Mark Paren
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Everything posted by Mark Paren
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I wrote a story (Luminosity) with an abandoned sequel several years ago. Looking at it now I realize there are serious structure flaws and generally weak prose. Is there a way to cleanly edit the story. I’m concerned that the current comments, reactions, and recommendations may not match when I’m finished with the revisions. Do you have any advice on how this might be done.
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There’s two more chapters and some resolutions (though not all).
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The last evening arrived the way last evenings do — quietly, without announcement, the ordinary rhythm of the household carrying them through dinner and into the living room before anyone had to acknowledge what the night was. Rowan had made lamb stew. Not elaborate but considered, the kind of meal that said something without saying it. They ate at the kitchen table and the conversation was easy and unhurried and nobody mentioned the flight in the morning. Afterward they moved to the l
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I think the Bresnahan’s are in trouble. Even if they escape the Gardaí, Father Michael will be certain they are ostracized.
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Aiden has found purpose. Thanks for commenting.
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Only three more chapters and I promise not to leave you too deeply in a “hollow place.” Thanks for sticking with it.
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He a different teen than the one that arrived in Ireland at the beginning of the summer.
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He’s working his way through the grief.
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The Gardaí came up the hill with torches and the blue lights of their vehicles strobing across the heather from the lane below. Aiden stood to one side with Rowan’s hand on his shoulder and watched them move over what had been the cairn with the careful, purposeful attention of people doing a job. Declan talked to them. Answered questions. Pointed at things. His professional voice carried across the ruined hill in the dark. At some point, Rowan steered Aiden back down the path to the
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By their testimonials! You’re killing me. 😄
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I think the resolution of the bronze artifact is in the next chapter. You and drsawzall are providing me with some good ideas.
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The Well of Slaine being a portal is an interesting idea that I hadn’t considered. None of the ancient documented mythology claimed it was a portal, but I think at least one contemporary fiction does. Something to think about.
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It’s time for Aiden’s family, both old and new, to rally around him. We can move in a couple of different directions.
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Fomorians acting like Fomorians. Thanks for commenting.
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The Clan Campbell and Clan McDonald historical reference is fantastic! Historical grievances are real.
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The chair was just a chair. Aiden sat at the kitchen table in the early morning light and looked at it. The chair Cianán had taken every morning since the beginning of June, pulled slightly away from the table the way he always left it, as though he’d just stepped out and would be back in a moment. The staff wasn’t leaning against the outside wall. The garden gate hadn’t opened at eight. Just a chair. Rowan came downstairs twenty minutes later, took in Aiden at the table and the q
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Hearing that it landed with the right weight rather than feeling forced is exactly the reassurance I need. And about the Bresnahans …. Thanks for the thoughtful comment.
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They will both feel the separation. Cianàn spent millennium alone and a few months, though painful, can be endured. Hayden isn’t used to being separated from someone he loves, but he does have other loved ones to find solace in. Thanks for commenting.
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Four months and fifteen days Is a long time for boys in love.
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Thank you. Your comment warms my heart.
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The morning of August sixth arrived clear and warm, the sky a pale and cloudless blue that stretched from the ridge to the horizon without interruption. Aiden was up before anyone else. He stood in the garden in the early light, the dew already burning off the grass, and looked at the ridge. The specific point on the Bricklieve Mountains was exactly where Cianán had shown him weeks ago from this same spot, his arm alongside Aiden’s, his finger tracing the line. The sun would reach it tonigh
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There is more to came. We haven’t seen the last of the decendants of Bres (the Bresnahans). Thanks for commenting.
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This was intended as a breather chapter. I’m glad you picked up on it. Thanks for commenting.
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I’m happy you picked up on this. It is an important chapter for Aiden’s character arc.
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Four days. Thanks for commenting.
