Have you ever listened to the ads on your local radio station and wonder if anyone was actually there?

Tonight, as we were heading to our favorite Mexican restaurant, the station played an ad for the local daffodil festival, which just happened to occur today. They were expounding on the Grand Floral Parade encouraging listeners to flock to downtown Tacoma, Puyallup, Sumner, and even Orting. The ad was completely worthless; and, who wants to go to Orting? They practically closed the town this week because the city water supply was contaminated.

Then, as we were heading to the clinic to pick up my triglyceride lowering medicine, an ad for a slot machine tournament hosted by Fabian came on. It sounded like something interesting, but then the date of the event was announced: April 21. Today!

Most of you probably don't know who Fabian is. Sorry, you're too young. Today, when he's not hosting slot machine tournaments at out of the way Indian casinos, he sometimes tours with other former teen heartthrobs from the Fifties and Sixties, Frankie Avalon and Bobby Rydell. I remember way back then, you know in the days before color TV and automatic transmissions, surreptiously looking at teen fan magazines with one of those three on the cover and wishing I could buy them, but knowing my parents would kill me if they knew why I was so interested in fan magazines with guys on the cover. Annette Funicello just didn't do it for some reason.

What I'd like to know is how far does a celebrity have to fall before they're looking forward to hosting slot machine tournaments in Rochester, Washington. It's a nice town, I know I've been through there. It has a stoplight, for god's sake, but what is Fabian doing there? You'd think he'd want to go Tacoma instead. At least there's a pulp mill there.

Can you imagine all the gray hairs flocking around him like a bunch of foolish children? I don't even want to think about it. Besides, local Indian casinos are not smoke-free. Sorry, I don't mind you dying of lung disease, but please do it outside!