Nil

I found fascinating particularly to witness Conner's personality growing up while Jared's one is neatly going down. In the very beginning, Connor is the one being in need of somebody who is helped by Jared and in the end, it's Connor's turn to provide this help to Jared. This story is different from all the other jock / twink work out there in its escence of equality between the characters, where we learn that there's not much differences between both of them. They are both humans with their problems and joys, with their lives and surroundings, which we definitely can relate to. This would be a great story to present to a young public, maybe even teenagers, if the graphic sexual descriptions weren't there. Speaking about these scenes, I don't really feel it adds much to the story. On the contrary, leaving these scenes to the reader's imagination would be a better choice, considering that most readers of that kind of stories take place in the story as one character or another. They are what we call "romantic readers". Describing these scenes of intimacy often destroys the readers' experiences, who have different perceptions of sexuality, and might lead them to a bad experience. In this kind of story, graphic descriptions should be left to the readers' imaginations, unless this description brings something essential to the story, and it is especially true with a story of that quality with a strong message. Other than that, I appreciate that Rebecca didn't become the mother-hen type fag hag, even though it came close near the end. The characters are not simple figment of the author's imagination, and it didn't need any kind of police report type of description in front of a mirror to get acquainted to them. Instead, they are slowly described all through the plot without any impression that we are reading the description of some article in a catalog. Thank you very much for sharing your talent with us, readers. I have started reading your story last night around twelve o'clock midnight and haven't quit reading until ten in the morning. You have ruined my night of sleep though you gave me an extraordinary view of your imagination in an incredible interpretation from mine.

"I’m 16 and about to go into my junior year at an all guys Catholic school. I’m not the school jock, but I’m not the school nerd either. I’m average. I have short brown hair which I like to do a small little flip to in the front. My face is pretty well defined with brown eyes and a mouth full of straight white teeth perfect for a smile (I guess that is what three years of braces does for you.) My body is alright. I have a little gut but besides that I’m kind of built. People say I have the build to be a football player, but I never truly was into sports. Dress wise, I like to wear the preppy brands but not tight but loose so I can move around and comfortable. I’m done describing myself though." Character summed up in six lines. Apart from a "feel good moment" for the author himself, what does it bring to the story that the character is described that way as if it were a police report? No need to describe your characters that much, this is literary fiction, not a list of constraints to be put on the choice of a casting. Readers have their own imagination, no need to spoil it. Most details about that character should be left to the reader's imagination while the others should be scattered here and there in the story instead of being all stuck together in five sentences. Reading that part makes me believe I will be faced with an author who will describe his own fantasy so much that I won't even be free to imagine the clothes the characters are wearing because they will be described from neck to toes in some kind of grocery list. So to me, the story ends right here.

"Will we be seeing you guys next Sunday?" Dave asked as he stood by the door. "Yes." Mom answered... WTF??? Sorry but that's completely irrespectful toward Christian. Any psychologist with some kind of ethic would understand that. You don't bring your child somewhere where they might be abused, should it be physically or psychologically. People who practice psychology as professionals with ethic would have more spine than that mother. This story was not credible from the start, it has now completely lost my interest.

That's it? What a way to simply get rid of a story... almost as bad as the cliché ending "I woke up and realized it was all just a dream."

"Turning his head, Mike looked into the large mirror on the sliding closet doors. Looking back at him was a seriously cute (or so he had been told) dirty blond with a high and tight haircut, small ears, modest nose, piercing blue eyes and pleasant expression. His eyes moved over his well-earned swimmer's build on its 5'11" frame, wearing a cutoff tank top, gray gym shorts, and Nikes with no socks. Six-pack abs, and good, defined pecs filled out the tank top, and a bubble butt attached to muscular legs, the latter lightly dusted with blond hairs, completed the picture. His package looked good and big in the shorts, with a treasure trail leading down to it from his navel. Mike smiled and made the "OK" gesture to his image." You lost me right here. Not because of Mike's description in itself but because a good novel doesn't deliver every details at the same time, and leaves something for the reader's imagination.

Okay, now I'm finished. Absolutely fantastic story. Of course I had to find some things that I found to be unrealistic, as I explained in my review of chapter 10. I am also wondering why you made it seem as though the rape incident went away just the same way as it came. People who are raped are usually facing psychological issues, mood swings especially, difficulty to open up to the people surrounding them, need to constantly be left alone. Apart from the moments after the event, it seems that Darren forgets way too easily what has happened to him. So yes, I found some little mistakes, of course, in my own opinion, though generally, this is a must read at all cost story. Thanks for sharing your talent and extraordinary pen with us all. Now I'm starving for more.

Chapter 10 follow-up (sorry, couldn't edit my review) Darren is old enough to make decisions about medical check ups. Especially considering this check up might be very embarassing, and especially since we're talking about very personal matters, then it might have been a better idea for Mark, instead of discussing that behind Darren's back, to tell Darren about the possibility of him to consider meeting a doctor, and certainly not try to push this idea further more than it being a suggestion. Neither Mark, Andrew nor Tom have the ability to force him into seeing any kind of professional. I believe in the UK, the law is that medical decisions are to be taken by the person themself after the age of fourteen years old if that person has not been considered unfit.‘ They’re your mum and dad. You ought to go back to see them sometime.’ Hmmm... nope. Why? This is quite intrusive and not based on reality. When one feels unwanted somewhere, it is disrespectful to imply that they should want to see these people again. A friend just let them talk and make their own introspections by themselves. It would add more credibility to the scene. 'mum and dad', really? How about mother and father? Your level of writing should let go of baby talk, especially with the kind of professional that Mark is, and his horor for misused language. Please consider my comment as constructive, far away from me the idea of criticizing your story for no reason. If I didn't like your story, I would probably haven't sent a review.

The story is still very good, though it becomes unclear that Darren is an adult and in his own right to regent his own life, whether or not he lives under Mark's roof. Again it is very unusual and especially illegal for Mark to go inside of his room if his intention isn't purely for changing the sheets and cleaning the place, since it is a hotel, after all. Foundling around the dresser becomes an invasion of privacy - we're still talking about an eighteen years old man, an adult, and also a client to the hotel, not a fourteen years old kid under Mark's custody. The law asks for every disappearances to be reported forty-eight hours after the last time the person have been seen, and it will be the police, with the regular court ruling, who will open the door to the missing person's personal living area and try to find clues about where the person might be. Then there also is a bigger problem with Mark and privacy violation, which, even though it is not exactly illegal, might ruin any kind of relationship he has with Darren, along with any kind of relationship Darren might entertain with Tom and Andrew, and it is to tell whatever has been said by Darren to Tom and Andrew. Unless Darren talks about it himself, Mark should have had the decency to keep this discussion under the secret of confidences. We are talking about things that are very private and even humiliating, what with Darren being drugged and raped, something that requires complete discretion, if you are a friend at all. Some people commit suicide over things like that being spreaded to the person's entourage because they can't handle the humiliation of their sexual submission being known from them. Rape is not a simple issue. So all in all, the pace is still very good, the catharsis is almost unbreakeable, if we don't count these little mistakes which makes this chapter especially unrealistic. That aside, you probably have one of the best pens on the whole site.

I started reading your story about an hour ago and I have just finished reading chapter 2. It is almost five in the morning and there are still twelve chapters more. I really don't know when I'll go to bed. But I need to finish it. I am hooked. It is very well written, the pace is wonderful, the plot is exciting, the characters are so alive I can almost touch them.