Matthew
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Well, thanks for reopening the thread. Well, I went to the gay group and it left me really freaked me out. All of the guys were nice, but I was completely freaked out. They were all very flambouyant, which is fine for them, but it's not what I am. I feel uncomfortable being the only one in the room not acting like that. I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. On the upside, apparently I can get paid for going to the meetings. I still think I'm going to kill myself. I still feel like nothing's changed and noone cares. I'm tired of putting it off.
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I'm very aware of the laws regarding suicide, specifically here it's 72 hours that and behavioral expert can have you held before they have to go to a judge to continue it. Luckily, as uncomfortable as I got with my therapist, he is incredibly useful in that he is dead set against any unwilling commitment of anyone. He pretty much kept them from putting me anywhere and told them they'd increase their liability because it would aggravate my state of mind. This is why I talked to a friend who I thought I could trust, and not the university. He betrayed that trust and told people at the university, I'm having alot of issues not being completely pissed off at him. Believe it or not, this has actually crossed my mind.
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Well, now the situation has taken a turn for the worst. I was telling a friend(or so I thought) about how I'm feeling. He talked to a counselor at school and it went up the chain and came back down and now they're trying to evict me from the school dorms. Life just seems to be getting constantly worse. I'm so sick of it.
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I just thought I'd clear this up since there's so much talk about families. I told my mother I was gay at the age of 12. She told me I was just confusedcried for about five hours in her room, came out and we had dinner. It hasn't been mentioned since. She's always asking when I'll bring home some nice girl and talking about how evil the fags are. My siblings don't know but have related in their own ways how disgusted they are with gays. So, I have told her, she's sort of in denial.
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Hey, glad you're feeling better. You make me feel so much better that I live in Hawaii, where the high and low today were 81 and 72. As for the stories, if you feel like writing them and it's going to mess up the story for some one else, they need to just not read it or live with it. If nothing else it would be really cool to see what could have been. I just read chapter 11 and loved it! Just so you know, the box at the top that says "chapter X: xxxxxx" says chapter 10 on chapter 11. It's very sad, but these are the kinds of things that I notice.
