Tear of the Goddess - 7. VII

“We are entering Osterios controlled land now,” Aldo spoke up after they had travelled most of the day, covering a pretty good distance as the weather was fair and not much had got in their way as they walked past some flags with the nations insignia.

“That benefits us then- My family is in good standing with them so we will not be harassed and an army controlled area is less likely to have annoying petty monsters to deal with.” Romidant added as they entered the forest, a large fort could be seen once past it ontop of a large hill.

The nation of Osterios had one of the largest armies in Estel, spanning from where the group had just arrived at upto the vast desserts of Altepa far north west. Famed for their 7 Generals that effectively controlled their many cities and surrounding areas, their supreme leader’s identity was unknown. Some believed they were led by Halone, the Goddess of War but it probably wasn’t actually the case.

“Isn’t this one of Solen’s areas?” Terith asked as they walked. Solen was one of the 7 Generals of Osterios, he had climbed to General status even though he was an assassin which was pretty rare.

“That suits us. He rarely cares about something as minor as some passers by,” Romidant replied. The forest was rather quiet, maybe a little too much so.

“We will need to sleep here tonight.”

They had reached halfway through the forest by sunset and found a suitable clearing in the woods where they could set up camp for the night. Once they ate, Raphael found himself not doing much as the rest of the group were cleaning weapons and so on and after this morning... it was a bit awkward for him to be sitting next to Amon... He wasn’t too sure why either. It wasn’t like anything happened that made it that way and Amon himself didn’t seem to be affected like he was at all.

“I’m... going to go and bathe. We passed a river that way. I’ll be back soon.” Raphael said, standing up now. It was only a little more than an excuse as he didn’t just want to sit there. He got acknowledgement from the party and he made his way to the sound of flowing water. It was completely dark now, the moonlight bathing the surroundings in a blue light. He could hear an owl hooting somewhere up in the trees. It was a pleasant clear night.

Raphael reached the riverbed and took his shoes off, going to shed his robes but stopped when he realized someone was already there- the figure was chest deep in the water, their back turned towards him. It looked like a young girl, maybe in her late teens, long white hair fanning out on the water surface. Her skin looked deathly pale or maybe that was the moonlight reflecting on the surface of the river? Before Raphael could turn back, the girl turned around and their eyes met.

“Apologies I didn’t mean to-” Raphael started to say but something about her made his words trail off as she continued to stare at him, unblinking. He wanted to look away as ofcourse, it was indecent to be staring at a maiden while she was bathing but... somehow he couldn’t. It was like he was frozen in place.

“Come here.”

Her lips moved but it wasn’t a female voice that came out- it was...

“...Amon?” Raphael blinked in surprise. He frowned when he realized it was Amon in the water where he had thought the girl had stood moments before. What was going on?

Amon was slowly walking towards him now, wading through the water.

“Come to me.”

Something told Raphael this was clearly a dangerous situation and he should run but he found he couldn’t, and instead he was walking towards the water edge. His bare feet touched the water.

Why won’t... my feet stop? No... please..stop...listen to me...

Raphael carried on walking toward the other man, water now up to his waist. Amon wrapped his arms around him now, closing the gap between them.

“Why do you try and resist me?” He asked, his expression tender, tinged with sadness. Raphael felt a pang of pain in his chest.

“It’s not like that I-” The blonde looked away but Amon’s hand moved to his jaw, gently moving his head back so they were looking at each other again.

“Please don’t reject me, Raphael. Do you not like me?” Amon’s voice was soft, almost pleading. Raphael could feel his heart starting to thump hard in his chest. He couldn’t think straight now, his mind was hazy.

“N...no... I... It’s not like that I...shouldn’t...”

“But I love you. It can’t be anyone else...” Amon’s voice seemed to speak directly to his mind, he couldn’t hear the water or night owls anymore.

“But..you...said...”

“Become mine, Raphael. I need you.” Amon replied firmly, leaning down to press a kiss on the blonde’s lips. Raphael couldn’t pull away, instead yielding, leaning into the embrace.

“Why don’t you go and check up on your boyfriend if it bothers you so much?” Terith’s sneering voice cut into Amon’s thoughts. He didn’t answer, simply glaring at the magus in reply. It was true he was starting to worry a little as Raphael had been gone quite a while and he had a strange feeling around his chest where the cleric’s soul gem was resting but he wasn’t going to admit that, specially to Terith.

“Hey, hey! Don’t look at me like that, it was your fault it got so awkward between you two!” he laughed now, it seemed his favorite pastime was to torment Amon as much as he could. “It was YOU who said such painful lies to him this morning! Why don’t you go find him and kiss and make up?”

Amon clenched his teeth in anger, taking a deep shaking breath. “Shut up and leave me alone before I end you, immoral.” he growled.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t see his face when you said you don’t like him like that! What a cruel man!! Such a sadist! Well Raph is a bit too innocent to believe such a shoddy lie but well he’s just inexperienced I guess...” Terith carried on, smirking. “You are totally gonna be damned to hell for turning down something like that!”

Romidant was ignoring the whole scene as if it wasn’t happening, absorbed in reading a rather large and thick tome while Aldo was suddenly very interested in shining his shield for the 3rd time this evening.

Amon couldn’t stand being teased by Terith anymore and stood up abruptly, and without another word started to walk in the direction Raphael had gone. He could hear the river, it must be pretty close.

He reached the river and the sight that caught his eyes made him stop dead in his tracks- Raphael was in the arms of... someone that looked just like Raphael. Their lips were locked in a deep kiss, the water lapping against their bodies.

What in the world was going on?

One of them, the one facing towards Amon slowly pulled away and their eyes met for a moment. He smiled at the mage, a soft, loving smile he had yet to see from Raphael before this. It made him feel that slight twinge in his chest.

Don't get fooled, Amon. That's not him and you know that.

“Raphael??” Amon shouted, running towards the figures in the water. He grabbed hold of the shoulder of the one not facing him. He was sure one was real the other was... not and that this one was the right one. “Raphael!!!” The blonde turned round, his eyes looked dazed and now confusion took over his features.

“Amon...?”

Amon pushed the other Raphael from the one he had originally grabbed and walked him over to the riverbank as fast as possible. Whatever was going on wasn’t good, the... thing in the water was probably some kind of water nymph or similar.

“Don’t you dare take him from me, he is mine!” It shrieked, now striding towards them, stepping out of the water. It was rather unnerving to see Raphael’s delicate features twisted in such a malicious expression.

Amon threw a dagger at the figure and it screamed in pain as the blade hit it’s arm. Raphael still seemed dazed so Amon gently sat him down before he drew out his other dagger, the blade catching fire as he whispered words to enfire it. The creature hissed angrily, growing long claws now and darting towards Amon.

“Cara! Come to me!”

A voice came from behind Amon and the creature that was coming towards him stopped and vanished. Amon whirled around to the owner of the voice and came face to face with a man around his height in simple, close fitting leather battle clothing and a dark green cape. What stood out from his rather modest clothing was the large, growth like thing that was covering the left side of his chest, all the way down his arm and his hand couldn’t even be seen, it was more like a large blade where his hand was meant to be. In his right hand he held a scimitar. Was this another assassin sent to kill him? The thought crossed Amon’s mind and he immediately held his own blade in place, prepared to strike.

“I assume you are adventurers.” The man said simply, not seeming to be threatened by Amon at all as he lowered his blade in his right hand and sheathing it to his side. “I mean no harm. She will not attack you now so feel at ease.”

Amon frowned, not sure whether or not he should still be on alert. He slowly walked backwards to where Raphael was, his dagger still by his side incase something happened. “Are you alright?” He asked the cleric and Raphael simply nodded, shivering in his wet clothes.

“No need to be so weary.” The man now said casually. “I was not aware there were any people around so I let her wander by herself” he carried on with a shrug as he ran his right hand through his deep green hair, it almost blended in with the leaves in the wood. “You can relax now Cara.” he said softly to his left shoulder. The ‘growth’ on it slowly shifted shape into a naked girl, her head pressed at his chest and arms wrapped tightly around his now human looking left arm.

“I was not meant to eat him?” The girl asked now as the man took off his cloak to wrap around her naked form.

“No, they are not people you can have.” he replied as if this was a normal conversation, the kind they have often.

“Oh...” she seemed to sound disappointed, her wet silvery white hair sticking to her face. “But his energy looked like it would help me get stronger... for master.”

“I know but remember, I did say you are only to consume those I cut. No one else.” the man said patiently, pushing her towards Amon. “Apologise to the men, Cara.”

“I’m sorry.” she mumbled though she sounded a bit resentful for having to say it. “...I didn’t eat him though, mage-so don’t worry.” she added as if hoping to make the situation somewhat better by saying that. “....and don’t be angry with him, he didn’t mean to cheat on you.” she also added after a thought as the man picked her up effortlessly, her long slender legs dangling over his arms.

Amon didn’t know what in the world she was talking about nor did he know how to really reply but he didn’t have much chance to do that as the man walked over to a nearby tree, pulling off some clothes from a branch that were hanging there, robes of pure white usually reserved for ‘living deities’ that some small villages still created and threw them ontop of the girl’s chest and she wrapped an arm around the garments to secure them as she wrapped her other arm around his neck.

“If he falls ill then feel free to come to the fort, I will make sure someone can assist you.” The man added before turning towards the wood. “I will be going now. Good night.” And with that he was gone, swiftly jumping through the trees into the forest.

Amon and Raphael stood in silence for a few moments before Raphael stood up. “I... I’m sorry to have caused you trouble...” he mumbled and started to walk the way he had come, not waiting for Amon to answer. He needed to change from the wet clothes and... what just happened... he hoped to the Goddess that Amon hadn’t seen...

“So basically, Raph met Solen’s little pet and almost got eaten?” Terith sounded amused. Raphael had spoken about what happened (minus a few minor details like the fact the girl had taken Amon’s form.) to the others when he got back.

“General Solen... has a pet..?” Aldo sounded confused, as if it was news to him. He had heard of the General but he didn’t really know much details.

“Yep. He stole a living deity from the village of Sleeping dead and released it.” Terith replied, looking a bit surprised no one seemed to know this. “Turned out to be a succubi. Or whatever they are called. You know those things that take on the form of your strongest desire and suck all your energy out? Them things. Kinna scary if you think about it, some backwater villages still create those kinds of things and keep them in their dormant state and worship them and stuff... like a cult isn’t it?”

Raphael had gotten into his spare dry clothes now, letting his wet ones dry. He had seen Amon come back a few moments after him but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything to him. Guilt and disgust at himself ate his heart. If what Terith was saying was true then it meant he... lusted after Amon. He was sinning, it was not permitted by the teachings he followed and furthermore he knew Amon would not be happy if he ever found out. The other man had made it clear he did not like him in that sort of way and he guessed, rightly so.

What can I do? What can I do to make this... go away?

The more he tried to fight it, it felt like he was sinking deeper. But what would happen if he admitted his feelings to himself? Would his powers weaken? Disappear? The scriptures never really stated what would happen, it only told him as a cleric he was not to be influenced by earthly desires like lust.

If I lose my powers... I won’t be any use to Amon anymore...

Raphael failed to notice that thought was what was scaring him the most.

The five traveled and managed to leave the woods the next day, reaching a town on the borders of the Osterios rule. They settled rather early at a tavern, discussing the route they were going to take for the next week which was to reach Altepa dessert and cross it through to the wastelands.

Raphael could hardly concentrate on the conversation, barely taking part in it. There was food for them but he didn’t feel hungry. He just wanted to go to bed, avoiding Amon as much as possible was the plan. He hadn’t spoken much to the other man that day, it didn’t seem like the mage wanted to speak to him either anyway. Maybe he had somehow found out and hated him now? It was a possibility he didn’t want to know the truth about.

“I’m... going to bed,” Raphael said, standing up. “I’ll see you all in the morning, Good night.” He didn’t really wait for the others to reply, making his way to his inn room.

“Raphael!” Amon’s voice made Raphael stop by the stairway of the inn. “Raphael...may I speak to you?”

Raphael nodded in reply, letting himself be led to the backyard area which seemed to have more privacy. He had a bad feeling about this conversation and his stomach churned as he walked.

“...About yesterday...” Amon didn’t really know how to bring this about. Unlike Raphael he knew what what he saw yesterday in the river meant without having to be told. Something he had been trying to deny all this time though he knew it was true. “I-”

“I know you don’t have feelings for me, don’t worry. I know Terith is just saying things to make you angry. I know. You... don’t have to say.” Raphael cut in before Amon could say much. He just didn’t want to hear words of rejection from Amon so many times. He knew. He knew. And it hurt to know.

“Well aslong as you know...” Why did Raphael look like that? Like he was going to cry?

“I’m... going to take a walk.” Raphael said, his voice shaking.

“Shall I-”

“No, I’ll be back soon. Don’t worry about me.”

“But it’s quite unsafe here-”

“PLEASE. Don’t follow me.” Raphael ran back through he door they had come from, through the tavern and out of the door. His throat felt choked up, it was hard to breathe.

“What did you say to Raph now?” Terith asked Amon as he came back to the table to collect his belongings. “He was crying you know? How much of a sinner are you?”

Amon ignored Terith. “I’m going to bed.” he said simply to the other two. Romidant shrugged, Also was looking concerned.

“Are you not going after Raphael? This town isn’t very... safe...”

“He’ll... be fine.” Amon muttered before turning and going up the stairs to his room. He felt like the more he got involved the more he hurt the other.

Raphael had run until he was out of breath. He was down a small road off the main street. He had not even noticed the tears running down his face until now and he wiped them away. He realized he had reacted in a way that probably made the situation even worse.

I should go back...

He turned round to go back the way he came and realized he had no idea where he was. The road split off into small winding alleyways, they all looked identical...

Raphael decided to take the road that he thought was the right one, hoping to find someone and ask for directions back to the tavern. However after 10 minutes of walking he realized he probably was further away then he was before. The place was like a maze, a mess of identical looking back streets. A man walked past him, the first person he had seen in a long time.

“Excuse me!”

Raphael called out but the man had gone. Great. What now?

Maybe I should go this way...

He was about to turn into another road when he felt someone grab him from behind, yanking his body back. Before he could do anything, he felt a electric spark around his temple and his vision faded to black.