Pip

I agree Mark - definitely perceiving this activity a little bit differently after reading the story and reader comments. It's not appealing to me, but in MIM you have skillfully highlighted the very individual nature of our experiences, including the sexual. I read a comment suggesting it is wrong for Robbie's psychologist to discourage him from fisting, but for Robbie it clearly was not a healthy experience, and I believe that the shrink got it right. Reading MIM has triggered some very strong emotions in me. I find myself reliving the feelings a young me had as friends told me they were positive, or as they died, and how confused I felt by it. Everyone reacted differently, and my reactions changed constantly as I struggled to rationalize the AIDS epidemic with my identity as a gay person. Sometimes I got angry, sometimes I just felt numb, and often afraid that it was just a matter of time before I became infected. I think its good to write about this, and hope the younger generation of gays get a feeling for what this period was like for those of us who experienced it. Thanks once again for this continuing bittersweet story that is so well written and captivating. Having read everything from CAP forward, I feel very attached to the characters. Now I find that I sympathize enormously with Mouse, and with JP. Against all odds he created a wonderful family and now he is dealing with the loss of yet another partner and the prospect that the family he has fiercely protected must watch him get sick and die. Mouse had a terrible life and it is unjust that now he must confront loosing his adopted father and the bright future that opened up for him. I hope they stick around, but I look forward to going where your imagination takes us.

James, Your poem moved me deeply, and I appreciate all of the comments shared by others as well. This is not an easy subject. I came out in the 80's when I was in my late 20's. I was euphoric about coming out and finding a whole gay world of friends waiting for me after years of loneliness and fear, and then I was devastated as I watched many of these people die. I watched my first boyfriend (who had been thrown out of the house at age 16 by his father for being gay) as he seemed to age decades in a few months and then die. Like many young gay men of that period, I became an activist and made community action a big part of my life for years. We can never know how gay rights would have progressed without AIDS, but I know that many were moved to come out and fight for gay rights and AIDS victims because of what this disease was doing to our community. We simply had to do something - it was too horrible to watch and do nothing. We felt that this was a cause so important that our jobs and family relationships could be sacrificed if that was what it would take to get treatment and acceptance for our friends and ourselves as we grieved. I like to think that the advancement of gay rights was accelerated by our reaction to AIDS, by so many people coming out and destroying stereotypes, but maybe I just think that so that all of my friends' deaths will have some meaning. No way to know. I wondered how I would react to this issue after so many years, and I think I am actually finding it therapeutic to revisit the pain and anger, and to remember the determination that came from those feelings. It is part of our community, and me, and it shaped who we are today.