Moving Over - 4. Chapter 4
Boy loves girl
Zane had no idea what he was doing wrong and it was beginning to worry him. From the day of their first kiss, things had started out great. He and Jack spent every moment together, going to the mall, playing video games, watching movies, reading some of Zane's work. Jack had become much more happy and upbeat, so much so that his mother commented on his change in character. Even then when things seemed at their greatest there were times where Jack would slip into a sort of sadness that was hard to shake off. At first Zane didn't let it get to him, but as the days and turned into weeks, he began to notice that Jack was becoming increasingly distant and morose. It hurt him to think that their relationship was, in some way, failing to make him happy, but a few times when he asked Jack if he was okay, the boy only shrugged and hugged Zane all the closer. A shrug was hardly the answer Zane was looking for, but he tried to push it out of his mind.
Today, the weather had turned unusually rainy for a summer afternoon so they were cooped up in Zane's room. Jack had been stuck in a sort of rut all day so far and Zane felt incredibly bad as the boy sat on the edge of the bed, staring out the window at the rain. He wished that he could just kiss away all of Jack's problems, whatever they were, but he wasn't sure if that was possible anymore. Still, it wouldn't hurt to try. Zane walked over and sat down next to his beloved.
"Hey, you" he said, softly.
Jack didn't answer.
Still no answer.
"Jack are you okay?"
The boy only shrugged in response.
"Jack, I'm-I'm getting worried. You always seem so just 'blah' these days. Is it me? Am I doing something wrong?"
The other boy seemed to snap out of it a little and looked at Zane.
"If I am," continued Zane, "I'm sorry and I promise I'll try not to do it, even if I don't really know what it is."
Jack looked down.
"Jack can you please tell me what's been going on?" Zane asked.
Jack still only shrugged his shoulders. Zane was beginning to get desperate then thought of something that might just cheer him up. He nonchalantly wrapped his arms around Jack and whispered into his ear, "fine. If you're not going to tell me willingly, I'm just going to have to force you."
Zane's fingers danced along Jack's sides in a brutal tickle attack. Jack squealed and giggled excitedly. Between laughter he tried to tell Zane to cut it out, but the boy was having none of it. He continued tickling Jack mercilessly, pulling at his shirt trying to keep him on the bed. For a moment Zane felt like the spark that had been waning was finally being relit, that is, until Jack's shirt began to slip off.
"Hey" Jack couldn't help but laugh, "hey stop!"
At this Zane ceased but kept his grip on the Jack, trying to keep him on the bed. Suddenly Jack slipped on a notebook on the floor and as he fell the shirt came up and off over his head.
"OMG I'm so sorry!" cried Zane, "are you okay?"
Jack was sitting on the floor wide-eyed in panic. At first Zane thought he had hit something on his fall and said worriedly "are you hurt? Are you-"
That's when he saw it.
"Is that-Jack are you wearing a bra?"
Jack's eyes began to well up with tears. He grabbed the shirt from Zane, throwing it back over himself before sprinting out of the room.
"Hey, wait!" Zane called after him, "Jack, wait!"
It was too late. In a flash Jack was already out of the house. Again? Why was Jack always running away? Why was he wearing girl's clothes? Zane sat on his bed trying to process everything. Jack seemed even more upset than the first time. Is this what he'd been hiding? Why would wearing a bra make him act so distant and melancholy all the time? Zane was slowly piecing the puzzle together but he needed to talk him immediately before Jack shut him out for good.
Quickly Zane made his way over to Jack's house. Meg answered the door with a "What's up, butt pirate?"
Zane pushed past her, he wasn't in the mood to deal with her today. He flew up the staircase and knocked on Jack's door. No answer. He knocked again.
"Jack, open up please! Can we talk about this?"
He knocked again, more fiercely. He needed an answer. He needed to make sure Jack was still there.
"Go away!" cried Jack. Zane sighed and plopped down in front of the door.
"I'm not leaving, Jack. I'm going to sit here until you come out" he said.
There was no answer so Zane merely ran his fingers through his shaggy mess of hair and sighed again. Just then, Jack's mother came walking up the stairs and greeted Zane softly.
"Is he upset again?" she asked. Zane only nodded. Mrs. Finley sighed and decided to sit herself down next to him. "Oh, that boy."
She turned to Zane.
"You know, I've always pushed Jack and Meg to be themselves. I know I'm not the best mother. I know I haven't always paid as much attention to them as they needed, and maybe it's my fault that Meg turned out the way she did," she looked longingly at door "and why Jack has so many-well, issues."
"But he's my baby," she continued, "and I just want him to be happy, and you know what?"
She turned to Zane, "for the past couple of weeks he has been pretty happy. I guess maybe it was all a matter of time before-well, he just gets very afraid sometimes and shuts down. I have no idea what's going on in that brain of his. I just wish he would tell me what was wrong."
"I know what you mean" Zane said softly. Mrs. Finley gave a knowing nod and put her hand on his shoulder.
"Look," she said "I don't know the extent of your guys'…relationship-"
Zane looked up at her.
"-but I really don't care" she continued, "all I know is that he's found a real connection with you and I think sometimes he's scared of losing that. I mean, between his father, who was never there, and me, a mother who pretty much neglects her children, and the move to a new place; I think maybe he feels like people abandon him a lot. Maybe he's afraid to make that emotional commitment, you know?"
Zane looked down again and nodded. He'd never thought about it like that.
"Even with all of that, though, I'm still really glad he met you. From the very first day, I knew you'd be different and all I can ask is that you just be a little patient with him."
Zane looked up and Mrs. Finley looked him eye-to-eye.
"I'm not leaving him" said Zane softly "is it okay if I'm here all night?"
Mrs. Finley smiled. "You're a good kid, Zane. As long as it's okay with your parents, you can stay as long as you like."
With that, she got up and walked down the stairs, taking one last longing look at Jack's room. Zane texted his parents about staying over a friend's house that night to which they agreed and he nestled in for the long haul. Jack was going to have to come out some time.
Zane awoke abruptly, falling backwards into the room and stared up at Jack. He'd apparently had fallen asleep against the door. Jack's eyes were red and puffy like he'd been crying for a very long time, but still he gave Zane a weird look.
"What are you doing here?" Jack asked quietly.
"Waiting for you?" Zane replied. "Eventually you'd have to come out to use the bathroom."
"Jokes on you, I peed in a cup."
"That's kind of gross."
"What did you open the door for then?"
"…I have to poop."
Zane and Jack stared at each other before Zane giggled. For a moment half a smile flickered over Jack's face before it faded.
"Can you move, please?"
Zane stood up and let Jack pass. As the bathroom door shut, he walked into Jack's room and sat down on the bed. He couldn't see any pee cup, nor could he smell one, but it was probably for the best. Zane looked at the pillows, they were wet. Jack really had been crying a lot. Zane felt terrible. He wanted to tell Jack that although he didn't understand what was going on and that it was okay. He wanted to kiss him, he wanted to hug all the sadness, and the pain, and the fear out of him. He wanted to see his beloved smile again.
It was quite a while before Jack came out of the bathroom and Zane was almost getting worried. Jack entered his room and shut the door behind him. Zane was about to say something but Jack cut him off and began to undress. He took off his shirt and underneath was the bra. Zane was about to speak but Jack cut him off again. He slowly began to pull down his pajamas and at first Zane looked away out of decency, but Jack was baring all. Below, all Zane could see was a piece of duct tape covering his boy-parts and wrapping underneath between his legs.
"This is who I am." Jack said weakly. All of a sudden everything came into focus for Zane. The dots began to connect together and in a rush, he knew what was going on.
"Jack,"asked Zane, "you're transgender?"
Jack nodded and began to cry. Zane's heart nearly tore in two. He hated to see Jack sad and now seeing him cry was like a steak knife to the heart. Zane walked over to Jack who began to talk between sobs.
"I wanted to tell you I love you, but I'm not-I know you're gay and I'm sorry, I just-It doesn't feel right. Being a boy doesn't feel right-it doesn't feel like me. I love you, Zane and I don't want to lose you but if you found out I want to be a girl and you're gay you'd-you'd leave me."
That was all she could get out and the tears streamed down her face. Zane calmly got up off the bed and walked over to her. She was shaking madly. He reached out and gently held her scrawny little arms. Zane could only imagine what it was like growing up like this. Sexuality was one thing, but transgender was a whole other story. The years of pain and confusion growing up must have been unbearable. Now Zane understood why she would be distant at times. Even in their secret relationship she still felt closeted, like she had to hide something less he up and leave.
They stood there for a moment until she looked up at him, sniffling now. Her eyes, bloodshot stared up at him, waiting for Zane to say that they couldn't be together anymore, waiting for her heart to break.
Zane kissed her.
It was long, and deep. Where their first kiss was magical and new, this was tender, meaningful, real, and Zane willed every ounce of his love to be felt by her in that kiss. Gingerly she ended it and pulled back.
"But" she whispered, "you're gay, and I'm a girl."
"I do like boys" Zane replied softly, "but I never told you I was gay."
Zane smiled down at her and chuckled, "I'm bisexual."
A confused look came upon her face.
"But, how come you never went for my sister?"
"Sluts don't interest me so she never did. You were the one I fell for."
"And you just so happen to be bi, huh? Just like that?" she said skeptically.
"I did swing more towards boys" said Zane admittedly, "but I like girls too. I especially like this one."
With that Zane pulled her in for another kiss, wrapping his arms around her in a full heart and body kind of embrace. She melted into his arms and for the first time Zane felt like she had finally let herself go completely. She wasn't holding back anymore. She wasn't hiding anything from him.
After a long embrace, Zane locked the door, just in case, and together they lay on top of the bed, fingers locked together and stared up at the ceiling.
"So" said Zane after a while, "what do you want to be called?"
She turned her head towards him and shrugged. "I not sure yet. You called me Jackie before. Jackie is fine for now, I guess."
Zane smiled at her and gave her one more quick kiss. To think that at the beginning of the summer he was desperately looking for something interesting to happen, and now he had found this crazy little gal and it seemed like his whole universe was complete. Zane wasn't sure of the future, one never can be too certain of these things, but he was sure that he would try his very best to make this last a lifetime.
"I love you, Jackie" he said softly.
"I love you too, Zane" she whispered.
That's it! That's the last chapter! I hope you enjoyed reading this little thing of mine. Thank you for following it all the way to the end. I'm thinking about maybe doing a part 2? It'll be Zane and Jackie dealing with other problems, but I'm not sure if I want to drag this out. I'll think about it, I guess. Thanks again! Much love
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