InTheMindOfSunshine

There are so many people who have "failed" Spencer that he doesn't hold any one accountable. He's almost grown accustom to dealing with things himself. While he hopes Nix will step in and save him every time, he knows that's an impossible feat for Nix to accomplish. The thing about Spencer is that he doesn't give up. He's a fighter. He may not physically fight Riley and Dexter off, but he's not yet let them win. As long as he continues to live his life and doesn't commit suicide, Spencer is still fighting. I agree; he'll never truly get over what Riley and Dexter have done to him, but he will move on past it. He's not the type to hold a grudge. I agree with what *HJ* said in her response. Dexter and Riley's redemption will (probably) not happen in the way you're expecting it to happen now at twenty-ish chapters in. They'll be redeemed in Spencer's eyes. While Spencer may carry a large part of his past with him, he doesn't let it dictate his daily life. As for asking Spencer for his side, (in defense of Riley and Dexter) Spencer has not tried to make a case for his side. I'm glad you're fascinated with the psychopathic characters within this story. You're correct; this story will be more enjoyable if you stop trying to fit in into the real world.

I liked it a lot. I like the characterizations of Stone and of Jason. I agree with the other reviewer; you should continue it. Maybe a short follow-up if nothing else.

Sadly, I am only able to update this story about once a week. I have a process I personally go through before posting. It's a quirk of mine (in the words of *HJ*), and I just feel off balance when I don't follow my process. I am glad that you are enjoying the story. Nix will figure out things in his own way, and as for Artie... you'll just have to wait and see.

Nix's path is a complex and (I think at least) a redeeming one. He has to understand the situation a lot more than he currently does in order to fully help Spencer. Riley and Dexter--well, their motivation will be explained once the reader finds out what happened the night Connor died. I hope I don't disappoint you in future chapters. Happy readings!

Not much between Riley/Dexter and Spencer has changed. The temporary cease fire Dexter has called is motivated not by the lack of access he has to Spencer but by whatever Nix is currently running from. As for Artie, he's a piece of work. Very little about him is face-value.

I should have chapter 21 posted later today. =)

Unless something changes, there are forty-one chapters in total of varying lengths.

There have been a lot of failure by the characters in regards to Spencer, but I needed to isolate Spencer. It's a very cruel act on my behalf, but it helped me with the overall storyline. If Spencer has always had someone to "take a bullet" for him, he wouldn't be the character he is. Furthermore, Nix would not be drawn to Spencer as he is. I've never viewed Parker, Kendall, or Reese as being mean to Spencer. The others, though, I have. None of the three have ever been cruel to Spencer. While they haven't stopped Riley or Dexter or the others, they haven't beaten him up. As for the point you've made about Dr. Willows, it is explained in later chapters just why she doesn't speak up. She could, but Max takes after her a lot--if that's any explanation at all. Also, she's a single mom raising two teenage boys. Her job at the hospital is stressful and takes up a lot of her time. She isn't neglectful; her priorities don't always benefit the right people. Why doesn't Nix ask Riley and Dexter to leave Spencer alone for good? Because it never crosses his mind to. He's seen Riley and Dexter bully Spencer for so long that he thinks the only action he can take is to call them out individually. Even if he did ask Riley and Dexter to leave Spencer alone for good, I'm not sure how long their cease-fire would last. There is still a dark cloud that hangs over them, and sooner or later they would revert back to bullying Spencer. The scene between Max and the others wasn't nearly as obvious as I thought it was, although I think you might have picked up on a little bit of it. Chapter 21 should reveal what I thought I alluded to in chapter 19. With that being said, I am going to refrain from saying too much now.

Some readers have requested a character map, and this is for you guys. I know at this point in the story (Chapter 19) that things are more hazy than clear. In the following list, I've named major/minor charcters and a short description about most of them. These descriptions only contain a little bit of the information that is thus far known. I hope this helps to clear things up a bit. The characters are in no specific order; however, I've tried to break them up into 'groups' (i.e. who is friends with who). Phoenix "Nix" Willows--The Oblivious Protagonist Dexter Preston--Bullies Spencer Riley Hadley--Sick with Unknown Disease; Bullies Spencer Parker Crisholm--From Louisiana Reese Hadley--Twin of Riley; Dated Connor; Is Dating Dexter Ember Vincent--Antagonistic Towards Nix and Spencer; Is Dating Riley Kendall Black--Has Nightmares; Is Dating Parker Spencer Rawlins Arthur "Artie" Dillon--Befriended Spencer first Hagan Dawson--Initially Antagonist Toward Spencer Ezekiel "Zeke" Aldrin--Lives across from Spencer Emerson Dean Clermont--Prefers his middle name Dean; Younger brother of Elliot, who was the friend of Connor Aaliyah "Liyah" Tamia--Is dating Dean Gertrude "Trudy" Cranston--Works at the diner; used to date Dexter Ellasyn Duvall--Works at Ice Cream Parlor; Is Dating Nix Max Willows--Nix's Little Brother Porter Matthews--Bullies Spencer Liam Lewis Derrick Harmon Sebastian Brooks

Porter is a character who likes to blend into the background most of the time. I won't say much about his motives, but you've got a good guess. Regarding Max, though, I will say he is not being cowardly. Max doesn't support Spencer because it might be advantageous to him (and Spencer) to keep quiet. Max didn't go over to Artie's house to defend Spencer. Take a closer look at the beginning of that scene.

Porter isn't neither a homophobe nor a sadist. I'm not sure if I ever said whether or not Porter's actions were not personal; however, there will be a little bit of speculation about Porter and his motives for assaulting Spencer in later chapters. Parker doesn't say anything to Riley and Dexter about Spencer's injuries. He knows they wouldn't be that concerned, and Parker's about to have something more important to worry about than Spencer. Spencer's motivation for getting on the bus with his bullies will be revealed in future chapters. At any time, feel free to tell me your guess; I'm interested to know. You're right; Spencer's not a total masochist -- he's just kinda sorta one.

I'm glad you like the story, even though the violence contained within is can be rather extreme. I wouldn't say Spencer is a masochist. There's one thing that keeps Spencer going, which will be revealed later in the story so I won't say much about it now. Although, making the children at the hospital happy does help him just a little bit. I brought in the new charcters because there was only so much I could do with the current factors of the story, such as Dexter and Riley's violent tendancies and Nix's moments of cowardice. The new characters will become a feature of the story in subsequent chapters. I hope that I can keep your attention throughout the story. =) The arguments you gave regarding Dexter and Riley's liability of Porter's actions were valid. I think I addressed your first point earlier. The second point you made regarded Dexter and Riley's actions after Porter electrocuted Spencer; you called them evil. Their actions were really cruel. Spencer was already in pain and already beaten into submission at the time. The punches were an afterthought. This is Riley and Dexter toeing the line. Maybe they crossed it a little bit. But neither Riley nor Dexter stopped Nix from helping Spencer afterwards. (They both knew why Nix was lingering in the hallway.) This isn't much of a consolation, but had they stopped Nix from helping Spencer, there would be no doubt that they had crossed the line and would never be able to get back on the other side of it. The third point you made is very valid also, and I think I addressed it a little earlier. All in all, Riley and Dexter have their malicious moments. They have their cruel sides, and it just so happens that Spencer gets the bad end of that deal. I want to thank you for bringing all of these points to my attention. I had a bit of tunnel vision while writing the story. Now that I've finished it though and am posting it, I am thankful for the different perspectives on it. Up to this point in the story, Riley and Dexter see Spencer as both the "bad guy" and someone who has to be punished. What do I mean by the "bad guy"? In relation to Nix and the rest of their friends, Riley and Dexter see Spencer as someone who is dangerous and harmful. Also, because of the events of the party, they see Spencer as someone who needs to be punished. This may seem off the wall and completely unlikely, but Riley and Dexter are not homophobic. Spencer's sexuality has nothing to do with the reason they're mean to him. If this is hard to grasp, it'll become obvious in the story that they're not homophobic. However, with this being said, I won't disagree with your statement of "they don't see him as bad but more like a disease that has to be swatted/crushed all the time to protect others and be punished for the past. To them he represents some form of danger." You're actually sort of close in your interpretration of this.

Overall, I've always thought of Riley and Dexter as the "good guys" of the entire story. If the story was obviously divided between the good guys and the bad guys, I would always place Riley and Dexter on the good guys' side. But why? Even after their *horrible* treatment of Spencer? Even after their borderline sadistic behavior? Because in this case, the good guys aren't always *good*. For example, Nix is the protagonist, and he fails Spencer more than he saves Spencer, as you've probably noticed. Yet, Nix is still on the side of the good guys. [i consider Spencer to be the 'secondary' protagonist, by the way.] Riley and Dexter, on the other hand, are the side of the good guys because of their overall characters. If you factored out their relationship with Spencer, they would be typical teenage boys. Factoring in their relationship with Spencer, though, things get a whole lot more complex. When it all comes down to it, the motivations of the characters is how I cateogrize the good guys and the bad guys. No, it's not good motivation to ever be cruel to anyone; however, the motivation that Riley and Dexter have is a rare exception. It is the sort of motivation that can cause good people to do irrational things. I understand that you probably do not and will not for a very long time--if ever--see Riley and Dexter as the good guys. I will say one thing: their intentions towards Spencer may not always been cruel.

It was a favor that it was ONLY Porter. Spencer was already outnumbered, but it would have been even worse had Porter, Sebastian, Liam, AND Derrick been invited by Dexter. Also, Dexter did not know about the tazer when he invited Porter. Once the invitation was out in the open, it would have been hard to take back. Dexter doesn't enjoy Nix's discomfort; instead, he's curious about it and unhappy with it.

The tazering scene is actually more complex than the face value of it. Yes, Dexter and Riley rendered Spencer defenseless. Yes, Dexter invited Porter and even smirked when he saw the tazer. BUT there is a line that says Riley was disgusted at his own actions when stuffing Spener's mouth with his own sock. There is also the fact that Dexter only allowed Porter to help them; of course, it was at the silent request of Nix. There is a fine line that Riley and Dexter do toe in this scene, but they never cross it. They have their limits. They're not murderers; if they were, Spencer would be long dead by now. Riley and Dexter know enough of the 'event' to see Spencer in an entirely different light than Nix or the reader does at this time. There is an upcoming scene between Riley, Dexter, and Spencer that sheds a little bit of light on Dexter [and, by extent, Riley]; I don't know the specific chapter because I haven't decided the best way to split up the chapters so I can't tell you specifically which chapter it'll be in. I hope this explains a little bit more of the characters of Riley and Dexter. I encourage you to continue voicing your opinion; you're helping me see Riley and Dexter in a whole new light.

My view of the characters of Riley and Dexter is that they are the 'good guys'. That does not mean they're actions are always good. Overall, though, they're not awful people. They're two boys who aren't dealing with their past demons as well as they should. I wouldn't go as far as to say their actions are sadistic. Sure, maybe borderline, but not full-out sadistic. It was Porter Matthews who electrocuted Spencer, not Dexter or Riley. They shouldn't be held accountable for Porter's actions. They can be held accountable as accomplices but not for the actual act. The enjoyment they get from their actions has very little to do with pleasure. There is a specific scene in an uncoming chapter that should shed some light on Dexter and Riley. Just a warning though, the scene I'm speaking of will be a bit controversial. You may disagree with me--actually you probably will disagree with me--but Riley and Dexter are nothing like the others. Parker, for one, is more concerned with Kendall. It was stated that Parker doesn't feel like a true member of the group because he's only friends with everyone else through Kendall. He doesn't feel it to be his place to question Riley and Dexter. Furthermore, Parker spends most of his time worrying about Kendall. He's a bit blindsighted by her. Kendall often tells Riley and Dexter to back off, but it'll become apparent just *why* she hasn't been doing so lately. Reese is an entirely different story. She doesn't approve of her brother or her boyfriend's actions, but she doesn't understand the situation. She's a bit like Nix in that aspect. Yes, I think Riley and Dexter are cruel. Yes, I think someone should stand up for Spencer. Yes, I think Nix is cowardly. But all of these aspects are what drives the story. If Nix had taken up for Spencer the very first time Riley and Dexter bullied him, there would not be a story to tell. This story isn't just about Spencer getting a better life; it's about Nix's growth as a person and the misconceptions that surround each and every one of the characters in the story. My perspective of the characters is from the overall story. I want to challenge people to see past mistakes and evil actions. Maybe I'm failing in that aspect or maybe I'm not. I don't know. I know I've rambled a bit, but I do hope I've answered your questions.

I'm glad you liked the story. I thought about explaining everything that happened in the wreck; in fact, I almost wrote the wreck from Oliver's POV. I didn't, though, because I wanted to leave the exact sequence of events up to the reader's imagination. This is the first story I've written from first person point of view. I didn't think that I could tell the entire story from just Atticus' POV; for one thing, Atticus didn't even know Oliver existed at the beginning of the story. I decided to alternate point of views between those two (and Easton when the two were otherwise engaged with something else) to tell entire story. I'm glad you like Atticus a lot. As for his libido, it had less of an influence over time because he valued Oliver more than it. Although, in time, I imagine his libido will influence their relationship more and more.

I'm glad to know this story captured your attention. I am aware that the lack of faculty supervision is unreal, but I took a few liberties concerning that. If there was faculty supervision, a lot of important scenes would not have played out as they did. Of course, that could arguably be a good thing; however, the bullying scenes take place at school--there's only so much Riley and Dexter can do on school grounds. I'm not saying Riley and Dexter are sociopathic or out for Spencer's blood, because they're not. I just mean that it was important for these events to happen while at school (a common area) without any interruption. I know it's a bit confusing. Riley and Dexter are friendly one minute and beating Spencer up the next. Through the progression of the story, things will start to stablize one way or the other. Why do they act like this now? Because of something that happened in the past, unbeknownst to the reader (and Nix). The big secret will come out, but it will take a while. Until then, the reader is kept as oblivious to Riley and Dexter's motives as Nix is. I hope these aspects do not deter you from finishing the story (once I get it completely posted). Things will start to tie together pretty soon, and I think--having completed the story--that I've dotted all of my 'i's and crossed all of my 't's neatly; I'd like to know if you agree with me.

I've never viewed Riley and Dexter as 'evil'. I think they're cruel at times. I think their actions are horrible and inexusable. With this being said, though, I do not think they are evil. They are just two boys reacting in the worst possible way to something that happened in their past. Actually, Nix has not witnessed every second of any beating Spencer has had since he was tasered. Nix caught the first of it in passing and then walked away.The narration went onto describe the scene mentioned in "Going Downhill" in order to point out the fact that Spencer is still being bullied. It should be a little clearer in the next chapter. Nix never mentioned this to Riley because it never came up in a conversation. Yes, he could have brought it up, but Riley wouldn't have believed him. It's not that Nix is known for lying (because Nix is too oblivious for the most part to be able to lie efficiently), but Riley would assume NIx told him that because Nix and Spencer are almost forging a friendship. Besides, Spencer understands Riley in a way that Riley does not yet understand Spencer. The characters aren't very well-liked. It's a dark story, and while writing it, I did not want to paint any character up as flawless. I wanted each of them to have their own faults and to make mistakes that were sometimes hard to overcome. I wanted to make them as human as humanly possible, while also exaggerating certain aspects of the characters. I want readers to be angry because that means readers are connecting to the characters--readers are putting themselves in the characters' shoes. But yes, Dexter (and Riley) and Porter need their lights knocked out at least once, and Nix needs to grow a pair. Maybe at least one of those two things will happen during the course of the story. You'll eventually find out just what happened at the party, but I can tell you that you'll find out about Kendall's nightmares first. Also, I'm glad you like the story, and thank you for your feedback on my writing style.

Honestly, I find nothing to disagree with you about. I believe in redemption, though, and I have a feeling they might not always be as hated as they are now. It may take a while and many more cruel actions on their part, but they'll have their characteristic moments. And, once again, I agree. But everything will start to make sense soon.

Spencer is no doubt a nice guy, but unfortunately for him, he's a bit naive. Riley and Dexter have a very systematic approach to Spencer that has worked it's way towards being a 'duty' as you've put it.

I'm glad you like the story. It's hard to associate Riley and Dexter with being the good guys, especially with the way they treat Spencer; however, I deem them as the "good" guys because of their overall characters. Sure, they have their awful moments, but that doesn't make them the all-around bad guys. Once it becomes obvious of why Riley and Dexter treat Spencer the way they do, it'll probably be easier to associate them with the good guys. Nix isn't very likeable at times, and he does act cowardly; I will not disagree with you there. He could have intervened, as Spencer pointed out to him later, but he did not. I also agree that any future action cannot lessen his crime in this instance, but he will have his redeemable moments.

I hope you like it. =)

I'm glad that you enjoy my work. Following Chapter 12, which is the final chapter of Part I, of The Paradox of Friendship, the content will be lightened a bit for a while. I had to make everything spiral as far down as possible so that everything could spiral back up. I always believe there is hope in any situation, which I tried to reflect in this story. It will take Nix a while to redeem himself. I agree with you, no one should ever feel unloved. I think i misread your review, and I apologize for that. I purposefully made the characters unlikeable to challenge readers. Sometimes in life, people make horrible choices. It doesn't define them, but it is a part of them. I wanted to write a story where the protagonist and the "good guys" weren't always good. I wanted the characters to have flaws--and major ones at that. Do I think Riley and Dexter are horrible people? No. Do I approve of every action they make? No. But they are essentially the "good guys". I wanted the reader to be compelled not only through admiration but also through hate. I'm not sure that I put the symbolic anger into the story intentionally. I think it just worked its way in while I was concentrating on the storyline. With this being said, though, the unpleasantness of the characters does not reflect my frame of mind. The characters act the way they do and are portray as they are for the sake of plot development. In Part III, it will become obvious why Dexter and Riley are so violent and just what Spencer has done. I am pleased that although you do not like the characters at times, you're willing to give the story a shot. Thank you.

Nix was referring to his earlier conversation with Dexter and Parker. He was riding a high of emotions and was trying to sum up everything without actually saying anything specific. This chapter (12) was the last chapter of Part One, so I honestly view it as a mini-climax of the story. Everything was boiling up to a point, which it reached in this chapter. Everything is going to simmer down a bit and make more sense. I'm not going to waste my time justifying Nix's actions. The story is set in a warped sense of reality. In real life, sometimes even the best of people is going to stand aside while something horrible happens. No one can change the past. Nix had to make this mistake so he could learn from it in the future. I do hope that you give the story another shot, but if you do not, I understand. I picked the word 'Paradox' on purpose for the title of the story. Nothing is as it first seems. Honestly, since I've written the entire story, I can almost understand why Riley and Dexter treat Spencer the way they do and why Nix stands aside and lets everything happen this time. When I wrote this story, I never considered the presence of school personnel. Of course, there are teachers and other staff members nearby, but I never wanted any adults to step in. It was too easy. I wanted these teenagers to make their own mistakes and to deal with the situations they found themselves in on their own terms. I've mentioned it earlier, but I'll say it again: this is set in a warped reality. Sadly, though, sometimes these things (tasers, for example) do happen in real life--although, I honestly hope they do not to this extent. The students standing around cheering is horrible, but I find that it does happen in real life. I'm glad you like the story. I can only promise to update once a week, though.