Duncan Ryder

Hello. Duncan here. I thought I'd let you know that I am still alive...and that yes career has kind of taken over my life for now. All is well with me and I am in a very good place both personally and professionally. In terms of channeling the creativity that is an essential part of me, I write mostly poetry these days (and really, I have always thought of myself more a poet than a prose writer). I think one reason I have found it difficult to get back to this story is that draws on experiences from a very unhappy time in my life and sometimes it's painful to go back there. Still, I have a lot guilt about leaving Light unfinished, and I do plan to return to it. My boys are always with me... and I also really want to know how things work out for Luc and Matt! I was in Montreal a few weeks ago, and made the trek to the Starbucks where Light begins...It has been revovated since then, and there is no longer a table where I sat writing the first chapter, but I got as close as I could.

Sorry about the hiatus. I know, I've been saying that a lot lately. I'm working on this story again, so... soon. duncan.

Um...Keep reading? The whole story is in chapter 15. But actually, if you've read Everybody's Wounded, you know where Daniel is...

Ok.... I just realized that, with all my formatting problems, I had also only uploaded half the chatper... so Chapter 20 (the second half of 19) is now up. Hopefully this will address some of the questions some of you had... Duncan.

Chapter 20 Joe was speaking again. Matt did his best to listen. The words seemed to wash over him in waves of pain. “He broke my heart,” Joe said. “He broke all our hearts. He was so young and so full of dreams, and we lost him.” “That’s why I’m here tonight, sharing this with you. I don’t want to lose any of you. If you feel alone, if you feel scared, I want you to know that you are not alone. You have family here. Look around you. Don’t let us lose you as we lost Jonathan.” Matt liste

It's fixed!!!! Lugh is now officially my hero. (Batts eyes in humble adoration...)

Trying too. Really. I am just hopeless.

You are indeed very clever! Now if you could just tell me how to get it uploaded properly, lol. Oooooh Stevie. The things I could tell you about Stevie....

Actually, just to make you even more curious (said Duncan grinning wickedly) I tried to make it clear that Matt did not know Jonathan. He arrived at St G the September following Jonathan's death. The only one who knew Jonathan at all (and only very slightly) was Joshua; they were freshmen together. Matt is a year younger than Joshua, and a year older than Brandon. Brandon is three years older than Scott and almost four years older than Luc... (Luc turned 19 in EW; Scott is about to turn 20 -- Joshua notes that at one point.) Trust me on this. I even made a chart!!!!

You are all awesome. I just tried to upload the chapter again, and again failed miserably. Same problem. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, but Wildone will help me through it when he gets a chance. Just don't want you to think I"m not trying to get it up there, because I am, but the process is eluding me. (Then again, what do you expect? I draft my stories in notebooks (the paper kind) with a fountain pen....)

How the Light Gets In Chapter 19 Lunch was late and long and playful. Brandon and Scott got a routine going, teasing Laura until reluctantly coaxed smiles finally gave way to spontaneous laughter. Matt did what he always did. He watched. He was happy to see what he hoped was the beginning of Laura’s recovery, and happier still to see his brother’s obvious joy. But mostly, Matt was happy just to be sitting there, next to Luc – sitting close enough to him that every now

You'll have to be a little patient... I just tried to upload it but something went bizarrly wrong, and I can't seem to unpublish or correct... My apologies... Promise to fix as soon as possible.

I always say I'm not really into musicals...but I always seem to enjoy them when I go, so maybe I'm wrong. As it happens I saw a wonderful revival of the Fantastics Friday night; knew nothing about it, had no idea what to expect, only went because it was part of our theatre subscription package...but I thought it was just lovely. Walked that fine line between sweet and schmaltzy really well. I was really touched by it. And I saw Next to Normal last summer on Broadway, and thought it was amazing. And I've also seen some Gilbert and Sullivan I just loved....

I speak French...so i thought it was cute. I thought it was interesting that you chose not to translate it, but it made sense not to in the context, since your hero didn't really understand the words. But I think the reader kind of misses something by not knowing what he said. (I have a hero whose first language is French, so "how much French" it's something I wrestle with a lot...esp since the boy insists on speaking French in my head.)

Ok, ok, ok, I just send chapter 19 to Gabriel for proofreading... and then I'll figure out how to post in the new format... Oh... and it's kinda sad, and kinda sweet, and kinda romantic... and did I mention kinda sad???? Lalalalalalala

Reputation points? What's a reputation point??? I've been gone to long. But I"m back. 19 is almost ready for Gabriel. Just hang tight...

How very odd. I'm listing to that right now!!!!!

We lost a friend last week. We don't know if the final act was deliberate or accidental, but he'd been deeply depressed and abusing various substances, killing himself slowly, for a long time. If it was "accidental" it was an "accident" he wanted, had prepared for. It's very hard and very sad. He was smart and funny and beautiful, and so full of pain. He and my partner were friends for a long time, and my partner is racked with guilt about what he didn't do, could have done, should have done. I don't really know how to comfort him. My heart goes out to all of you who have felt so much pain that ending it seems the only option.

Hey all. I know it's been a long time. The hiaitus was not intentional. But the dry spell is almost over, and there will be a new chapter very soon. (Here I am making a public declaration so I have to honour it!!!) As for the almost dying, lol. Thank you for pointing it out. No, not deliberate. I think nothing more than a kind of laziness... a shorthand phrase from a first draft that I let stand and shouldn't have. I will watch for it!!! duncan

We are most fragile at the beginning. Gifts have their greatest power then -- both the gifts that are given, and the gifts that are lovingly withheld.

I was barely 16 that fall and looked even younger – a small, fine-boned slip of a boy, blonde, blue-eyed, in clothes my mother bought for me. Which was fine, because I never paid much attention to what I wore. Actually, I didn’t pay much attention to anything, except my studies. I was a scholarship kid in a posh college, two years younger than everyone else and away from home for the first time. I wasn’t so much shy as withdrawn. Self-contained. Out of my element in so many ways. If

Matt awoke slowly to a room grey and dim with early morning. He felt calm; there was no instant of surprise, of confusion. He knew exactly where he was, exactly why. He glanced at the bedside clock. 7:43. Luc was sleeping still, his face buried in the curve of Matt’s shoulder. The Québécois boy had drawn closer to Matt as he slept; now his left arm was bent across Matt’s chest, and the fingers of his wounded hand, no longer fisted in agony, were spread wide, and lay still and fragil

It should have been pleasant, this late afternoon visit with friends. The coffee was good, the music classical, and the dull and fading light of the winter day had been banished with the flip of a switch. But for Luc, sitting quietly on the black leather sofa, it all seemed strained, forced, a little unreal. That he and Scott had walked in on something between Matt and Josh was obvious, but what it was, Luc had no idea. He had no map to where Josh and Matt seemed stranded, and there were no

An achingly cold January drifted into an even more frigid February, and still Joshua hadn’t managed to get Matt alone. Not for lack of trying. “You saw what he was like just now in the elevator,” he said to Scott as they made their way through the underground parking lot. “He can hardly manage to say good morning.” It was true. Whenever they ran into Matt and Luc together, which one or the other of them did most days in the elevator or in the lobby of the condo, it was always Luc who

Luc stood with his forehead pressed to the window and his back to the huge living room where he had spent the summers of his childhood. For him, this had always been a magical place, homey and constant, the sacred summer retreat where, for six weeks between school years, he could just be. This was, in many ways, the place where he’d grown from boy to man. He had been happy here once. His summers had overflowed with good times, happy times. The days were long and warm, caressed by ocean w