AranaDarkwolf Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 For some odd reason, I can't post in eFiction Announcements, but I'd like to start a thread here anyway. Malpractice is my very first attempt at a full-length novel. It is a MA rated piece as there are scenes of extreme sexual and physical violence including, but by no means limited to rape and murder. There are a lot of plot twists already planned out, so I can promise it won't be a boring read. By all means, please be honest and brutal with reviews and comments. Constructive criticism helps me to grow as an author, so I welcome it.
AranaDarkwolf Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 *Bumps my lonely post, hoping to get more readers, or at least more discussion from my current readers*
AranaDarkwolf Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 In chapter 1 we meet both our protagonist and our antagonist. FBI BAU agent Remmington Montague is investigating a series of murders all with the same MO, and clearly was the work of a serial killer or killers. He is contacted by our villain who is revealed to be using a false identity, and the race against time begins. Chapter 1 of Malpractice can be found here.
AranaDarkwolf Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 In chapter 2, we are given some background information about our antagonist. Chapter 2 can be found here.
Andrew Q Gordon Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Arana, Read Chapters 1 and 2. First the picky stupid comment - the NJ/PA is no where near the Hudson river. The Hudson runs through NJ/NY. The Delaware runs between NJ/PA. Is Chapter 2 a flash back? I assume John is well let me hide my thoughts in case someone else doesn't want to know what I think: John is Dr. Burris before he was Dr. Burris I presume. So far there is nothing to be brutal about - this is good stuff - short chapters but still good stuff. One thought that went through my head reading chapter 1 is, Remi is a tad too calm for the serial killer having his mom. Did he call anyone? Like his superiors? Or is he freelancing on this so as to keep them out of it? Just seems to me, he would want to call it in, then go to the crime scene to find out what if anything they could glean from the mom's place. Can't image he could or would go to sleep once he got that call. But that is just me and I certainly don't have full knowledge to work with. Perhaps he just knows how pointless it is at this point but still - to go to sleep seems a bit off. Just me. Your writing is easy to read, it flows well and I didn't find myself have to re-read things several times to understand what you were saying. Interested to see where you go. I take this is gonna be a bit of 'dark' story. Not too many of them on here that I have read so far. Andy 1
AranaDarkwolf Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Andy, thank you so much. I suppose I will have to edit it to say the Delaware. Remi's motivations are explained in chapter 4 which I have yet to release. Chapter 3 is awaiting approval as I write this reply. As far as your spoiler, yes. You got that part right, though how will be revealed through out the rest of the book. Chapter 2 is, in fact, a flash back. I had done flash backs before when I wrote Castle Island, but the way they were done wasn't received well. The correction will be made shortly. I'm surprised that my partner, who grew up in Jersey, didn't correct me! LOL. 1
AranaDarkwolf Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Chapter 3 has just posted! In the new chapter, we discover more about Remi's past, and what got him interested in law enforcement and the Bureau.
AranaDarkwolf Posted November 13, 2010 Author Posted November 13, 2010 Chapter 4 may be slow in coming as I am still rearranging and expanding some of it, and some of chapters 5 and 6. Please bear with me, but in the mean time, more discussion on chapters 1-3 is more than welcome!
AranaDarkwolf Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 Chapter 4 has just been posted. I'm trying for feedback on the transition from character story to character story. Thoughts?
AranaDarkwolf Posted December 6, 2010 Author Posted December 6, 2010 Chapter 5 will post later this week, so keep a look out for it!
AranaDarkwolf Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 Chapter 5 has posted! Comments, suggestions, etc. are welcome!
Kavrik Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Chapter 5 has posted! Comments, suggestions, etc. are welcome! Hello Arana, In finishing up Chapter 5, I found myself wishing that you included more details of Las Vegas than you did. It's such an incredibly colorful city with equally colorful people that I thought maybe you could have spent more time describing the universe that you were creating. I wanted to know what the bus looked like, what kind of people rode the bus, etc. I also wanted to see you describe Fremont street. Anyway, that's just a suggestion. 1
AranaDarkwolf Posted December 12, 2010 Author Posted December 12, 2010 Hello Arana, In finishing up Chapter 5, I found myself wishing that you included more details of Las Vegas than you did. It's such an incredibly colorful city with equally colorful people that I thought maybe you could have spent more time describing the universe that you were creating. I wanted to know what the bus looked like, what kind of people rode the bus, etc. I also wanted to see you describe Fremont street. Anyway, that's just a suggestion. Thank you very much, Kavrik. I thought that the chapter felt a bit empty, but I couldn't place what was missing. I will consider the changes that need to be made before submitting the story for publishing. 1
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