I just finished Chapter 18 of The Pastel Cowboy and I reached the point in time where I'm supposed to be. So many things are afoot right now, but I can't tell you anything, so I won't.

I've been following through on Lugh's suggestion and putting more of my stuff up on eFiction. I want to put up my Kiel's Story/Tim and the Corsair series, but I want to seriously edit it before doing so. It is a bit much with all the violence, suicides, and constant talk about rape. I requested the assistance of an editor, but have my doubts it will happen. After all, this site is basically for the young ones who are just developing their writing skills. Old farts like myself don't have much to look forward to other than eternal nothingness, so what do I need with an editor.

Of course, I do edit my own stuff and have been for years. I even have a red pencil around here somewhere. Did you know editors keep their red pencils extra sharp all the time because you never know when an irate writer is going to show up and you're going to have to defend yourself. So, maybe, I don't need an editor, but I asked anyway. I said "please," too, not that being sincere will help.

Monday night I'll be in a motel in Portland, OR, because I'll be attending orientation at my new employer on Tuesday, Wednesday, and half of Thursday. I guess I go to work on Friday or Saturday. That's a big relief.

It's too late now, but I remembered from orientation at my previous employer that they hold all paychecks after an employee quits in case there are claims against said employee. I might not see my last check for thirty days to ninety days. Big bummer!

Last night I was here looking around, taking a break from writing, and the wife came up behind me and said, "Stories at Gay Authors? Are you writing those gay stories, again?"

"Yes, of course," I said.

She walked away.

Big bummer.

It would be nice if she could accept the fact I am gay. It would be nice if she could accept that I am sorry I married her and am putting her through this anguish. If would be nice if I could have a boy friend who would accept the fact that I am married and can't leave her. It would be nice if wishes were kisses, but they aren't.

She says she loves me, but I don't think she knows that love is a two-way street. It's give and take, not take and take. I love her and that will not change, but it will never be the same between us ever again.

I walked out the door into the sunshine and can't find my way back. The closet is destroyed. I'm still disguised with the wedding band, but if asked, I cannot deny being gay.

Well, I've taken up too much of your time, again.

Be safe, be happy, have fun, and please, if you do anything in your life, send a comment to the authors of the stories you read here and at other sites online. You don't have to say you liked it. We'd appreciate hearing why you don't like it. We can't satisfy all the people all the time. We're lucky if we can satisfy some of the people some of the time.

Thank you,

Carl