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kbois

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  1. kbois

    Elder Care 102

    By kbois,


    Common Sense
    Warning, somewhat of a rant ahead. 
    I signed up for this. I knew what I was getting into when I made the decision to move back to Massachusetts and into my mother-in-law's home. My MIL will be 91 in November and has been in a slow, but steady decline over the past few years. We could easily see it whenever we visited. 
    It starts out slowly. They no longer walk as fast or as far. After a while they are holding onto your arm to go down the curb. Next, they use a cane for anything outside of the house. Before long, the cane is used all the time and the walker soon follows.
    Here's where it usually ramps up if you have a loved one with dementia/memory issues. Everyone has those moments of "where the hell did I put that". But with any kind of dementia, it will slowly evolve. Forgetting to take your morning pills occasionally turns into a few times a week. You buy stuff at the store forgetting you already have some at home. Out goes a dozen expired yogurts. 
    This is where things get tricky, especially when multiple siblings are involved. In my case, my FIL passed away almost 9 years ago. The man needed to be in a nursing home, plain and simple. My MIL refused. The last few years of his life he was blind, extremely hard of hearing and could barely stand up. He thought he could, hence my MIL was on a first name basis with all shifts of the fire department who she had to call at least a couple of times a week to pick him up off the floor. 
    Back then, we weren't in a position to do much. My husband's two sisters had to handle everything. Burnout hits fast and furious when your mother insists on keeping your father at home. Almost every time we visited the last 5 years of his life, there was a trip to the hospital for something. 
    So I can understand why neither of my sisters-in-law want to go through that again. 
    Which brings me to our current situation. Right now, my MIL is still pretty with it. Mostly. She does forget to take her pills, so I've become the pill nazi, reminding her every day. She forgets new information easily. We have to repeat things often, like when my husband is working or when someone is coming over. She has no clue how to work the tv remote other than on/off. Streaming apps are beyond her capability to understand. She still knows who everyone is and you can hold a lengthy conversation with her. 
    Dementia is a fickle bitch. The end result is the same, but everyone's journey is different. However, there are stages that most will go through. 
    Currently my MIL is at the stage where she knows that her memory is slowly going to shit but is in denial. 
    Personality changes are common. My dad was always really laid-back and easy going. The last 5-10 years if his life he turned into Crankshaft (a cranky cartoon character). He got pissed off easily, which was hard sometimes. My MIL isn't as patient as she used to be. 
    Obsessive behavior is common. People with memory issues tend to become fixated on an object... with my mom it was her pocketbook. My MIL is fixated on her cat. We moved here with our 16 year old dog and 8 month old kitten. If you ask my MIL, her 12 year old cat has been traumatized. There's nothing wrong with this cat other than she has a thyroid issue and is a skinny, bony thing. My MIL think the cat needs to be fed every few hours. She freaking gets up at 4am to feed the thing. Nine times out of ten, the cat eats two bites and walks away. The amount of cat food this woman throws out is mind boggling. She's also obsessed with laundry. Not a day goes by without the washer and dryer going. 
    Hoarding, or "saving" shit is common. Does my MIL need 4 dozen plastic rosary beads that she gets in junk mail soliciting for donations? NO. 
    What is really pissing me off the most is the lack of empathy the rest of the family seems to have. I get the feeling that they look at doing anything to help out as a duty. One sister takes her to the library and to lunch once a week. Another will pop in periodically to check on her. The sister in Indianapolis comes 2 or 3 times a year... but she is effing clueless and useless (that's another whole blog in itself). There are two other sons, one who pretty much went low contact when he was in his late teens, and the other is an effing pedophile who I will bodily harm if he comes near here. 
    This woman's house has been in need of power washing for at least 3 years. Someone went as far as to buy a container of stuff you spray on, let soak, and rinse off. Did this person ever use it? Nope. I was outside today taking care of it. The light yellow house is no longer green. 
    This woman has no power of attorney in place. We're not sure if she has advanced directives. She's still paying her bills, but we know she's missed things. The two sisters who are here took her to lunch this week and broached the subject with her. She seemed to be open to it, but where her mind is now, it takes a long time for her to make a decision... and let's face it, time is running out when youre almost 91. 
    So, my GA friends, if you have parents who are approaching their twilight years, sit down and have that hard conversation. Ask them: Do you have advanced directives. Do you have a will? What are your plans if you cant take care of yourself? 
    Older people have a hard time letting go of control and many think that by signing a medical or financial power of attorney then they are having those decisions taken away from then. Make it clear that power of attorney privileges come into play only when they are incapacitated and can't make decisions for themselves. If dementia is a factor, their doctor will be able to step in and advise at what point they cant be relied on to make informed decisions. 
    Elderly parents need to be taken care of to the best of their caregivers ability. But caregivers need to take time for themselves and for fuck's sake DO NOT EVER MAKE A PROMISE TO KEEP THEM OUT OF A NURSING HOME. 
    Is keeping someone at home better? Of course it is. Until their care exceeds what the caregiver is able to provide without compromising their own mental health and physical well-being. 
    Nursing homes aren't great, but as a family member, you have to be able to make that choice if necessary. My mom should have been in one, but I found out that my dad made my brothers promise not to put her in one. That wasn't fair to any of us. I don't know why my MIL wouldn't put my FIL in one, but same thing. Her own decline was accelerated as a direct result of keeping him at home. Ive told my kids not to feel guilty if they have to park my ass in one someday. I don't want to be a burden on them.
    So, if you have elderly parents that you're on good terms with, sit down and make sure everyone is on the same page. 
    And don't feel guilty cleaning out the cabinets and throwing away spices that expired in 1998 and laxatives that expired in 2002. 
     
  2. kbois

    Two Truths & a Lie

    By kbois,


    Guessing Game
    In keeping with this year's newly revealed Secret Author theme, I thought I'd play a little game of 2 truths and a lie. Let's see if anyone gets it right.
    1. Cats meow at each other
    2. Cats are lactose intolerant
    3. I got a cat.
    Ready. Set. GO!
  3. kbois

    Senseless

    By kbois,


    Why?
    I'm heartbroken today. Another senseless mass shooting and this one hits home. It happened at Florida State University, my son and daughter-in-law's alma mater. 
    Over the five years my boy lived in Tallahassee, we made many trips, four and half to five hours up.... four and a half to five hours back. Some were overnight trips, most were day trips to bring him home. One was an emergency dash to get him before Hurricane Michael hit. 
    All of the trips were happy occasions... football games, concerts, or just to visit. We took shelter there during Hurricane Irma.... that was quite an experience sharing a house with four college kids and we had a blast.
    It's a beautiful campus. 
    Today's shooting casts a shadow that will linger for a while. 
    For as long as homo sapiens have existed, we've been at each other's throats. Every generation since the start of this nation has had its share of strife: the Revolution, the Civil War, two World Wars, Korea, Vietnam, and the Cold War. The Middle East drew us further in with 9/11, and on top of all that we have to deal with a string of mass shootings going back 30+ years. The term "going postal" originated as a result of a string of shootings by disgruntled postal workers. 
    There's no end in sight because no matter what your political views, religion, sex, race, gender, orientation or any other of the thousands of labels we insist on dividing ourselves with, humans refuse to learn to get along. 
    Our system is broken, programs like education and mental health are cast aside in favor of a pissing match between political parties and world leaders. The Grand Poobahs of damn near every country only seem to care about the issues that line their pockets or make them look good. 
    Average Joe and Average Jane only seem to care about how many likes and views they get on social media. Our phones and tablets have become our security blankets. Whatever happened to knowing who your neighbors are?
    It will take a while to get to the bottom of why this happened. If past incidents give any hints, it's probably related to mental  health issues. 
    Coping with life can be hard. We've all dealt with adversity. 
    I have no solution. All I have is a deep sadness for the FSU community.
    Nole Nation is strong. Pride is tangible at the first pounding hit of the drums when the war chant is played. FSU will weather this tragedy and come out stronger. 
    I have to believe that. 
     

  4. kbois

    Hurricane Helene Aftermath

    By kbois,


    Wicked Weather
    As most of you in the US and Canada are aware, and probably many of you in other parts of the world,  the southeastern United States was hit hard by Hurricane Helene over the course of several days. 
    The storm developed quickly and made landfall as a category 4 storm in Florida's Big Bend. On its way up the west coast of the state, it created devastating storm surges. 
    I live on a peninsula that juts out into Tampa Bay. During my 17 years in Florida,  most of it was spent in the Sarasota/Bradenton area. We were extreme fortunate in that we only lost power for three days. The canal we live on rose almost to our steps. Yes, we did evacuate, and I'm glad we did. Many people around us lost a lot of their belongings. We only lost the contents of our fridge and freezer, which amounted to about $200-$300. It could have been much worse and I'm thankful it wasn't. 
    My heart goes our to those who live and have businesses on Anna Maria Island. We spent many hours out there with our boys when they were young. Many an evening was spent sitting on the sand and watching the sun kiss the horizon in spectacular colors. The island suffered catastrophic damages that will take months, if not longer to recover from. 
    The same holds true for parts of North Carolina. 
    There are many organizations that are accepting donations. Should anyone choose to donate to any relief organization, please do your due diligence and make sure the money actually goes to those who need it. Unfortunately, there are plenty of scammers out there.
    If you live in any of the areas affected by the storm, be wary of contractors approaching you. Any reputable business won't hesitate to provide their license and insurance information. If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. 
    Stay safe no matter where you live. 
     
     
     
  5. kbois

    Writing vs. Editing vs. Beta Reader

    By kbois,


    Common Sense
    I guess it’s been a while since I’ve had anything to blog about. Today is the day to change all that. 
    I am in a writing slump at the moment. I think a lot of factors have fed into this. Since the beginning of the year, I lost my job, started a new one, packed up and moved, downsizing from a decent size home to a very small condo. My son moved back in, which we weren’t planning on when we signed the lease on the condo. Tight is an understatement. On top of that, I’ve been battling issues with a chronically inflamed ankle tendon (posterior tibial tenosynovitis) since January, which is finally resolving. I went through five months of constant pain, and in the state of Florida, it’s easier to get pain meds for dogs than it is to get them for humans who need them. Overuse of NSAIDs brought their own issues.
    None of these things are conducive to productive writing. I tried my hand at a few things, the poetry anthology being one of them. Not my forte, but it was a good experience. Instead of writing, I’ve helped a few fellow authors out with editing and beta reading, which brings me to the guts of the blog. 
    Writing, editing, and beta reading are three different things. Let me repeat myself... writing, editing, and beta reading are three different things.
     
    Let’s start with the first one.
    Writing
    Writing is creating stories. It’s bringing one’s imagination to life. It’s providing an outlet to the voices in one’s head. It’s whatever the AUTHOR wants it to be. Every story has an author. This site has plenty of them, whether they be spectacular, great, mediocre, or just starting out, and have no idea when to use commas.  
    Editing
    Editing is providing support in the form of grammatical and spelling corrections. A good editor will make suggestions to improve the story— it might be adding a missed detail or maybe an alternate way of wording something, usually clarifying or simplifying. Occasionally, and this depends on the relationship between the author and the editor, an editor might add a few sentences to enhance the story—NOT change it. If there are significant changes that an editor feels are necessary, then a conversation should be had between the author and the editor. In the end, it’s the AUTHOR’s sole discretion as to whether or not they will implement ANY of the suggestions an editor makes, even the ones correcting spelling or grammar. The author may have a reason for leaving it in. 
    Beta Reading
    This one can be trickier. It all depends on the author and the beta. Technically, a beta reader should provide feedback and constructive criticism of an author’s story. Some betas do just that. Others are more like second editors, often catching things that were overlooked. 
     
    Every relationship between an author and their team is different. I’ve worked with probably 10-15 different people on my stories and theirs. Everyone is unique. 
    The hardest thing a team can encounter is when the lines get blurred between the different designations. At the end of the day, every story must be credited to the author. They make the final decisions as to how they want their story posted. No matter who the support team is for any author, final credit must be attributed to the person who wrote the story. 
    So, as you enjoy whatever story you’re invested in, please give credit where credit is due. Anything less or incorrect can lead to a rift between a team. This can happen with seasoned teams as well as those just starting. It can make any member of the team start doubting themself. 
    Please keep this in mind when commenting or reviewing.
     
  6. kbois
    In lieu of a chapter posting today (hurricane clean up is still monopolizing my time) I figured I'd share my thoughts on my recent vacation. 
    A little background... later this month my husband and I will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. We've been together 36. In those 36 years we've taken exactly one vacation that has been a full week where we have gone somewhere by ourselves and not involved visiting family. That was our honeymoon. A week in Disney World when Disney was actually fun. 
    Since then we've managed a few long weekend trips and a four night jaunt to Jamaica when I was working in travel and was able to get the hotel stay for free. Most of our married life was centered around raising our two boys and living paycheck to paycheck. Vacations other than going to see family were few and far between. 
    Last fall we were discussing our anniversary and decided to bite the bullet and go somewhere fun. Alaska won. Having worked in travel for over 20 years I knew mid-September rates would be good. I found an amazing deal with Royal Caribbean, called my ex-work partner in crime (I seriously miss working with her) and booked our cabin. 
    We could have saved several hundred dollars with an inside cabin, but I wasn't playing around with this trip. Aft-facing balcony it was and I have no regrets whatsoever. 
    After anticipating the trip for close to a year, departure date was finally upon us. Here's where the fun started. After looking at our flight info I realized we were leaving from Tampa and not Sarasota like I thought (in my defense, I didn't book the flights, my agent did and the last 4 or 5 times we've flown it's been out of SRQ). So potential crisis averted. At the airport checking in they verify the ArriveCan information which I completed for me and my husband. Of course something was messed up with his and we couldn't retrieve the bar code. Had to create a whole new profile and redo everything for his. Annoying, but not a big deal. The rest of the flight was good. We had a connection in Seattle and for a couple of hours @Mrsgnomie and I were about 5 hours apart distance wise. Being in the same time zone was a first. 
    We finally got to Vancouver and our Airbnb. It was a cute place, a little studio apartment in the Little Italy section of town. We had dinner at a pizza place on corner and I had the best calzone I've ever had. After dinner we had to go get our required Covid test (negative) needed to board the ship. 
    We had a full day in Vancouver so we decided to do a city sightseeing tour with a side trip out to the Capilano suspension bridge. It was a good way to spend the afternoon. 
    Sunday morning we had brunch at a place called Fets Whisky Kitchen. Over 1400 bottles lined an entire wall, floor to ceiling of the two stories. 😁
    Off to the ship. Check in and boarding went smoothly and before we knew it we were in our cabin and on our way.
    Ports of Call/Shore Excursions:
    Sitka- We were scheduled to do a Zodiac ride and crab feast at a little island. The ocean did not cooperate so instead of a Zodiac, we had a sightseeing boat with an enclosed area and open upper deck. This ended up being better as it was rather choppy. After a really good lunch, crab legs, salmon and prime rib, it was out to the open water where we saw a few otters (soooo cute!) and a few humpback whales. It was a nice group of people and we had fun. 
    Juneau-OMFG.... we did the helicopter ride up to the Hubbard glacier. Abso-fucking-lutely amazing! There were four of us and the pilot. Due to weight distribution requirements my chunky ass got the front seat next to the pilot. Poor hubs got stuck in the middle seat behind us. I can not even begin to describe how jaw-dropping beautiful it was. When we flew up over the ridge and the entire ice field was stretched out before us as far as the eye could see was honestly one of the most awe-inspiring sights I've ever seen. After landing we had two guides for our group who outfitted us with crampons for our clunky boots and were told to lift our feet up when we walked, we all clomped over the ice like we were Godzilla hell bent on destroying Tokyo. I've got some awesome pictures. We dumped out our generic Walmart water from the bottles and filled them up with glacier water. All too soon it was over. This was my favorite excursion.
    Ketchikan- this is where I questioned my sanity. At the time we were booking excursions my eyes landed upon Rainforest Canopy and Zipline Adventure. Sounds like fun, right? It was most certainly fun and at the same time the most terrifying thing I've ever done. After being trussed up in a thigh and waist squeezing harness(I still have a massive bruise) we were given very thorough instructions on how to zip, how to brake and what to do if you get stuck (which came in handy). There were 8 ziplines and 3 suspension bridges we had to navigate. After the initial adrenaline rush of the first zip I realized this was really fun. Off we go.... So we get to the longest line. 750 feet, about 100 feet up in the air. I get clipped in and off I go. Flying thru the air I approach the end and the guide gives me the signal to brake. Which I do. A little too much. He says "grab my hand!" I reach out and..... glove gets caught and I miss. I then slide backward about 200 feet. Now I'm dangling 100 feet in the air not daring to breathe. Did I mention this was a rainforest? Yes, it was raining. And windy. After the initial panic subsides and I can process, I remember that I need to turn my fat ass (I've moved past chunky at this point) around and start pulling myself along the cable toward safety. Our guide hollers that he's on his way. After pulling myself for what feels like 100 feet ( it was actually more like 20) my rescuer arrives. He tells me to turn myself around again. By this time my arms are burning because I am terrified to let go and have a death grip on the cable. Once I finally manage to do that he then hauls us both back by clipping me to him and having him wrap his legs around me. We are now crotch to crotch. If I wasn't so terrified I would have enjoyed it a lot more. He hauls us back until the cable starts to slope upward. Then he sets up a pulley system and hauls me in the rest of the way. All I can say is that when I finally had both feet on the platform I wrapped my arms around the tree and didn't let go until I had to. 
    We get through the suspension bridges no problem as well as the rest of the ziplines. On our last platform before the final line someone says "hey look!" Right below us walking across the meadow under the cable was a black bear moseying along. So we all zip across to the very last platform. Once I get there, I'm looking all around for the ladder or stairs to get down...... nope. Nada. "Where’s the stairs or ladder?" Our guide outright laughs at me. "You're rapelling down." 
    "Excuse me? You want me to step off a perfectly good, solid platform out into thin air and drop 30 feet?" 
    "Yes." He said with a shit-eating grin. I will take getting stuck on a cable 100 feet in the air over stepping off that platform any day of the week. I was beyond terrified. I was shaking like a leaf, scared I was going to die. But I did it. All things considered, we had a blast even though it was scary as all hell. I can cross it off the bucket list. Along with bungee jumping and sky diving. Not going there. Ever. 
    The rest of the cruise was awesome. We spent nearly 2 hours at the Mendenhall glacier. The balcony earned its additional cost and made it totally worth it. 
    Way too soon we were pulling into port in Vancouver. Disembarking went smooth. We had transfers to the airport via motorcoach. This is where it went to shit. They unloaded all the luggage at the terminal and by the time we got out there someone had taken off with one of our carry on bags. Thankfully it wasn't the one with our medications. But it did have all the souvenirs we bought. I was pissed. We tried to hunt them down but had no luck. The flights home sucked but only because we both had head colds by this point on Delta changed our single connection to a double connection. YVR-LAX-SLC-TPA. I don't sleep on planes so I was up all night. Our flight got in around 6am Monday. We got home a little before 8. I managed a couple hours of sleep, got unpacked, laundry done, some grocery shopping done and dropped off around midnight. 
    Was back to work Tuesday and it's been non-stop dealing with hurricane shit ever since. 
    So if you ever get the chance to go to Alaska- GO! It was an amazing, awesome, incredible trip. 
     
  7. kbois

    Betrayal

    By kbois,


    Broken hearts
    Betrayal exists and is one of a few things that can rip your heart to shreds. 
    This past week has been probably the worst experience I've gone through in my life. 
    The hardest part for me is the unequivocal fact that the betrayal came from someone who was supposed to love me unconditionally and vice versa. 
    When unconditional love starts to impose conditions which are only beneficial to one person it's time to step back and reevaluate. Even if that person is a vital part of your family. 
    Are there things I could have done differently? Things I could have said or not said? Probably. It's a lifetime of 'what ifs'.
    Mental illness is real. It serves to disrupts the lives of those who it affects and those who know them. It's particularly hard on those who love them. It's a destroyer. It destroys relationships, it destroys dreams. It destroys hope. Worst of all, it destroys love. 
    Yes, it can make people stronger and of course it can be managed. I have friends who have succeeded and done well even though they live with depression and anxiety and I'm so proud of them. 
    But when mental illness is used as a crutch or a means to manipulate others it becomes a problem. Anyone living with someone who has mental health issues will tell you, that person is the only one who can decide to help themselves. When they refuse it wreaks havoc as this past week has shown me. 
    Making the decision to go no contact with someone is difficult. I'm a fixer. I want to fix the problem, even if my attempts at fixing are rebuffed over and over again. But I had to face reality and cut ties in order to preserve my own mental health. I can no longer live with the constant lies, broken promises, and refusal to take accountability for one's actions. 
    Am I okay? Absolutely not. Will I get through this? Absolutely. I don't know if the relationship will ever be repairable. Only time will tell. For now, I have to step back and let time pass. 
    A few of you know the details and have bolstered me immensely these past few days. You know who you are. I can't thank you enough. 
  8. kbois

    Anticipation

    By kbois,

    So I was on my way home from work, listening to Sirius because they are having a 4 month free promo and I'm all about free! So I'm jamming away to U2, and my brain reminds me of seeing them in concert 2 years ago. That got me thinking about how sad it is that concerts have pretty much been cancelled for the rest of the year. 
    I realized that of all the things that Covid has taken away, I really miss having something to look forward to. 
    I was lucky enough to see U2 in Tampa in 2017 and then at the end of the year when they announced they were touring again I went online to see if they were going to be in the area again. 
    Nope, Atlanta was closest. So I  keep scrolling...whoa...Boston is listed! So naturally I text my best friend up in Mass and ask her if she wants to see them. She asks me if I'm coming up to visit and I told her 'I will if you want to go to the concert'
    So 4 concert tickets later and 2 plane tickets for me and my husband and lo and behold we have something to look forward too. 
    I spent 6 months anticipating that concert. The closer it got the more excited I got, not only for the concert but to see my bestie. We grew up together and it's one of those friendships that has lasted thru many many years. 
    She picked us up at the airport and her husband drove us to Boston. We had a great dinner before the concert and the anticipation started building again. 
    You know that sensation that you can feel buzzing in the air as you wait for the band to come on? It just keeps building and building until the whole arena seems to vibrate with energy. Then there's that moment just before the band comes out where everyone is on their feet and you can practically taste the excitement. Then when they come out on stage it's like an explosion of light and sound and the whole arena shakes with the roar of the crowd. Then that first familiar note screams out and it's nothing but pure energy for the next couple of hours. 
    That's what I miss. The anticipation of something I've looked forward to for a while. 
  9. kbois

    Time Out

    By kbois,

    I just had a really bad weekend. It started on Friday and it was one of those days where nothing seemed to go right. Work was annoying, people not listening and not doing things that they said they were going to. 
    My lunch hour I tried to work on editing a chapter and ended up some inserting a three paragraph header onto every page. My 180 page story became almost 300 pages and was all messed up. 
    It didn't get any better at home. My husband knocked over a glass of Powerade onto the tile floor. Shattered glass and sticky liquid all over the place. Freaking mess!
    I took my dogs for a walk and as I tried to hold them still while another dog walker passed us my bigger dog lurched and sent me tumbling into the ditch. I went ass over teakettle down about 10 feet, jarring every bone. It had rained earlier so I was a muddy mess. 
    I was so angry for the rest of the night and into Saturday. I had to mop all the floors and go over the living room several times because of the spill. My Bissell Crosswave didn't work so I had to use the old sponge mop which took three times as long. 
    The thing is, when you spend a lot of time doing something repetitive and monotonous like mopping, you have time to think.
    I realized that, yes, I had a bad day, but it could have been worse.
    I lost half of a chapter. I could have lost the whole thing. Stuff got spilled, someone or one of the dogs could have been cut by the glass. I took a tumble, but I  could have broken something.
    I was still angry so I decided that I needed a time out. I thought about something @MichaelS36 said in a correspondence. I had asked him a question regarding punishment and he told me that in a good relationship there shouldn't be punishment. He explained how he would correct tim if there was an issue that needed to be addressed. I responded that it sounded like a time out.
    Parents often use time outs with their kids. I needed to use time out on myself. I knew if I stayed angry I'd end up arguing with my husband or my son. I  didn't want that. I was in a lot of pain, the fall jarred my knees which were already hurting from my arthritis. I had torn a calf muscle back in February and the fall aggravated that too. Pain causes me to lash out. 
    So I finished mopping, put everything away and popped some ibuprofen. Then I worked on my story. By focusing on something positive I was able to calm down. I rewrote the half of the chapter that I lost and then wrote another chapter and a half. 
    I'm still sore and battered from falling but I'm thankful that I wasn't seriously hurt and managed to hang on to both leashes and my dogs are safe too. I'm happy with my progress on the story. The floor is still not quite clean. I don't think it ever will be, but I'm ok with it. I had three days off of work, that's a plus. 
    My time out for myself worked. I highly recommend it. We all need a break from ourselves once in a while. 
  10. kbois

    Lessons learned

    By kbois,

    So this week I discovered that I may have jumped into the deep end of the pool without my water wings, now I'm learning quickly to swim without them. I'm sure as Hell not gonna sink!
    I decided to jump into writing a story with a strong BDSM theme. Five chapters in I've discovered that I need to rewire my brain and how it can relate to the material. 
    I did do a lot of research, and not on porn sites! I have since learned that I still have a lot to learn, which is ok by me.
    Part of what makes me want to write is knowing that I have to learn about my characters. When you've got an insistent voice in your head and they're guiding you in a direction you're not familiar with, you have to learn. Learn about the subject matter and sometimes learn technical stuff. 
    With Lex's story I had to reasearch some technical issues regarding the tattooing process. With Jarren's story I researched amputations and prosthetics. Now I'm learning so much more about BDSM than I ever thought possible. 
    Comments on Ch 4 of 'Raising The Limit' is brought to my attention my lack of knowledge, not of the technical aspect per se, but of the emotional side of things. 
    Thankfully the GA community has some amazing members willing to step up and help. I've gotten some great advice and, as well as been steered toward resources that I can avail myself of and am doing. Thank you @MichaelS36 @Mikiesboy for your sage advice and insights, they are truly appreciated. 
    I will be taking what I'm learning and hopefully make this new story translate into words what I see in my imagination. 
    Lesson learned.
  11. kbois
    I guess my mind  works differently from a lot of people. Everyday I come across things that make me tilt my head like a German Shepherd and go hmmmm... 
    (Or in many cases WTF?)
    I don't  understand why people are wearing masks and gloves while driving alone in a car. Hmm....
    I don't understand why when you answer your work phone 'Thank you for calling XYZ, how may I help you' and you hear "Is this XYZ?" Hmm...
    I don't understand why you post notices all over the place that your office is CLOSED, please call with any issues and people still try to get in the locked door. Hmm....
    I don't understand how kids can NOT see a note, taped on the cabinet where the dishes are, on bright yellow paper, asking to please sweep the floors. Hmm........(this is also related to my dishwasher rant in 'A Tattoo for Lex')
    I don't understand why people think that it's ok to take advantage of a senior citizen in a nursing home by squatting in her home, trashing the place, dealing drugs, trafficing women, and somehow get a judge to issue a writ of possession allowing him to live in said trashed home [long story] Hmmm.....
    Finally, I don't understand people who can't laugh at stupidly funny things like bathroom humor. 
    Hmmmmmm.....................
  12. kbois

    Stuff on my mind

    By kbois,

    I'm trying to get the hang of this blog thing. This is my second attempt. I have no idea what happened the first time.  
    So anyway, I've had a lot on my mind lately and I'm not sure how to sort it out in my head. It seems the whole world has flipped upside down and we're living in an alternate universe. 
    My world had already been in turmoil before all this other stuff happened. 
    There's nothing more shocking than to find out your child was molested by a trusted family member when he was only four or five years old. The poor kid pushed it back in his mind for many years until his brain just couldn't take it anymore. Then there's the phone call from the school telling us we need to have our son evaluated at a mental health hospital. 
    This all happened in the fall. We were blindsided and we're still dealing with the fallout. My son is in therapy (remotely until the stay at home orders are lifted) and is doing well. 
    There's not much that will cut a mother's heart to pieces more than finding out her child was suicidal. Thankfully he's getting the support he needs. Meanwhile my husband and I are stuck with sorting things out on our own for the time being. Our support group meetings are on hold. 
    I will NEVER understand how an adult can consciously choose to hurt a child. It goes way beyond my scope of trying to figure it out. Especially when the offender is someone you trusted implicitly and admired. Not anymore. 
    The shit hit the fan this past fall. I was getting used to a new job and I was finishing up 'A Decision for Jarren' and had a hard time focusing. After it was finished my mind was constantly in turmoil. Our group therapy helped and now I'm at a point where I'm writing again.  
    I'm working on a two part story, 20 chapters each, roughly 5000 words per chapter. I'm happy to report that I'm halfway finished with the first book and I'm hoping to start posting by the end of the month. 
    It's been cathartic. Writing soothes me and let's me get lost for a little while. I'm really glad I  found this site. I  love the stories and the camaraderie between authors and readers. 
    Thanks for letting me vent.
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