From my point of view, your story is absolutely perfect. Not too short but also not too long. It has a really good plot, and also an awesome and easy to read writing style. Even though there is some difficulties with following the timeline.
Overall, this story is really good. I bet you if put some more rendering there then you could easily publish it. If there was a novel like that in the market right now I'd buy it right away and then read it again and again.
Thank you for writing such a brilliant piece.
