Writing the Past a Goodbye Note - 1. Story

Writing the Past a Goodbye Note

By Rose Strailo

The author would like to respectively remind all readers that this story is owned by her, no matter what her real name is. Should she see this or any other story anywhere that she has not personally put it or have given permission to put it, she will sue. Any thing that is a name brand isn’t hers and she means no copy right infringement.

Short Authors Note: I don’t often do this, but it needs to be known that this is the FIRST story in a long line of stories to come. Beastie knows about the story line and so does Mattias and you’ll see it after ABD is done.

This story was actually inspired by the following lyrics:

And it’s not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah

It’s sung by Rufus Wainwright for the movie ‘Shrek’ and is called Hallelujah.

Another short bit, this story is also a part of a long line of stories that are based, in some small way, by a song or song lyric.

Please enjoy.

My dearest husband,

It’s been so long since I’ve seen you, since I’ve seen your smiling face and heard your happy laugh. Now, all of our pictures sit in boxes in the back of the closet that we once shared. It hurts too much to look at them, even the ones with our baby boy in them.

He has grown up so well, our little Alexander. He’s growing out his hair again, to donate to the ‘wig people who make wigs for little boys and girls who have no hair.’ His words mind you, not mine. Ah, how I wish you were here to see how well he’s grown up.

He’s taken to cross dressing, finding a bit of happiness in this time of pain. He makes a good female, with his golden looks, and has no real need for makeup. I support him in every way I can, even as he seems to be growing up so fast and growing distant from me.

He had to move out of the house, the memories becoming too much for him to continue living there. He nearly had a mental breakdown and was in the hospital for a short time under a suicide watch. I had a home made for him and told him to decorate it as he wanted. Ms. Brishett helped him do that by donating a few thousand dollars. It’s nice there and he’s starting to heal again.

In fact, just yesterday, he smiled for the first time in the last 5 months, ever since he came back from the hospital. I made a comment about the counters in his kitchen as he stood at the stove, making us both breakfast one day. He put down the spatula before turning around and smiling at me. It wasn’t as big or as carefree as it once had been and it had been tinged with sadness that I still see in his soft marigold eyes, but it was a smile with happiness there.

It made me smile in return and hug him tightly. He blushed and muttered something about having seen the counters on the Home and Garden Network and how cheap and durable they were.

Yes, our boy is growing up so well, even without you here. I can’t help but wonder what you would say if you saw him now. This strong, beautiful boy…. No. He’s a man now, isn’t he? He stopped being a boy the day you left our lives forever, leaving us in pain, crying in our sorrow.

I hope that wherever you are, you are proud of him, skirts and heeled boots included, and can feel the love in your heart for him just as I feel in mine. He makes me so proud, I can’t say that enough. I truly can’t. He does such wonderful work, even though he’s still going to high school.

He had a bit of a bump with a boyfriend once. Apparently the boy was just using our child for a game. Sleep with someone and get points. At least that’s how it was described to me while he proceeded to devour a carton of ice cream. He ranted and raved about being used in such a way and that the sex hadn’t been all that good to boot. It was funny the way he compared the...length of the young man to the size of a pin. I ended up choking on my own ice cream before laughing.

That night was one of the best, even if he cried for most of it.

It still hurts to think that he was once in such pain, especially as he was getting over losing you. But I know he’s getting better now and that his heart’s finally healing and soothing. It makes me smile in happiness, watching him actually have fun now.

I suppose that he’s finally cried and healed his hurt. And I can’t be happier for him.

But now…it’s time to put the past behind me, much like Alexander has. It’s time to say goodbye to it and move on with life. It’s time to live life instead of simply existing. It’s time for me to say the hardest words that I will ever say.

Goodbye, my husband. May you have the peace in death, that you had been denied in life.

Your eternally loving wife,

Lavender Sactions

Sighing softly as she puts her pen down, Lavender folds up the paper in front of her, knowing that if she doesn’t put it away now, she never would. Slipping it into the hand-folded envelope, she seals it and puts it aside before looking up to see her baby boy standing there in front of her, dozens of braids falling from his high ponytail.

She knows that this is important to him. To both of them in fact. It would allow them to heal and move on. To finally let go of their iron grip on the past and what they wished they had done.

“Are you ready mother?” Alexander asks softly, shifting slightly as he pulls out a pair of gold tinted glasses from his pockets.

“I am, sweetness. Let’s…go say goodbye to your father,” she replies, her voice just as soft and tinged with sadness.

Alexander nods and moves to the front door with Lavender following close behind. Looking around one last time, she memorizes the way the house looks. The packed and stacked boxes that were waiting for the movers to come get them the next day, catch her attention and make her sigh.

She leaves the letter on her writing desk and heads outside. She passes the ‘for sale’ sign in her driveway, but doesn’t give it a glance, knowing that looking at it would cause emotions to well up again, emotions that she was trying to forget.

The man inside the house looks outside with a smile on his face. Standing at the window, he gently strokes the letter with his translucent fingers. Slowly, he fades away, his golden hair glinting softly.

“Goodbye, my family…”

© 2008 Rose Strailo

I would like to thank Mattias and BeaStKid for their hard work on this story. Much thanks go to these two for helping me make the most out of this story. ^_^

Story Discussion