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    Refugium
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
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The History of British Currency - A Brief Introduction - 1. The History of British Currency - A Brief Introduction

If you’ve ever been confused by the British monetary system, then this explanation, a judicious balance of truth and lies, probably won’t help.

A basic understanding of old British currency is essential for reading English literature, as there is a hefty fine for reading the works of Shakespeare, Dickens or Scott without it. Although the system may seem complex, mastering a few terms will have you making change like a shopkeeper and cheering traditional class divisions.

The British pound was invented by Charlemagne, who recognized that the English would need it in a few years. He called it a libra, a Latin unit of weight based on the weight of a brassiere. This turned into a livre later in France, so that they could read it, but only if they changed it from a girl (une livre, a pound) into a boy (un livre, a book). This is one of the best-known examples of the so-called French gender-confused nouns (noms de garçons Nancy, "Nancy-boy nouns"). The Anglo-Saxon king Sterling Aethelthloplithp translated libra as a pound of sterling silver, which you could buy at your local butcher shop, back when butchers doubled as silversmiths. Thus the pound sterling was born.

Charlemagne divided his libra into twenty sous (female pigs), and each sou into twelve deniers (meals at a bad bistro). Similarly, the English pound was divided into twenty shillings (the value of the clippings from one of the Kings haircuts), also known as bob (named after Bob Cratchit, the principal character in Chaucers Canterbury Tales, a lowly clerk and hairdresser to the King, who invented the bobbed” hairstyle of the 1320s). The term shilling” ultimately derives from Latin solidus,” a coin used to acknowledge a favour (such as a haircut) done by one Roman soldier for another, and the origin of the much later American phrase do me a solid.

The shilling, like the sou, was divided in twelve, but into pence (the plural of penny), not deniers. Pence is abbreviated d., not because they kept the abbreviation of deniers, but because someone got the p. upside down and it stuck that way. Folk etymology connects shillings and pence with eggs, from a chickens habit of shilling a dozen eggs all over a barnyard. It is true that for a time eggs were a penny each, a shilling a dozen, but any suggestion that this is why there are twelve pence in a shilling is treason, or, on Sunday, blasphemy, punishable by a month in the stocks or by death, whichever comes first.

Two sixpences make a shilling. One sixpence makes a pocketful of rye. Half a sixpence is three pence, later reduced to thruppence due to inflation. Two pennies make tuppence, about which the less said the better.

As with pence” from penny,” the plural of the Middle English word "fenny," a single sale of stolen goods, became “fence.” Much later, when the American restaurant chain Denny's was introduced in Britain, it became known as Dence.

Low, disreputable types called the pound a quid,” as it was equivalent to the price of a chaw of tobacco. Later, when cheap tobacco flooded the market, the quid decreased in value, throwing the entire British currency system into debasement and the economy into a tailspin from which it has never recovered.

Pounds sterling were the foundation of commerce, but were regarded as rather prosaic and déclassé. The upper classes did not speak of pounds; it was bad form. Instead they preferred the guinea, originally a gold coin worth anywhere from twenty to thirty shillings, depending on the market in guinea pigs. Eventually the guinea was fixed at twenty-one shillings to confirm its superiority to the pound. One might pay a tradesman in pounds, but a gentleman, such as an artist or someone to whom one owed large gambling debts, would be paid in guineas or in promises.

In addition, there was the sovereign, a one-pound gold coin so highly prized that no one wanted to spend it, preferring simply to admire it. Sovereigns spent most of their time in bank vaults, huddling together for warmth, before being sent to the United States to pay trade deficits and Edward VIIs hotel bills. There the Americans showed their reverence for the British monarchy by bowing and curtseying to the coins before melting them down for dental work.

Just as the guinea was a pound plus a shilling, the flemp was a pound minus a shilling. The middle classes and tradesmen might be paid in pounds, but the lower classes deserved something less prestigious, and were paid, if at all, in flemps. Flemps were minted in pewter in the hope that common labourers might find the lead content helpful in combatting alcoholism. Certainly, after the introduction of the flemp, deaths from alcoholism decreased, and the lower classes died younger.

Children, of course, were paid a penny or less, and were thrilled to get it. In the old days when you could still get something for a penny, the penny was further divided into smaller denominations, so that you could still have a coin which wouldnt buy anything. Half of a penny was of course a hapenny, named for the value of a wisp of hay, and a quarter of a penny was a farthing, named for the value of a farth — officially one that the King or one of his designated representatives had farthed.

The squinch, a short-lived coin minted between May and October 1887, was equivalent to a penny plus a hapenny plus a farthing. Confectionery dealers were losing money on penny candy and had clamoured for a coin which would cover their costs and desired profits. However, in October 1887, Queen Victoria visited a sweet shop, bought a squinch candy (on account), and found it disgusting, so the whole idea was dropped.

The Union of the Kingdoms of England and Scotland in 1707 was the occasion for the creation of a new coin, the crown, which officially was worth five shillings. However, it was minted only when a new monarch was crowned -- hence the name. Its rarity increased its real value far above the face value. Finally, well after the decimalization of the pound, the value of the crown was recognized as five pounds sterling, retroactively, so that now everyone knows that it had always been worth five pounds. But the half-crown remains fixed at two and a half shillings and is still regarded with contempt as the illegitimate child of the British currency system.

In the 1960s, competition from Japanese currency prompted the British government to take a more innovative approach to coinage. 1969 saw the introduction of the Glimmer, a mid-sized coin that seated four, got good mileage, and had a streamlined look and improved handling, while being aimed at the budget-conscious consumer. Unfortunately, the Glimmer suffered from the same reputation as all British currency and was regarded as sporty but unreliable.

Late in 1970, newly relaxed sexual mores led to the issuance of the Poofter, the first openly gay currency -- a three-pound note intended to showcase young Britains liberation from repressive social strictures. But it proved more liberated than the British public. Many people refused to pay or be paid in Poofters lest the currency should fall into the wrong hands and corrupt British youth. That ship had sailed years before, but nothing can dissuade a deluded parent.

But these developments proved to be the last gasp of a dying currency system.

In 1971, the British pound was decimalized, and has remained decimated ever since. The beauty and poetry of obfuscation so wonderfully captured in British coinage has been replaced by the French-Revolution-inspired modern craze for clarity and the ability to add and subtract. But many still long for the old system, when each coin had a distinct personality, often aloof or even hostile, but quintessentially British.

I hope you enjoyed this bit of silliness. Thank you for reading, and Merry Christmas, if you celebrate that sort of thing.
Copyright © 2022 Refugium; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Simply amazing, history told as you can understand it!!! Please mark as complete!!!

In addition, there was the sovereign, a one-pound gold coin so highly prized that no one wanted to spend it, preferring simply to admire it. Sovereigns spent most of their time in bank vaults, huddling together for warmth, before being sent to the United States to pay trade deficits and Edward VIIs hotel bills. There the Americans showed their reverence for the British monarchy by bowing and curtseying to the coins before melting them down for dental work.

Edited by drsawzall
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41 minutes ago, drsawzall said:

Simply amazing, history told as you can understand it!!! Please mark as complete!!!

 

Oh, thank you for pointing that out. Not the first time I've forgotten to mark a story complete.

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5 hours ago, ColinR said:

Absolutely brilliant and so true (????)

 

Of course it's all true -- in some alternate universe.

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