Love is... 2 (Gus and Rex) - 6. Chapter 6

Wednesday came around again. Just like last time, I got home earlier than both of the older guys. After taking a shower, I settled in the living room, watching Netflix to kill time. But as soon as I heard Max’s car pulling into the garage, my nerves started acting up again—how was I supposed to look Rex in the eye?

“Hey… I mean, good evening, Rex,” I said a bit stiffly as he and Max walked into the house.

“Oh, great. He gives my friend a good evening but never once gives me one,” Max muttered.

I ignored him completely. “You tired? Hungry? Wanna eat first today, then study? Or the other way around?”

Rex smiled at me. “Not too tired. I’m good. What about you? Are you hungry? If you are, go ahead and eat first.”

“Nah, I’m good. I already stuffed myself with snacks earlier. I’ll just wait for you in my room, then.”

“Alright.”

“Hey, Chubby,” Max cut in, “go tell someone to bring some cold drinks and snacks up to our room.”

“You really are a spoiled brat, you know that? You don’t do a single damn thing yourself,” I grumbled, shaking my head.

Still, I got up and did what he asked. Then I went upstairs and waited for Rex in my room.

I spent about ten minutes aimlessly swiping on TikTok until Rex knocked on my door.

“You can come in. It’s not locked,” I called out.

He walked in carrying a stack of books and worksheets, just like always.

“Ready for class?” he asked.

I looked at his face for a moment and paused. “...No, not really. I’m not ready yet.”

“Huh?” Rex looked confused.

“There’s something I want to talk to you about… and also, I want to say sorry.”

He walked over and sat on the edge of my bed, looking me in the eyes before offering a soft smile. “It’s alright. I understand. Art already told me. Said you were having a fight with a friend and that you’ve been in a bad mood—not really feeling up to studying. It happens. I’ve been there too.”

“Mmm…” I hesitated, feeling conflicted and unsure where to start.

“So how are you feeling now?” he asked. “I could tell something was off, and it made me worry too. I’d much rather see you back to your usual cheerful self.”

He smiled again, and this time, it almost melted me.

“Well… first of all, I wanna say I’m sorry. For slacking off with studying… and for making you lie to my mom.”

“Wait—Art told you about that too?”

“Yeah, he did.”

“Jeez, what else did he say?”

“And… I don’t know. I can’t even remember what I was gonna say anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I just suddenly forgot. Never mind, let’s just get to studying.”

And just like that, the night passed with a half-resolved feeling lingering in the air. Unlike usual, we didn’t sit and talk after the lesson. So even though things between us felt like they were starting to smooth out, I couldn’t say my feelings for Rex had gone back to how they used to be.

The next day, we started our lessons as usual, but I couldn’t really concentrate. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to pay attention like before—it wasn’t like that anymore. It was just that I’d spent all of last night thinking about how I wanted to have a real conversation with Rex. So today, my mind kept drifting, tangled up in all the things I wanted to say to him. I couldn’t focus at all.

“You okay, Gus? You seem spaced out again,” he asked.

“Ah… oh, no, I’m fine,” I replied, looking down at the mechanical pencil in my hand.

“Well then, let’s just stop here for today. Class is almost over anyway. If you’re tired, we can call it a day.”

“Rex… you said you used to have a girlfriend in high school, but broke up when you came to this university, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right. Why?”

“Was she your first girlfriend?”

“Yeah, she was.”

“And… how did you feel back then? Like, what made you realize it was love? And when you were together, who said ‘I love you’ first? Did you make the first move, or what?”

“Hmm…” He paused, thinking. “Let’s see… Honestly, I’m not sure how I knew it was love. We started dating in junior year—still just kids, really. We broke up sometime during the first semester of senior year. But when we were together… I was happy. It felt like being with a really close friend, but with something more—something deeper. Like caring a little too much, or feeling that little sting of jealousy now and then. Not that I was the jealous type or anything,” he added with a soft laugh.

“So, did you fall for her first? Did you tell her you liked her first? How did you go about it?”

“Heh… Actually, maybe she liked me first. Then our friends started teasing us, and we ended up talking, then dating. She was a good person—cheerful, kind. And we had a lot in common. It kind of just started with friendship more, so there wasn’t really a ‘who liked who first’ kind of thing, I’d say.”

“Hmmm…” I listened closely. “So why did you guys break up?”

“I’d rather not talk about that,” he replied with a weak smile.

“Okay… sorry. I probably asked too much.”

“It’s not a secret or anything. It’s just that we didn’t break up on good terms. We had a lingering fight, disagreements over friends, and things just dragged on. If I were to tell the whole story, it’d take a while. And I don’t really like thinking about it.”

“That’s okay. I don’t want to know if it’ll make you uncomfortable.”

“So… why the sudden interest in all this? Are you in love or something?”

I was about to deny it, but then changed my mind. “...I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. But I guess you could call it love.”

“Oh? How come?”

“Well… if being with that person makes me happy… if I feel good when we’re together, if I feel lonely and miss them when we’re apart, if I always want to talk, to message them, to hold their hand or kiss their cheek, but I’m too afraid to do it… and if it hurts seeing them with someone else, and I feel down when they lie to me… then yeah, I guess that means I’m in love, right?”

Rex looked at me for a moment, then slowly nodded. “Hmm… I guess it probably is love. Sounds like you really like that person a lot.”

“I really do,” I said firmly. “But I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and that’s why I’m scared shitless that it might not be love. I’m scared I’ll end up getting both of us hurt.”

“When it comes to love—when you want someone to be your partner… you can’t be afraid to get hurt. You can’t be scared of disappointment. That’s what I think.”

“Hmmmm…” I furrowed my brow.

“But honestly, I think you should talk to Max about this stuff. He’s way more experienced with girls than I am,” Rex chuckled.

“Ughhh, no way. I’d never talk about love stuff with him.”

“So? Who is she? Who’s this beautiful girl you’ve fallen for, huh?”

“She’s not even beautiful,” I muttered with frustration. Seriously, was he really not going to realize I was talking about him?

“Well, anyway, I’m gonna go take a shower. See you in the morning, alright?”

“Okay,” I replied.

I watched him walk out of the room, and as soon as the door clicked shut, I flopped down onto the bed and let out a heavy sigh.

“Dammit!! He’s so damn good at teaching and explaining things, but when it comes to reading people’s feelings, he’s completely clueless!!”

.
.
.

More than a week passed, and I still didn’t know who that girl was—the one I saw walking with Rex. When I asked if he was seeing someone, his answer was still the same: “No one.”

Honestly, I was really trying to see things more positively. I tried not to be biased, kept reminding myself he could go wherever he wanted with whoever he liked. We weren’t dating. He didn’t like guys. He had no interest in me. But still, there was one thing I couldn’t wrap my head around no matter how hard I tried: why lie and say he was at the library—and why pretend he wasn’t with a girl?

“Alright, let’s stop here for today,” Rex said, closing the book. “It’s been over two hours, and today’s topic was a tough one. You must be exhausted.”

I let out a big yawn and stretched. “Hehhhhhh…”

“How’re you holding up?”

“I’m still alive,” I said, rolling my neck. “Barely. But yeah.”

He laughed softly. “You hungry? Wanna grab something to eat before heading home? My treat.”

I shot upright with perfect posture. “You’re treating me? Then let’s go!”

“Where should we go? Wanna check out the food court at Willowbrook or somewhere near campus?”

“Sure! I’m down for anywhere!” I grinned.

“Alright then. Give me a sec to change.”

He got up and headed to his closet. I stood from my chair and flopped onto his bed. He didn’t say a word—just glanced at me and smiled like he was giving me permission.
“Your bed’s really comfy,” I said, rolling around.

“Oh yeah? I dunno, feels normal to me. But hey—keep rolling like that and you might fall asleep.”

“Then wake me up if I do, okay?”

“I won’t take that long to change, come on now,” he said, chuckling softly as he walked into the bathroom.

After I heard the bathroom door shut, I grabbed my phone and started scrolling aimlessly—until a sudden knock at Rex’s door startled me enough to make me sit up straight.

“Rex! Someone’s at the door!”

“Huh? Who is it? Gus, can you get it for me? Just tell them I’m in the shower.”

I walked over and opened the door, only to find a girl standing there, clearly surprised to see me instead of whoever she expected.

“Rex is in the bathroom right now,” I said.

“Oh! I see. Um, could you please tell him that Kiera came to return his books? Thanks so much.” She handed me a bag with a large textbook and what looked like a novel. “And also... I brought him some snacks as a thank-you. Here.”

I took the snack bag from her. “Alright, will do.”

“Thanks again!”

“Sure.” I closed the door.

I placed the books on the bed and peeked into the snack bag out of curiosity. She’d brought chocolate chip cookies and some kind of flaky pastry from a bakery I didn’t recognize.

“Rex, a girl named Kiera dropped off your books. She said to say thank you.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Who is she?”

“She’s a junior from my university. Her apartment’s just downstairs.”

“Hmm, alright. She also brought you snacks.”

“Snacks? What kind of snacks?”

“She said it’s the stuff you like. Gave it as a thank-you.”

Just as I finished, Rex came out of the bathroom wearing a cream-colored polo and light gray skinny jeans.

“Cookies and flaky pies,” I said, handing him the bag. “I didn’t know you liked chocolate chip cookies and flaky pies.”

He didn’t reply. He just smiled, took the snacks, and placed them on top of the fridge.

“She’s kinda cute though,” I teased.

“Do you like her?”

“Oh, please. I’m not into older women, okay? I was just saying. And more importantly, I wouldn’t steal her from you.”

“What? Steal?”

“What? Isn’t that Kiera girl your girl or something?”

“You’re nuts. She’s just a junior, that’s all. I have told you many times I am not dating anyone.”

“Well, I think she might like you or something. I mean, she wouldn’t go out of her way to buy you snacks like that otherwise, right?”

“That... I don’t know either,” Rex replied with a sheepish smile. He might’ve said he didn’t know, but his face told a different story. He knew exactly how that girl felt about him.

“Art and Max told me you have tons of people crushing on you. Is it true?”

“Don’t listen to those idiots, Gus. They exaggerate. It’s not like I’m that popular. Who’d actually like someone like me anyway?”

Someone like that is right in front of you, Rex! How do you still not get it?

“Why would you say that?”

“C’mon, if I really had that many people interested in me, I’d have plenty of options, right? Would I still be single like this?”

“But Max once told me that you’re just not interested in dating anyone. Now you sound like you kind of want someone.”

“It’s not like I don’t want anyone. But it’s not like I really want something serious, either. I just... I think I can tell when someone’s actually being genuine with me. And so far, I haven’t met anyone who truly likes me... and who I also genuinely like back.” Rex looked me in the eye. “Even if I did meet someone now, if that person didn’t say it first, I wouldn’t have the guts to make a move, either. I might seem like this confident guy, but truth is... I’m terrible at expressing myself. I’m shy, okay?”

“Yeah, sure, got it—Mr. Shy Guy,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood. But Rex really was blushing.

“Man, stop it! You’ve got such a smart mouth, you know that?” Rex gave me a playful nudge on the shoulder. “Come on, let’s go walk around and grab something to eat. But don’t forget to call your mom first.”

I shot him a wide grin. “Alright, alright. I’ll text her.”

This was only the second time I’d ever gotten to hang out with Rex outside of my room, his apartment, and those stacks of notes and textbooks we’d been buried under for the last couple months.

Honestly, I probably would’ve enjoyed this little imaginary date of ours way more... if we hadn’t run into three different people Rex knew. And it might not have bugged me so much—if two of them weren’t wide-eyed underclassmen greeting him like he was some kind of celebrity. Oh, and one pair was two flamboyant guys blatantly flirting with him.

I was jealous as hell.

“Wow, you really do know a ton of people. Got quite the fan club, huh?”

“Hey, come on. Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not like that. Most of them are just underclassmen from my major I used to help tutor or mentor.”

“What about Max? Does he know this many people too?”

“Yeah, I guess. But it’s a little different. He’s got his own kind of crowd. Me? I did a bunch of stuff during freshman year—joined some clubs, volunteered for events. And now I’m one of the student mentors, so I’ve ended up knowing even more people.”

“What’d you do last year?”

Rex gave a shy smile. “I kind of got dragged into this ‘King of the Major’ contest... then somehow ended up representing our major in the campus-wide competition. You know, like best-looking guy of the year or whatever. But I didn’t win, okay? So don’t go getting any ideas.”

“Whoa, damn. Makes total sense,” I said, nodding dramatically like I was seriously impressed.

“Makes sense what?”

“Come on! You’re cute as hell. No wonder they made you the King of your major. As for the university title... maybe you just didn’t hit the height requirement.”
“Hey!! Watch it!” Rex burst out laughing.

“But who knows—if there was a ‘Mini King’ contest, like pocket-sized or something, I bet you’d be a finalist for sure.”

“Yeah, yeah. Not everyone gets to be tall, rich, and handsome like you, Mr. August.”

“Oh, absolutely,” I said with a mockingly smug shrug. “But seriously? If I had a boyfriend like you, I’d probably die of jealousy.”

I threw another little jab just to test the waters. “I mean, being with someone who’s the King of the major, good-looking, smart, popular, and admired by everyone? Ughh, just thinking about it makes me jealous already!”

“Oh, then you wouldn’t have to be jealous at all,” Rex said. “I’m not the kind of guy who flirts around. Normally, if someone gets too close and I’m not into them, I’ll always step back. Every single time.”

I couldn’t help but think of that girl I saw clinging to Rex’s arm at the mall. If he let her get that close, then he must’ve liked her too, right?

To be honest, I’d never felt this unsettled about anything before. And it wasn’t just about Rex—I was stuck in my own head about all of it, every single day. The only people I could really talk to were Marcus and Justus. They were my best friends, and the only ones who knew I liked guys. But even though they cared about me a lot, they weren’t exactly the best when it came to advice.

Marcus had a big mouth but zero guts, and his temper was always on edge. Justus was the opposite—smart, sure, but shy and quiet. Not exactly a guiding light. So at best, they’d just sit and let me vent. They didn’t know how to help. Not really.

And honestly? I was getting tired. Tired of liking someone who had no clue how I felt. Tired of keeping who I really was bottled up from everyone else. It was exhausting. And I kept thinking—if someone like Art, someone I’d always trusted and gone to for advice, actually knew the truth… maybe I wouldn’t feel this alone in it.

Yeah… so what the hell am I even waiting for?

I’ve never been the kind of person who hides stuff from people I trust. And Art—he was definitely one of those people. The answer had been staring me in the face this whole time. I just hadn’t been brave enough to reach for it.

I grabbed my phone and called him.

“What’s up, Chubby?” Art answered, his voice cheerful as ever.

“Art, there’s something I wanna tell you… and something I wanna ask,” I said.

“Shoot,” he replied casually. I could hear him crunching on something—probably snacks, as usual.

“You remember Marcus and Justus, right?”

“Yeah, of course. What about them?”

“Could you tell they were dating?”

There was a pause. “Huh? Wait, what? No way. Those two are together?”

“Yup. They only started dating recently.”

“Ohh, I see. So… what’s up? You feeling weird about it or something?”

“Nope. Not at all.”

“Then what’s this about? What do they have to do with—wait…”

“They don’t. I just wanted to ask—could you tell they were gay? And… could you tell that I am too?”

Suddenly I heard him choking.

“Khlohk! Khokkk!!”

“Whoa, easy! You okay?!”

“Cough, cough!! Hold on… lemme grab some water…”

I waited while he drank. A few seconds passed.

“Hello?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Okay… that’s better. So… what did you just say?”

“Oh, nothing big. Just wanted to know—could you tell I’m gay?”

“Wait… you like guys?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You sure?”

“Are you serious, bro? You think I’d be confused about something like this? If I wasn’t sure, would I be calling you up and saying it straight out? Or jerking off to nude guys every night?”

“Ahhh, okay, okay! TMI, dude!” he cleared his throat. “No, I didn’t know. And honestly, I don’t think anyone else could tell either.”

“Exactly. That’s why you freaked out just now, right?”

“Nope. I wasn’t surprised because you’re gay.”

“What?”

“I was surprised because you just said it. Out of the blue. I mean, yeah—I couldn’t tell at all since you’ve never shown it. But now that you’ve said it... I guess I’m not really shocked either? If that makes sense?”

“What does that even mean? You’re confusing the hell outta me.”

“Let’s get into that later. Right now, the fact that you called me like this—means there’s something eating at you, right? Let’s talk about that first.”

“You… you’re not grossed out or anything, right?”

“Come on! Why would I be? I don’t think that way at all. It’s totally normal. And besides, you’re like a little brother to me. And more importantly… I’m the same.”

That stopped me cold. “Huh?! Are you serious right now?!”

“I’m gonna throw your own words right back at you,” he said with a laugh. “Nope. Not kidding. Max, Rex, and the rest of the gang already know.”

“Even Max knows?!”

“Yeah, but only the guys in our group. I didn’t tell everyone at the campus. I mean, I never even told you until now—see?”

“I only told Marcus and Justus. Just the two of them... And now that you mentioned Max, please don’t tell him. Or anyone else, okay? I’m not ready.”

“Got it, got it. So, what’s bothering you exactly? Is it just the pressure... or are you falling for someone?”

“Both... But seriously, don’t tell anyone. I really trust you.”

“I know you do. You trust me, don’t you?”

“I do. So... I think I like Rex.”

“Uh-huh.” He replied flatly.

“What the hell...?” I frowned, confused by how calm Art sounded. Why did he react like it was no big deal? “Why are you acting like you’re not even surprised?”

“Because I’m not. I kinda figured already. And once you called to say you like guys, I was sure it had to be Rex.”

“What! How’d you know?!”

“Chubbyyy!! I just told you I like guys too, didn’t I? I’ve been through the same shit. And honestly, the way Rex kept talking about you to me—it made me wonder, like, ‘Is my boy crushing on my friend or something?’”

“What kind of stuff did he say? What did Rex tell you about me?”

“Oh come on. Like when you were acting all cold toward him—that kind of stuff. And then when I add up the way you post those vague Facebook statuses, your IG captions, all the messages you send him, the snacks you buy… come on, it’s not hard to figure out.”

My face turned warm with embarrassment. Was I really that obvious? I mean I kinda meant it to be obvious to Rex. But hearing this from another person was really embarrassing.

“So... is Rex gay?” I asked bluntly.

“Honestly? I don’t know. I’ve wondered about it too.”

“Exactly! That’s what’s killing me. And the worst part is, if even you could tell I like him, how is it that he still hasn’t figured it out? I’m seriously stressed out here.”

“Stressed? That bad? What happened?”

“I’m just... I don’t know what Rex is thinking. Sometimes it feels like he knows. Other times, it’s like he’s completely blind to it. And the other thing is, back then I...”

“You what, Chubby?”

I let out a soft sigh, then told him everything—how I saw Rex holding hands with that girl at the Woodbridge Center Mall, and how he’d lied about being elsewhere with guy friends.

“Mmm...” Art hummed after I finished. “So that’s why you were so out of it in class, huh?”

“Yeah... pretty much.”

“You remember what the girl looked like?”

“Ugh, not really. I’d recognize her if I saw her, but I couldn’t describe her to save my life.”

“This one’s tricky, Chubby. I don’t know why he’d lie either. But maybe... maybe you should talk to him directly about it? Or do you want me to talk to him for you?”

“Talk to him how, Art? Like I’m supposed to walk up and say, ‘Hey Rex, I know you lied to me a month ago because I saw you at the Woodbridge Center Mall, holding hands with a girl’? I can’t just bring it up now—it’d be too weird. What excuse would I even give?”

“Have you ever thought about just... confessing to him?”

“I have,” I admitted quietly. “More than once. But I just can’t. It feels pointless. And I’m scared. What if I tell him and he pulls away from me completely?”

“So, what do you want me to do then? Want me to try talking to him?”

“No no, that’s not necessary. I mean, what would you even say? You’ve known him for a year, and even you don’t know if he’s into guys. If you brought this up out of nowhere, it’d just feel awkward.”

“Yeah, true... But still, I wanna help somehow. Seeing you like this—it’s driving me crazy too.”

“It’s okay, really. I just needed someone else to know. Someone I could talk to. Sometimes I feel like I’m completely stuck, and Marcus and Justus... they don’t even know Rex like you do.”

“I get it. Well, let me see if I can find a way to casually bring it up with Rex. But there are two things I want to tell you—just to help ease your mind. First, Rex isn’t the type to flirt with every girl he sees. He might be overly polite, but he’s not the kind of guy who’d lead anyone on. And second… you really don’t need to worry that he’ll freak out or push you away if he finds out you like him. I mean, look at me. I’m still his best friend. Isn’t that proof enough?”

“Huh?! You used to like Rex too?” I gasped.

“No, no—I didn’t mean it like that,” he laughed. “I just meant I’m gay too, and from the beginning, he’s never once acted uncomfortable about it. Not even a little. And I’ve seen older guys or mutual friends try flirting with him too, but he never freaked out or acted grossed out. He just... kept a polite distance.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. It’s like... he always maintains this perfect space—never too close, never too cold. Eventually, people just give up on their own.”

And that—that’s what scared me the most.

Because I didn’t want to become one of those people.

I didn’t want him to keep just enough distance until I gave up on my own.

Was I being selfish?

That night, I ended up talking with Art until late. And even though I turned off the lights and tried to sleep, I couldn’t. My mind just wouldn’t stop. The last time I looked at the clock, it was already past 3 a.m.