Brothers - 10. Chapter 10

Part IV Brothers

Chapter 10 Sleep Over

The rest of the day passed in a fairly pleasant blur. I finally had to admit that I loved having Jesse and Miranda spending the day with us, even though I had been dreading it before they arrived. I kept thinking how they were like family, but then remembered how much I loved getting into Jesse's pants! We couldn't do that if we were brothers--could we?

Everyone helped put the evening meal together, which consisted of leftovers of course, with plenty of turkey, vegetables, gravy, and mashed potatoes. Mrs. Taylor arrived just in time to join us, and the conversation at the table seemed more light hearted than it had at lunch, despite the glaring absence of Aunt Karen. Everyone pitched in with the cleaning up with Josh and his dad taking the heavier stuff back out to the garage, while Jesse and I helped put away the good china and fancy silverware.

Mrs. Littleton and Tyler left around eight, and by eight thirty, Mrs. Taylor was insisting that it was time for them to go as well. I began to get that tightness in my stomach again, and all I could think about was not being able to see Jesse for the next three days. Still, I was grateful for the time we had spent together today, even though we only had a few moments to ourselves.

Mrs. Taylor had a thoroughly exhausted Miranda slung heavily over her shoulder even as she embraced my mother warmly with her free arm. I was trying really hard not to cry as I casually shook Jesse's hand. I didn't know if anyone noticed or not, but we grasped each others hands for much longer than the standard farewell shake required. I felt his fingers squeeze mine and I wanted desperately to take him in my arms. He was my beautiful sweet angel and I loved him so much...

Derrin had brought a copy of the X-men 2 DVD along so we popped that in, cranking up the Dolby Surround speakers. It was just Josh, Derrin, and myself, all of us with our shoes off, lounging contentedly in the den while my mom and Uncle Ron sat in the livingroom talking quietly.

When the movie was done, everyone got ready for bed. Josh and Derrin insisted on going to the mall tomorrow, despite the fact that the day after Thanksgiving was traditionally one of the busiest shopping days of the year. I had my own trepidations, considering the warning Gary had sent along, but I figured with Josh around, no one was going to bother us.

I went into my bathroom, washed up, brushed my teeth, and changed into a pair of grey sweatpants and a St. Boniface Crusaders T-shirt. Derrin was sitting on top of the futon, dressed in striped pajamas, playing Kingcarver 2. I couldn't help but notice his cute little bare feet poking out from the bottoms of his pajamas, and how he occasionally curled his toes when he was concentrating on a particularly difficult move. Even though Josh was a really great looking guy with his curly blond hair, broad shoulders, and bulging biceps, I actually found Derrin more attractive. Sure, he was still a kid--skinny and bony looking, but I liked his blue grey eyes, toothy grin, up turned nose, and the light smattering of freckles that framed it. No, it wasn't like I lusted after him or anything--he was my cousin after all--just that I enjoyed his physical appearance. We had always been closer than Josh and I were, and I was glad that he wanted to spend the night in my room. He could just as easily have taken the futon into the guestroom and slept next to his dad and brother.

"Wanna play NBA All-stars?" he asked, not taking his eyes off the screen as the barbarian king hacked his way through an army of trolls--Level Six, I think.

It was nearly eleven, and I was truly exhausted. "I'm really kinda tired," I admitted reluctantly, not wanting to ruin my cousin's fun.

But he quickly shut the TV off and put the game away. He sat on the futon with his knees pulled up to his chin and looked up at me, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"I guess you noticed my mom wasn't here today," he offered.

"Yeah. I don't remember ever seeing you guys with out Aunt Karen," I replied honestly.

Derrin looked more thoughtful than upset as he spoke, occasionally glancing up at me, but otherwise staring emptily into space. "About a week ago, she and my dad started acting kinda strange...like real quiet and stuff. That's weird for them. They're always talking to each other or to Josh and me, so we knew something was up. Then Josh overheard them whispering to each other down in the kitchen one night, and it turned out they were talking about us...like, 'what about the kids then?' and shit like that. Josh said it was pretty scary."

I was already feeling sorry for my cousins, having to go through the same thing I did a few years ago. That too had started with a lot of mysterious, hushed conversations and unusual silences. In fact, my parents were never much for shouting and throwing plates across the room like I heard some parents did when they argued. Their conflicts tended to be short and quiet, and almost always ended with my mom crying or on the brink of tears. Usually, my dad would apologize the very next day, with flowers or sometimes with even more elaborate gifts and life would go on. It was only after it became clear that my dad was seriously considering taking off with his old high school sweetheart, Staci, that things became just plain ugly. And within a few months of that, my dad had moved out permanently.

"Gees, I'm really sorry, Derrin," I said sincerely.

He shrugged as if he weren't looking for sympathy. I searched for the beginnings of tears in his eyes, but didn't see any.

"Three days ago, we all sat down for a family meeting. Josh and I were really nervous, thinking that we had done something wrong, even though neither of us had done anything we could think of to make them act so weird." Derrin released a little sigh and rubbed his freckled nose with his finger. "Well, my dad just told us in a real calm voice that mom had met someone at work. It was a guy and she thought he was really special. Then my mom told us she thought she might be falling in love with this other guy, even though they hadn't really done anything yet. I remember, Josh sort of snorted when she said that, and my dad just glared at him something awful."

I felt really squirmy as I listened to Derrin calmly tell his story. In fact, I was getting more emotional listening to it than he was telling it. I guessed I was already in something of an overwrought state, what with missing Jesse (already!), and worrying about my other friends and all their dilemmas. I truly wished I could just block some of those things out the way Jesse told me to, but I couldn't. It was like I was a sponge or something, soaking up everyone's problems and then holding them inside, feeling saturated with worry and anxiety.

"She said she really had to think about her feelings for this guy, and her feelings for dad, and Josh was starting to get really upset. He said some pretty bad things to mom, and there was shouting and stuff. My mom kept saying that she loved us and that her problem had nothing to do with us, and Josh kept yelling back and my dad got really upset and well...he almost slapped him but he stopped at the last second--it was pretty scary."

I remembered how it felt when Morgan had slapped me--had that only been last Sunday? It seemed like such a long time ago already! It was hard to imagine my Uncle Ron getting so upset that he would actually hit his own son. I'm glad that he hadn't. I didn't think it was right to punish Josh for being so understandably upset. Still, it must have been a horrible scene. I couldn't understand how Derrin could be talking about this so calmly.

"Well," Derrin laughed drily, absently curling and uncurling his toes as he rocked a little on his skinny behind, "my dad was having a really hard time calming down after that, and he went out in the backyard alone and my mom went to their bedroom and that was pretty much the end of the family meeting." He paused for a moment, as if pushing that particular scene to the back of his mind somewhere where he wouldn't have to think about it again. "My mom decided to spend Thanksgiving with her sister in Pasadena. Josh didn't want to come here, but my dad insisted...I hope you don't think my brother doesn't like you, Perry," he said, his voice finally taking on some sense of urgency. "It isn't that at all. It's just that...well...everybody's so confused...and Josh is really angry...but I'm not sure who he's angry at! Sometimes I think it's me because he'll snap at me or ignore me and stuff, and sometimes I think he's mad at mom or dad or...even himself. I don't know..." His voice was trembling a little now even though his eyes were still dry.

"What's going to happen now?" I asked, trying to hold myself together. I felt like I was on the verge of tears myself.

Derrin looked at me with an innocent boy face and shrugged helplessly. "I guess if my mom likes this other guy better than dad, then she'll go away with him...you know, like your dad did," he added tentatively.

Shit...a tear spilled out of my eye and rolled down my cheek and Derrin saw it.

"Aw, Perry, don't..." Derrin moaned, looking at me with a pained expression on his face. "Don't cry...There's nothing we can do about it..."

I quickly wiped the tear away and nodded my agreement. "I really want your mom and dad to stay together," I told him.

"Yeah, me too...but I guess I can sorta understand that, if my mom really likes this other guy better than dad, then maybe it wouldn't make sense for us to just pretend to be a family any more, ya know?"

I nodded, willing myself not to go to pieces in front of my younger cousin.

"I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to mess you up like this...I just thought maybe you were wondering..."

"I...I was, and I guess I'm just thinking about what happened with my dad and...stuff," I answered lamely.

We sat there in silence for a while. I could hear someone running the water in the guest bathroom.

"You look really tired," Derrin observed.

I nodded.

Derrin slipped his legs under the covers and settled himself down. "Goodnight, Perry," he said quietly.

I was still completely choked up, but I guess Derrin didn't want to talk any more, and that was probably a good thing--for me at least.

I woke up to the sound of muffled crying. I thought I had just fallen asleep but it was already after one! I heard Derrin sniffling quietly into his pillow. It was a terrible thing to listen to and my heart went out to him.

"Derrin...are you okay?" I asked, knowing full well that he wasn't. It was a strange relief in a way that at least he was crying. It had been kind of spooky before when he had told me the story and hadn't even shed a single tear.

"Oh shit...Perry..." he sniffled, his voice muffled by the pillow. "I didn't mean to wake you up...I guess I had a bad dream or somethin'..."

It was kind of strange that he just didn't want to admit that he was upset about the situation with his parents.

"Do you want me to get your dad?" I asked tentatively, propping myself on my elbow, staring into the darkness of my bedroom.

"No!" Derrin replied quickly. It sounded like he was starting to pull himself together and I was beginning to think the little episode had already reached its climax and we were both going to get back to sleep.

"Perry?" Derrin asked quietly. I heard him crawling off the futon and approaching the side of my bed.

"Yeah?" I asked, just barely able to make out the shadowy figure kneeling right next to me.

"Can I sleep with you?" he asked in a sniffling little boy voice.

I'd have to have been some kind of cold monster to deny that mournful plea. I didn't see any harm in it. I had never actually slept in the same bed with him before, although I did have a vague memory of sleeping with his brother once, years ago, at my grandparent's house.

"Sure...if you want," I offered, not allowing emotion to enter my voice. I slid over towards the other end of the bed.

Derrin grabbed his pillow and then climbed in next to me. Even though it was dark, I could tell by his breathing that he was looking at me. I wondered if it would seem rude if I rolled over so that my back was facing him.

"This is kinda cool!" Derrin whispered, his earlier sadness apparently forgotten or at least temporarily abandoned.

"What is?" I asked cautiously.

"Sleeping with you," he said.

I didn't really get what he was talking about, but I was already feeling myself drift off. "Sure...it's cool..." I muttered.

I guess I knew it was a dream, but it was a pretty good one. It was that special day, a month and a half ago, when Jesse first came to my house. We were in the den and Jesse was having a lot of fun flipping me onto my ass over and over again. I could actually feel myself getting dizzy. I watched with delight as Jesse took his shoes off, and I saw his sock feet for the first time (But hadn't I already seen him naked before?). It was making me hard. He flipped me some more, but told me frustratedly that I should know my Aikido by now. Hmmmm....hadn't he just told me that today? Well, I felt a little embarrassed that I wasn't as prepared as he had hoped for, but I realized all I was waiting for was my chance to get on top of him.

It was while I was sitting on the floor rubbing my behind, the result of yet another textbook perfect flip, that Jesse started to buckle over with laughter at my foolish attempts to 'attack' him. Once he was on his knees, I knew my opportunity had arrived. I playfully knocked him to the floor and quickly straddled him.

"I love you so much, Jesse!" I said boldly, knowing that he had already heard me say it a thousand times before.

"I love you too," he replied, waiting for me to lower my head for a kiss.

And it was a great kiss, dream or no dream! I could feel the moisture on his full, spongy lips as I pressed against them. After some serious sucking, we were probing with our tongues and I could feel the warm and moist insides of his mouth and the smooth hardness of his teeth. I was already getting seriously aroused, so instead of turning around to peel off his socks like I was supposed to, I slid a little further down his legs and unzipped his pants.

Jesse just lay there, staring at me expectantly with those sparkling crystal blue eyes and it sent shivers through me. I started to reach into his boxers when he suddenly spilled me over. In the blink of an eye, our positions had become completely reversed. He was already unzipping my pants before I fully realized what was happening.

He just smiled at me, fully concentrating on the business at hand. He slipped his hand under the waistband of my boxers and his fingers grasped my hardened member and pulled it out into the open. Why was it I wasn't embarrassed about Jesse seeing my dick? I loved the way it gave him so much pleasure to look at it and touch it. It was like I didn't have to do anything but just be there for him. His slender fingers slid around my shaft and began squeezing, pumping and kneading my erection and bringing me to the brink of climax.

"Oh...Jesse..." I moaned. I opened my eyes to see his beautiful face staring down at me, only....it was dark. I wasn't dreaming any more, but someone was still clutching my joystick!

"Shit!" I cried out, springing up so fast that my dick was painfully yanked out of my cousin's small hand.

I sat up in the dark, breathing heavily. I could sense Derrin sitting or kneeling next to me.

"What...what were you doing...?" I asked dazedly.

Derrin flicked on the small lamp on my nightstand, illuminating his innocent looking freckled face. His hair, which was so meticulously spiked by day, was all scattered in different directions now. He was propped up on one elbow. I still had a sheet pulled up to my chest and my sweatpants were still on. Had I just been confused? Had it just been the momentary disorientation between dream and reality that made me think my younger cousin was jerking me off? Not likely since I was definitely hard and my dick ached as if it had been tugged on rather forcefully.

"I didn't mean to wake you," Derrin apologized meekly. He didn't look upset or anything--just slightly concerned.

"I...I guess I was dreaming..." I mumbled, leaning myself up against the headboard and wiping a bead of sweat from my brow. "Did I just scream or something?"

"You just said 'shit' kinda loud--but I don't think anyone would hear you with the door closed," Derrin replied quietly. "And when you were dreaming, you said 'Oh...Jesse...' Were you dreaming about your friend?" he asked innocently.

Yikes! I had said Jesse's name out loud! I was shaken from my grogginess into a state of near panic. Surely Derrin would wonder why I would be dreaming about another boy, especially while I was having my monkey spanked.

"Uh, Jessica..." I explained quickly. "Jessica Bainbridge..."

"Oh, is that your girlfriend?"

I nodded.

"Cool," he said approvingly.

Whew...! Now on to the next topic..."Derrin, were you...?" How did I even ask a question like that--especially if I was wrong about what had actually happened?

"I know. I shouldn't have done that," he admitted sheepishly.

"You mean, you were, like...touching me?" I asked incredulously. Hadn't he been obsessed with squeezing his girlfriend's boobs the last time we had seen each other? Why would he suddenly be interested in another guy's private parts?

"I guess I wanted to know what it's like," he explained with just a hint of guilt.

"You know what it's like--you've got one yourself!" I retorted, stating what seemed to me to be obvious.

Derrin shrugged. "No, not like that. I meant, I wanted to know what you felt like, Perry."

How could I tell if I was still dreaming or not? Everything seemed the way it should be. I could see all the trappings of my room looking just the way they had when I fell asleep. The magnified shadow cast by Derrin's low profile looked kind of ominous on the far wall past the foot of the bed, but it wasn't like it was waving at me on its own or anything. My penis was starting to soften, but it still ached. He had been holding it--squeezing it--when I suddenly woke up and jumped up into a sitting position. My poor cock had been yanked violently out of his grasp and now it was hurting like a son of a bitch!

"I don't get it..." I told him.

"I guess I'll go back to the futon," he said glumly. "I can even take it into the guest room and crash there if that'll make you feel better," he offered.

"No, wait," I said. "Tell me what's going on."

Derrin hesitated only for a breath. "I really like you, Perry. You've always been good to me and we always have fun together. I can remember even when I was a little kid, you always paid attention to me and played with me when the other older kids ignored me or teased me for being small and gettin' in their way and stuff."

"And what does that have to do with my dick?" I asked hesitantly, starting to feel somewhat self-conscious about what had just happened.

"Well, I guess when you like someone... a lot, it makes you want to be...you know, closer to them or something," Derrin explained clumsily.

"We're already sleeping in the same bed. That's about as close as you can get," I observed.

Derrin nodded. "Yeah, I'm glad it worked out this way. I was really looking forward to coming over. For a few days, my dad wasn't sure if we were going to come or not...because of all that stuff with my mom."

I felt a wave of renewed emotion flood my mind. Poor Derrin. Poor Josh. Poor Uncle Ron. Why did bad things have to happen to good people? I didn't know anyone who was kinder or more giving than my mom, and yet look how life had treated her. And now my favorite cousin...

"I'm glad you came," I said honestly.

Derrin smiled, the light from the small lamp casting his face half in shadow. "So...I can stay?" he asked hopefully.

"You still haven't told me what you were doing in my pants," I noted gently. I didn't want to scare him or upset him any further. It wasn't like he had done any intentional harm. The fact that my dick ached now was really my own fault. I had been the one to react so impulsively when I realized what was going on.

"It's hard to explain," Derrin said slowly, apparently searching for the right words to express his feelings. From the hesitant sound of his voice, it seemed like he was somewhat confused by what he had done as well. "I guess I think that you're really good looking, Perry," he admitted. "You know, not all big and muscley like a jock, and not really pretty like a girl--just really handsome like a--boy, I guess." He paused after saying that since it must have surely sounded as strange to his own ears as it did to mine. "And if you're in bed with a good looking boy and you like that boy-- a lot--then you wonder what his...stuff is like, don't ya?"

Well, that might have made some sense except for the fact that A) I wasn't particularly good looking, B) I was almost two years older than him, and C) he was my freakin' cousin!

"I don't know," I said, again trying very carefully not to upset him any further. It was obvious that, despite his outward calm, he was in an extremely fragile emotional state right now. Who could blame him? "I mean, I like you too, and we've known each other all our lives, but I'm not sure it's a good idea to do things like that."

"Are you angry at me?" Derrin asked, and I could see him stiffen a little, prepared to be told off by someone older and 'wiser.'

"No, not at all," I assured him. "It's just...you know, people aren't supposed to touch other people like that."

"Are you going to tell on me?" Derrin asked, more in a curious way than a fearful way.

"No," I answered simply.

"Did you like it?" he asked innocently.

"Did you?" I asked him right back for some reason.

There was a long and thoughtful pause. I hoped my younger cousin wasn't looking for some sort of sexual relationship with me. It didn't seem right and I couldn't see what the point of it would be. He needed to be with kids his own age--boys or girls--and do his experimenting with them.

"Yeah, it felt good. I wanted to look too, but I didn't," he conceded.

"Well, it's pretty standard issue," I assured him.

"I've seen Josh naked plenty of times," Derrin explained off handedly. "He's got a pretty good dick--kinda thick but not real long, and big balls that hang--"

"I don't really want to hear about Josh's package," I interrupted him.

"Oh...Yeah...well...hehe...I just meant to say that I don't like Josh the way I like you. I mean he's my brother and all, and sometimes he's not so bad, but he's just kind of a jerk most of the time--like any big brother--ya know?"

I hadn't really thought much about the kind of person Josh was. He was just my older cousin. We saw each other a handful of times every year, usually at holiday gatherings like this, and occasionally for a day of swimming and barbecuing-- although that hadn't happened since my dad left--he and my Uncle Ron always seemed to get along great. Josh was always into sports, whether it was baseball, soccer, basketball, or football. I knew he was a junior and I remembered people saying that he was quite a star on the varsity soccer team at his school--and he did have a lot of trophies in his room. We had never had any deep conversations that I could recall, mostly just sports and school sucks and blah blah blah...Once in a while he'd make a crude remark about some girl that was trying to get in his pants or how his new girlfriend had huge tits or stuff like that. It didn't seem like anything really serious or anything particularly harsh--just regular guy talk. Still, I had been very impressed this afternoon by the way Josh reacted so quickly to the Littleton's unfortunate mishap. It seemed like a truly heroic act.

"Josh seems like a great guy," I said confidently, "and I think he cares about you."

"I guess he does, but most of the time, it's easier to just push a little kid around than to be nice, ya know?"

Since I didn't have an older sibling, I couldn't really relate to the things Derrin was telling me. I thought of Jesse and his little sister. It was clear to me that Jesse loved her very much and took the responsibility of taking care of her very seriously. While she may have gotten on his nerves once in a while (she did talk a lot!), I had never heard him say a harsh word to her or tell her he had more important things to do or any of those things. Still, Derrin didn't seem the least bit upset by the way Josh treated him. He just took it for granted, probably in the same way Josh took for granted having Derrin as a kid brother.

"I wish I had a brother," I said longingly.

"Well, I'm kinda like the closest thing you have to a brother if you think about it," Derrin pointed out. "Our mom and dad are sister and brother, and we sorta grew up together and we even look a little bit like each other."

Hmmm, I wasn't sure about that, but I guess there must have been some physical features that we shared. One thing Derrin did share with me was the freckles, but mine were now happily fading into oblivion. Maybe there was something in our jaw structure and our noses that gave us some vague physical resemblance.

"Yeah, I guess your right," I said, even though I felt in some ways like I hardly knew the kid lying next to me in my bed. I didn't know what school he went to, or what he did on his birthdays, or who his friends were. I just knew that he loved video games, and that didn't seem like quite enough to bond us together as brothers. But if he had been my little brother, I think I would have been glad. That made me feel kind of warm inside and I smiled.

"What?" Derrin asked, unconsciously grinning back at me.

"I was just thinking that if you were my little brother that...well, that would be cool," I told him.

Derrin's face really lit up now and I was glad to see him looking so happy. The last week must have been dreadfully hard on him, especially considering that he knew what had already happened to his Aunt Tricia's marriage. I wouldn't have been surprised if he already had it in his head that his mom was going to move out and go live with this other guy.

Derrin leaned over and gave me a loving hug. He was clutching my neck and pulling my head against his bony shoulder. It wasn't terribly comfortable, but I just let him get it out of his system. We had never embraced like this before, but I imagined that he had never gone through an experience like this with the threat of his family being split up looming as a very real possibility.

"I wish you were my brother!" he said fervently. Then he released me and slid back a little ways, tucking his legs up under his body, so that he was half sitting, half leaning against the headboard. "So now I get to see you naked, right?"

I almost laughed at the way he said it like it was just part of a logical progression of some kind. Instead, I tried to look at him in a mildly disapproving way. I still figured the slightest thing could have him crying about his parents again, and it bothered me that he mostly tried to hold it in. I wondered if Josh had told him that was the 'manly' thing to do. I'd try to talk to my older cousin about it tomorrow. Right now, it was apparently time once again for another arousing episode of 'Let's Get Into Perry's Pants!'

"I still don't get what the sudden fascination with my...privates has to do with anything," I said bewilderedly.

"Hehe, I made you hard!" Derrin teased.

Gees, like that was something I really wanted to hear!

"So you just decided you wanted to check out my package, and you stuck your hand down my pants?" I asked disbelievingly.

"Yeah, but I was really, really careful," he explained, as if that somehow justified his action. "I didn't want to wake you up, so I went real slow. It took me like fifteen minutes just to get my hand all the way in. First it was cool feeling your pubes...they're kinda soft and bristly at the same time...and then it felt so...so fuckin' awesome to start touching your dick and I wanted to..."

"Derrin, it sounds really weird hearing you talk like that," I admitted uncomfortably, hoping that he couldn't see me blushing in the dim illumination.

That seemed to hurt his feelings, and I saw the smile disappear from Derrin's face.

"It's okay though," I reassured him quickly. "I guess I can understand that you might be curious about another guy's equipment, and I just happened to be here..."

Derrin shook his head emphatically. "No, Perry--you...you dork!" he said frustratedly. His face suddenly took on a frightened expression as if he was shocked by what he had just said.

"I am a dork," I admitted with no hesitation. "I know that. Sometimes when I'm talking to my friends, I'll just say the stupidest things and it's like, I don't even realize what's coming out of my mouth until--" I started confessing at a rapid clip to my young cousin.

"Stop!" Derrin interrupted, a concerned look returning to his cute, triangular face.

I looked at him confusedly. It actually felt good to be able to tell him how hopelessly inadequate I felt, and then I realized that this wasn't the time to be talking about myself. Derrin was the one going through a serious and difficult situation and I just needed to be here for him now.

"I didn't mean it like that. That was a really stupid thing for me to say," he apologized sincerely. "I just meant that, I'm not curious about other guy's equipment--I mean I am--but it's not the same. It's because I like you a lot and you're my favorite relative and stuff," he said, repeating some of the things he had said earlier. "In other words, it's cuz you're really special, Perry. I hope that doesn't freak you out or anything."

"I think you're special too..." I replied, "...little bro," I teased.

But the reaction on Derrin's face told me that perhaps he had taken my little joke a bit too seriously. "That is so righteously awesome!" Derrin said, covering his mouth to muffle his excitement. "We'll be like secret brothers!"

He suddenly got up and padded to the door. He quietly turned the lock and came and stood by the bed, a mischievous smile on his face. He started unbuttoning his pajama shirt.

"Derrin, what're you doing?" I asked nervously.

"I'm gonna take my clothes off for you," he explained as he slipped his shirt off, revealing his skinny twelve year old torso, the impressions of his rib cage clear against his narrow chest.

"Why?" I asked with a healthy dose of concern.

"So that you'll feel okay about taking off your clothes too," he offered.

I had always heard it said that boys (and men) were somewhat lacking in the romance department. After reading Derek's cute but incredibly blunt letter to Jesse, and now watching my twelve year old cousin strip in front of me, I guess I could see their point.

"But isn't all this stuff kinda...gay?" I asked hesitantly.

Derrin shrugged. "I think it's more about sharing with someone you like," he offered, his hands on the waistband of his pajama bottoms.

"But I have a girlfriend and I thought you did too," I reminded him quickly.

"This has nothing to do with girls," he said as he slid his pants down to his ankles and then stepped out of them.

In the dim light of the nightstand lamp, I could see that Derrin's groin was nearly devoid of any pubic hair. His penis, which I guessed was probably normal sized for a boy of his age and size, looked incredibly small and thin with the memory of Morgan's impressive package still vivid in my hand--I mean mind!. He seemed to have a pretty serious erection well under way. His circumcised dick was sticking almost straight out from his skinny body. His scrotum clung close to his body and it was hard to tell if his testicles were already in operational mode or not. I couldn't quite recall when I had actually had my first ejaculation.

"I don't remember anyone saying that this was a good idea," I noted, trying not to stare too much at his exposed privates.

"I think it's a good idea," he said, climbing back in bed. He pushed the sheet down to the foot of the bed, turning his tight little ass to me as he reached down the length of the mattress, not stopping until I was completely uncovered.

Well at least, if anyone ever asked me what it would be like to be sexually seduced by your twelve year old cousin, I would have a good answer.

"I'm really not sure we should be doing this," I warned him, adding as much emphasis to my speech as I could without sounding angry.

"Why--are you going to tell someone?" he asked curiously.

Well, Jesse of course..."No, I already told you I wouldn't."

"Then I don't see what the problem is. Here..." he said, suddenly picking up my hand and putting it down right on his little stiffy!

I quickly withdrew.

"I know it's not as big as yours," he said earnestly, "but it's definitely growing..."

I had no doubt of that since it now was clearly curving upwards towards his flat belly.

"Go on--you can touch it and do whatever you want to it," he offered with a hint of desperation.

Shit. I didn't really want to touch his dick, but did I dare to tell him' no' without hurting his feelings and possibly upsetting his fragile emotional state?

"Derrin, I think maybe you're a little mixed up right now. Why don't you put your pajamas back on and let's get some sleep so we can hit the mall tomorrow," I suggested as gently as I could.

"But..." I saw the beginnings of tears in that sweet little face as his lower lip trembled.

"I'll make you a deal," I offered quickly, afraid that once the floodgates opened, he wouldn't be able to stop crying. I didn't really think he was that interested in my dick. It just had something to do with the fact that he felt helpless about what was happening to his parents and had latched onto the most convenient person around to be his surrogate family. "If you still feel like you want to do this stuff the next time you guys come over, then I'll do whatever you want, okay?" I offered, looking at him hopefully.

I could see Derrin struggling with himself. I didn't want him to think that I was brushing him off, just postponing things until his life was a little more settled. Hopefully, in a month or two, his family situation would be resolved and he'd be back to Boob Squeezing 101. The fact that his twelve year old penis was still at full mast must have made it difficult for him to think straight.

"Can I still sleep with you tonight?" he asked tentatively.

"Just sleep?" I asked expectantly.

"Well...maybe snuggle a little? I've even done that with Josh sometimes when I had a really bad dream or something. He didn't seem to think it was a big deal!" he added defensively.

"Yeah, I'm okay with that," I assured him.

I got another hug for that, and it was strange to feel his pointy little erection pressed against my belly through my T-shirt as he wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me towards him. After a rather long time, he let go and turned off the nightstand light.

"Uh, Derrin?" I asked quietly.

"Huh?"

"Your pajamas...?"

"Oh...yeah..."

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