Choices - 3. Chapter 3

Part III Choices

Chapter 3 Tom Redux

On Friday, Tom rode home from school with me. He seemed in good spirits, and we chatted a bit in the car about ideas for the project. My mom seemed in a rush to get back to work, so she instructed me to fix some sandwiches, and reminded me where everything was.

“Would Tom like to join us for dinner tonight?” she asked, as she pulled into the driveway. “It’s pizza night.”

“Thanks, but my dad is picking me up after work. We have to go to a play at my kid sister’s school tonight. But maybe another time...”

I let us in through the kitchen door as my mom pulled away.

“So, you want a sandwich?” I asked, suddenly feeling a little nervous about being alone with Tom. I didn’t like having the feeling, but I also couldn’t deny that I had it!

“Um, do you have ice cream?” he asked shyly.

I checked the freezer, and there was a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia, so we each had a bowl of that.

“That was pretty weird the other day, Jesse getting so sick all of a sudden,” Tom said as we sat at the kitchen counter to eat our ice cream.

“Yeah, just some bad egg salad,” I said, repeating the story Jesse and I had fabricated.

“I mean, when you guys both went off, and you weren’t in the bathroom, I figured you must’ve went around back for some reason...”

“Yeah, Jesse needed some air after he...uh...threw up...” I lied.

“Oh,” Tom said thoughtfully. “I was just kinda startled I guess, when I saw you two holding each other like that...”

I didn’t like where this conversation was going. “He was feeling really weak--you know how it is after you hurl. I was just letting him lean on me for a little stability,” I explained. Boy, I was getting good at this lying shit!

“Oh, yeah,” Tom said, not quite convinced, but not sure what else there was to say on the subject. I didn’t know if he had suspicions about Jesse and me, but I wasn’t going to give him the opportunity to interrogate me about it.

“How’s it going with Derek?” I asked, wanting to change the subject.

Tom shrugged. “I’m taking it slow, like you said." He sighed, and there was a (rare) thoughtful look on his face. "It’s funny, it’s like we get along so great now, I’m worried that, if I try to tell him...you know...some of the things I told you, I wonder if it might ruin our friendship.”

That was actually pretty perceptive I thought, and I nodded my head in agreement.

“Maybe you need a few more signs first,” I suggested.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know...maybe see if he checks out other...uh...good looking guys at the arcade.”

Tom laughed goodspiritedly. “Right now, the only guy he seems to be checking out is Jesse Taylor!”

I almost spit up my cherries when he said that.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, not trying in the least to hide my stunned surprise at his revelation.

“I know, it’s a little weird, but hey...I mean, even you’ve got to admit, Jesse is pretty hot!”

What was the appropriate response to that?

“Well, I guess, if you like that sort of teenybopper kind of look...” I said unsuredly.

“Anyway,” Tom went on, apparently satisfied with my assement, “someone like Jesse would never waste his time with someone like Derek--or me!” he said good naturedly. “I mean, look who he chose to be his friend,” he noted, nodding towards me (Oh that’s right--I was 'Mr. Popular!’). “Besides, I see the way all the girls look at him, even some from Derek’s class. Jesse’s one of those guys that can have any girl he wants. I guess he’s still kinda shy, from being the new kid and all, but I’m sure he’ll have Melissa, or Katy, or whoever he wants, once he’s ready to make his move.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right about that,” I agreed enthusiastically. “But doesn’t it bother you that Derek...uh...has eyes for another guy?” I asked cautiously.

Tom shrugged. “Derek’s got kind of a short attention span. I think once he realizes that Jesse Taylor is totally beyond his reach, he’ll give it up--and that’s when I’ll make my move!”

Well, Tom seemed to have everything worked out to his satisfaction. In some ways, you had to admire his single mindedness! I wanted to drop the subject right there, but I had to ask...

“How do you know Derek is...’checking out’ Jesse?” I asked, trying to keep my tone purely conversational.

“You heard him yourself, saying that Jesse looks like a movie star. And he talks about him a lot. He’d get pissed if I tell you this, so keep it to yourself, but he claims he’s been screwing up some of his own tests on purpose just to make sure that he can stay in the tutoring program!”

“But does he just envy Jesse because he’s smart and good looking, or is there more to it?” I pressed.

This finally seemed to throw Tom for a loop. He played with the little puddle of melted ice cream at the bottom of his dish, swirling it around and around with his spoon.

“I just don’t know, Perry. I mean, this is all kinda new to me too. It took me a while to even figure out that I liked boys...”

There was that little phrase again.

“You mean, you just like boys?” I asked for clarification.

Tom nodded. “I told you, girls freak me out. I’m not really physically attracted to them, and they act so weird and different...I just don’t get them...” He shrugged helplessly.

Okay, so Tom really was gay. That was fine with me, but what was the deal with Derek and Jesse? I decided I wasn’t going to get any more useful information out of Tom on the subject, so I just dropped it. I’d talk to Jesse about it later.

“Even I think girls are weird!” I told him playfully. We both laughed.

“Maybe we should go upstairs and get to work,” I suggested, rinsing our dishes out in the sink before sticking them in the dishwasher.

Normally, I got out of my school clothes and into a comfortable pair of jeans or sweats as quickly as possible. But with Tom here, I felt uncomfortable changing in front of him. I figured I could hang in there for a couple of hours. I booted up the computer and toed off my sneakers.

“Can I take off my shoes too?” Tom asked.

I always enjoyed watching Tom change into or out of his cleats during baseball season, and seeing him play Twister in his sock feet at the party the other night reminded me again how cute his slender little size eights were.

“Sure, knock yourself out,” I said carelessly, pretending to watch the computer, but also glancing over at Tom, sitting on my bed as he unlaced his black hi-top Keds and tugged them off. His white socks were a bit bunched up at the toes, so he pulled them tight, wiggling his toes as he did so. I felt myself starting to get hard.

I logged onto the internet and began to show Tom some of the websites I had located that would help us with our presentation on Tuesday. Tom came up behind me.

“Hey, remember I told you I learned how to give a really great hand job?” he asked, the salacious content of his question strangely contrasting with his casual, boyish sounding voice.

“Yeah, I guess...” I answered, trying not to sound too interested.

“I can show you the website I got that off of. It’s really cool. It tells you how to give hand jobs, incredible blow jobs, and shows you how to do that sixty nine thing...”

Sixty nine thing? I’d never even heard of that, but I wasn’t about to tell Tom. He was now standing right behind my chair. I was bringing up a page from the National Geographic website.

“You’d really like that hand job, Perry, I swear!” Tom said encouragingly.

Somehow, in the back of my mind, I had feared that something like this might happen. Despite his claim that he was over his crush on me, it seemed pretty clear that there was at least some lingering sort of lust thing going on. That, combined with the fact that he had shared with me his most intimate secret--probably the deepest, darkest secret any teenager could ever have--and that I had been totally cool about it, seemed to make me a natural outlet for his pent up sexual frustration.

I should have just told him to knock it off, but the fact was, I really was tempted. Tom was my good friend, he was cute, and he was gay. I, on the other hand, was confused and horny. The only real question for me was how this would affect my relationship with Jesse. My first thought was that I simply wouldn’t tell him about it, but I hated that idea. I wanted to share everything with Jesse, and I didn’t think I could keep something like this secret from him even if I wanted to. My second thought was that I wasn’t in love with Tom. Whatever we did would simply fall under the category of a little experimentation between friends. My third thought was that I would tell Jesse, and he’d be really, really pissed...

“Cut it out--we have work to do,” I said, with a slightly forced laugh.

“I know but...you’d really like it,” he persisted, a slight tinge of urgency entering his boyish voice.

“You know I have a girlfriend,” I reminded him, cringing at having to flaunt the flagrant lie I had manufactured for Jessica, and now had to live with every single day.

“She doesn’t have to know--this is just between two friends,” he said, eerily echoing one of my own thoughts.

“I don’t know...” I stammered, sounding much more indecisive than I would have wished.

“This would be just like doing it yourself,” Tom argued, “but a million times more intense!” There was moisture in his eyes now. “I’ve waited so long, Perry,” he said, his voice suddenly tinged with sadness.

He claimed to have had a crush on me that began the first time he saw me, which would be well over a year ago now. In that sense, he certainly wasn’t exagerrating, and either he was starting to make sense to me, or I was just losing my grip on my hormones.

“Wh...what exactly did you have in mind?” I asked, finally swivelling my chair so that I was directly facing Tom, who was looking at me with an expression of barely supressed desire.

The tension on his face gave way to a smile full of bright white teeth. “So you’ll do it?” he asked excitedly. “I mean...you’ll let me do it...to you?” he stammered, tripping nervously over the words.

“I really don’t know,” I answered as honestly as I could. “I mean, I guess you have waited a long time, and now that I know...everything, I feel kinda bad about not being--you know--the way you want.”

“You don’t have to feel bad about anything,” Tom assured me. “But yeah, I guess I was secretly hoping all this time that maybe you might have the same feelings as me.” His gaze dropped to the floor. “But you don’t owe me anything. This would just be a chance for us to do something together that would be really cool for both of us.”

“You know I can’t return the favor,” I pointed out.

“I know, but that’s okay. I wouldn’t expect you to.”

I sat there, literally feeling myself getting harder, wondering if there was anyway I could get out of this without hurting Tom’s feelings. Would Jesse understand? I told myself that he would, but it could just as easily be my hormones talking.

“What would I have to do?” I asked, as if hearing the words come out of someone else’s mouth.

“Just take off all your clothes and lie down on the bed, on your back. I’ll take care of the rest!” Tom’s eyes were aglow with anticipation. I wouldn’t have been surprised if drool starting trickling out of the corner of his mouth pretty soon.

“Why do I have to take off my clothes?” I asked sheepishly.

“Well,” Tom explained in a fairly calm and rational manner, “I can’t ...uh... just yank on it and send you straight to heaven. I told you, I read about it on the internet. I have to sort of...warm you up, touch you and stuff. I really know what to do, I swear! You’ll love it!”

Yeah, he’d love it all right. In fact, he might love it so much, once having gotten a taste of it, that his so called crush, which he claimed to be so over with, might just come back with a vengence. I had visions of creating some sort of sex crazed, curly haired Frankenstein’s monster here...

“If we do this, it’s for sure a one time only deal--right?”

Tom seemed to hesitate for a moment, but I could see, both by the expression on his face and the growing lump in the front of his khaki Dockers, that he was clearly hot to trot.

"But what if you really, really like it?" he asked hopefully. "I mean, everyone needs a little relief once in a while, right? I know I sure do!"

That was hard to dispute. I finally just shrugged. “Okay..” I said in a shaky voice, the smallest smile forming on my face unbidden.

"So...you're gonna take off your clothes and stuff?" Tom asked anxiously.

I nodded reluctantly. Even though Tom was my friend, I felt very shy and self-conscious about undressing in front of him. I stooped to peel off my white crew socks. Tom was watching me so intently that, if my toes could blush, they’d be glowing bright red right now.

"Cool!" Tom snickered anxiously as he stared at my bare feet.

I stood up and began to tug my navy blue polo shirt over my head. As I pulled the shirt down over my arms, I looked up to see Tom standing there, just a couple of feet from me, his eyes wide, covering his mouth with both hands.

“Shit, Perry! I can’t believe this is happening! You’re so gorgeous!” His muffled voice was high pitched and tight with emotion. He did a little dance, shifting from one socked foot to the other.

“Tom, it would be better if you didn’t say things like that,” I cautioned him. First of all, I didn’t think I was anything remotely like 'gorgeous.' I was just a skinny, browned haired kid whose stupid freckles were finally fading away. Second of all, the only person I wanted to hear talk to me like that was Jesse. I found Tom’s boyish enthusiasm slightly off putting, which was a good thing, because it kept me from getting seriously aroused--which would be hard to explain if I was as straight as he thought I was!

Suddenly, Tom pulled his white polo shirt over his head and let it drop carelessly to the floor.

“Oh, are you...uh...getting undressed too?” I asked with surprise, trying not to stare at Tom’s slender, hairless torso. He still had the narrow, bony shoulders and flat chest of a boy, but his sunken belly showed the slightest hint of definition, and his belly button was an outie!

“Um, I guess I don’t need to--it’s just that it’s getting really hot in here!” he said apologetically.

No argument there! Despite my raging hormones, my rational mind continued to tell me this was wrong. But it was also telling me I had passed the point of no return. There was no way to get out of this now without seriously hurting Tom’s feelings. Seeing him standing there, naked from the waist up, his big brown eyes wide with boyish lust, I couldn’t deny him.

Tom was really starting to get worked up now, and I was beginning to worry about him. “You’re sure you're not going to freak out or anything?” I asked uncertainly, as I began undoing the front of my black Dockers, slipping the single button out of its slot and slowly tugging the zipper down.

“Boxers--that’s so awesome!” Tom squealed like a little girl.

“Uh, what about you?” I asked, lamely trying to make conversation as I selfconsciously pulled my pants down in front of my leering, thirteen year old friend.

“I wear briefs!” he answered quickly, his eyes now glued to my crotch and the growing lump there.

I leaned on my desk for support as I used my feet to finish stepping out of my pants.

“You’re not going to tell anyone about this, right?” I asked nervously, realizing it was rather late in the game for such questions. “I mean, Derek, or Jesse...or anybody, right?” I raised my voice slightly to emphasize the seriousness of my queston.

“Right, of course. This is our secret!” Tom answered quickly. “And you’d never tell about me, right?” he asked in a totally trusting sort of way.

I hesisitated for just a couple of seconds. Could I actually not tell Jesse about any of this? No way!

”Right,” I answered dryly. I moved towards my fully made bed.

“Aren’t you going to...you know...take those off?” Tom asked sheepishly, gesturing to my boxers.

“To tell you the truth,” I said, standing next to the bed, my arms crossed awkwardly in front of my bare chest, “I’m feeling really nervous about this, and you gawking at me like I’m some sort of...” I almost said 'freak,' but realized that word had a lot of really bad connotations for Tom so I checked myself, “er...model or something, isn’t helping." I sighed, thinking about the image I saw when I looked in the mirror. "I’m not anything special, you know," I added quietly. "I’m just a normal, dorky looking guy. Nothing special...” I murmured, expressing my true feelings and hoping Tom would get a grip.

Instead, he practically scowled at me. “Oh, Perry! You’re so wrong! You’re like--just totally a stud! I mean, you look so hot in your basketball uniform--that blue jersey with the gold trim, and those shorts, and the way your hair spills over your headeband and...and... " He started gasping for breath as his words tumbled out faster and faster. "And I keep imagining what you would look like...you know....without it...and stuff...and now you’re standing here...”

I thought he was going to lose it for sure, and much to my surprise, Tom did suddenly fall to his knees. At first, I thought his appendix was bursting or something, because he bent forward, grasping his middle. He glanced up at me for a couple seconds, his face looking all cross-eyed and contorted. Then he started groaning and his body shook spasmodically, and I realized that he was having a totally serious orgasm, right there on the floor, with his pants on!

I just gawked, feeling ashamed and guilty for watching something so intimate, but not being able to look way either. Somehow, I ended up sitting on the edge of my bed, and I just waited as Tom’s face twisted with each spasm that shook his body, until it was finally over and he fell forward, catching himself with his outstretched arms. I watched his bare back rise and fall as he sucked in large gulps of air, panting and occassionally moaning in the aftermath of what must have been one mother of a climax! Finally, he rolled onto his side and drew himself into a fetal position.

I thought maybe I should go to him, but I just kept sitting on the edge of the bed. “Uh, Tom...are you like...okay, dude?”

Seemingly in response to my inquiry, Tom began to cry. It was a very intense, high pitched crying that was really pathetic sounding. My heart went out to him and I finally got up the nerve to go kneel by him. I gently laid a hand on his warm back. He didn’t try to pull away.

“I’m sorry, Perry...really sorry...” he blubbered.

“What’re you taking about?” I asked. “You really need to just calm down.” I rubbed his back a little.

He nodded his head in agreement but just went on crying, lying there curled up on the floor of my bedroom. I glanced nervously at the clock and it was only four thirty, so it wasn’t likely any parents would be showing up anytime soon. I didn’t know if that was good or bad.

Finally, Tom sat himself up. He pulled his knees up to his chest and laid his head in his folded arms.

“Wow, I really fucked that up, didn’t I?” he muttered with an embarrassed laugh.

“Let me get you some water,” I said, getting to my feet and going into the bathroom. I ran the water until it was nice and cold and filled a glass for him.

“Here,” I said, kneeling beside him again. I held the glass for a long time before he finally looked up and took it. His eyes were stained red and he looked much as he had on Monday, after he had first told me his secret. There was a lot of snot dripping from his nose so I hurried into the bathroom again and brought back some Kleenex. He used the thin tissues to wipe his face clean, although an occassional dry sob would still work its way up.

When he finally had himself somewhat pulled together, he just sat there looking at me. I started feeling very uncomfortable, just kneeling there in nothing but my boxers.

“I can’t help it, Perry. You really are beautiful--on the outside and on the inside.” He gave me a weak smile.

“Okay, if you say so,” I said, not wanting to argue with him in his distraught state. “Look, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. I should have said ‘no’ right away.”

“It wasn’t you, it was me,” he insisted, sniffling a little and occasisonally dabbing his face with the Kleenex. “I guess, I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long, when I saw you like...like that, it just sent me right over the top!” He laughed with embarrassment at his lack of self control.

I suddenly saw my opportunity to get out of this without having myself wanked by an incredibly desperate and horny thirteen year old.

“Maybe we should just forget about this and concentrate on getting you and Derek together,” I suggested cautiously.

Tom nodded dully but I don’t think he was fully convinced. I pretended to ignore his noncomittal response and went on.

“I really think we need to bring Jesse in on this...”

Tom’s wet, bloodshot eyes opened wide in terror.

“Just hear me out,” I said, trying to calm him down. I was tempted to put a reasuring hand on his bare shoulder, but thought that might send the wrong signal. I really wanted to put my clothes back on, but I also didn’t want to make it look like I was trying to hide myself from Tom. At least all the drama had caused my erection to pretty much disappear--thank goodness!

“You said yourself that Derek has some sort of fascination with Jesse, so if we had him helping, he could maybe dissuade Derek somehow...” I was just making this up off the top of my head, but it sounded good to me.

“I wouldn’t want Jesse to say anything to Derek!” Tom said, sounding panicky.

“I know. We’d have to come up with a plan or something,” I answered vaguely.

Tom nodded reluctantly. “So you’d tell Jesse about...my secret?” Tom asked, sounding so much like a helpless little boy I felt like patting him reassuringly on the head.

“Tom, if you just knew how cool Jesse is!” I said, feeling the strongest urge yet to just spill the beans about Jesse and me. “He’s really smart--one of the smartest people I know, and not just about school stuff, but about people stuff too! He’s so insightful, sometimes it’s just plain scary!” I was tempted to tell him that Jesse had already given me the head’s up on Tom’s big secret--probably preventing me from totally freaking out on Tuesday, but I thought that might be a bit too much for him to handle.

Tom looked at me for a long time, and for once, there wasn’t any of that weird lust thing going on. I could tell he was trying to look ‘inside’ me, and that was a good thing right now. I needed him to trust me on this.

“Perry, you know how I feel about you. I think you’re just the greatest guy I ever met, and if you think Jesse can be trusted, then I have to trust him--it’s just that simple.”

“Thank you, Tom, you won’t regret it--and it’ll be good to have someone else around for support.”

Tom looked at me with warm, puppy dog eyes, and I felt more affection for him at that moment than I ever had before.

“Well, uh...” I stammered, getting shakily to my feet. “I guess, we should get you cleaned up and me dressed, and maybe we could still get some work done before your dad gets here...what d’ya say?” I asked with a reassuring smile

Tom slowly picked himself up, and I cringed, knowing what it felt like to have a mess like that in your pants. There wasn’t any stain on the front of his Dockers, so maybe he hadn’t pumped out as much juice as I had thought.

Tom gave me a serious, penetrating look. “Perry, I know I’ve asked way too much of you this week, and you’ve been cooler than anyone could possibly be about everything...but if I could just ask you for one more thing...”

I felt my dick twitch, thinking that Tom was going to make one more effort to get into my boxers. And would I be able to resist?

“Just a hug please--before you get dressed?” He was getting that desperate, 'little boy lost' look on his face again.

“Uh...sure...no problem,” I said in a moderately convincing tone, managing to muster up a warm smile.

Tom quickly brought his arms around me and I felt our bare chests press together. I could clearly feel his powerful heartbeat against my ribcage. He pushed his head into the crook of my neck and I could feel his stiff, curly hair and his hot breath on my shoulder. His arms started out around my neck, and then slid to my shoulders, and then down my back, and then onto my ass...I stiffened, but I didn’t pull away. I just stood there and let him rub his hands over my butt cheeks for what seemed like an eternity. My deflated erection started rising to the occassion and I was beginning to think that I would have to be the one to push away, but finally, Tom let me go, stepping back and giving me one last look over.

“I’ll never forget this!” he said with a typical, boyish ‘Tom’ smile lighting up his tear streaked face.

“Me either!” I said, and we both laughed with relief.

I went to my dresser and opened the very bottom drawer.

“I might have some briefs that’ll fit you,” I said. I occasionally wore briefs during the summer. I had started wearing boxers in the sixth grade when it had been a big fad, and learned to like the loose feeling. Some of my friends didn’t even last two weeks before they had to go back to their tighty whities, but I liked ‘em just fine. I even wore them to basketball practice sometimes, although I wore briefs and a jock strap for games. Otherwise, I only wore the briefs when I was wearing shorts that didn’t quite reach down to my knees. I fished out a pair and handed them to Tom.

“Whoa, Calvin Kleins! Cool!” he said excitedly.

“You can use the bathroom,” I quickly suggested. “Use whatever you need to get yourself cleaned up,” I added as he closed the door. I waited to hear him turn the lock, but he didn’t. What a trusting soul!

While I had never quite gotten to the point of no return, my school boxers were wet with precum, so I pulled those off and put on a clean pair. Then I took the opportunity to slip into a comfortable pair of Levi’s and a Lakers sweatshirt. I didn’t know if Tom had a thing for feet or not--he certainly seemed interested when I had taken off my shoes and socks earlier, so I decided to put on a fresh pair of comfortable white socks. Unless it was really hot out, I actually prefered wearing socks to going barefoot anyway.

When Tom came out, looking like he was well on his way to recovering from yet another intense afternoon at the Thompson’s, he picked up his shirt and put it back on. We were able to actually get some work done before his dad came to pick him up. We made our final plans, deciding that Tom was going to put together a collage for our visual aide (he was a very good artist), and I was going to type up our report and print up a few charts on my mom’s 11 x 17 printer. After he left, I felt exhausted, so I took a long shower and, thinking mostly about Jesse, and maybe just a little about Tom, was finally able to get some much needed relief from the afternoon’s little circus of pent up sexual tension.

I was somewhat relieved that Tom didn’t call again that evening. But now I knew it was time to call Jesse, and for the first time ever, I had mixed feelings. I was glad Tom had given me his permission to go ahead and tell Jesse the big secret--especially since I had already told Jesse about it Tuesday night, but how was I going to explain to my boyfriend that I had stripped down to my boxers in front of another guy with the intention of letting this guy jack me off?

“Hey, Jesse, can you talk?” I said, deciding to get right down to it.

“Uh, sure, they’re in bed--sounds like something’s on your mind.”

“Yeah, things got weird again with Tom this afternoon.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah...um...well, the good news is, he said it would be okay to tell you his big secret...”

“And what would that be?” he teased.

“Jesse, this is serious!” I said, a little louder than I had intended.

“Okay, sorry,” Jesse apologized.

“I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to jump down your throat like that.”

“You can jump down my throat any time, Perry,” he answered with a giggle.

This boy warmed my heart in ways I could never have imagined a few months ago. Why was it we had to spend so much time apart?

“Tom wants our help.”

”With Derek?”

“Yeah. In fact, he already knows that Derek has a crush on you, which is really weird.”

“How does he know?” Jesse asked, not in a surprised and shocked way, but in a ‘give me the facts’ kind of way.

“Well, he says that Derek talks about you a lot. He even messes up on his tests on purpose so that he can keep coming for tutoring.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed that. Derek is actually pretty bright. His only real problem, academically speaking, is his short attention span. But still, he could be doing a lot better than he is. Anything else?”

“Derek and Tom both think your really hot...”

“Gag it up, dude! You guys all need glasses or something!” Jesse laughed self-effacingly.

“Well, anyway, Tom is kinda taking things slow right now. He’s worried if he tells Derek about being gay, that Derek might freak, and Tom doesn’t want to lose his friendship.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Jesse said, his voice taking on a darker tone. “He’s absolutely right to worry.”

“But Derek must be gay, right? I mean, why else would he be all gaga over you?”

“You claim to be gaga over me too,” Jesse pointed out. “Are you gay?”

“Ouch...I guess it’s just not that easy, huh?”

“Not only is it incredibly not easy, it’s also very risky. Tom and you and me all have to be really, really careful, Perry.”

“I know. I worry about it a lot,” I said, my voice shaking a little. Sometimes, it was so easy to forget how dangerous all this was.

There was a long pause. “If we’re all careful, there’s nothing to worry about,” Jesse assured me.

“Yeah, you’re right about that,” I agreed wholeheartedly. “Listen, Jesse...there’s something else I need to tell you, about this afternoon, something really weird...”

“Okay,” he said, no hint of insinuation in his trusting voice.

“There’s something I didn’t tell you about Tuesday,” I said guiltily. “After we talked about everything else, Tom told me he wanted to give me a...er... hand job...” I paused, but Jesse didn’t say anything. I could hear his calm breathing over the phone, and I wished I could feel his warm breath on my neck right now.

“Well, fortunately, his dad showed up a little early and nipped that idea right in the bud before I even had a chance to tell him how wrong that would be. But today, he started on me again.” I felt my voice starting to tremble.

“Calm down,” Jesse said soothingly. “Just tell me what happened and we’ll deal with it.” He could be so mature sometimes, and I envied him that ability.

“Well, he told me how he’d been lusting after me for over a year now, and he really wanted to do this thing...for both of us, he said.” I paused, my throat feeling dry. I wanted to get a glass of water from the bathroom, but I wanted even more just to get this over with.

“So I guess I kinda said okay...” I waited for Jesse to say something, but he didn’t. I wasn’t sure how he was taking this. “I couldn’t figure out how to get out of it without hurting his feelings...”

“My sweet Perry...” Jesse whispered lovingly.

His gentle words made it a little easier for me to go on. “So he wanted me to take off all my clothes and lie on the bed, but I only got down to my boxers when he like, collapsed on the floor! It was really freaky!”

“What happened?” Jesse asked with concern.

“Well, I thought his appendix had burst or something, but it turned out he was having a massive orgasm--right in his pants!”

There was a long pause. “Can’t say that I blame him,” Jesse said, and I could tell he was smiling.

“But Jesse,” I said rather heatedly, “I was going to let him do it--let him touch me!”

“If you’re waiting for me to get upset with you, Perry, forget it--it’s not going to happen,” Jesse said quietly and calmly. “You are the kindest, sweetest, most generous person I’ve ever met in my life--I’m so lucky to have you in my life...” I could hear his voice choking with emotion.

This wasn’t the reaction I had been expecting. I wasn’t sure exactly what I had been expecting, but it sure wasn’t this.

“So, you’re like...okay with this?” I asked incredulously.

“First of all, nothing actually happened, right?”

“Yeah, but...”

“And if it had, you and Tom would have shared a wonderful experience together, and Tom would’ve gone home thanking his lucky stars for having been able to enjoy that experience with you.”

“I...I don’t get it...” I said dumbfounded.

“I know you don’t, and that makes me love you so much more--you can’t imagine!” I sensed that there were tears spilling from Jesse’s eyes.

“Hey, don’t get upset,” I pleaded, still confused by his reaction. Was it possible that Jesse Taylor loved me so much, he was willing to look the other way at my shameful transgression?

“I’m not upset,' he sniffed. "I’m just standing here in my stupid little kitchen, wishing I could be with you all the time.”

“You’re always in my heart,” I assured him.

comments and constructive criticism always welcome: underthehoodster@netscape.net