Lots of peeps sleep in on Sunday mornings. Not this fossil. Up at 6am, exercise for 5 minutes (coughing), switch on computer, boil kettle, take a long pee (by which time the water has boiled), make tea, download email and begin to stir the mental cogs into action (squeak, squeak, grind, grind).

Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. Don't you believe it. I'm none of those three. For many years I was breakfast announcer on radio...5am start. "How about you guys chat amongst yourselves while I make a strong black coffee. I have no idea what song I'm about to play because I can't read the damn label yet."

One of my pet hates is peeps who are infuriatingly wide-awake and bouncy at sparrow's fart. What's the matter with them? They have no understanding or appreciation of the value of misery. Grumpy is cool! Actually, grumpy is fun. Did you see the BBC series 'Grumpy Old Men'? It was followed by another series; 'Grumpy Old Women'. My favorite comedians are grumpy...Walter Matthau was a superb grump, and one of the funniest guys who ever trod the stage was Jack Benny...he never laughed, rather he always gave the impression that he didn't understand what the audience was laughing at. Yes, the man was a classic grump and the master of the pause. "This is a stickup. Your money or your life! (Pause). Did you hear me? Your money or your life! (Long pause) YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE!" "Yes, yes, yes...I'm thinking about it."

Yes, dear Breth...never underestimate the value of being grumpy.