LittleBuddhaTW

The true story of accepting my sexuality and "coming out"

Accepting that you might be gay and making that life-altering decision to "come out" is never an easy one, although it is much easier now than it was ten years ago when I was still in high school. Looking back now, it was probably in middle school that I first noticed a physical attraction to boys, although, at the time, I didn't associate that with being "gay." I knew what that word meant, though, and that it was something you didn't want to be. Starting in 7th grade, I started noticing boys wh

There are two great loves in Grady's life -- baseball, and his best friend, Brennan. However, after a trip to the Little League World Series in Williamsport, Pennsylvania, will everything be the same?

Saturday morning was eerily quiet, unlike most mornings before games, when the whole dorm was bustling with activity. While the teams that had been eliminated were allowed to stay for the duration of the World Series, a few kids had opted to go home, and most of the others were either off sightseeing, or taking part in pick-up games on the unused practice fields before the day's "big" games started -- the U.S. Championship and the International Championship. The winners of those two games would

I hated when I wasn't able to control a game. It was the worst feeling in the world to be sitting on the bench, watching the game unraveling in front of my eyes, and not being able to do anything about it. We were in the top of the second inning, and our opponents, the team from East Texas -- which was favored to win the whole tournament -- had already scored four runs off of Rory's pitching. Rory was obviously frustrated, as was Brennan, who had already made several trips out to the mound, and

"'Cause I'm a Voodoo Child; Lord knows I'm a Voodoo Child, baby; I want to say one more last thing, I didn't mean to take up all your sweet time ..." The music was blasting as I walked out of the dugout and trotted over to the mound to start taking my practice throws. My adrenalin was pumping, but I just wasn't as focused as I usually was. I hadn't talked to David since the day before at breakfast. Even though I did see him that morning in the mess hall, sitting alone in the corner again, I co

I almost couldn't believe my eyes when I stepped off the bus at the Little League compound in South Williamsport. It was like I'd died and gone to baseball heaven. Just a small town with a population of around 30,000 people, Williamsport is located in Pennsylvania, bordered by the Susquehanna River, and nestled among the beautiful green rolling hills of the northeastern part of the state. Normally a non-descript blip on the map of Pennsylvania, Williamsport's quaint, small-town atmosphere was

"Strike three, you're out!" Boomed the voice of the home plate umpire. Before I had fully realized what was going on, I found myself lying flat on my back, with our team's catcher -- and my best friend -- Brennan on top of me, hugging me tightly. Brennan wasn't a big boy, but it was still enough to knock the wind out of me. And it wasn't exactly a pleasant experience as our other teammates began piling on top, one-by-one, either. The strong smell of a pack of sweaty twelve-year-old boys wh

I knew I shouldn't have told Ben about what Ryan told me, about how much he missed me. I should have known there would be some drama. My life seemed like a never-ending soap opera. "Ben, you're over-reacting!" I pleaded with him. "Connor, calm down," he said, stroking my arm gently as we sat on the sofa in his living room. It was just the two of us, for once, and I'd been hoping for some "quality time" together ... namely, some making out, some naked cuddling, and maybe a little bit mor

August was hot. Too damn hot. And that's why we had been in the pool in Cody's backyard almost every afternoon. The pool was a recent addition, but it hadn't been installed for the specific purpose of giving Cody and his friends a place to cool off during the summer. Tatyana was pregnant, and she didn't believe in giving birth in the traditional manner. Instead, she insisted on delivering the baby in water. If she wanted to do that, I didn't see why she couldn't have just done it in the batht

Yes, those were definitely slurping sounds I was hearing coming from Toby's room, and since Cody had come over just twenty minutes before, I had no doubt who was involved in making those sounds. It seemed like someone had an excess saliva problem, though. Now, I typically wasn't one for eavesdropping, but when it came to what was going on between Toby and Cody, my curiosity got the best of me. Hence, I had pilfered one of Maggie's stethoscopes and was now standing with my ear pressed up again

As June turned into July, the oppressive summer heat was becoming almost too much to bear. I was extremely thankful that I was working in the air-conditioned piano store. I wondered how Ryan could handle all of the outdoor sports activities that he had been participating in, when the most I could deal with was the occasional trip to the swimming pool with the twins, or our combination football-wrestling matches played in their backyard, with the sprinklers turned on full-force. Ryan was also sup

"Connor, I think we should break up," Ryan said, matter-of-factly. "Excuse me?" I replied, thinking my ears needed a good cleaning, since I could have sworn I heard him say that we should break up. And that was just ... ridiculous. "I said, I think we should break up," he repeated, this time more firmly. The only thing I could do was stare blankly at him. In the week since the memorial service for Mikey at school, these were the first words Ryan had uttered. We'd all been extremely conc

When Ryan and I ran into the hospital, I was once again accosted by the strong smell of disinfectant. And added to the intense sense of anxiety and trepidation I was already feeling, it was like hitting a brick wall of nightmares and bad memories. But the knowledge that something was wrong with Toby was enough to make me suck it up, grow a set, and keep running, with Ryan hot on my tail. I had been a little disappointed in myself when I had woken up Ryan that morning and told him that his mom

"So how did it go?" I asked Derek, as we were talking on the phone the afternoon after our "intervention" with Mikey. While I was at Ryan's baseball game earlier that day, I had been so anxious to get back home that I was practically crawling out of my skin. My mind was definitely more focused on Mikey that day than ogling all of the cute butts that were running around the bases. "He came over and stayed the night, and seemed a little better until it was time to go home again, and then he got