First off, I wanted to let everyone know that Buy Me A Drink Chapter 2: One for Later is now up. Thanks to everyone who read and commented on chapter 1 (and thanks to everyone who only read and didn't comment, but if you get a chance please feel free to! ). If you haven't checked the story out please give it a look!

Anyway, I had that second date with Ryan. It was really nice, we had coffee, went for a walk in the rain (the 'in the rain' part wasn't exactly intentional ), then we had some dinner. I still just really don't know what I want where he's concerned, but things got a little more complicated after that...

After the date as I was on my way home I got a call from a friend of mine asking me to go out with them that evening. I politely declined...then changed my mind and called back. Mostly, I wasn't in the mood to go anywhere but home, but I hadn't hung out with these three friends in a while and I really like spending time with them so I thought I'd better. We had a great time too. The three of them are all good friends and we all got drunk and they started telling me how much they liked hanging out with me, and I was telling them how nifty I thought they were, and we made a bunch of other plans and they started joking how they wanted me to be the fourth member of their little group Which is quite nice, since as I said I do really like them.

I felt a bit like a character out of my story actually, since we were in a gay club, I was drinking Cosmos, and people were buying me drinks. And no, I wasn't flirting with other guys or anything, I wouldn't do that even with the undefined relationship Ryan and I have, but one of my friends had a tab and was insisting, on top of which this random guy was hitting on one of them and insisted on buying us ALL drinks in an effort to impress him.

Ohh, I also ran into an old friend of mine from one of my former jobs! She's a straight girl so I was a little surprised to see her, but not THAT much because of course I already knew she was gay friendly. What did confuse me was the guy she was on top of. Literally, she was riding around the place on his shoulders He obviously seemed like a boyfriend (straight guys are uncommon but not unheard of in this particular establishment), the only thing was he was NOT the boyfriend she should have had...what I mean is when we worked together several months back it was with her boyfriend too. He was a really nice guy and they had been together for along time and were really serious (engaged I thought), so I was pretty surprised to see her with someone else, but despite the general catching up we were doing it wasn't really appropriate (especially given the fact that the other guy was under her at the time) to say, "So what happened to Alex?" Even though that was the question I most WANTED to ask. Anyway, next time I run into a different former co-worker (I run into them all the time), I'll see if I can get the scoop!

So fast-forward a few hours and I'm sitting in an all night diner...talking to my ex on the phone. See I was drunk like I said, and I have a tendency to send people nice texts when I'm drunk (well I do that sober sometimes too, but even more so when I'm drunk), so I sent him something to the effect of, "You're a great guy and I really hope you're happy"...if I weren't so lazy I'd just open my phone and see what it said exactly, but yeah my phone is out of arms reach

Anyway, he called me as soon as I sent it and we ended up talking for a long time. It was really nice, but uhhh....I think I might have told him I still had feelings for him....and I think he might have told me the same thing...and I think we both meant it....

So now I feel like the biggest jerk on the planet. I mean it's not like we're going to get back together or anything. All the reasons we didn't work out in the first place (him still being in the closet, and us living a good 45 minutes apart) are still there...but he plans to eventually move to Houston (versus the outer metropolitan area) and I think we've both always kinda thought, "we'll try again then." ...and I think we said that last night too. Only, thankfully for my conscious I specifically remember saying, "but obviously not if stuff works out with me and Ryan". And I mean that too. There's no way I would just dump Ryan (or anyone else) to be with him if he moved. I still feel like a crap-weasel though.

Anyway, Ryan and I were supposed to go bowling tonight (read be bowling right now), only I cancelled because 1) I'm really tired, and 2) I'm really overwhelmed and I need to get my head together. It didn't help that while we were talking he decided now was the ideal time to try to define our relationship. So he asked, "Are we dating?" After some consideration I responded something to the effect of, "Well we're definitely going on dates, and I'm having fun, and I like you, but I don't want to rush into anything, and I think we should just keep seeing each other for a few more weeks and see where we stand and what we want then." And he seemed pretty happy and satisfied with that answer, which is a major relief.

He's going away tomorrow for a long-weekend trip with some friends, so - and I know this sounds TERRIBLE but - I won't really have to worry about it till Sunday or Monday.

And now Scott and William are trying to convince me I need to go out with them tonight (they've been calling/texting the whole time I was writing this)...and I guess I will because I feel like I kinda have to...even though I really just want to stay home and goof around.

Take care all and have a great night.