Camron Jay

[Jonnie]

I'm in a love-it, hate-it point with this story (I absolutely love a lot of the latest chapter, but I'm beginning to hate parts in the earlier chapters), so I thought I'd post a discussion topic in case anyone has any thoughts on the story.

 

First chapter is up here.

 

A big thanks in advance to anyone who comments—or anyone who just plain reads it! I do hope everyone enjoys.

 

--Jonnie

[wildone]

Hey Jonnie,

 

I just got caught up with the next few chapters. I really liked them. The one ended in a bit of a cliffhanger , but luckily I was able to hit the next button, and it was resolved....whew.

 

The final chapter even though it was a longer one, with all the action going on went pretty quick. I'm glad that things worked out the way that they did.

 

Now, just so your head doesn't swell up too much (just kidding), a little constructive feedback if you care to read on. There is some minor problems with the posted chapters, things like her instead of him, maybe a wrong word in the wrong place, but they are all minor things. I do believe you are writing this without the assistance of an editor, so to find so few things actually shows that you are doing a pretty damn good job.

 

I see others haven't commented yet, but hopefully they are reading, maybe just not commenting. Keep on writing and I'm sure the comments will follow .

 

Great job so far, and thanks for posting.

 

Steve

[Jonnie]

Don't worry about making my head swell too much. Your comment was just what I needed to get into gear again and write (it's been such a lazy summer!).

 

Anyway, thanks for the comment!