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Awake, pt. 6



I'm kinda getting used to this night stuff, even if I end up sleeping during the day. Of course if I stay up all day, I sleep most of the night. I've been working very hard on getting up before seven in the morning so that I can take the mood stabilizer doses twelve hours apart, as they're supposed to be. So far, that's working.


Tonight I actually worked on Chapter 18 doing a bit on Six. Didn't write much, but at least I wrote something. It has been too long since I've posted anything on this story, but to be honest it's probably going to be awhile before the next post.


I've been checking on the side effects of Zoloft and maybe this isn't going to be the magic bullet. I can deal with the sexual issues since I don't have a sexual partner right now, but I've noticed my vision seems a little off, sort of blurry and last night it was like everything had been dimmed a notch. On Monday I was super bitchy, down right irritable. As far as cutting out the depression it's okay; and, I'm losing weight, so some side effects are actually good.


Also, I've begun to think maybe I might want to go off antidepressants. I'm tired mostly of feeling shitty from the side effects. The mood stabilizer seems to be doing a good job of keeping me at "just okay." I can deal with that. It's the crap I have to put up with antidepressants that's getting me down and I think it's having an effect on my writing, which isn't good as far as I'm concerned. Of course, this will take quite a bit of concentration to pull off. The alternative is giving in to spending the rest of my life feeling miserable in order to be not depressed. Maybe a little depression isn't so bad. Or, maybe the shrink has some alternative med available; you know, something drastic like ECT.


Oh, to go away to a happy place for awhile and not have to worry about anything. I wonder if the wife could step up to the plate and take care of me and everything else? No, I don't think so. I guess I'm damned unless I can figure out a way to cut the meds and be happy too. Sounds like an interesting project.




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