Hawkeye Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 This story is my first attempt writing.. I welcome all types of comments. Also I will post updates about the story... Maybe later I will have contest, best artwork, etc. Let's see! 2
Hawkeye Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Pass ReviewI enjoyed all the details revealed in the classes. And I know I am more excited than Nate about this adventure, haha. I want to go on it. lol.Author's Response: Chapter 9 will be release soon. Hopfuly Wednesday or Thursday. More is revealed... Date: 12/07/2010 08:44 AM Title: Chapter 8 Reviewer: Surfgrommett Another good chapter! I can't wait until he finds out more about what he is doing on the ship! I also can't wait to see what happens between him and Derek!?!?!?! Maybe since he has his own unit Derek can come along??? WHo knows! Can't wait for the next one!Author's Response: Who knows what is going to happen. Nate have alot on his mind, seeing the count down has started. he have 19 days let on Earth, will he have enought time? Chapter 9 is almost complete. Hint: Dad signed him up for something else.... Date: 12/05/2010 10:41 PM Title: Chapter 7 Reviewer: Surfgrommett Normally I'm not into Sci-Fi but this is absolutely wonderful! I love it! Please, PLEASE write faster than I do! I can't wait for the next chapter!!!!! Date: 11/23/2010 06:12 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 6 Reviewer: bugeye For some reason the rating didn't work so again, here goes.Author's Response: there is a plan in place... Even the story have a ending. But it will be a long time before that happens, like chapter 200 Chapter 7 will be coming soon. it will be a short one.. Chapter 8 is going to be a long one... Date: 11/17/2010 12:33 AM Title: Chapter 6 Reviewer: bugeye You're going to have a hard time separating these too now. Date: 11/17/2010 12:31 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 4 Reviewer: bugeye Nate's transition from best friend crush to first love is kinda like going from the frying pan into the fire. Afterall he is leaving earth.Author's Response: Well remember he is a teenager.... One fling to another. It will be explained later in up coming chapters. I hope have another one soon in 3 or 4 days Date: 11/16/2010 10:44 PM Title: Chapter 3 Reviewer: bugeye Does Nate really live in the Obama Towers? Lol. I am very curious to hear about Derek and his decision to kiss Nate?Author's Response: HAHA I was thinking up a name for Nate tower... Obama was on TV. so why not name after him.. Date: 11/15/2010 11:29 PM Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: DragonFire I first caught this on Nifty & am pleased you've made your way over to here. You have the makings of a good story here, but I seriously would advise a proof reader & editor. A second or third pair of eyes will pick up & eliminate those errors we authors always seem to miss. That aside, really enjoying it. Date: 11/15/2010 07:14 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: bugeye Good chapter. Liked the computer stuff. Fun.Author's Response: Yeah the "testing the sperm donation" is funny. There isn't many stories out there that is for the hard core gay geeks. There is going to be alot more techo in the future! I just wanted to developed the characters first. Date: 11/15/2010 05:25 AM Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: bugeye Had fun ready this first chapter. Already very interested in Nate and his future.Author's Response: Well I hope you had fun!! I wanted a story that present all types of emotions, funny, happy, sad, love, angry even rage... Thank you for your comments. It does mean alot to me! Date: 11/15/2010 03:59 AM Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: JeyO In all honesty, for your first writing... this is VERY well put together! I'm not exaggerating when I say that you come off as a very experienced writer. You give very well descriptions of the settings without carrying on forever, you make the characters likable in their own way and very understanding. Everything flows very realistic. A lot of events thrown into three days but they're VERY believable. I have to say, I'm a big fan of this story. I do hope you continue and finish this off.The bad part, I don't like how things set off after the kiss. Everything leading up was very good... but the kiss and the relationship are a bit too weird for me. There is no explanation as to why he kissed Nate or how he even knew he was gay. The fact that no one thinks it's odd how fast two people who don't even know each other are moving so fast. This character just seems to come out of no where as a perfect fit but there's nothing known about him at all. He's not a bad character or anything, I just don't get that one thing out of the story and it weirds me out to no end. Buuuut, good story and good writing!Author's Response: Date: 11/05/2010 09:28 PM Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Kavrik You have emotional writing which intrigues me. However, let the punctuation carry the emotion and please don't capitalize every word in a sentence. It almost seems like shouting to me. I do love how you break description of characters into different paragraphs, how you lead with exciting dialogue, and how you use scent (she smelled the soap on his hand) to intrigue the reader. Let's see more of this.Author's Response: 2
Hawkeye Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Chapter 9 is Release. Click here A fan have done this nice artwork of Destiny! If anyone like to draw and design, you welcome to draw something and send it in! 2
Andrew Q Gordon Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Hawkeye, I shot you a quick review on the Stories site but wanted to post here as well. First, I like your story quite a bit. Your character have a great feel - not sure if that is a very descriptive term, but I feel like you are letting us know them very well, especially Nate and Derek. It is clear Nate is gonna be hugely disappointed and unhappy when he leaves not only Derek, but Thomas as well. Friends like that are not cast off lightly. Toss in there won't be many people on board to choose from and you can imagine him being rather lonely as well as alone. Couple more thing - I suspect this is already written so it might be of not matter but here they are anyway. I would like to see a bit more of Nate's emotions. He is fifteen and leaving his bf and best friend. To a teen, these are more important than family so while we are told he is unhappy and doesn't want to go, perhaps you could let us see more of his internal angst. Second and this is more a pet peeve of mine so write me off as a zealot if you think i am way off. I find it very confusing getting multiple perspectives in a story. The text books say - stick with one perspective not multiple. Others disagree with me so I am not saying this is a must or else. BUT if you are going to give multiple perspectives, you really should limit things to one perspective per scene. There were a few times when you were switching between Derek and Nate and while that is easier than trying to show us the other person's feelings, it is also very confusing and interrupts your flow. Again, that is my opinion and I know for sure others disagree with me on here so take it with a grain of salt. All in all you do a great job with this, balancing showing up your vision of the new world, letting us learn about your characters and advancing your story. I look forward to more chapters Andy
Hawkeye Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 Chapter 10 is up and running! Enjoy! Chapter 10 1
Hawkeye Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Destiny newest chapter Chapter 11 is release Chapter 11
Hawkeye Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 YAY, Chapter 12 is released... Click here for Destiny
Hawkeye Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 Chapter 14 is up! Hey guys and gals. Thank you for the reviews and personal emails! As I’ve been saying, it means a lot to me when you guys leave me messages. That is what keeps me going! And I have even chatted with some of you folks! I loved it, so if you ever want to come and chat with me and my friends. Come to #talkwritersplace on IRC. The server is: irc.sierranet.org. I would love to hear from you. Also you may add me to your Facebook at:<br style=""> <br style=""> http://www.facebook.com/people/Hawk-Eye/100001450886824 And I’m looking for artists out there to draw or paint my main characters, Nate, Thomas and Derek. Email me a few drawings and you will receive first look copy of the next 5 chapters -and- you will be a part of the story. Anywho, I give you chapter 14. It may be short… but I think you’ll love it.
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