Ever get the feeling the world or the universe as it were is running against you?

A year ago, I saw myself today being about to start my third semester of graduate school. Where am I instead?

I'm in the smallest room of my parents' house. I have a crappy job that doesn't pay well enough for the bank to approve the loan I need to get a non-crappy car. This means I do not have the option to move out of my parents house. Why is that? Surely I could just get a crappy car without the loan right? Yeah, I could do that. But then I wouldn't have the money to move anyway. Not exactly a great trade off. My education? Seems to be on permanent hold. Never finished undergrad, that one stinking class I need is full and I may well end up not being able to take it this semester either.

Course Correction time?

I'm looking for a second job, hopefully that will result in enough proof of income to satisfy the bank. Of course, after I get the loan I'll almost certainly ditch that job immediately. Or keep it. Who knows? Maybe I'll actually like working 65 hours a week. I spent my childhood and teen years thinking/acting like I was an adult, I may as well spend my young adult years working like a dog at a rate to look like I'm 50 by the time I'm 30.

Time well spent, right?

Oh wait. That's right. No one to spend it with anyway.

Options?

All potentials live hundreds of miles away and/or are already smoking themselves to death. Maybe I'm just greedy but I'd like to have that extra couple decades with my partner.

Wait a minute, thats right I'm planning to work myself into an early grave anyway, so no biggie if my non-existant partner keels over a decade or two early. I'll be right there next to him ready to rest in pieces. Like our non-existent relationship because I'll have worked away all the hours I could have been spending with him.

Alternatives?

Try to grab ahold of one of those potentials and push real fricken hard to make a relationship work. In fact I'd been thinking about doing just that. Allowing certain emotional attatchments to form up.... Then comes along a mind bogglingly big issue which in spite of all else would be a deal breaker.

Choices? Uncertain.

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Happiness? Species rare. Origins unknown. Prior theories concerning its acquisition and sustainability proven unsound.

Recourse? The stoic: acceptable short term alternative to happiness - becomes unstable when utilitized for long periods of time.

Long term solutions? Data not available at this time.