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Mawgrim

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  1. Mawgrim

    Cancer sucks!

    By Mawgrim,


    cancer woes
    I tend to take to the blogs section to whinge, so here goes.
    I have been living with cancer for almost four years now (well, four years since diagnosis, but it was obviously invading various parts of my body before then.)
    Long story short - diagnosed stage 4 December 24th 2018. Great Christmas present. Treatment (chemo and radiotherapy) started early in 2019, knocked me for 6 and the spinal damage left me unable to walk more than a few paces and having to use the kind of gadgets normally reserved for the very elderly - things to pull of your socks, jar openers and grabbers to pick up stuff from the floor.
    Various drugs have kept me fairly healthy since then and it was during my rehabilitation I decided that as my life was likely to be considerably shorter than the average, I should avoid stuff I found boring and concentrate on what I love doing. Besides, when you can't walk too well, sitting in front of a keyboard has its advantages. I began writing my Dragonriders of Pern fan fiction early in 2020 and considered I had enough material to begin posting online around June.
    Since then, it's been like a roller coaster. If only I could have been so prolific before I got ill. But I wouldn't. There were always other things to do. The motivation of posting a weekly chapter and responding to reader's comments is as good as completing a really satisfying scene. Becoming a Promising Author on GA was like winning an award.
    I have loads of ideas about things I want to write. Trouble is, I don't think I'll have the time. Lately, I've been deteriorating again. My liver lesions are stable with the tablet chemo I'm on, but it's my spine that's causing a lot of problems. Earlier in the year my left hand index finger and middle finger went numb as a result of nerves being pinched, or abraded by the bony growths. Now it's spread to the right side and I'm also experiencing balance issues and trouble walking again. My grip and arm strength is so weak, the doctor advised me yesterday I should stop driving for safety reasons. Most of this has happened frighteningly fast. 
    I'm trying to finish my anthology story, even though I can't type as fast as I used to. I'm almost through the last chapter of 'To the Weyr' and I'd love to write the sequel but I'm frightened I won't be able to finish it. Pain makes it hard to concentrate on writing, as does fatigue and some medication side effects. I hope I'll be around to do everything I want to do, but at the moment, I can't be sure.
    Whinge over.
    PS - The phrase 'living with cancer' always makes me think of living with a very inconsiderate flat mate, who uses up all the milk in the fridge, never empties the rubbish and trashes the loo.
  2. Mawgrim

    Character Development

    By Mawgrim,


    Writing
    I've been away on a writing course this week and would like to share some of the exercises we did. Much of it was concerned with character development. Here's one of the first ones we did:
    Close your eyes. See a character walking towards you. At first, they are indistinct, then as they come closer, you start to pick out some features. What are they wearing? What do they look like? As they come closer still, notice their face and hair, the texture of their skin. Closer still, what do they smell like? Would this character shake hands with you, or hug? Would they say good morning, or acknowledge you at all?
    I chose to use a minor character in the story I'm currently developing for this one and here is what I wrote:
    Arthur’s out walking his terrier, Susie as he always does at the same time each morning. He’s wearing his rough clothes: his dog walking clothes as Helen, his wife puts it. An old pair of jeans, with mud splashes around the ankles, well worn walking boots and a practical waterproof jacket with pockets for essentials such as poo bags. His thin grey hair, which is in need of a trim, stirs in the breeze. His cheeks are ruddy, with broken veins from a lifetime of working outdoors in all weathers. His jacket exudes a smell of stale smoke; he’s not allowed to smoke at home as Helen thinks it’s bad for his health. Another pocket conceals a packet of cigarettes and a lighter. Now he’s out of sight of the house, he turns his back against the wind, lights up and takes his first long drag of the day. The cigarette - partially smoked the previous evening and picked out before he got home - is held firmly curled within his calloused palm, easy to hide if he meets a friend of Helen’s. Susie sits at his feet, content to wait patiently. She won’t give away his habits. His secret is safe with her.
  3. Mawgrim

    The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

    By Mawgrim,


    Health
    The Good: I've booked myself in on a residential writing course at Arvon in mid April. It's not because I lack inspiration, I just want to get better at what I'm doing. Plus, there hasn't been much opportunity for travel these past few years and it'll be good to get away. The next story I'm working on is set in Yorkshire, not too far from Lumb Bank where the course is being held, so I can do some research at the same time.
    The Bad: Bloody health again. Had an expected call from the hospital last Wednesday to tell me firstly that they'd suspended my treatment and secondly that they were going to have to have a meeting concerning my latest scan results, to get a second opinion from the radiographer. This is what I call a cliffhanger phone call. I won't get to see anyone until tomorrow, which means I've spent a week wondering what the f**k they've found in there. 
    The Ugly: Have to go in to hospital tomorrow for the dreaded meeting. Since Covid, they usually only want to speak to you face to face if it's (a) bad news or (b) a change of treatment. I always expect the worst and nothing can really match up to those first meetings, when, as a cancer virgin, the phrases 'stage 4' and 'palliative care' made me think I didn't have long to go. And that was over three years ago! New treatment is always a worry too. I've got used to what I'm on now. I can cope with the occasional nausea, peeling fingernails, zapped tastebuds and neutropenia. But starting new medication can bring all sorts of other exciting side effects. 
    Never mind. I've just written a new prompt story for St Patrick's Day - Leprechaun Magic. Maybe the wee folk will grant my wish for a few more months of good health.
  4. Mawgrim

    Writing Course

    By Mawgrim,


    Writing
    Tomorrow I'm off on a week's writing course. I'm really excited about it. There's nothing like immersing yourself in a writing environment and talking with other people who are on the same wavelength. Getting out of the usual routine is also inspiring and visiting a new place always gives me lots of ideas.
    For anyone who is following my stories 'To the Weyr' and 'Hidden Secrets' don't worry - they will be updated on Monday and Thursday as usual, although I may be slower replying to comments as apparently the wifi isn't great there.
    Over the next five days, I'm hoping to learn some new techniques there and maybe share some in this blog.
  5. Mawgrim

    A New Story

    By Mawgrim,


    writing
    At last, Hidden Secrets is ready to read. I've spent a long time editing, tweaking and getting it just right (hopefully). It's a paranormal mystery, set in a cinema. The story originated as a NaNoWriMo project, but as part of the process it has been altered and extended. Before I began, I never realised writing a mystery was such hard work. In order to keep track of all the threads, I found I had to make much more detailed notes and outlines than usual. I certainly couldn't have written just a few chapters ahead as I've done for many of my other stories. Anyway, I'll be posting a chapter every Monday (there are 22 chapters). 
    Here's the blurb: 
    Terry Young has just been appointed as chief projectionist in a run-down old cinema. But from day one he has problems. Resentment from the man who thinks he should have got the job. An undeniable attraction toward his general manager, Dan. And the re-awakening of psychic abilities indicating something is hidden under the building.
    This story is set in 2005, modern enough for there to be mobile phones and Internet access, but still within the timeframe when cinemas like the Regal, with a crew of projectionists running film still existed.
     
  6. Mawgrim

    Winter Ghost Story

    By Mawgrim,


    Writing
    During these dark, short winter days, the possibility of ghosts rises to the surface. On a bright, warm, summer day, it's easy to put our fears aside, but on a foggy December afternoon, as the light fades, they rise out of the shadows. Our ancestors used to gather around their fires as the snow swirled outside and tell ghosts stories. Nowadays, we can just post them on the Internet.
    Here's my latest spooky offering:
    Bad Vibes - Shortly after moving in to new offices, Luke and his staff start to experience strange and seemingly inexplicable phenomenon. Could the old building be haunted? And if so, can anything be done to stop it?
    Read with the lights on.
  7. Mawgrim

    The end of one story...

    By Mawgrim,


    Writing
    Well, 'Threadfall' is almost at an end. It was originally intended as a short prequel to 'Gone Away, Gone Ahead' and has ended up far longer. There are a few more short stories to come in the 'Dragonriders of Pern' fanfic series and hopefully a longer third part, taking up from where 'Gone Away, Gone Ahead' finished. Finishing a story is always slightly sad, but it gives the mind an opportunity to start thinking about new ideas as well.
    Coming soon:
    'Hidden Secrets' - A murder mystery with paranormal elements, set in an old cinema. Should be ready to post in a few weeks. Unlike the Dragonriders fanfics, which I usually write in episodic fashion, keeping just a few weeks ahead of posting, I've had to plan this out and complete it, due to all the plot twists.  For Dragonriders fans, look out for 'Empty, Open, Dusty, Dead' - After the other five Weyrs disappear overnight, Zalna, a junior weyrwoman at Benden, tries to figure out what has happened. She is sure Weyrleader N'rax must be hiding something.  
  8. Mawgrim
    Started new treatment last week after a couple of difficult weeks when I was in and out of hospital. I don't let it disrupt my writing schedule though. Pleased to say I averaged 1,500 words a day whether inside or back home. It's weird being in hospital. You get institutionalised so fast. The food is pretty dreadful, but thankfully the hospital near me has a Marks & Spencer food hall on site, so I was able to add some taste to the unappealing stodge with such goodies as feta and beetroot salad or supergreen salad. I feel sorry for the patients who aren't mobile and who have to exist on what's provided. I mean, it's not even very healthy. Most of it is prepared off-site and just re-heated, like meals you get on board a plane. Salads look like something from the 1970's - limp lettuce leaves, pale tomatoes and soggy cucumber, with a choice of salad cream or mayo. What kind of hospital is it where you can't even get vinaigrette in 2021!! Whew. Glad I got that off my chest.
    Anyway, I've been carrying on with 'Threadfall', mindful it's getting close to the end. I also wrote a sequel to my anthology story 'Fellow Travellers', called 'Travelling On'. For each of these I post a chapter each week. I like deadlines. It forces me to write even when I 'don't feel like it'.
    The supernatural murder mystery has been on the back burner. I really wanted to get ahead with everything else so I had enough finished chapters in case everything went pear-shaped and I became ill enough not to even care about the quality of hospital food. Thankfully, that hasn't happened and the side effects of the new treatment don't include anything that stops me writing.
    I'm also revisiting a fantasy story I wrote during the 1990's. I think I might post that on this site to see what people think. I can certainly see the differences in my writing style.
    So, plenty to be getting on with. Plus another scan to look forward to tomorrow. Here's a picture of the hospital lasagne - one of the more palatable meals, although the veg was cooked to mush!

  9. Mawgrim

    Schrödinger's Cat

    By Mawgrim,


    Health
    Waiting for CT scan results is a bit like being the cat in the box. You aren't sure if it will be good or bad news, if indeed you will be pronounced alive or dead once the result comes through.
    Today, I got the news I - kind of - expected. Not for any particular reason except my usual cautious pessimism and the feeling things had gone too well for too long. You can tell by their tone of voice, even before they actually say anything. 
    The lesions in my liver are spreading and there is a need to review my treatment. It's weird, but I'd been preparing myself for it. I drew The Tower in a Tarot spread the other day. I've been feeling occasionally sick. None of that may have meant anything, but you always read portents into perfectly normal events with hindsight.
    So, what am I going to do? Stop drinking, for one thing, although I haven't exactly been drinking a lot. Less than 4 glasses of wine a week, with meals. Keep exercising. Write as fast as I can. Hone my life back down to the essentials - enjoying each day, eating well, taking time for myself. I think I will take the house off the market. Don't need that stress.
    I've been almost feeling 'normal' again recently, thinking about the future and stuff like that. Suddenly, focus has shifted back. Suddenly, life feels precarious and very precious. I want to stay healthy for as long as possible. I want to get things finished. Only I may not have as much time as I'd hoped.
     
  10. Mawgrim

    Working on something new

    By Mawgrim,


    Writing
    Over the past week, I've started working on another story. Several years ago I took part in NaNoWriMo when I was suffering from writer's block. It certainly did the trick, as I managed to write 52,000 words during the month of November. The story I'd planned out had lots of my favourite elements in it; cinemas, the supernatural, a mystery and romance. As I was writing it at a rate of about 1000-2000 words a day, it was rough in places and the ending was a bit rushed as I wanted to finish a complete story within the set time rather than just do a part of one. Still, as I read through it, I realised I had the core of something that could be tweaked, edited and made better. 
    I'm now probably about two thirds of the way through the new, improved version of my as yet untitled 'Cinema Mystery Story'. Thought I'd post a couple of excerpts here to see if anyone has any comments. I'm hoping it's something people would enjoy reading.
    Excerpt One:
    Colin pointed at the time sheet, clipped to the wall above the viewing port. 'It's all on there.' 
    'Oh, right. Yes.' I was conscious of not doing very well so far. Perhaps it was best to tackle the root of the problem. 'Look, Colin, I know you applied for this job as well. I appreciate all the years you've been here and the experience you have. I hope we can work together as a team.' 
    'This your first chief's job?' he asked brusquely. 
    'Yes, it is.' 
    'Know how long I've been in the business?' 
    'A few years, I imagine.' 
    'Nearly forty of them, lad. That's a few more years than you've been alive, I'll wager.' 
    'Yes.' 
    'So don't go trying to tell me how to do my job.' His face was starting to get red. He'd obviously been bottling this lot up for a long time. 
    'I just said that I valued your experience. I mean that.' 
    'I've been doing the bloody chief's job here for the last few years, since Maurice started to go all forgetful. I covered for him. I did his bloody job, while he were getting the wage, and never complained, never said owt that would get him into bother...' 
    Excerpt Two:
    Maurice shook his head. 'But it's not your concern. Forget it.' 
    There was something here that wasn't just premature senility. Suddenly I remembered the card falling out of the pack. The High Priestess. A secret. 
    Maurice knew the way up to the box, but then it had been a part of his life for many years. Old memories were always the last to go. He sat himself in the comfy chair and I put the kettle on to boil. There were other things I should be doing, but this might be - no, was - important. I might never get another chance to talk to him like this. 
    'This old well, Maurice. How long has it been there?' 
    'Years. Dated back to the old days, when the big house stood here.' 
    'The house that was here before they built the cinema?' 
    'That's right. Victorian, it was. All covered in ivy, my mum said. When she was a little girl, the children used to dare each other to climb over the wall. They said it was haunted.' 
    'Really?' 
    'Well, you know how kids are. It had been empty for a while and was falling down. Then the land was sold for development and the cinema went up.' 
    'And this well is under the cinema? Under screen three?' 
    'Yes. But don't tell anyone. I promised not to tell.' 
    Excerpt Three:
    Cynthia looked me in the eye. 'You have been on a long and tiring journey. You've found what you sought. Trust what you've learned so far, using intuition and you won't go wrong.'
    For a few more moments I studied the cards. 'Spot on.' I said. 'I wanted to know if I should trust my intuition and I've just been given the answer.' 
    Cynthia looked at the last card again. ‘You know, I’m getting another feeling about this knight. He’s an empathic person who might be your knight in shining armour. He’s riding in to sweep you off your feet.’
    ‘Get off,’ I said. ‘There’s no romance on my horizon right now.’
    ‘Are you sure about that? Maybe you should pick another card?’
    ‘Well…’
    ‘Go on. It’s not going to hurt.’ She fanned the remainder of the deck out again.
    I paused, hovering above them, then picked one, turning it over right away. I almost laughed out loud. It was the Two of Cups. The lover’s card.
    Cynthia smiled. ‘Something you aren’t telling me about?’
     
  11. Mawgrim

    Revisions

    By Mawgrim,


    Writing
    I was reading a blog entry by @Comicality the other day concerning revisions of old stories. It struck a note (and has an awesome example of revision in an iconic scene from 'Star Wars') as I have lately been digging out some of my old stories and re-reading them. Some of these things are so old they were printed out on a dot matrix printer (don't ask, kids) or even typewritten, complete with Tipp-Ex corrections. It's always interesting to read back your own work. Sometimes it makes you wince; could you really have constructed such a clunky sentence. Other times you think, 'that's not bad at all.' In a few cases, I decided to re-type the stories and found myself instinctively editing as I went along, not to the point that it changed the story arc, just editing out unnecessary purple prose and correcting punctuation and grammar mistakes from a time I knew no better. Occasionally I realised that a plot point could be made more obvious, or that the technology mentioned placed it firmly in the past, when really it could just as well be set in the present day with the addition of mobile phones and computers rather than landlines and newspapers. Of course, many of my stories of the cinema business are always going to have to be set pre-2010, as that was the fateful year when most cinemas changed over from film to digital projection, making thousands of projectionists redundant and projection boxes totally unmanned. Anyway, here is the first of my re-imagined and re-edited cinema stories, 'Wrong Rewards'.
  12. Mawgrim

    Time to write

    By Mawgrim,


    Writing
    I've been spending quite a lot of time over the past few weeks making sure I am several chapters ahead of posting. There are now only two more chapters left of 'Gone Away, Gone Ahead' before reaching the end. I have had a few comments asking if there’s going to be a sequel and over the past few days I’ve been seriously considering that. I'm still working on the prequel, 'Threadfall', and estimate there's probably another 20-30,000 words to go on that. If someone had said to me that I would manage to turn out over 200,000 words in under a year I would probably have said, 'no way'. But thanks to lockdown, work drying up and the opportunity I've managed it.
    By now, I was expecting to be in the middle of moving house, but COVID and the UK stamp duty holiday has meant the property market is crazy at the moment. Both my sale and purchase are currently held up by the local authority search, which I’ve now been told won’t come back until 26th February. I’m not even going to start packing until much nearer the time, so I’ll have another few clear weeks to spend writing.
    I've just finished a chapter in which I had to write a death scene. There have been quite a lot of deaths so far in 'Threadfall', and I hope it’s not depressing the readers too much, although I try to leaven it with light-hearted moments. I always knew the story would be darker in tone than 'Gone Away, Gone Ahead' and there is worse to come before the end. I know I've managed to get a scene just right if I end up crying while writing it and this one certainly made the keyboard a bit damp. My husband was looking at me as if I was mad and asking what had upset me. 'I've just killed a dragon,' I replied, sniffing. 
    Anyway, regarding that sequel. I didn't actually intend to write another 'Dragonriders of Pern' fan fiction, because I have several original stories I’d like to work on and post. But as people are reading it and enjoying it, then maybe I should? I might take a break for a while before starting (and the move will certainly mean that I need to do that) but those characters are now firmly embedded in my subconscious, to the extent I sometimes dream about them and often find myself writing scenes in my head while out walking or gardening. Plus I have another six Turns to write about in the gap between 'Dragonflight' and ‘Dragonquest'. 
     
  13. Mawgrim

    Finished!

    By Mawgrim,


    Writing
    Well, that's it. Apart from a little editing, 'Gone Away, Gone Ahead' is now finished. I was tempted to extend the number of chapters, to keep it going a while longer, but I realised that the story I had originally planned had reached its natural stopping point.
    I'm not someone who plans out a story in great detail. I know what needs to happen and roughly where it's going to happen, but sometimes the characters start taking me down other paths and bring in more twists and turns on the journey. I'm usually two or three chapters ahead of posting, which allows for flexibility and changes. Sometimes a suggestion that someone has come up with in their comments makes me stop and think, ‘Hang on. What if I try putting that in. Will it work?’ Sometimes it does, sometimes not, but it’s good because it makes me write a scene in a different way than I may have first envisioned it.
    I’m still working on the prequel, ‘Threadfall’ and although the end is very much pre-determined in that story, getting to it is going be interesting. If I was the sort of author who does plan things out, then I should have written that one first, but it wasn't until I'd written about 15 chapters of ‘Gone Away, Gone Ahead’ that I had the idea to fill in some more of the back story on characters in the main work.
    At the moment, I'm having ideas about some of the minor characters and it may well be that their story is where the next part will begin. But my own life is about to undergo upheaval in the next month or so as I move from the house I’ve lived in for 21 years to start a new life with my husband. There will be lots of work to do, hence less time for writing, although I do find that when you are decorating, or gardening, ideas often ferment as your mind is free to wander. 
    I like to be able to post updates on a regular basis, so unless I know I’m going to be able to have the time to do that, I'd rather not start at all. 
    What I may do instead, is to re-format and tweak a totally different story I wrote for Nanowrimo several years ago - a supernatural mystery based in an old 1930’s cinema. That would be far less work and I think people might enjoy reading it, even though it's a totally different genre.
     
  14. Mawgrim

    The Last Chapter

    By Mawgrim,

    I have just written the last chapter of 'Gone Away, Gone Ahead'. I've still got several thousand words to go before I reach that ending, and I know that the way I write means there could be a few twists, turns and alterations before I finally get there. I'm not one of those writers who carefully plots every single detail. Most of the stories I write, whatever length they turn out to be, start from a single idea; a concept or a character. 'Gone Away, Gone Ahead' began like that, too.
    Just over a year ago, in those heady days when you used to be able to invite people around for a party (imagine that!) a friend was looking though my bookshelves and spotted Anne McCaffrey's Dragonrider books. 'Wow,' she said. 'I've never met anyone else who likes these.' So, as it was the middle of winter, I decided to take a short holiday to the world of Pern and re-read those classics all over again, starting with 'Dragonflight', which I first took out of the library aged 13.
    Anne McCaffrey spins a good tale; her characters are memorable and her world building full of colourful description. Having read all of the books, I found myself wanting more and began a search for fan fiction online. There's quite a lot of it out there, of varying quality, but I soon found a couple of stories that grabbed me as being very close in tone to the originals. Once I'd finished those, an idea began to germinate. Fanfiction springs up from the parts the author didn't bother to fill in. There's a seven year gap between the end of 'Dragonflight' and the beginning of 'Dragonquest' during which quite a few changes have occurred to Pern and the Dragonriders and that was where I decided I wanted to place my story.
    The first scene I thought up takes place off stage, way before 'Gone Away, Gone Ahead' begins. I visualised a young man whose weyrmate has just died, kneeling on the bloody stone floor of the infirmary and wondering if his own life can carry on without the man he loved. From there, the structure began to form. I knew fairly quickly where my story was going to begin - at the stirring moment when Lessa persuades the five Weyrs to journey with her into an unknown future - and I knew (more or less) where it was going to end, although the precise scene wasn't in focus at that point. I knew that it would include romance and adventure, as D'gar, my hero, has to cope with grief and adapting to life in a place that is both similar and changed from what he knew before. I wrote short sketches - mini-stories - for many of the characters so that I knew their backstories. Then I started writing the main narrative.
    Usually, I find that writing longhand on an A4 pad is the best way to begin. On a laptop, there's the temptation to delete and edit too much, at least until the thing takes on life of its own. Quite a few stories that have started off on the screen die and wither there as I get bogged down in detail and indecision. Once I'm well underway, I can then take to the keyboard and keep it going (although difficult scenes often get worked out longhand first, then edited as I type them out). With fifteen or so chapters written and a rough outline of what was going to happen in the rest of it, I started posting on a couple of different fan fiction sites, then was asked if I'd like to start posting on this site. 
    One of the best things about writing a story is getting feedback from readers; knowing that they are waiting eagerly for another chapter is a very good way of motivating you to sit down and write, especially when you may be getting stuck on a storyline or unsure of which route to take from where you are currently to where you want to be at the end of the chapter. GA has motivated me more than any other site, with its dedicated readers who comment far more freely than anywhere else. I know I'm as guilty as many people of reading a good story and not always taking the time to write - even a couple of words - at the end of each chapter. Sometimes, if I'm reading something that was completed a while ago, this is because it seems a bit pointless now that the 'ride' is over. In many cases it's because I don't want to interrupt the flow of reading as I eagerly wait to devour the next chapter. I do try to leave a review or comments after I've finished though, because I know what it's like to hear that 'ding' and to rush to see what someone has thought of your latest creation. 
    Getting chapter comments has definitely improved my writing. People have pointed out mistakes I've overlooked (despite reading it over several times and getting someone else to check, this can be easily done) and come up with theories or plot ideas that had never occurred to me. Posting a chapter each week makes me sit down and work regularly, which I personally find to be the best way to keep my creativity ticking over. If I stop writing a story for a few days, I find I have to read back over a few chapters to get myself into it again, whereas doing even a couple of hundred words a day keeps it fresh in my mind.
    I started writing this story in February 2020 and it's been a part of my life for a long time. The characters are real people in my head and often when i'm out for my daily walk I find myself wrangling over a bit of dialogue, or having fresh ideas for a scene. I've not reached the end yet, but I know (roughly) where I have to go to get there. And having finished a few long stories before, I know that when it's finally done I'll feel a little bit sad at leaving those characters behind. I'm trying to keep several chapters ahead of posting right now as I have a house move coming up in around a month and I'm well aware that there will be less time to sit and write (although the possibility of another lockdown due to Covid-19 looms in real life).
    I'll carry on posting to this blog, too, as I muse over ideas for this story and the ones I am planning for the future. Any comments or suggestions are always welcome.
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