Brothers - 8. Chapter 8

Part IV Brothers

Chapter 8 A Mixed Blessing

I woke up and sat up almost simultaneously. I looked frantically around the dark room, momentarily disoriented and breathing heavily. Where was Morgan and his gun? Where was Derek? It slowly dawned on me that it had been a horrible, horrible, nightmare--and an incredibly vivid one at that. My heart was racing and my face was covered with sweat. My T-shirt felt like it was soaked as well and I could feel the sticky discomfort in my boxers that told me that it hadn't all been just a dream!

I glanced at the clock as I waited for my heart rate to drop. It was four o'clock in the morning. Groggily, I stumbled to the bathroom and flicked on the light. Looking in the mirror, I saw a frightful mess. Besides being covered in perspiration, my face was flushed red and there was stuff coming out of my nose. My hair looked like a fright wig, and some of it was matted to my forehead. It really was time for a hair cut--Tom and Jesse would just have to deal with it.

I soaked a washcloth with cold water and washed my face and neck. I peeled off my sweat soaked T-shirt and my sticky boxers and decided to just sleep in the nude for the rest of the night. As I slipped back under the covers, all my fears began haunting me again. How would we handle Derek? Would he really turn out to be the nasty, conniving, sex crazed demon from my dream? Probably not, but I still felt incredibly vulnerable. I actually felt myself blush as I recalled that in my own subconscious imagination, Derek had thought I was the second hottest boy in school after Jesse--yeah, right! It must have been that silly love letter Jesse had shown me. I finally drifted off to sleep, feeling myself get hard as I thought about my beautfiul blond angel, shirtless and barefoot, handcuffed to that damned exercise machine...

I felt like I had just closed my eyes when the alarm went off. I couldn't hit the snoozebar either because I did want to meet Jesse early and talk to Derek before school started. As I stood under the refreshing shower spray, scenes from the dream came to me as clearly as if they had really happened. Usually, I didn't even remember my dreams. The only other times they had been so vivid and memorable were from the nights I had spent with Jesse. As horrible as my nightmare had been, there was one nice thing about it that I wished was true: the half day of school! In the dream, I think Jesse and I had planned some sort of afternoon rendezvous at my house while my mom was away at work. Man, that would've been great. I could eat that boy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and still want to snuggle with him all night long.

I got to school a little after seven thirty. Jesse was supposed to meet me in front of the multipurpose room, but he was no where to be seen. Then I spotted Morgan's tall form way over at the basketball court, shooting hoops with Eric Adams and a few other guys. I didn't really want to see him right now, after the confrontation Jesse had with his younger brother. If Morgan was here, I had to assume Derek was also around. I checked the library and the boy's bathroom, but neither Jesse nor Derek were anywhere to be found.

I started walking vaguely towards the basketball court, just in case I had missed anyone sitting in the bleachers. When Morgan spotted me, he stopped playing and my heart started pounding in my chest with fear. But he just came up to the chain link fence and gestured towards the back of the building. I could see the worried look on his long face and that made me even more apprehensive as I headed around the school building.

I was astonished to see Jesse and Derek--embracing! Jesse looked up as soon as I turned the corner, even though I was still about thirty feet away from them. My first instinct was to leave them alone, but Jesse gave me a little nod, indicating that I should come join them. As I got closer, I could hear Derek sobbing quietly. Both their backpacks were laid up against the wall and they were standing in the little grassy area between the back of the building and the chain link fence that cordoned the property off from the hills behind the school.

"Perry's here," Jesse said quietly, slowly stepping back from the smaller boy, whose brown haired head poked out from a grey hooded sweatshirt.

Derek made some sort of mewling sound in the back of his throat that sounded desperately sad, and as he turned to me, I could see his face was streaked by tears. Fresh drops continued trickling down his reddened cheeks. It seemed like he was trying to say something to me, but he kept choking up, gasping for breath and sobbing. He was really in bad shape and all the nasty images from my dream dissipated in the heart tugging reality of the moment.

"Jesse...please..." he moaned like a little kid.

"We had a little talk," Jesse said soberly, eyeing Derek with almost fatherly concern. "Derek wants to tell you that he's sorry for what he said about us yesterday..."

Derek nodded, frantically wiping his eyes and nose with the sleeve of his sweatshirt, trying to pull himself together. He looked like one of those pathetically cute little boys you sometimes saw wandering around the mall blubbering and crying for their mommy.

"Maybe I should go..." I said awkwardly, not knowing how to respond to Derek's intense despair and shame. Any fears I had for my own safety had fled my mind to be replaced by an aching sympathy for Morgan's little brother. How could I help him?

"Here, check these out," Jesse said, handing me a legal size envelope.

I opened it and took out two small pictures. At first it looked just like the scene I had witnessed when I came around the corner. Then I realized it was me hugging Jesse! I felt my heart sink into my sneakers. It would all turn out like the dream after all. Derek was going to blackmail us with these...

"That's from the time I threw up from that yucky egg salad I had for lunch...remember?" Jesse said.

"Uh...yeah..."

"And remember, I had just hurled and I was really weak and you were trying to keep me from collapsing to the ground?"

"Oh yeah," I said, understanding what Jesse was doing. It was the same story we had told Tom.

"Yeah, when Tom came to look for us, Derek just happened to follow," Jesse explained. "And he'd been playing with his cellphone camera all during lunch period anyway, so he just took a couple of quick pictures, and then ran off before Tom saw him."

Poor Derek was still standing there sniffling, an occasional sob shaking his small body. "I'm...sor...ry..." he sniffed sadly.

I nodded and sighed with relief. These pictures were harmless. We even had Tom as a witness. Had Derek really intended to blackmail Jesse somehow, to force him into a relationship he didn't want, or had he merely been suggesting that he thought that Jesse was indeed 'into boys?'

I was about to hand the envelope back to Jesse, when I heard someone walk up from behind me.

"What have we here?" the distinctively mellow but concerned voice asked.

We all looked up with a start to see the lanky form of Father Marlen come striding our way. He was dressed as usual in his black shirt and slacks, and his white priest's collar. I remembered that his apartment was a little further down along the building, behind the office, so he hadn't had to walk far in the chilly late November morning.

I could see Derek holding his breath, trying desperately to stop crying. It only lasted for a few heartbeats though, and soon the sobs were erupting out of his throat again.

"Hello, Father Marlen," Jesse and I said almost in unison.

"Mr. Taylor, Mr. Thompson, and...young Mr. Kipner," he said, sounding a little surprised that we would be hanging out with Morgan's little brother. "Are you injured?" he asked Derek with concern.

Derek sniffled and shook his head, although he wouldn't look up at the tall figure.

"Well then, could someone please tell me what's going on here?" the priest asked in his always calm and collected manner. He always seemed to move and speak with great deliberation, never raising his voice except to punctuate some essential point of a sermon or lecture. Even his rarely heard laugh was slow and mostly remained nearly inaudible in his throat.

"It's ah...hard to explain," Jesse said nervously.

"Try me, Mr. Taylor," Father Marlen challenged, his voice remaining mellow and uninflected.

"Well, it's sort of...girl problems, ya know?"

A gentle smile formed on Father Marlen's face. He was obviously relieved to hear that. "I see. A secret crush, or a love spurned?" he conjectured.

Jesse nodded sheepishly. "Yeah, Father, something like that."

"I wasn't aware that you and Mr. Thompson were such intimate cohorts of young Mr. Kipner." It was as much a statement as it was a question.

"Well, Morgan's our friend..." I offered.

"Yes, indeed," the priest nodded. It seemed to me suddenly, that Father Marlen knew everything...everything about the school, about every student, every secret...even about Jesse and me. I felt myself shiver at the strange feeling. Maybe it was an aftereffect of the bad dream I had experienced.

"Is there something in that envelope that I should know about, Mr. Thompson?" the priest inquired gently.

"Uh...uh..." I stammered. I wasn't going to lie to a priest! I was hoping Jesse would come to my rescue, but he just stood there, his expression unreadable. Finally, I just shook my head.

The priest nodded, as if my word were good enough for him. "Mr. Kipner, are you well?" he asked, stooping slightly so he could look the sobbing boy more directly in the eye.

Derek shook his head rapidly.

"I see..." Father Marlen seemed to be pondering the situation. "Perhaps it might be best if you called your mother to pick you up...Would you like to do that?"

Derek nodded vigorously. I felt for him terribly. I remembered the day--it seemed so long ago now--only a couple of months ago, when I had convinced myself that Jesse didn't like me. I had gone into hysterics and had to hide in the bathroom, only to have Jesse track me down. But if he hadn't, or if he had told me that he didn't have the same feelings for me that I had for him, what would I have done? Certainly, I would have reacted no better than Derek had on discovering that the boy of his dreams was unavailable to him.

"Ah, here's your brother now," Father Marlen said, patting Derek gently on the back.

Morgan, seeing the state Derek was in, came running, his face filled with brotherly concern.

"Whoa, what happened here? Hi, Father Marlen," he added quickly, realizing it would be rude to not appropriately acknowledge the president of the school.

"I will let Mr. Thompson and Mr. Taylor fill you in on the details, but it seems that your brother isn't feeling at all well. Do you know if your mother is available to pick him up?"

"Well...uh...I think she went to the office today, but I'm sure she could swing by," Morgan said. There were the beginnings of tears in his eyes and I was warmed by the genuine concern he felt for his younger sibling.

"Then by all means, make that call," Father Marlen urged, all the while a vague smile on his ageless face…

He watched as Morgan, a full head taller than his brother, led Derek away, back around to the front of the building, while digging in his backpack for his cellphone.

"I suppose I am curious how you and Mr. Thompson became involved in this unfortunate little scenario," Father Marlen said with more than idle curiosity.

"Well," Jesse said, and I could tell he was also shaken by what had happened by the quiver in his voice, "I've gotten to know Derek pretty well over the last month or so, through the tutoring sessions..."

"I see...And you became a confidant of sorts, yes?" the priest surmised quickly.

Jesse nodded.

"Mr. Thompson?" Father Marlen's gentle grey-blue eyes focused on me and I felt like I was under a microscope. Again I had that uneasy feeling that he knew everything...

"I...I was just looking for Jesse," I muttered, not willing to tell the truth of the matter, and not daring to lie, especially to Father Marlen. I just couldn't do it. I was praying that he would stop asking questions...

"Yes, I have observed how you befriended Mr. Taylor upon his arrival at St. Boniface and I must commend you. Mrs. Taylor has even told me herself that you have been a wonderful friend to her son."

I just blushed and wished I could sink straight down into the ground or have a piano fall on my head or something.

"He's the best friend I ever had," Jesse said with guileless conviction.

I was going to start crying pretty soon...Where was that damn piano? Oops! Did I say 'damn' in front of a priest? No, I just thought it, but that was bad too, wasn't it? Shit...Oops...

"Yes, Mr. Thompson has been a wonderful addition to our little family," Father Marlen said with a hint of...pride? "I should have pointed that out much earlier. I fear that I have become something of a recluse in my dotage...Additionally, Mr. Taylor, I believe you received top academic honors for the first quarter, yes?"

Jesse nodded shyly.

"Then congratulations are certainly in order there." Father Marlen smiled warmly, regarding the two of us. "We are most glad to have both of you here at St. Boniface, boys. God bless you both." And he actually made the sign of the cross in front of us before slowly turning and clasping his hands behind his back as he headed back towards his apartment.

Jesse just looked at me wide eyed. My sight was already bleary with unspilled tears. The last fifteen minutes had been an incredibly overwhelming emotional experience, and on top of that, I was still recovering from that damn nightmare...oops--did I say 'damn' again?

"What's up, guys?" came a thin, hesitant voice. It was Tom, and he was standing back near the corner of the building. I wondered how long he had been there.

"Did you see what happened?" I asked a little worriedly.

Tom shrugged as he came towards us. "I just saw Father Marlen bless you guys like you were going off to fight vampires or something..."

"Yeah, that was a little weird," I agreed. "But we just got done talk--"

Jesse touched me lightly on the arm as he interrupted. "I had to talk to Derek," he explained regretfully. "Things had really gotten to a point where I couldn't let it go on--"

"You told Derek to take a hike?!" Tominterrupted excitedly, his big brown eyes lighting up with sudden interest.

"Uh, yeah, sort of..." Jesse said.

"Shit--this is great!" Tom said, practically jumping up and down. "Was he just here? Was he looking for me? Did he go to class?" The questions came tumbling out of his mouth.

"Actually, he was pretty shaken up," Jesse explained. "His mom is coming to pick him up."

"Wow, you really burst his bubble, huh?" Tom asked, his enthusiasm not the least bit diminished.

"Tom--Derek is really hurting!" I said angrily. It didn't seem right for Tom to be so happy when Derek was so thoroughly despondent. Not only had he been spurned by the boy of his dreams, he had felt terrible remorse for making his unfounded accusation against us.

"Oh...yeah," Tom muttered, backing off as if I had just slapped him on the hand. "Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry guys...You must think I'm such an asshole..."

"Nobody thinks that, Tom," Jesse assured him gently. "But he really was hurt, and it's going to take him some time to get over it..."

"I know..." Tom sighed, "...take it slow..."

"That's right," Jesse said pointedly. "Take it slow and...Well, sometime soon, when we have a little time, I really need to tell you about something that happened to a couple of friends of mine back in Illinois."

The way he said that made it clear that it was a story with an important message of some sort.

"What?" Tom asked curiously.

"I want to tell both of you at the same time," Jesse insisted. "But...anyway...I'm pretty sure Derek is like you," he added.

Tom's eyes lit up again. "You mean..." He paused to get a grip on himself. "You mean...he likes boys?" he asked in a loud whisper.

"It seems like it," Jesse said, "unless he just likes stupid, butt ugly kids from Illinois..." He smiled a little at his weak attempt at humor.

"You're not stupid!" Tom insisted, taking Jesse literally. "And you're probably the hottest guy in school--next to Perry of course!" Tom covered his mouth as he giggled with embarrassment.

"I need to hit the soda machine!" Jesse declared with exaggerated disgust.

"My treat!" I insisted, as we followed our butt ugly leader back around to the front of the building.

Lunch was an uncomfortable affair. Derek was conspicuously missing of course. Morgan ate his lunch quietly and went to shoot hoops, trying several times to convince Jesse and me to join him. I was surprised he didn't want to talk about what happened this morning. Jesse told him to go ahead without us and I just nodded in agreement. The truth was that neither of us was in the mood right now. Only Tom seemed forever cheerful and, after seeing the state Derek was in this morning, it was grating a little on my nerves.

There were so many things going through my head: the crazy nightmare that truly brought home to me how full of risk my relationship with Jesse really was, the look of utter despair on poor little Derek's face--imagine being gay and falling in love with the hottest, most incredible guy in your school, only to have him tell you flat out that it was never going to work for them--and then that weird encounter with Father Marlen. He was such a shadowy figure, rarely seen and rarely involved in the day to day running of the school. Today had been the longest conversation I had ever had with him since that day over a year ago, when my mom and I had our first tour of St. Boniface.

I couldn't get over that strange feeling that somehow he knew everything that went on at his school. He knew Tom and Jesse were gay. He knew Derek had a crush on Jesse and that Tom had a crush on Derek. He knew about Morgan and Derek's bad temper. He knew about Jesse's haunted past and his amazing martial arts abilities. And he knew about us...Jesse and Perry, two thirteen year old boys who had fallen madly in love.

"What's bugging ya, Perry?" Tom asked, trying vainly to attempt a more appropriately somber mood.

I shrugged. "It was just really shocking to see how upset Derek was," I said, not being able to avoid the surge of emotions that came with that image.

Tom leaned in close, peanut butter and jelly on his chin. "But Perry, you know this is just perfect! Everything's going to work out great!"

"Tom," Jesse said, looking seriously across the table at the curly haired boy. "I just want you to keep something in mind..." He spoke quietly but with deadly earnest, and I felt myself holding my breath for fear of not taking what he had to say seriously enough.

Tom nodded apprehensively.

"The four of us share a really special secret," he said. "If this ever gets out, you and Derek will be in serious, serious shit..."

Tom snorted disdainfully. "Jesse, you're blowing this way out of proportion. People don't think like that anymore. It's not like the old days when people used to freak if they thought somebody was...er...like that!" he stumbled.

I could see that Jesse was growing impatient with Tom's incessantly blind optimism. He looked upset, but I knew it was only because he cared for Tom and Derek. "Just the fact that you don't even want to say it out loud tells me that you know what I'm talking about!" Jesse said, jabbing his finger in Tom's direction for emphasis.

"But you and Perry..."

I could see Jesse exercising every ounce of control he had in him, trying to keep himself from blowing up at Tom. "Perry and I are not your average kids. You were very lucky that you chose Perry to talk to..." Jesse said, still sounding like he was lecturing. "He's the best friend you'll ever have!"

"I know..." Tom agreed sheepishly, obviously affected by the intensity of Jesse's words.

"And as for me, let's just say that I've seen the bad things that could happen if you're not careful, and I don't want to see you or Derek get hurt."

It felt so good to hear Jesse say that even though he was coming down pretty hard on Tom at the moment.

Tom nodded dutifully, like a child being scolded by his parents. It was hard to tell if he was taking this as seriously as Jesse wanted him to.

"You have to be really, really careful...I'm begging you!" Jesse pleaded. No one could look into those translucent light blue eyes and not see the desperate sincerity in them.

Tom slowly sat back and it seemed like Jesse's message had finally gotten through to him. "Yeah, okay...you're right, Jesse. I'm...I'm sorry if I didn't seem to take you seriously. I really appreciate your concern...both of you."

I met Jesse at our lockers before Geography.

"That must've been rough, talking to Derek," I said sympathetically, "especially after what he said yesterday."

Jesse nodded. "Yeah, I had trouble sleeping last night, and had some bad dreams..."

"You too?!" I asked in astonishment.

"I just have...so many feelings, Perry. I couldn't bear to see you hurt--we have to protect what we have no matter what."

"I understand," I assured him as sincerely as I could. "So those pictures...they're not a big deal, huh?"

Jesse shrugged. "I don't think he meant to blackmail me with them. He was just a little confused. It was like he'd convinced himself from looking at those pictures and his own wishful thinking, that I was gay."

"Boy, was he wrong!" I teased.

Jesse smiled and looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes that could melt my heart with a mere glance. "When I first met you, I tried to convince myself that there was no way you could be interested in me--at least--not as anything more than a friend. I wouldn't let myself believe that you could have the same feelings for me that I had for you. That would have been too good to be true."

"I had the same doubts--but it worked out," I said happily.

Jesse looked at me thoughtfully. I knew that look. It was that 'I don't deserve you Perry, and someday you'll find someone better and get on with your life and stop wasting your time with a pathetic loser like me,' look....Sigh... I realized it would take more than a couple of months to convince him that this was real and I wasn't going anyplace. I would just have to be patient, and let him come to that realization himself.

"Yeah, it did," he said with a bashful smile that sent tingles through my body.

"Listen, can you come over today--even for a little bit?" I asked the words tumbling out quickly and desperately. "I want to be with you so badly. I mean, Monday kinda got messed up...I mean, it was good, with Morgan and all, but I miss you so much and I..."

I could see him flinch, and I knew it wasn't going to happen before he even started speaking...

"I promised Miranda..."

"Oh. that's okay," I interrupted quickly, feeling like I was going to start crying any second now. I remembered that, in the beginning, Jesse had tried to hide the fact that he had a little sister from me, so that we could pursue our relationship in a more uninhibited way. For an instant, I wished it were true...I was being childish and selfish, but I didn't want to hear what he was going to say.

"I'll be spending the day at your house tomorrow," he reminded me as we closed our lockers and started heading for class.

"Sure, you, and Miranda, and my mom, and my aunt and uncle, my cousins..." I said glumly.

Jesse stopped walking and gave me a look that showed the love in his heart as best he could out in the open. "We'll find some alone time tomorrow...I promise!"

I couldn't help it. I just felt gloomy and depressed for the rest of the school day. I wasn't at all looking forward to the four day weekend, even though most of the other kids looked like they were ready to rocket out of here the second the bell rang. Maybe it had been my nightmare, or the way Derek looked this morning, or thinking how I was going to explain all this to Morgan. But I realized what it really was--I wanted to be with Jesse in the worst possible way, and I was actually dreading spending the whole day with him tomorrow without being able to do anything with him--how fucked up was that?

After the bell rang and everyone scattered for their lockers and freedom, Jesse came up to me and whispered in my ear: "Check your email later tonight!" And with that, he headed off for the bus stop.

That boosted my spirits a little. It meant Jesse had finally gotten his internet hooked up. That could certainly provide a little vicarious fun. Still, I was looking forward to going straight to my room, locking the door, and falling face down on my bed. Of course, as soon as my mom came home, she'd have me busy getting things ready for all the people coming over tomorrow...

"Hey, bud. You don't look too excited about the four day weekend!" It was Morgan, and he had his bike with him. It was about a four mile ride back to his place. I was usually too hungry to think about a long bike ride right after school. Maybe if my mom didn't insist on picking me up, I'd do it. It was good exercise after all, and on a day like this, it would feel good to just concentrate on pumping those pedals, feeling the wind in your face, and the strong beating of your heart as you worked your way up the hills that led to our neighborhood.

"How's Derek?" I asked, ignoring Morgan's question.

Morgan's smile quickly disappeared and was replaced by a more complex expression. There was worry and concern and something else there--maybe fear. "I guess I'm going to find out," he said unenthusiastically.

"Please be patient with him," I begged, not bothering to conceal the intensity of my concern.

Morgan nodded understandingly. "Since Sunday...and Monday, I feel a lot different," he said.

I wasn't sure what he meant by that, but I was embarrassed to ask.

"I know it shouldn't have happened, but it did," he said glumly, and I knew he was thinking about the time he had hit me. "You know, maybe some good came out of that...For one thing, I got to know Jesse a little better, and that was cool," he said with a slight smile. "And there were other things too...things I'm still trying to work out..." he said enigmatically.

"I'm going to see a counselor you know...starting next week," he admitted.

Wow, that was a big deal. I wasn't sure how to respond.

"I mean, the coach and Mr. Cardoza...well, they were pretty insistent after what happened at the game. The parents of that kid I shoved were pretty pissed too. Only my dad thought that the idea blowed, but my mom thought it was a good idea...and I do to."

"I...I hope it helps.." I offered sheepishly.

"Me to. I'll never forgive myself for what I did to you, Perry--God, if you only knew..." There was such pent up emotion in his voice when he said that, that I felt a shiver run down my spine.

I saw Morgan's shoulders rise and fall along with the heavy sigh he was releasing. "But I know for sure, Derek is my brother, and I'm going to be there for him no matter what--you can count on that!" he said with determination as he looked me in the eye.

It almost seemed like he was making a pledge to me, even though I had very little to do with Derek's problems. Still, I honestly felt like hugging Morgan just then. Whatever else had happened on that drizzly Sunday afternoon, we had connected in a deeper way than we ever had before, and even though that had meant exposing less appealing parts of ourselves--learning about each other's faults and weaknesses--it undeniably brought us closer together, and that was precious to me.

"I know you'll help him through this," I said encouragingly. I saw my mom's Lexus pulling into the lot, and felt the weariness which had been dogging me all day start to suck the energy from my body. "Well, have a good Thanksgiving," I said lamely.

"You too, Perry. I'll see you at practice on Saturday, okay?"

Even though Morgan wouldn't be allowed to play in the next game, the coach insisted that he show up for practice. He even had to come to the game and would be made to sit on the bench the whole time as punishment for his violent outburst.

"Sure...Bye, Morgan." I quickly got in the car, realizing I was feeling strangely uncomfortable talking to Morgan. I noticed as we pulled out of the lot that he was still standing there straddling his bicycle, watching our car drive off.

As it turned out, my mom was taking off work for the rest of the day. During the brief ride home, she began listing all the things that needed to be done. I just slumped in my seat, not really paying much attention. At least Jesse and Miranda would be coming over early--their mom was going to work at the restaurant in Oceanside all day. Why anyone would want to go to an Italian restaurant on Thanksgiving day was beyond me.

I was so ready for a nap when we got home, I wasn't even as ravenous as I usually was, and my mom picked up on that right away. She said it would be okay if I wanted to rest a while before getting to work, but I told her I'd rather finish everything up and get to bed early. I changed into a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, and got to work. At least, keeping physically busy helped keep my mind off of other things for a while.

It turned out that 'early' was nearly ten o'clock. After helping my mom dig out the good china, sweeping the front porch, vacuuming the entire house--upstairs and down, making sure all the bathrooms had a good supply of toilet paper and fresh towels, and even helping her rip up little pieces of bread for the apple and sausage stuffing she was planning on making tomorrow, I was dragging something awful. There was stuff that needed to be brought in from the garage, but Jesse could help me with that in the morning. While my mom was still busy in the kitchen, getting as much done ahead of time as she could, I kicked off my shoes and fell wearily on my bed, still in my clothes.

Suddenly I remembered Jesse telling me to check my email, and I felt a surge of energy as I sprang up and booted up the computer. There were two unopened emails. One was from Gary, and for obvious reasons, I didn't feel like opening that one. The other was from an address I didn't recognize but with an AOL suffix. That had to be from Jesse and the subject certainly was intriguing: talking dirty. Still, I figured I'd better open Gary's first and get that over with.

Dear Perry,

I guess you must dread seeing another email from me(lol), and I really do apologize, but I just want to give you guys a head's up, okay? My gal Maria (yeah she's still hanging with me despite my falling out with her brother and the rest of them fuckheads), overheard that Mario, Arnie, and Fred would be patrolling the mall over the weekend, keeping an eye out for the 'little fuckers,' (that's her quote, not mine!). I have to assume that they were talking about you and Jesse. My advice would be to stay away from the mall this weekend, but if you do decide to go, stick close to Jesse! I'll be out of town until Sunday afternoon (L.A.), but you can call me on my cellphone if something comes up.

Please forward this info to Jesse. Also, I just wanted to let you know that I think about you guys a lot and I hope everything is going well for you.

Peace and Love,

Gary

While his news was no shock to me--Jesse had warned me that something like this was possible--it didn't do anything to improve my already morose mood. How long would we have to look over our shoulders? If we ever did run into some of those guys, what would happen? Were they planning an ambush? Would they try to use me to get to Jesse? It all just made my head hurt and my stomach ache.

I thought about not even opening the other email until tomorrow morning, after a good night's sleep and a long shower, but I was just curious enough that I decided to read it.

Dear Perry,

yes, it's finally happened. I'm on line! I now have my own screen name and 'mature teen' access to the world wide spiderweb! Imagine me--a mature teenager--who would've thought? Now I can finally talk dirty to you by remote control. In fact, even as I sit here typing away, you should know that I'm wearing an incredibly sexy two piece bathing ensemble that shows off my navel and silky smooth legs to great advantage. Also, I have my feet in a large bucket of deliciously cold mud the color of fresh baby poop. It feels so good to squeeze it between my toes! It makes a delightful sucking sound that more than makes up for the truly nauseating color. I also have one of my mom's potted ferns on the desk before me. I'm now plunging my fingers into the dark, moist soil. Hmmmmm...It's warmer than I thought it would be, and oh so soft...It coats my fingers with a sensual layer of fine, powdered silt. Squishing my toes in the mud...kneading the soft, moist soil with my fingers...oh Perry!!!!! I'm afraid all this dirty talk has gotten me worked up into a genuine frenzy over here so I better get going...Hmmm...wish I had brought in some water to wash off this mud...

G'night, my dear, sweet, beautiful Perry--I love you so much...

Cordially yours,

Jerrin 'The Jingleheimer' Smith-formerly of Galaxy MG632 (21 miles east of Bakersfield)

My mom came running in to see what all the racket was. I just had enough sense to close Jesse's email as she knocked on my door to see if I was all right.

The door wasn't locked, but she was usually considerate enough to knock before entering.

"I'm okay, mom," I said, wiping a laughter induced tear from my eye.

I guess she had to see for herself, because she came in, still wearing a white frilly apron, and with her long brunette hair pinned up.

"What in heaven's name...?" she asked.

"Nothing, mom. It was just something funny I read on the internet..."

"Oh...is it something you can share?" she asked cautiously.

I blushed. Of course that wasn't an option for any of a number of reasons. "You wouldn't get it mom--it's about video games."

"I see..." she said skeptically. "Anyway, I thought you'd be in bed by now. I'd really like to get an early start in the morning and you looked so tired..."

"I am," I sighed wearily. "I didn't sleep well last night...Anyway, it's just that Jesse finally got his internet connection and he sent me a pretty funny email," I admitted, hoping she wouldn't ask for any details.

"Oh, well, that's nice. You might remind him to dress appropriately for lunch tomorrow," she reminded me.

"I will--g'night, mom."

She smiled at me and said goodnight, considerately closing the door behind her.

Boy, email in the hands of Jesse Taylor could be a dangerous thing! So I wrote him back, reluctantly mentioning Gary's warning and telling him how much I enjoyed his silly letter. Even as I wrote out my email, I started missing Jesse again. In fact, by the time I got done telling him about how to dress tomorrow (no jeans, button down shirt, tie optional, sneakers okay), I was suddenly sinking back into my dismal mood again. I felt myself getting all emotional.

...If I could, I would run away to that deserted island with you. Think what you want, but I know I'd never ever want to leave you. I love you so much that it hurts.

Your Soulmate

Five minutes later, I was in bed, quietly crying myself to sleep.

When in Hollywood, please visit the Perry and Jesse Forum. Wholesome fun for the entire, sex crazed family! You can leave your comments and criticisms there, or browse through some of the other topics and articles, and leave your comments and questions, or just introduce yourself to the rest of the gang of hopeless romantics. Join us at: http://www.livejournal.com/~underthehood/

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