Choices - 10. ...Yeah, Like They're Really Gonna Set Up That Computer...

It was nearly three thirty when we pulled up in front of Jesse’s apartment building. The day had remained grey and overcast, with occasional chilly gusts of wind suggesting there might be rain by this evening. My mom thanked us both for all our help at the rummage sale, and told me to call when I was ready to come home. Jesse and I each carried one of the boxes of computer stuff up the stairs to his apartment. Jesse set his box down long enough to get his keys out and unlock the front door. We stepped inside and set the boxes down in the livingroom. We both slipped off our jackets and tossed them carelessly on the sofa.

I don’t remember who grabbed who first, but as soon as our jackets were off, we were clutching desperately at each other, Jesse holding me firmly around the neck, and me with my arms wrapped around his torso, pulling him as close as I could. Our lips met and locked, our tongues probing, swirling, and relishing each other’s taste.

"Thank God you're okay..." Jesse groaned, before locking onto my lips once more.

We were both so caught up in our passionate need for each other, that we didn't dare even come up for air. There wasn't even any butt rubbing as we just pulled ourselves together as close as possible and froze like that. In fact, I was just thinking that I could stay like this all afternoon--if not the rest of my life--when Jesse abruptly pulled away.

“Excuse me a minute, dude,” he said in a tired voice, heading for the hallway. “Help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge!” he called, before I heard the bathroom door close.

It actually took me a few minutes to recover from our passionate kiss, and I just enjoyed the remnants of Jesse’s taste on my lips and in my mouth. I was still pretty full from the cheeseburgers and shakes at Herbie’s, but I was thirsty. I found the cupboard where the glasses were kept, and got two out. I opened the fridge and there wasn’t any soda, just juice and milk. There was a pitcher of cold water, so I took it out and poured a glass for each of us. That’s when I first heard the unmistakable sound of someone barfing. A cold shiver went down my spine as I realized it was Jesse! I raced to the bathroom and knocked on the door, arriving just in time to hear that awful sound of agony yet again. The closed door muffled the sound enough that I couldn’t tell if he was actually vomiting, or just dry heaving.

I knocked hard on the door. “Jesse, are you okay?” I asked, realizing that it was an incredibly stupid question, but one I had to ask. “Jesse!” I called again, when there was no response. I tried the door, and it was locked.

I heard him being sick again, and it made my own stomach turn. It seemed so sudden. He hadn’t shown any signs of indigestion at the church, or on the drive over.

“Jesse, please let me help you!” I called, my voice trembling with concern.

“Just...just chill a minute,” I heard him moan weakly through the door.

“But I want to help!” I insisted.

“Just...chill...” he responded wearily.

I just leaned against the wall next to the bathroom door, clutching my fingers together nervously. I didn’t hear any more horrible sounds, so maybe the worst was over. I heard the toilet flush and the water running in the sink.

“Jesse, are you okay?” I asked in a calmer, quieter voice.

“Yeah, man...I’ll be right out,” he answered, still sounding weak.

I heard him gargle and spit, and then he opened the door. He looked pale, but otherwise intact. He had pulled off his sweatshirt and now had on just a plain white T-shirt. It looked like he had washed his face and combed his hair a bit. He gave me a sheepish little grin. I detected the minty smell of the mouthwash he had just used.

“Sorry about that...” he mumbled as he walked across the hall to his bedroom.

“Can I get you some water or something?” I asked, still in shock over what had happened. It had been less than fifteen minutes since we had walked in the door.

Jesse nodded, and went into his bedroom. I returned to the kitchen and got the two glasses of water I had already poured. When I returned, Jesse was sitting on the edge of his bed, his shoes off, sitting cross legged. His shoulders were slumped, with his hands lying limply in his lap, and his head was bowed. He slowly looked up as I came in and managed a weak smile.

“Thanks,” he said, taking the water from me and greedily chugging it down. He wiped his mouth with his bare arm and set the empty water glass on his night stand.

“More?” I asked.

He shook his head. I came and sat down beside him, gently rubbing his back the way my mom did when I was sick.

“Just one of those days...” he explained apologetically.

“Did you...” I asked uncomfortably, “you know...”

“Hurl my cookies?” he finished.

I nodded.

“A little...mostly it was just my stomach all tied up in knots...I feel better now...”

I gave him a skeptical look.

“Really...I feel better,” he assured me with a little smile.

I realized now what this was all about. It was all the pain and guilt he had been holding in all day. I knew him well enough by now to make a pretty good guess as to what was going on in his head. He felt bad about what happened to me in the bathroom and guilty for not having come with me. He regretted what he did to Fred Goreski even though he knew it was necessary. He had conflicted feelings about Gary Van Driesen, the high schooler who had rescued me and then admitted that he himself also had malicious intentions. And finally, he felt guilty about setting me up to make out with Jessica. It had been quite a day!

Still, the only thing that bothered me really, as far as Jesse was concerned, was that business with Jessica. I couldn’t help but feel guilty that I had led her on, knowing how she felt about me. I’d have to find some way to work that out. I regretted, for a moment, chastising Jesse earlier in the afternoon, and then just as quickly, realized it would do our relationship no good if I held things back from him.

The simple truth was that I cared for him deeply, and that I hated to see him torture himself the way he did. Sometimes, it seemed to border on self hate, and it frightened me.

“It’s okay--it’s over,” I said in a soothing voice, touching his pale cheek with my fingers. He closed his eyes and rubbed his face against my hand, so I just held it there.

“Thank you, Perry...” he crooned, his eyes still closed.

“For what?”

“Just for being here,” he said with complete sincerity.

“I wouldn’t want to be anyplace else,” I assured him. “Why don’t you lie down and get some rest?” I asked.

He opened his eyes and at first, they appeared dimmer than usual. But as he looked at me, sitting practically right next to him, a little of the sparkle began to return.

“Really, I’m okay,” he insisted.

“Can I get you anything--do anything for you?” I asked, still not convinced that he could recover that quickly from what had sounded so nasty and painful. He still looked weak, but the color was returning to his cheeks.

“I should let you go home...” Jesse began.

I began to shake my head defiantly, but the look on his face melted and was replaced by an almost desperate look of longing.

“But I need you too much--isn’t that terrible?” I heard the emotion beginning to choke his voice as he spoke quietly.

“I love it that you need me,” I told him truthfully.

Jesse just looked at me with disbelief and shook his head, not knowing what to make of me at the moment. “You’re so beautiful, Perry,” he said, and his eyes told me that he really thought so.

I guess beauty was in the eye of the beholder. It wasn’t something I could see when I looked in the mirror, but then again, I didn’t imagine Jesse saw it in himself either. He leaned on me for a few minutes, and I just listened to the calm steadiness of his breathing.

“I wish you’d lie down and rest,” I urged. “I’ll stay and get the computer set up...”

Jesse touched my lip with his finger, silencing me. He looked at me for what seemed like a long time. The room was so silent it seemed that we were wrapped in a giant goosedown comforter...just the two of us.

“Do something for me?” he whispered in my ear.

I nodded. A little smile, slightly mischievous if I knew my Jesse, started to play across his angelic features. He was up to something, and I knew, whatever it was, it was going to be interesting!

Jesse scooted up on the bed a little further, making himself more comfortable.

“Stand up,” he said. It sounded more like a suggestion than an order, but I got to my feet, wondering what he had in mind.

“Give me your watch,” he said, extending an open palmed hand. I ripped the Velcro binding apart and handed him my wristwatch. He set it gently on the night stand, before looking up at me again, his face alight with an almost indescribable sense of anticipation.

“Take off your shirt, please?” he asked humbly.

If anyone else had made that request, I would have thought twice about it, but exposing myself to Jesse always managed to get me excited. I unbuttoned my long sleeved shirt and shrugged it off. The air was a little cool in Jesse’s apartment since it was actually cold outside by southern California standards, but it still felt good on my bare skin after being in a jacket all day.

Jesse unfolded his legs and slowly got off the bed. I watched as he slowly walked around me, his eyes looking me up and down. I wanted to reach out to him, but I didn’t think that was what he wanted right now, so I just kept my arms at my sides, as he continued his inspection of my naked torso.

“Don’t turn around,” he said with gentle firmness, as I heard him open a dresser drawer. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt something drop onto my bare shoulder. I turned my head to see that it was a woven black belt that Jesse had slung over my shouder...a black belt? Oh...that Black Belt!

“Jesse...is that your...?” I asked.

“Yup, my blackbelt--got it about a couple of years ago. My mom was so proud...” he said wistfully. Jesse didn’t exactly sound like himself. I couldn’t tell if it was the fact that he had just been violently sick in the bathroom a few minutes ago, or that he was thinking about the past, which always did weird things to him.

“That’s...that’s awesome!” I said, knowing that I was probably the only person he had shown it to since coming to California. “But why are you showing it to me now?” I asked, extremely puzzled, but making no attempt to touch it or move it from my shoulder.

“I had a crazy idea,” he said, coming up close behind me.

“What’s that?” I asked, totally clueless.

“Please say no if this freaks you out,” Jesse insisted, “but I’d really like to tie you up right now!” He said all this in a trembling voice barely above a whisper. His lips were just inches from my ear and I could feel his warm breath tickling my lobe.

I hesitated for a few seconds, only because he didn’t sound quite like himself. Still, the idea of getting tied up by Jesse was a complete turn on for me. I had to trust that he knew what he was doing. I would stake my life on the fact that he’d never intentionally harm me.

“Sure, Jesse, that’d be cool!” I said, trying not to let any of my concern enter my voice.

“You’re scared,” he said, a statement more than a question.

I shook my head. “Absolutely not,” I assured him, and as I said it, I also felt it. “I’m all yours,” I added with as much love as I thought I could convey through my vocal chords.

I felt the cotton belt sliding off my shoulder.

“Put your hands behind your back,” Jesse ordered in a soft but firm voice. I realized now that the strangeness I detected in his voice was caused by the passionate lust he was trying mightily to contain. While a therapist probably could have told me in very technical language, why Jesse had this unusual (for a thirteen year old!) bondage fetish, I had to assume that, if nothing else, it gave him a sense of control. Not only that, but with my hands tied behind my back, I wouldn’t be able to reciprocate any of the pleasure I was getting from him, and that certainly made sense in light of the day's events.

Jesse crossed my wrists near the small of my back, and then began winding the thick woven belt around them, finally pulling it taut and forcefully removing the slack. Boy, he wasn’t kidding around! The material was more abrasive than the flannel strips he had used to tie me to his bed a couple of weeks ago, and he tied it tight enough that the ceremonial belt pressed sharply into my skin. My hands were really tied behind my back and there was no way that I could just wiggle out of it. The thought sent a shiver through my body that caused me to harden.

“You okay?” he asked with genuine concern.

I nodded. My arms were in a very awkward position that strained my shoulders. The belt was very securely tied, and it was uncomfortable, almost to the point of actually hurting. But I realized that was part of the thrill of it. “I’ll let you know if it really starts bothering me,” I promised him.

He kissed the back of my shoulder lightly and the feeling of his lips on my bare skin made me tremble with excitement.

“Take off your shoes,” he whispered gently.

I toed my black Sketchers off carefully, not wanting to lose my balance and stumble around Jesse’s bedroom with my hands tied behind my back.

I felt Jesse’s hands brush my waist as his arms reached around from behind me. He quickly found the button at the top of my jeans and undid it. He deftly tugged the zipper down, his hand briefly brushing the hardness pressing at the front of my boxers. With careful deliberateness, he tugged my jeans down off my hips, down my thighs, and past my knees, until they were bunched up at my ankles. I wanted to respect Jesse’s privacy as he indulged in his little fantasy, and I didn’t turn to look at him. Instead, I stared around his room, at the few posters he'd taped up, the picture of his family on the night stand (with the small one of him and his dad tucked in one corner of the larger picture), even at the simple wooden crucifix looking down on me from the opposite wall.

It seemed that the figure of Christ was staring right at us as I stood there with my hands tied behind my back and my pants around my ankles. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but I had the same feeling as before, that He was somehow smiling at us in an approving sort of way. Of course, it went against most Christian theologies to be having the feelings we were having, to be doing the things we were doing, but I just didn’t have the sense that what we were doing was wrong in the eyes of God. It was too profound, too full of human passion, too full of kindness and caring to be wrong.

While I mused about the religious implications of our relationship, Jesse had got a hold of the elastic waistband of my boxers and was beginning to tug them down. He was careful to pull them forward enough to allow the material to slide past my erection without pulling on it. I felt the cool air caress my naked buttocks as Jesse took my boxers down to my ankles. There were no words spoken, but I knew to carefully lift one foot and then the other to allow my jeans and boxers to be removed, leaving me wearing nothing but white crew socks.

I could clearly hear Jesse’s breathing now because it was heavy and full of odd little hesitations. It was as if he was holding his breath for a moment, and then suddenly releasing it as he enjoyed whatever it was that intrigued him about my nakedness. Then I felt a drop of warm moisture strike my shoulder blade and trickle down my back a few inches before evaporating or being absorbed into my skin.

“Jesse...are you crying?” I asked with whispered concern.

“Beautiful boy--look what I’ve done to you,” he said in a hoarse, almost inaudible voice, apparently referring to my bound hands.

While I was uncomfortable, I was also extremely turned on, and I wasn’t about to plead with him to untie me. “Take me, Jesse--before I explode on your carpet,” I urged him.

I heard him sniffle, and his heavy and hesitant breathing continued. I heard the soft rustle of cloth, and I guessed that he was stripping off his own T-shirt. Then there were soft, moist kisses, starting at my shoulders, going down my back from side to side and down my spine, kisses on my arms and even my fingers. Then his lips touched one mound of my naked butt, and I stiffened at the sudden stimulation. While I would have sworn I was already at full arousal, Jesse’s kisses on my bare ass sent me immediately to a new level of heightened passion. I instinctively strained against the belt that held my hands tight, wanting to reciprocate, to grab hold of him, rip his clothes off, smother him in kisses, stroke his silky blond hair and caress his bare flesh...

“Hurry...Jesse,” I gasped, almost afraid to open my mouth for fear that it would set me off.

I felt his hands at my shoulders as he guided me the few steps back to his bed. He helped me to sit on the edge of the mattress, and then pushed me back until I was lying across his bed with only the fronts of my feet still on the floor. My bound hands jabbed uncomfortably into the small of my back, but also served to keep my back arched, exposing my plumbing in the fullest way possible. Jesse knelt on the floor before me. My legs spread instinctively for balance, allowing him easy access. While his hands caressed my inner thighs, his lips kissed the hardened shaft of my penis, from base to head. There was already precum dripping from my slit and Jesse quickly licked it off. He took the glans briefly into his mouth, rolling his tongue over it’s smooth, domed surface and along the circumcised ridge. I moaned with pleasure, trying to hold back as long as I could, to prolong this amazing moment between us.

Jesse let my thoroughly moistened member slip out of his mouth as he moved in even closer. I could feel the silky threads of his golden blond hair brush my thighs and the smooth hardness of his nose as he pressed even further into my genitals. I gasped loudly as he sucked first one, and then the other of my testicles into his mouth, rolling his tongue around the small hard balls through the soft wrinkled skin of my ballsac. The stimulation was almost unbearable, and I knew that there was nothing I could do to stop nature taking it’s course.

“Jesse...” I groaned, arching my back even more than it already was by my bound hands. Only my toes touched the thin carpet of Jesse’s bedroom floor. My eyes were closed and tears forced their way out of the corners as I took in a huge gulp of air and held it.

With only seconds to spare, Jesse took my full erection into his mouth, doing nothing but holding it there in that hot, moist chamber as I shot spurt after spurt of semen against the back of his throat. I felt him taking it in and swallowing it as fast as I could pump it out. He kept on with his gentle sucking even after my paroxysms of joy had died down and my testicles were empty. I squirmed in a state beyond ecstasy as my penis became super sensitive to his lips and tongue. Finally, and ever so slowly, he pulled his head back, allowing my partially flaccid penis to slowly slide out from between his beautiful red lips.

I felt Jesse resting his head against one of my thighs. Both of us took in as much air as we could, trying to recover from that incredible moment of passion. I knew Jesse must be straining for his own release, and I began to shift around, actually trying to get my hands loose. I rolled on my side, my feet leaving the floor for the first time since Jesse had begun his passionate worship.

Suddenly, Jesse plopped down on the bed next to me, lying on his side facing me, perspiration glistening on his forehead, locks of blond hair matted against his moist skin, his beautiful blue eyes sparkling in a way that seemed almost physically impossible.

“What if I never let you go?” he asked, raspy and nearly breathless.

“You have to let me do you,” I insisted, still struggling vainly against the bonds of Jesse’s karate belt. "Please let me go..." I begged.

He looked at me with what seemed like indecision. It was like he wanted to deny himself, punish himself somehow for the sins he thought he had committed against me.

"Perry, dear Perry," he said, his voice suddenly choked with emotion. "I'll never let you go..."

And for a moment, I took him literally. I felt a wave of panic...He wasn't going to untie me--ever! Then I realized that he was talking about, us, about our relationship, and about the indefinable need we both felt that bound us one to the other in a way that was stronger than any physical restraint.

“Please…!” I begged, my voice full of urgency. Even as I struggled against my bonds, I felt my penis beginning a slow recovery, slowly rolling up my thigh as it once again began to fill with the blood of passion.

“Turn over,” he said.

He moved over so that I had room to roll, moving slightly towards the foot of the bed. My movement brought me further up onto the bed itself, so that my knees now rested on the mattress edge, my legs and feet fully extended and hanging over the floor. Jesse reached for my bound hands, and then hesitated again.

“One more thing,“ he said, disappearing from my sight. I didn’t bother to try to look back, as difficult as that would be in my awkward position, because I could hear that he hadn’t gone far.

“Tsk, tsk, you didn’t even take off your socks, you naughty boy,” he scolded me as he began peeling the white cotton crews off. I only had a few seconds to enjoy the cool air on my hot and sweaty bare feet, before I felt Jesse’s fingers doing a little dance on my soles. I immediately erupted in raucous laughter at the intense stimulation and began rolling around and kicking my legs to escape his touch.

“Next time, I’ll remember to tie your feet!” he giggled, realizing, from the way I was wildly flopping around, that he wasn’t going to get another chance to tickle me.

“Hold still,” he said, getting back on the bed on his knees, naked from the waist up, and dressed only in his jeans and socks. I enjoyed the feeling of release, as Jesse's fingers loosened the sturdy knots that held the karate belt so tightly against my wrists and arms. He immediately began rubbing the injured areas, and I enjoyed his soothing touch even though I was lying there bare assed naked.

After a few minutes of soothing wrist massage, I pulled away.

“That’s enough. I’m okay,” I said, getting up on my knees. I felt light headed for a few seconds, after the incredible ride of sexual ecstasy I had just taken, but I smiled warmly at the beautiful blond angel next to me. There was some evidence of the tears he had shed a few minutes ago, but he looked genuinely happy, and that filled me with warmth and good feelings, in addition to getting me more and more worked up.

I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him towards me for a passionate kiss. As our tongues swirled around each other’s mouths, I tasted the vestiges of my own salty sweet cum. My hands dropped from his neck and began sliding up and down his hard and smooth back. While our lips remained locked, I blindly found the button at the top of Jesse’s jeans and undid it. Showing none of the finesse and restraint Jesse had shown with me, I violently pulled his jeans and boxers down to his knees. I pushed him back and met little resistance. Finally he lay at an odd angle across the bed, his entire body except for his feet resting crosswise on the mattress.

I only took the time to tug the mass of crumpled clothing a little further towards his ankles, before I fell on him, my naked body against his. His hardness pushed into my belly as I broke our liplock and began showering Jesse’s torso with kisses. After brief stops at both his nipples and the tender spot right below his sternum, I reached his belly. There was no more than the bare minimum of body fat there, as I planted huge wet kisses everywhere on his soft skin. My tongue did a little dance in his belly button, causing him to squirm and giggle. Along with Jesse’s singing, the thing I most liked to hear was his laughter. It took us both away from this cold and uncaring world--especially the one we had discovered this morning, and away from the darkness of Jesse’s past.

His rock hard erection poked my neck as I began lowering my head, using a trail of passionate kisses to take me from his belly button to the sparse bush of nearly transparent blond pubes that surrounded the base of his shaft. His stiffened boyhood caressed my cheek as my tongue reached for his ballsac. I licked all around, taking in both Jesse’s taste and the musky scent of his genitals. Jesse bent his knees, bringing his feet up on to the bed and spreading his legs wide for me. I continued probing between his legs to where his scrotum disappeared into his butt crack, causing him to gasp with pleasure. Then I worked my way back up, mouthing his hardened shaft the way he had done for me. I let my tongue roll around his sensitive glans before taking his whole penis into my mouth.

“Yesssss....!” Jesse hissed as his whole body stiffened, his heels digging into the top of his bed. I just had time to get his shaft partially in my mouth before he began exploding. Taking him in as far as it would go, I swallowed greedily, sucking down his boyjuice as fast as it came, spurt after spurt, accompanied by spasm after ecstatic spasm, until we were both completely exhausted. I weakly crawled up to lay beside my blond angel, and laid my head lovingly on his heaving chest, listening to the fierce pounding of his heart. I felt him kiss the hair on the top of my head and one arm came around to embrace me, holding me to him. It was everything I needed, all the love, security, and goodness that I could ever hope for...

“Why do I hurt you so much?” Jesse sighed heavily.

“It really didn’t hurt that much,” I insisted, showing him that there were only the lightest imprints of the tough fabric remaining on my wrists.

“Not that--that’s just sick...” he said dismissively, lightly stroking my hair as I snuggled deeper into the crook of his embracing arm. “I’ve brought so many bad things into your life...thank God you didn’t get hurt worse than you did this time.”

I didn't like the sound of that of course, but I fully appreciated his concern. “I have to admit, my life was pretty dull before you showed up,” I agreed, but there was a smile on my face as I said it. Nestling against Jesse’s nakedness, I felt myself getting aroused again. That’s when I remembered that he wasn’t completely naked...

I slipped out of Jesse’s embrace and slid off the bed. Getting on my knees, I finished tugging Jesse’s crumpled jeans and boxers off. Then I started peeling off his white socks. Seeing Jesse’s bare feet was always an extra special treat for me. They were so perfect. I guess one of the reasons I was so attracted to feet in general and Jesse's in particular, were all the interesting shapes and textures: bony knobs protruding from slender ankles, the sensuous curves of the heel and arch, the smooth upper, and the wrinkled sole, and all those different sized toes, perfectly proportioned, each nail neatly trimmed, each one begging to be tweaked and sucked.

“I can’t believe these things could be such dangerous weapons,” I mused, lightly stroking the tops of his feet and thinking back to the way he had knocked the huge wrestling captain to the floor with one swift kick. And yet, there wasn’t a bruise or blemish on those smooth and delicious extremities of his.

“Ew, stinky feet alert!” Jesse warned me with a giggle, wiggling his toes for dramatic effect and causing my partial hardon to roll stiffly up my thigh.

“No way,” I murmured, taking in the sweet smell of his hot and tired feet. No longer able to resist, I took the big toe of his left foot, the one he had used to knock Fred Goreski on his ass, into my mouth, my tongue greedily licking every centimeter, from the soft and spongy pad, to the neatly trimmed nail, even into the dark crevice between it and it’s neighbor. This caused Jesse to laugh out loud, but he did his best to keep still, knowing that I was in heaven right now. Each toe got a thorough bath from my tongue as I now passionately gripped his slender and sinewy ankles firmly in my hands. As my tongue slid quickly down his deliciously smooth sole, Jesse couldn’t take it anymore, and he wrenched his feet out of my grasp.

“Hey, the rest of me’s up here!” he giggled breathlessly, inviting me back into his bed.

He certainly was up, and in record time, and there was no way I could ignore it or him...ever.