a_dragon

This was an interesting - if somewhat emotionally taxing - read. Attempting to accurately portray the fallout resulting from a mother's unmanaged mental health conditions alongside the short & long term negative consequences experienced by other family members due to being caught in the crossfire is one hell of a task. And, while I feel that certain elements could have been handled slightly more sensitively, on the whole, the author did a bang up job. The non-binary aspect to the story however was a bit disappointing. While I do applaud the author for taking on the challenge, I feel that the story would have benefited from a slightly more diverse field of research than what appears to have been drawn from. Overall though, a well written offering. Thank you for sharing it.

Ngl, this was a troubling read... As to what follows - my thoughts after having read this story - please be advised that YMMV (as it indeed should) and that is perfectly a-okay - I'm not in the habit of requiring people to agree with me. So don't fret if you don't is all I'm trying to say... The writing was excellent - tight, well layed out and grammatically speaking, smooth as a water licked rock. The story it told however, imo, sucked troll ass. While much of the story can be - if one squints really hard - viewed as exciting, adventurous even, because of the many twists, turns and surprise dumbassery (a previous commenter mentioned something about the story reading like a series of Hardy Boys misadventures and yeah, concur...) unfortunately the underlying prejudice - particularly the various flavours of internalised homophobia - make it impossible - for me - to suspend irritation long enough to enjoy it. The whole 'punish/kill the gays' framework this work is built on is disappointing at best and heartbreaking at worst. That Mike - of the two MC's the only actually gay party from the start - is forced to endure the world's saddest loose-a-family-win-a-new-family-loose-a-soulmate-win-a-dog-become-an-indentured-servant rollercoaster, while Matt - the straight, then gay, then straight, then gay again (bisexual?) party with an intact family bar one member who, let's face it, had one role & performed it well enough before being ushered off the stage - gets to not only buy the cake, take it home and admire it before eating every crumb all by himself is quite honestly, a bloody travesty. That the gay men in this story are drug addicts (Jase), are murdered (Jase), are beaten (Mike), portrayed as erstwhile sluts who pine for but never find love (Arnie), find their soulmate but can't keep them because they lack the ability to produce children, have to move cities and start over alone but are expected to jump right back in and not only play parent when children miraculously appear (despite it never being established whether or not children were ever on the 'things I want' menu) but also take back the wandering ex who forces himself back into picture when he's had enough of the distance (Mike); while the straight men are allowed to live unencumbered by any such setbacks, and the bisexual (?) man - while retaining everything else, family, schooling, home etc - loses his best friend (by his own choice) and his wife but gets to keep their offspring (thereby fulfilling the character's need for children *and* setting the stage for the Great Return) speaks volumes, yes? Ya know, this whole sorry af tale could have, with very little effort, made a fairly decent m/m/f threeway. Which would have - potentially - been (not ideal because not everyone is built for throuple life & only Matt seemed that way inclined) a vast improvement given the nasty mess it ended up. I know there are two more volumes in this saga but honestly? I'm pretty much out of fucks to give. And while I fully support writers rights to tell the story that needs told - even if it's a prejudiced mess - I equally support reader's rights to choose their reading matter according to their own preferences. So that's a big ol' nope from me. On that note I offer my thanks to the author, despite him being unable to receive it, for writing his truth - somebody somewhere will benefit from it. Perhaps many somebodys. Of that I am very sure...

Ah man, you and me both - especially the 'appreciate each other' bit! Exciting stuff yeah?

This chapter... Man, it is GOOD. So. So. GOOD. Sad, obviously, but the insight into River? Absolutely brilliant. And yeah, that silence. Switching off the brain and all its endless shit? Absolute bliss. Regardless of which side of the equation one occupies. As far as cinematic bdsm masterpieces go, The Secretary, if one was in the mood to search really really hard for it, is - imo - a far safer & more reliable option than the one sure way to fuck shit up that other drivel offers...

@akascrubber your comment re: sexual masochism and how River is acting, yeah I agree. But he is acting exactly like a masochistic subby in need of the physiological & mental reset pain offers. (And if nobody minds too much I am gonna go off on a bit of a ramble because as stated before, I am a pain in the ass...) We know that River self-soothes with pain and we also know that he would not necessarily - up to this point anyway - have allowed himself the opportunity to explore pain play as a means to get off - or anything else for that matter - (because of the trust and submission required) with previous sexual partners so it's impossible to say with any level of accuracy whether or not he's wired to accept - or expect - sexual gratification from pain. But, if I were to hazard a guess, I'd say it doesn't really matter. The line between deriving sexual vs psychological/physiological gratification from pain in and of itself, while definitely clear, is also very, very fine and, as some would argue, not always necessary to draw because so much - not all by any means, but a large proportion to be sure - of the gratification experience is derived from the neurophysiological and mental process. So for him, pain could be the means by which he acheives the silence (via a change in brain chemistry due to sensory stimulus) he so desperately craves (which we have already seen), which in turn (due to being relaxed & calm) could lead to a deeper and more enjoyable sexual experience. Or, he could find pleasure - sexual or otherwise - in the experience of pain itself which would result in a similar outcome. Either way, the stimulus of pain is essential. And yes, I absolutely second your comment re: shibari & the list!

@Demiurge remember you said this hey, because after five minutes of my carry-on you just might regret it... But absolutely, me & my shenanigans are at your disposal, boss. Anytime.

Seconded. I mean, ji ji technically just means 'old man' in Japanese but is commonly used to indicate a 'difficult' or slightly 'curmudgeonly' old man so under the circumstances I thought it quite fitting

Finally! Your pacing, O' Great One, is on point! As always I wonder if Mr Tall Dark & Dominant is actually as excited as he seems or if he's beginning to wonder (worry) whether he's perhaps bitten off a bit more than he can chew... The kind of brat that River appears to be (playful & demanding but given the right impetus, largely obedient) is honestly - imo - a lot of fun, and while Jiji probably expects a certain amount of difficulty taming him (esp. since he seems more of a high-ish protocol dom than a hardcore brat tamer) I suspect that once River gets his first real taste of dominance and submission it'll be game over for both these clowns. Not to the extent of River losing his sarcastic, cheeky af edge because Kenji obviously adores that despite equally obviously having zero experience with such things, ofc, just perhaps a bit less frenetic. More settled, focused and perhaps a tad softer. Or Kenji suddenly becoming a happy-smiley-give-everybody-a-raise kinda business man because haha nope, dude is a fully realised Boss and whatnot but ya know, just more fulfilled (& perhaps experiencing a deeper level of satisfaction within the bounds of whatever he allows himself, hopefully everything River makes available) and less needing to keep himself locked up tight. To be honest I kinda have this picture in my head of River as a cat and Kenji a big fat orange spotted koi being swallowed whole before he even realises he got caught. Which, although ridiculous as all hell, I will defend to the death because cats are cool af. And so is River. (Side note because I'm a pain in the ass: koi = 恋 which means love. Specifically of the romantic variety just btw) And if pain soothes our lad as much as previously indicated & Kenji is as proficient at delivering it as my imagination insists, I think this might just be a match made in heaven. I'm sure there'll be a few obstacles along the way because a) IHTT exists and b) life is pain. Even in stories... But overall I agree with the commenter who said Ji is River's Finn. But only if by that statement they meant in the one-true-love way and not the-one-who-almost-got-away way because I really don't have the stomach for this going pear and needing years of dumbassery & doubts before getting back on track. Just to be very clear... Excellent chapter, boss - thanking you kindly!

@Demiurge

This man... Kenji my dude, time to step the fuck up. Seriously good chapter, boss. Like, really really.

I'm fairly certain the entire point of writing is to not just crush on your characters but fall so far real life can never catch up. Could be wrong though... Some interesting comments re: Prince Jiji with his Big Sword on his White Horse, and while I have no doubt he would/could save River from himself given half a chance, I'd prefer River be allowed to take out his own trash. But I defer to you O' Great & Wondrous One. Obviously. Great chapter, boss - many thanks!

"If she changed the script, how would I be able to stay ahead in the conversation, say the right thing, and prepare myself ahead of time for the emotional abuse?" How indeed... Your writing, Demi.. so freaking good. Your aim though? Too good...way too good. First the heart then the jugular. Any chance there's a transfusion coming up? River and me, we're a bit low on some essential fluids, man... Failing that, a bandage or two maybe? I mean, I'd probably settle for a hug but it's getting real messy here so bring a towel or something 'k? Fuckin heck.

Never before - when reading a story, haha - have I ever felt more validated than when I read this line (and yeah, it's weird. You'll get over it, I promise): "I did it until I saw weird universes behind my lids and it took my eyes a while to focus when I opened them." Ya know, River, for all that he's super smart & mature like a fine salami, is also dumber than a bag of poprocks. Which, yeah. Same... Excellent chapter, most boss of all bosses - thank you!

It's weird, when I first came across August I thought he and River could be good together but after seeing them here - and just how good they are as friends - I changed my mind. But seriously man, reading about what River deals with & how he copes feels eerily familiar... Although River - and by extension you I guess? - does seem to be a little more on top of things than I can claim to be... But hey, maybe I'll learn something

Lucky for me the coffee was finished. Lucky for me and the dog I should say... So this chapter was a ride. A right banger of a ride. Which, tbc, means it was good. Very very good. I feel like Mr Tall, Dark & Terrifying is more fun over text? Like it's a place he can let his hair down a bit. Metaphorically speaking. Also, despite him having done the whole d/s contract thing chances are River is his first brat. Or maybe just the first brat he's actually, you know, entertained. Because River's all ethereal like and whatnot. Got a bit worked up about poor Auggie being referred to as a socket finger-sticker-er-in-er but eh, can't really fault a guy for being honest can we now? I know I've said this before, but I enjoy your stories so much. So glad I found them. So glad you write them! And put them here for us to lose ourselves in. Such a lucky bunch we are... Thank you!