeeze, which was super naughty even for Teddy, and went over to Spaulding.

He brushed a loose hair from his friend’s shoulders. Then Teddy snapped his fingers.

We went into motion again.

He tapped Spaulding back, and startled, his buddy jumped and looked behind him to see Teddy.

“How’d you?”

Teddy presented something: “You lost something.” It was Spaulding’s phone.

“Hey! Thanks man.”

“You’re welcome.”

“How’d you find me?”

Teddy didn’t tell him that crabs were quite vocal. They had big barks to go with their little bites. He could literally hear them a mile away.

Spaulding blushed and scratched his head. “Hey, I’m sorry I said San Diego Mexican food sucks--I can say that word yeah?”

“Yeah. But who’s keeping track?”

“Yeah. Well, I also kinda lied just to piss you guys off. I’ve just felt so down.”

“Tell me about it.”

Spaulding smiled. “Wanna go to class?”

“Not really,” said Teddy. He put his hands in his pockets because his watch glowed silver. “But I’ll go if you go.”

“Together?”

Teddy winked. “Until the end of time,” he said.