The Dance [Mychyl Kime] - 5. Chapter 5

I wake up the next morning to the sound of my alarm, warning me that it was time to get up for school. I yawned, rolled over, and silenced the alarm with a single hit, then settled back in for a moment, thinking what this day would be like...

For one, I could almost guarantee Jacob would still be pissed off at me. I mean, sure, in a way it was my fault... but not really! All I did was avoid Rachel... it's not like I told her that nothing could be between us, other than friendship... although to tell her that might've been the best strategy. Who knows? If I told her there could be nothing between us, maybe she'd give up... chase Jacob for a while, instead of me... then again, maybe she wouldn't. And even if she did give up on me and go after Jacob, would that make me any happier? Sure, Jacob would be happy... but in the meantime, I'd be miserable, because the only chance I had at him was if Rachel didn't want anything to do with him...

Also, what would I do about David? Now that he knew I'm gay, I'd bet that he would go out of his way to get at me... he'd do anything, and I do mean ANYTHING, to get me... I mean, it's not like there's tons of gay guys here, and since we're both gay... but I couldn't... not with a clear conscience, not since I loved Jacob, and that'd be like cheating on him...

Finally, with no clear answer as to what to do, I got up from bed, dragging myself inexorably towards the shower. I didn't want to face Jacob, or David, or even Rachel, after what happened the night before, but I knew I had little choice... and the longer I waited, the worse the situation would prove to be.

After the shower, I toweled myself off, then quickly threw on my clothes, a black t-shirt and my black Jnco shorts, then my black sneakers, and grabbed my backpack. From it, I pulled out my Discman and hit play... whatever CD was in there, that was fine, since all I needed was music, to drown out the unwanted thoughts that kept plaguing me. I moved into the kitchen, grabbed a pack of Pop-Tarts, and headed for the front room, for the front door.

Once out of the house, I cranked the volume all the way up, sure that anyone nearby would hear every word and phrase on the track... but oh well, it's not like I cared, not right now. I started the long walk to the bus stop, watching for any of my friends, in case they knew what happened the night before, and pulled out a cigarette.

OK, yes, I admit... I smoke. I'm not proud of it... in fact, I want to quit. I wish I could. I've been smoking since I was 10... it was a way to fit in, since all my friends smoked back then. Now, none of my friends do, only me... strange, isn't it? I started smoking to be accepted, and now I'm stuck on the outside because of it. Be this a lesson to all of you...

I lit up and kept walking, not seeing anyone I knew on the way to the stop... which didn't change when I got there, since none of my friends were waiting for the bus today... I figured they'd gotten a ride from one of the guys with a truck, and just sat down to relax and wait.

A few minutes later, the bus arrived, and I got on, taking a seat to myself, in case someone else decided to talk to me... something I didn't really want or need right now. The bus shuddered a bit as it started back up, and turned towards the highway, headed for the high school.

Once we got there, I headed for my first class, Spanish, not seeing any of my friends still... a bit strange, I figured, but obviously there were here... somewhere. I went into the classroom, and a quick glance betrayed my fears: David was in this class with me, and somehow he'd convinced the teacher to let him switch seats, which put him at the same table I was at, at the very back of the classroom. I sat down quickly and pulled out my homework, rushing to finish it before the bell rang, as he glanced at me, then made a coughing sound, as though to get my attention, then finally ignored me.

All day, it was the same. Every class I shared with David, he wound up sitting right next to me. All day, I didn't see any of my friends, other than him... and that includes Jacob, with whom I had PE... in fact, he was my teammate in PE this cycle, so he either wasn't at school today or decided to cut PE, just so he wouldn't have to deal with me... I was afraid of either possibility.

At the end of the day, as I started to pack up, David finally said, "Well, I guess you're just gonna ignore me all day, then, huh?"

I turned to him, barely stifling an urge to retaliate against this veiled attack. "Since when are you all trying to be buddy-buddy with me, huh? And where's Jacob today, since he's obviously not at school?"

"He got really pissed last nite... something that him and Rachel talked about, after they ran off from the store. He said to tell you that he doesn't want to have anything to do with you, now or ever again." With that, the bell rang, and with tears burning my eyes, I struggled to get my stuff together, running from the sound of David's voice, calling to me from somewhere behind, trying to get me to wait for him.

"OK, fine," I mutter under my breath. I turn to face him. "What? What do you want from me?"

"Well, unlike Jacob, I don't think you did anything wrong. And also unlike him, I don't want to lose your friendship, on account of some stupid chick. I..." He stopped, looking around, as though to make sure no one was watching us, listening to what he might say next. "I like you," he added softly, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I like you a lot, and I don't want to lose you. I might not have a chance at you, other than as a friend... but if I can have you only as a friend, then so be it. I'd rather you be my friend than never have anything to do with you."

I was shocked. I mean, come on, I knew how David felt about me... but this is the first time anyone actually said they liked me... it felt kinda weird, and unexpected, but really good... I felt like I was on fire, but it didn't hurt... but in a way, it did.

"C'mon," I said softly, not wanting to speak any louder for fear of my emotions running amok on me. "Let's go to your house... we can talk about this..."

***

As soon as we got to his house, Jacob came into the room, obviously not expecting to see me... with a glare at both me and David, he stormed out the front door, Rachel chasing after him.

OK, let's set things straight... so to speak. Yes, I was pissed off. Here was my best friend, not to mention the on guy I was in love with... and he was pissed at me over something so trivial, it made me want to grind my teeth in frustration. I understood, I guess, but at the same time, it hurt... it was like he'd betrayed me... and now, I knew I had no chance at him. I was bitter, vengeful... you know the deal.

As soon as they'd left, I broke down in hot tears, my anger and frustration and pain overtaking me with each sob, while David held me close, trying his best to soothe me, to get my mind off of it... then, I felt his hands lifting me up, carrying me upstairs to his room, where he kept cuddling with me, trying to ease my pain, finally massaging me, removing the tension from my body while the tears slowly faded away,
leaving my mind in a temporary peace.

"Please, David," I finally said, but got no further.

"What?" he asked, moving so his face was mere inches from mine, his eyes gazing into mine with warmth and compassion. "What is it?"

I couldn't say anything more; I couldn't even tell him what I was thinking, at the moment, but he knew without me saying. His face moved closer, his lips brushing mine lightly, and I felt a sudden chill.

Now, all the romance books always say that love's first kiss is like electricity, like lightning. I never believed that; to this day, I still don't. I think it's more like a sudden tingle, shooting through the
body, kinda like that was... so, then, was this love?

I pressed my lips against his, but this time longer, holding the kiss as long as we both could, until it felt like I was going to pass out from lack of breathing. I broke the kiss, moving one of my hands to his face, tracing his lips with one fingertip, while his arms still clutched me tight, as though afraid that, should he let go, I would simply disappear...

My arms clasped around him as I pushed once more into a kiss, his lips parting to accept my tounge. We lay there, wrapped in each other, for a long time, until once more we felt like we would die from need of oxygen, then separated lips once more, simply gazing into each other, feeling the bliss of simply laying in one another's arms, enjoying each moment.

Suddenly, his hands shifted, moving up and down my back. I laid still for a moment, then started matching his motions, tracing along his spine with one gentle hand, reaching the neck of his t-shirt, and tugged at it gently, unsure how he would react to the request therein. With a single deft movement, he lifted his arms, pulling the shirt off, then reached over and did the same with mine, then moved in once more, locking our mouths and bodies together yet again in this slow, sweet dance.

I don't know if I can describe just how wonderful it felt, being caught in that moment with him. Sure, part of me wished that it were Jacob instead, but I knew now, in my mind, that it could never be... that Jacob could never feel for me the way I do for him... but here, I was together with David, laying in blissful togetherness, savoring each caress, feeling his hard, muscular chest press against mine, sharing each breath with him... it was all too perfect, and I was afraid it would end all too soon...

***

I woke up to the sensation of warm breath on my shoulder. Startled slightly, I tried to remember what had happened.

~Let's see... left school, went over to David's house with him, started kissing...~ I stopped on this thought, horrified, as I realized my state of dress... or rather, undress. Had we actually done something? Did I betray my heart, not to mention my love, by sleeping with his brother? One look at David's contented face, like an angel, as he laid there, his body entwined with mine, and I forgot all about Jacob.

~Yes, we did... and I don't think I regret it all that much...~ was my final thought, as I drifted back off to sleep, holding David close to me, forgetting all else for the joy that he brought, suddenly, into my life...