Todays requested topic is camping. I decided to take a comical approach to the topic and relay a few mishaps that have happened on camping trips. Yes, some of them happened to me, and some of them happened to friends. When I was younger I was a member of cub scouts, and then boy scouts. That relates to a lot of camping experience. Once I received my Eagle Scout award and my bronze and silver I aged out and became an active member of a GO (gay outdoors) chapter. Over twenty years later I still get out as often as I can. 

Our first snip is from my first adventure with Boy Scout summer camp. As I was only just a Tenderfoot I had to sleep with out a tent mate, and I was responsible for starting the morning fire and getting breakfast going. On the third night I had a rather bizarre awakening. As my eyes opened I realized that not only was I tight against the tent fabric, but I was buried under all my camping gear. I fumbled around and finally found the tent zipper. I was simply terrified. I thought my tent had come lose in the storm and rolled down the hill. When I finally got the zipper open and my gear had all fallen to the ground, almost me along with it, I realized I was ten feet in the air. The rest of the troop had strung my tent up the flagpole with me inside. For years it was joked that I managed to sleep through the whole ordeal, in fact when I got tapped out a few years later I was given the title "Great Sleeping Bear". Lesson learned ..... It is a fun tradition for new tenderfoots to go through, however in a year where there is two tenderfoots it turns into a real chore. 

Many years ago, when I was an active member in my parents churches youth ministry program, our program leader decided that a trip into the Boundary Waters would be a great way to teach us team work, leadership, and give us a great experience as a platform for future sermons when we all moved on to seminary. For those of you that don't know, the Boundary Waters is a vast wilderness that is situated between Canada and Minnesota. It's a beautiful area that is several hundred connected lakes, or lakes with very short portages in-between them. We all met in Wausau Wisconsin, as this group was teenagers from all over the state. We then drove up to Duluth Minnesota for a stop over, and then on to the wilderness. All I can say is I am very thankful to the god and goddess that most of us were boy scouts. We got to our second portage and were about to break for lunch when we made a massive realization. The trip leaders had accidentally looked over and forgotten food supplies for the two week adventure. We had no fishing poles or hunting equipment. Since most of us were actually well trained boy scouts being from the northern part of the country, and not those city scouts from New York or L.A., we talked the leaders into pressing on anyway. Lessons learned .....boy scouts is just really learning how to do the right job with the wrong tools. Pulling threads from a worn shirt and braiding them makes great fishing line. At the age of seventeen it is amazing how much knowledge one person can have on medicinal and edible plants. 

Our next adventure doesn't involve camping at all. One year I had decided to volunteer to organize and handle all the calls for a GO event. My planned event was for a hiking and camping trek, one week going through the porcupine mountains, and then getting picked up at Lake of the Clouds. I do suggest you google it and maybe plan a trip, it's a very beautiful area to visit. I had been very careful about planning the trails we would take, and campsites we would use. Some of our members were low activity people so I had to make sure to avoid some of the more strenuous trails. About two days after I posted the information on the trip; the route we would be taking, gear needed, and proposed camp sites, the nightmare began. My first call about the trip went something like this: "Hi, I'm calling to inquire about the hiking and camping trip to Lake of the Clouds" "Great, there are a lot of us excited about it. What can I do for you" "Well my boyfriend and I are planning on joining, but we have a few questions that your information didn't cover." "Glad to help, shoot away." "Well for starters we were wondering which hotels we would be staying at? I checked online and didn't see any five star hotels anywhere in northern michigan." "Well I'm sorry to say, but there are no hotels along the route, it's straight up one hundred percent camping at sites. Each day we plan to hike ten to twelve miles to the next site, with the last night camping beside Lake of the Clouds. The route passes along quite a few fabulous water falls, and some grand natural formations including a short trip into a cave/tunnel system." "Well that does sound like a grand trip, what do the camp sites offer for RV amenities? Do they have electricity plug ins and piping for fresh water into the RV?" " I am sorry to say, but there is no way to get an RV to any of the sites. All of the sites selected are hike in only. Maybe you could look into planning your own adventure and meeting us on the final day at Lake of the Clouds? We also have several weekend trips planned over this summer along Lake Superior and Lake Michigan. Most of those are in campsites with RV spots." "What the f**k are you talking about you little snot? This is GAY OUTDOORS. That means that all the trips are supposed to be designed for all members of the gay community! How dare you expect us to sleep on the ground like some common breeder! We are gay men, you will not disrespect us like this! We are dropping our support from your chapter and calling the national GO board to complain about how you crude breeder wannabes run your show!" "I am very sorry you feel that way. Enjoy your day and I hope you break a nail and that your heels snap while you are on the subway. " "phone clicks off". That was only the first call. The second call was just as astounding ... "Hi, how is your day going? I'm calling to make my reservation for the trip into the Porkies." "Fabulous, let me ask you some questions first, Are you planning on bringing an RV and do you care what restaurants we eat at along the way?" "Why in the hell would someone bring an RV camping on a hiking trail?" "You would be amazed, that's all I'm gonna say about that." "I take it that means Ricky and Matt aren't gonna make it?" "No" "Good, poor Ricky would probably break his tiara anyway on a trip like this." " .......anyway, any questions about this trip?" "Actually yes, just a couple of them. I didn't see any rules on clothing options, like if they are optional or not?" "I'm sorry, but this is not a nude event. I was not even aware GO hosted events like that." "That's ok, not a problem at all. nudists scare me anyway." "Glad to hear that, what else ya got for me?" "Well I was wondering about sleeping arrangements. Like I don't like sleeping with the same guy every night. When I go on these outings I like to fully experience everyone that comes along. So basically I wanted to make sure there was at least seven single guys going so I know what kind of options I need to plan for." ".......I'm not sure how to respond to that. We do have several members that are under the age of 18, and a lot of our members are couples. Our focus has always been to help gay men find a community that thrives in the outdoors." "Well I'm assuming that if they are under 18 that they have parent consent to be there. I don't want to end up in jail for getting turned on my a minor. I guess I could deal with couples. Three-somes are usually pretty fun. I hope no one accuses me of being a home wrecker." ".....Apparently I wasn't clear enough. This is not a sexual excursion. I mean yes, some people do end up creating relationships on these trips, but that is not the point. This is a trip for camping and hiking with friends, NOT a hookup group." "What the h**l do you mean? It's in the title of the group GAY OUTDOORS, well the only things gays to in the woods is fuck at field parties. I mean seriously, you feel me. What is better then f**king a bunch of random guys out in the woods next to a waterfall. That is seriously what you guys should be about." "I am sorry you feel that way sir. Please remember that this is a family orientated group. for us to build and grow with our families and allies. This is NOT a sex group. After this conversation I do believe it would be best for everyone involved if you DO NOT ATTEND. Enjoy your evening, goodbye." Sadly I fielded about thirty calls like those two. It definitely made for an amusing couple weeks before the trip, and we had a lot of great campfire stories.  Lessons learned ...... When labeling anything as a "gay" group, plan to deal with people that think with either the wrong head, or have no stake in reality. 

My last camping story actually has to deal with somebody besides me, but I wish I would have been there for it. My friend Mark from college was taking his girlfriend on her first camping trip to see Lake Superior. From what I was told it was a great trip all things considered. Anyway, Mark's girlfriend was working on setting up the tent, while Mark was parking the car. The site is a really beautiful site, all the camping spots are on the lake side of the road. There is a hand carved wooden fence that runs the length of all the campsites. Each site has it's own STAIRS down to the beach, as well as an individual parking spot for one vehicle. Mark had gotten the bright idea to back into the spot so he could watch his girlfriend work. He preceded to roll down the window and lecture her on the art of putting poles and tarps together while the vehicle was moving in reverse. He failed to stop when the car went through the fence. He failed to stop when the car went down the stairs. He spun the tires as the car slide down the sand. He finally stopped the car when it was halfway into the water. Man I would pay to go back in time and see everyone's faces. Lesson learned ......When setting camp, focus on your job. wait to check if anyone needs help AFTER you are done. 

That's all I have today for you guys. Make sure you enjoy the rest of your week, and I hope you have a great weekend planned.