JOeKEool

Thanks Mark, I screwed up and had to redo my post (twice).I hope it's up there now. Maybe go read again its changed a lot.And thanks for your support..

Hey everyone Hi HH5(Harold). It is hard to trust people isn't it. My friend started taking in homeless people,trying to help remedy their plight. He did help a few but at least two stole his money ,one stole from his neighbor. How do you know who to trust? BIG GRIN>>>check out my profile .I have posted a poem.I am a (published) poet. Please give me feedback. It's off-topic sorry but, hey its like Im not a virgin now!!!

Hi everbody, Hi again Roan. I'm Joe. Stopped in here to say thank you for providing this oasis. All of you ,hugs all around, big wet kiss on request. I was impressed with the great reading available here. This forum is the biggest asset tho. Thank you so much. I will be exploring many threads here Thanks again,Joe Edit: I will post some of my poetry here. Soon I hope. I have to get it typed up. I just scribble on old-fashioned paper. Edit#2: Why does my profile have that "warn status" .Was I bad?

Hey Mark,me again. We are going to keep this thing going . Thanks for the kudos and the like on my little poem. And Celes,Hi,here's a hug OK .Thanks for the like,too. Things have been tuff for you. I'm sorry. Mark,keeping busy is good therapy. Sounds like you have things under control. I have zero motivation for anything anymore. I don't keep things up around here at all. My son has frozen pipes tho.I have to take care of that.I'm killing time till sunup. My toilet stopped up last night.I haven't checked it,might have another project today. My system crashed sometime last night and rebooted itself. So far it seems to be OK. I just got back on real internet access. I was stuck with only my phone.And only a very limited like flip phone.Pretty much text only and page up and page down the extent of any navigation.Hey,but that's how I got here,looking for stories I could read on my phone. There seemed to be a few "feel good" christian sites and erotica to choose from. You know what I chose.Why aren't there mystery and horror and "normal " sites out there? Did I say normal. Not implying we are abnormal OK. This site is not phone-friendly,by the way. Better than some tho.And the phone would just decide to make it as hard as possible at times,too. Wow am I rambling? Mark you say you didn't know your life wasn't normal. I didn't have the abuse you went thru.But I had many times I realized things were different for me that I had always looked at as normal.I kind of know how you feel. I guess I still feel "different" because I missed a lot of the things other kids experienced. Then,as a teen, I tried to make up for it. I didn't get too crazy, but eh... had some fun . Thanks for listenning. I better go.Joe the Plumber time.

Hey again,Mark I feel right at home here. First time in a while i've felt like this.Or ever,maybe. I can't fathom how anyone can be so hurtful. And you a child.(tear) And then your own mom(sobs) You are very strong. you are making it better. And you're making it better for me and a lot of friends here. I think I'm trying to create an isolated world of my own. You seem to have one forced on you, and want freedom. Want to trade for a while? Seriously,keep writing and letting it out. That's the best therapy ever. When I get writing stuff comes out that I didn't know was there. I can only write whern I get "manic"(don't like labels...but it fits) Most of the time I'm brain dead and can't put two words together. I had a major ...Eh...episode I'll call it....about 2 years ago. Jumped out of bed and sobbed out tons of really dark poetry. Honestly, I had never written anything before.Never. And I tried many times. Then here I was trying to write fast enuff yo keep up with the brain . My friend , the religiouse guy, said I had the Holy Spirit. That kind of freaked me out. But, it was like a "religous experience" it was all so profound. I had a 2nd "episode" last fall. I knew what to expect and diddn't get overwhelmed,but it's such a let-down when it goes away. I'm hoping this time (now seems to be a 3rd episode) I can learn to hold onto it. Or...Maybe I have to just learn to let go of it,and love and appreciate it without doubts and fears Hey, mark,can I just come and talk to those pigs of yours.I'm sure they grasp life better than we mere humans ever will. Put them on IM ? Skype? anyway (I wish I had a tape of Ellen D to insert here)AAAANYwaaay, Mark,evrybody here. Thanks for letting me vent.I hope the web site host does'nt charge by the column - inch??. If I can be of help to anyone ,I'm here. Email or IM on my profile add.

you've covered a lot of good ones. I think edge of seventeen is my vote. Something about that first time experience.(s) kudos go to: Nobody said -shortbus-too over the top??? Latter days-JGL-my crush shelter get real- for sure Dream boy mudge boy-good-kinda odd Summerstorm-excellent i love...Phillip morriss-good-odd/ too? Beautifulthing-classic Were the world mine L.I.E.-OK-not great Awakening-dutch,I think no danish-not bad C.R.A.Z.Y.-very well done Before the storm Savage Grace-strange-supposedly true Red Dirt-been awhile- think was good Romeos kiss-short film-OK Running with scissors-cant recall plot lines Dare-quite good James-good short-Are we counting shorts? Tan Lines-Eye candy if I remember Summer Blues-might be a short too A Single Man?-another classic A summer Dress I've found some I have to watch again A bunch I have'nt seen yet were mentioned

I posted this as content SEE: "A POETIC TRIBUTE TO GAY AUTHORS"

Hey Mark, Man I feel for you. You seem to have dealt with it well,all considered.Cliche,I know ,but one day at a time. That's all we can do. I can't shake religion off totally.I wish I could.It's too deeply engrained,Iguess. I can't find a a "place"for it in my life either tho. My folks are 24-7 praise the lord jesus freaks. I know thats not for me. I try to be "spiritual" without all the formal definition of God, heaven, whatever. Just some other dimension where nothing is physical. Not working but I keep trying. It feels so good just to express all this crap. Thank you so much,everybody here, for what you do and who you are. And I will be around. I have some poems I'll try to get posted. stuff I wrote a while back. I have one for you guys now tho. I think it belongs here. (see next post) All my love, Joe P.S. to post about Rent boy story.(in my post above) I found a post on another blog just now. people made life hard for Tristan because of the nature of his story. H e felt he had to take it down Squeegee,James and all the boys.I'll always have you in my heart along with Tristan and his whole tribe of fans.

Hi Roan, Thanks for the love and the hugs and the support. I used to follow a story by Tristan called A Rentboy Named... One day it was gone. And the community that grew around it. Hope they are all OK Sorry you're not him. Glad to meet you. He was from down under if I'm not mistaken. Please don't kill anybody-Ha-Ha-You're both good people with a good name. Know your loved,Joe Is there a thread on here where I could ask about Tristan? It's off-topic here Thanks for any help-from anybody Joe

Hey it's me again. I just saw the post from Roan. Did I " see" you at ARBN.Tristan and G and all the gang? I'd sure like to know what became of them. I'm brand new here ,but let me say,welcome. I too feel relief knowing I'm not alone. Love,Joe

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I'm Joe. Been reading stories for a while. First time at forum. I fight depression every day for as long as I can remember. Age 12??? or so. This thread is so great. Please keep it going.( And I will too). Mark92, heres a big hug for you. More anytime you feel the need OK? Hang in there,your making progess. For me its now hours- and minutes- at-a- time. One-day-at-a-time got too hard. I know I'm going about things the wrong way. I'm isolating myself and pulling away from ? society? life? I don't know. I think I might be manic or Bi-polar. Just from observation. Can't afford and don"t trust or want doctor therapy or meds. They are in it for the money.Not to help it seems. I have just made peace with the fact that I'm GAY. That might be the first time I said it!!!! I might be bi but gay(ness) is gay(ness) I think. I wish someone could study LBGT and depression. They seem to coexist. Homophobia has a bearing on that,I'm sure. It's hard to feel being yourself is wrong. My internal voice tells me I'm wrong,too. How do you fight that? I'm gonna ramble some here. SO NICE to have someone/where to say it. I've had the uber religous upbringing. I try to find a place for God in my psyche, but the one I was taught to OBEY is not one I like very much. I'm 5o+ and a virgin so maybe I'm not really gay. Was married for 30+ years.That was not fun!!!! One great son and 3 wunderfull grandkids are the upside tho. I devote my time to the kids as much as I can. I feel like I should have all this insight about life and happiness and love and pass it on to them. They seem more grounded and mature than me sometimes. I just make sure they know I love them and always will. They give me more than they know in return. They are 8 and 10. I wish I could shelter them from the bull that life is bound to give them,but they have to face their own destiny. I will be here for what support and help I can give. How would they react if they really knew me? That's what gets so hard. The damn depression is hard enough to try to express to anyone.I can't tell anyone Ithink I'm gay. I did tell one friend about a year ago. Not (quote: I'm gay) but I write /wrote some poetry with a decided gay slant. Of course I got the "It's a sin" speech. Nothing more has been said. We are still friends. He knows my internet tastes are for gay erotica and gay porn.But I told him I didn"t label myseff as gay. Anyway,(Ellen DeGenerous quote there). A lot of my depression comes from being a very sensitive,expressive ,loving person who can't be who I know I am. Do others feel this way,too? Childhood traumas add to depression ,too. If I expressed any need or problem my folks told me God will provide. Just pray. Boy ,did I pray. Wasn't very helpfull. I hope I don't discourage anybody from turning to god,religion church,whatever. Thats is so not my point.It just didn't fill my void. I just recently got into gay stories. I don't think I associated "gay" with love and commitment in my vague ideas of what gay was.I wanted LOVE so much,make that want, and have seen so many stories that bring out just how deep and fulfilling a relationship can be. It gives me hope. Not much, but it gives me hope that I could find "that guy". I will be here. PLEASE keep this going. Love you,Joe