Deliberate Encounters - 6. Ch. 5 ~ Settling In

Simon gazed around him at what had once been the barren area of the house that had been Richard’s living room. Since moving in a little over a week before, he had added small touches through the house to make it look more lived in. He gave a small smile as his gaze moved to the pictures that now adorned the walls. He hoped that Richard would be home soon, he had left a couple days before to handle a case but hadn’t confided in Simon exactly what the case was about. Simon wasn’t overly worried, his partner could handle more physically than most men could.

Deciding it was time to get some work done he headed into the bedroom that he had designated as his office. Richard had never outfitted it with furniture so it hadn’t taken hardly any time at all to move his desk and bookcases in and set up his computer. He turned the radio on before sitting down at the computer and looking at the handwritten notes that were on a legal pad next to the keyboard. Between the music and his own concentration, he failed to hear the opening and closing of the front door and wasn’t aware that he was no longer alone until he felt strong hands settle on his shoulders.

“I’m home,” Richard bent down and whispered in Simon’s ear.

Simon’s heart felt as though it was going to jump out of his chest in fear until he heard Richard’s voice. He began to rethink the position of his desk even as he stood up and turned into Richard’s waiting embrace. He studied his lover’s eyes and was relieved that he didn’t see the haunting look that sometimes accompanied Richard when he came home.

“I’m glad your home,” Simon said on a smile before pressing a light kiss to Richard’s lips.

“It feels a lot more like home now that you’re here,” Richard answered as he released Simon and glanced down at the computer and notepad. Taking note of all the notes that were crossed out he asked, “Having some problems?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Simon answered with a sigh as he sat back down. “How did your case go?”

“About like I expected it would,” Richard answered, not giving any details.

“Is that a good thing?” Simon asked with a concerned look. He hadn’t seen the haunted look, but that didn’t mean that everything had gone good, just not horribly bad.

“It’s a very good thing,” Richard answered. “Now, what problems are you having with the new story?”

“Well, you read my other books,” Simon started, looking up at Richard with the apology shining from his eyes.

“Yes, we’ve been over that,” Richard answered. He found he was no longer as worried about the way that Simon portrayed his characters as he had been after first reading the stories. He still didn’t particularly like it, but he could deal with it.

“Well, I’m trying to figure a way for the main characters to turn good, rather than being filled with evil and it’s not working all that well.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“Just nothing seems plausible. I mean, it would if I had foreshadowed the change in their personality in earlier editions. It’s just hard to work it in so suddenly,” Simon answered, chewing on his lower lip.

“So why change it?”

“You know why,” Simon told him quietly. He knew how bad it had hurt Richard when he’d read his previous stories and was doing his best to rectify it.

“Just write what you know,” Richard told him. He knew that Simon was trying, but also knew that trying to change things in his stories at this stage could mess up his career.

“That’s what I’m trying to do,” Simon misunderstood. He knew that he’d had preconceived notions about what a werewolf and vampire would be like. Now that he knew differently he wanted to portray them as more like Richard. He just couldn’t seem to make it work!

“That’s not what I meant,” Richard told him with a smile as he reclined against the corner of Simon’s desk. “Let me ask you a question; am I one of the characters in your book?”

“Well, no,” Simon answered, uncertain as to what Richard was getting at.

“Do you see me like you see the characters in your book?”

“Of course not! You’re nothing like the characters in my books!” Simon told him.

“You don’t need to change things to try to please me,” Richard told him, moving from the desk to crouch in front of his lover. “I know how you feel about me and I know that you don’t believe me to be like your characters. As long as I know that, I can handle however you portray your characters.”

“You’re sure?” Simon asked. Since he was working on the last book in the series, once he finished it he could base his characters on his new knowledge.

“I’m sure babe,” Richard answered with a gentle kiss.

“This can wait until later,” Simon told him as he wrapped his arms around Richard. “I can think of much more pleasant ways to pass the time than staring at the computer.”

“Sounds good to me,” Richard answered as he stood and pulled Simon from his chair before leading the way up the stairs to their bedroom.

***

A few nights later found Simon nestled back against Richard as they sat out on the stairs and stared up and the night sky. It seemed amazing to Simon how many more stars could be seen away from the city.

“It’s peaceful out here,” Simon said on a sigh.

“Yeah it is, I think that’s the main reason I like it so much out here,” Richard answered, enjoying the feel of Simon in his arms. He found his thoughts drifting to the future and what would happen when he no longer had Simon in his life, he couldn’t stop the shudder that wracked his body at the mere thought of being without him. What would he do when it became a reality?

“You okay babe?” Simon asked, tipping his head back until his eyes met Richard’s.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Richard answered quietly, hating that the direction of his thoughts could break into the mood of the night.

“Something is bothering you,” Simon realized when he saw the flash of pain in his man’s eyes. “Care to talk about it?”

“It’s nothing important,” Richard answered, not realizing he had averted his gaze.

“Obviously it is,” Simon persisted. “What’s going on?”

“I’ve just been thinking about the future,” Richard told him noncommittally, hoping that Simon would change the subject.

“Oh no,” Simon told him, standing up and moving to sit next to Richard. He turned towards the other man until he could look directly into his eyes. “You’re not getting away with that, what’s going on Richard?”

“I’m just thinking how empty life will be without you,” Richard answered honestly, not knowing what else to say. He realized he could have made something up, but knowing Simon like he did, he knew that he’d push until he got the truth.

“Richard, we live together. I’ve moved in, I’ve accepted everything about you. Do you still think I’m going to leave you?” Simon asked, the exasperation showing in his voice.

“You just don’t get it,” Richard told him as he stood up and went down the steps to put some space between them.

“Then explain it to me!” Simon could hear his voice rising and tried to tone it back down. “How can I understand if you won’t explain it to me?”

“Just think about it for a minute,” Richard told him. “Think about what’s going to happen fifty or sixty years from now.”

“We’ll be old, but we’ll still be together,” Simon answered immediately.

“No, you’ll be old,” Richard forced himself to say. “I probably won’t be much different than I am now.”

“I didn’t think of that,” Simon answered quietly, feeling as though the breath had been knocked out of him. He had just taken for granted that they’d grow old together.

“I realize that you wouldn’t leave me voluntarily,” Richard told him sadly, “but, humans get old and then they die. You’re human, I’m not. You’re going to get old and die, I’m not.”

“I can’t stop myself from dying Richard,” Simon told him gently. “I would if I could, but I can’t.”

“You could,” Richard’s whisper was barely audible as he stared at the ground, but Simon heard him.

“How?” Simon hoped his nervousness didn’t come through in his voice.

Richard forced his gaze up to look into Simon’s eyes and saw interest tinged with a bit of fear and couldn’t bring himself to say the words. With a shake of his head he turned and walked away towards the barn. He hadn’t gotten more than ten feet when he heard the footsteps behind him and then felt hands grabbing his arm.

“How?” Simon repeated, turning Richard to face him.

“It doesn’t matter,” Richard told him. “I could never ask you to do it.”

“I want to know,” Simon persisted. “What would I have to do?”

“You’d have to become like me,” Richard finally admitted. The second the words were out he regretted them. He saw the shock and horror in Simon’s eyes and hated that he had been the one to put it there. “Just forget about it,” Richard told him, “I would never expect you to go to those lengths to be with me.”

“Richard, wait,” Simon tried as Richard pulled away from him again and started walking.

“It’s okay Simon,” Richard answered without ever turning to face him, “I just need to go for a walk.”

Simon could almost feel the pain radiating from Richard and wished that he could do something to ease it, but turning into the same thing Richard was, he just didn’t know as he could do it. He watched in agony as Richard walked away, his shoulders slumped, his gait shuffling and felt his heart break. He watched as the man shifted into the wolf and knew even more how much Richard was hurting, Richard never shifted here. He sat on the steps and watched as the wolf disappeared into the darkness.

He waited on the steps for him to come back, his mind constantly straying to the thought of becoming the same as Richard. The mere thought of it scared the crap out of him, but so did the thought of Richard being alone. It would even be one thing if he’d only be alone for a couple of years, but chances were it would be much longer. He knew he loved Richard, but just wasn’t sure that he could take that final step.

There was no guarantee that they’d stay together, and with Richard’s chosen career there was always the possibility of something happening to him. He knew that what Richard did was important and he had no right to ask him to give it up, but what if he allowed Richard to change him and something did happen to him. He wouldn’t know how to go on. He’d have a completely different lifestyle, and a long time to live with the memory of love lost.

Simon sighed, there were no easy answers to any of this. At first he hadn’t been sure he could accept what Richard was, but he’d been able to. Maybe changing was something that would sound better with time.

***

As he walked away from Simon, Richard felt the overwhelming need to run. Without conscious thought to his surroundings, he allowed himself to shift and for one brief moment felt the exhilaration of the change overtake the feelings of pain, fear, and frustration. It all came crashing back moments later and Richard allowed his wolf free reign as it ran through his acres of land. He knew it was dangerous for him to run free away from the mountains, but he’d needed to let loose and work off his fear and frustrations. He allowed himself to run for a good half hour, finally coming to a rest in front of the barn. He could see Simon sitting on the porch, and felt his heart constrict in his chest as he shifted back to human form. How was he going to eventually let Simon go? He knew that it was going to hurt like hell when the time came to watch Simon wither away and die, and then he’d go back to his lonely existence.

He sat with his back against the barn and watched through the darkness as he thought about the scene of earlier. He had given changing Simon some serious thought, but had vowed to himself that he would never bring it up. It would be one thing if Simon brought it up, not that he ever expected him to, but he felt like he’d pushed it onto him. The horror he had seen in his eyes had proven that he hadn’t given it any thought and Richard felt like shit for pushing the thoughts onto him.

Richard smiled as he saw Simon’s head begin to waver as though he was tired. Less than five minutes passed before he saw his lover struggle to his feet and make his way unsteadily into the house. If he had been smart, he never would have gotten involved with Simon, but the thought of being without him, even now, was too much too handle. He gave it a few more minutes before heading into the house, stopping for a minute to take in the changes Simon had made to his house. Bookcases had been placed up to the wall and were filled with book, magazines were scattered on the tables, and pictures adorned what had once been his bare walls.

Richard took a few minutes to look over each of the pictures, smiling at the ones of him and Simon. There was one of them cuddling on the couch, and though it had been posed so that Simon could use the timer on the camera, the feelings in it were unmistakable. He was sitting on the couch, his arm stretched out across the back and Simon lay with his head in his lap. They were looking at each other and even though it was a picture, you could see the look of love on both of their faces. That picture showed everything that he would lose when Simon became old and he had to go back to his lonely existence.

Richard shook his head and made his way up the bedroom they shared. He hadn’t taken the time to get dressed after shifting back into his human form and made his way to the bed. He stood looking down at Simon sleeping fitfully and sighed as he slid silently into the bed and pulled Simon into his arms. Even in his sleep, Simon curled into his body. Richard held him close as he stared up at the ceiling, trying to calm his racing mind enough to fall asleep. Finally he realized that no matter what the future brought, it would be worth it. He was going to take any time he had with Simon and relish every moment. He vowed to never bring up the subject of changing Simon again, unless Simon brought it up himself.

“I love you,” Richard whispered to his sleeping lover before closing his eyes and falling into the black abyss of sleep.